The Unforeseen Complications of Leaving
by Ruan Chun Xian
Summary: The thing about leaving is that eventually you have to come back. Ai Qi and his wife Xiao Yan Zi thought when they left Beijing 17 years ago that they would never see the palace again. But one should never say never.
1. Rightful Duty

**Chapter 1: Rightful Duty**

* * *

Rong Wang Fei, Zhi Hua sat still, looking at her mirror reflection as her maid did her hair. At thirty-five, she knew she did not look the age. Her hair still flowed like a shiny dark river down her back when she let it. Her lips were red even without artificial colour; her lower lip was fuller than was usually considered pretty, but not too full as to make it look disproportionate from the rest of her face. Her brows were always more straight than curved, but they went well with her long lashes and eyes a deepest black.

With a keen sense of regret that her younger self never expected to feel, Zhi Hua admitted that she was probably more attractive than she would have liked. To normal women this wouldn't have been a problem, but for her, it seemed now like a curse. She knew her father-in-law, Emperor Qian Long, had given up on getting her to remarry. After the three year mourning period of her husband, Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang, Qian Long had approached her, subtly at first, then with increasing exasperation and demand, with suggestions of marriage to numerous eligible young men of high ranks in court. However, Zhi Hua refused them all. That didn't mean the offers or the longing looks men sent her way stopped coming, though. Zhi Hua knew, her connections with Lao Fo Ye, her youth, looks and talents, for years, made her one of the most sought after in court, though she was a widow.

So this was the life that she was to have. Zhi Hua knew she chose this life. Yet for the life of her, she still could not understand how she, Chen Zhi Hua, the prettiest, the most talented and accomplished of her sisters, had ended up in this situation. Looking back at her life now, Zhi Hua could only wonder how time could have passed so quickly yet dragged so slowly.

She had met him at seventeen and married him only four months later. Barely a year later, he was gone from her life. When she accepted to marry him, she had known that then, he did not love her. Still, she was so sure that his heart could change. How could it not have? Zhi Hua couldn't understand how he had managed to resist her every charm. She was in every way better than Xiao Yan Zi. She was younger, prettier, more educated, more talented, and obviously Lao Fo Ye had no disapproval of her. Every factor seemed to be in her advantage, and somehow, he still slipped from her grips.

Even as these thoughts went through her mind, there was a different, nagging voice that had snuck in and it told her she was lying. No, _she knew_. He had left her because she had gambled and had lost. It was a gamble that she regretted from the deepest corners of her heart. The gamble wasn't in marrying him, but in trying to get him to stay with her by throwing herself against the closet while she was pregnant. Losing the baby boy had brought excruciating pain, not least because he had been her last hope of keeping Yong Qi beside her, of winning in the competition for his heart against Xiao Yan Zi. Of course, she suffered the loss of the baby for the baby himself, and was duly comforted by the fact that Yong Qi had thought it was his fault; he was attentive to her. That only lasted until he managed to make her confess the truth, however, that she had harmed herself on purpose just to draw his attention. It was no doubt the biggest mistake of her life and her only relief was that he didn't tell anyone about it; her life would not be so comfortable now otherwise.

Zhi Hua never let herself dwell much on the loss of her baby, not when she knew it was this that was final push that took him away from her. Dwelling on it would only force her to face that fact that after all, it was her own fault, and that perhaps she never deserved his love in the first place.

She understood, if she let herself think about it - which she didn't - why he left her. Why he left everything else, she could not understand.

Maybe it would have been better for her if she could convince herself that he was dead, but she knew he was not. People did not just drop dead, especially not when a month before they had been planning to escape their life forever. Zhi Hua could not understand how Qian Long had tolerated this. Yong Qi was Wu Ah Ge, he was Rong Qin Wang. His duty and his responsibilities were here, as the prince he was born to be. How could Qian Long had let him go without any regret? It was against every principle that Zhi Hua had been brought up with. No, you did not just abandon your duties, certainly not for something as fickle and as unreliably intangible as a feeling.

Yet he had done it. He had left his life, title, prospects as heir to the throne, and most importantly, he had left her, for another woman. Zhi Hua had never felt so betrayed as when he hugged her that night before he left, when she was begging for him to stay. She did not know if that one moment when he volunteered some sign of affection for her was due to pity or to duty. Certainly it wasn't because he felt anything back for her. Soon after her marriage began, Zhi Hua had painfully realised that she could not hope to win his heart. The loss of her baby only took away her last hope.

She knew she had lost in this fight against someone Zhi Hua never dreamed she could have lost to. She had been so confident that in the end, she could make him realise that everything he had waiting for him was not worth throwing away for someone like Xiao Yan Zi. After all, had not Lao Fo Ye, who lived most her life in the palace, told her that men could never resist someone like her? She knew that was true of course, after all the suitors she had after he "died". No man _could_ resist her, but her charms were useless on the one man who mattered.

Now, Zhi Hua could only laugh bitterly at her naïvety in putting all her faith in that piece of experience. He did resist her, but Zhi Hua could not blame herself for marrying him, nor could she regret it. It was what she was born to do; her family had always wanted this for her. She was brought up to look for the highest position she could reach. Perhaps her dreams had not involved this, but she had done her duty, even if it did not end the way she expected it. She did her duty, unlike him who left his behind for Xiao Yan Zi.

_Xiao Yan Zi. _

Zhi Hua could not think of that name without feeling overwhelming resentment. She did not know where she went wrong. She still could not see the appeal he found in Xiao Yan Zi. How could someone like him, brought up among the finest ladies of the country, brought up to revere and appreciate the female accomplishments, be so blindly taken in by someone so uncouth, so without talent, without every sense of propriety, without everything that made a lady, someone like Xiao Yan Zi?

Zhi Hua thought about the night when he did come to her to consummate their marriage; it was months after their wedding. It was the night the baby was conceived. She knew he did not come because he wanted to. The look on his face said it all. This was his duty. She was his wife, no matter how he tried to deny it, and he had his duty to her, as she had, afterwards, to not marry after his "death".

Duty.

Duty was something that Zhi Hua knew all too well. She was brought up _in _it and she knew how to carry it out. That night, she knew she should be glad that he had enough of a sense of duty to come to her at all. Still, in that one moment, Zhi Hua's eighteen-year-old heart took over her head and she desperately wished he was there because he felt something other than duty. Whatever it might be, she didn't care; she could have even accepted compassion for her situation, as long as it wasn't duty. Of course, her wishes were in vain. She knew as she let him in her room that night that it was duty which brought him there. It was not compassion, not even pity, and certainly not love.

Love.

He said he loved Xiao Yan Zi. Zhi Hua could never comprehend it. What was love if it was not for the right person? She refused to believe that something that had neither form nor substance such as love could be so strong to break through a sensible man's reason and make him blindly abandon everything he had. What power did Xiao Yan Zi have over him to make him lose every principle of his upbringing? Zhi Hua knew she loved him, so why was her love put on a lower shelf than Xiao Yan Zi? Why was her love barely acknowledged by him when she wanted what was best for him, when she was ready to help him to be what he was meant to be, to reach the highest honour he could reach?

Her heart only broke a little more every time she considered these questions. Love was about doing what was best for him, was it not? It could not be the selfishness that Xiao Yan Zi called love. Love did not involve pulling him away from his life, from everything that was meant to be his, only for your own comfort. Love did not involve making him leaving everything just to divulge in some sense of bliss falsely created, somewhere away from duty and responsibilities. Love did not involve running away.

She, Zhi Hua, loved him. Xiao Yan Zi did not. To Zhi Hua, Xiao Yan Zi wanted the security of a man in her life, and he was the one who put up with her, who stuck with her, despite every disapproval he got from one the of most influential figures of his life. So she selfishly held on to him, ignorant of every sense of principle, of his duties, of who he really was.

All that Xiao Yan Zi saw in him was security she could probably never get anywhere else.

To Zhi Hua, however, he was Wu Ah Ge. He was her prince. Zhi Hua knew he could never be free of the position he was born to. Only Xiao Yan Zi was foolish enough to see a man devoid of every image of the prince in him. It was an illusion that Xiao Yan Zi had obviously put up in her fight to bring that image of the man to herself. If Xiao Yan Zi fought for that image of the man, Zhi Hua had fought for the reality of the prince he was.

So how could it have gone wrong? How could she have lost?

Zhi Hua asked herself, but only a silence answered her.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi sat at her dressing table and glanced at her husband by the bed through the mirror, the hair brush forgotten in her hand. There was a small frown on his face as he leaned against the bed post, deep in thought. He had been rather quiet all day and Xiao Yan Zi knew why. He was always more pensive on this day, every year. In fact, they all were: him, Xiao Yan Zi, Xiao Jian, Qing Er.

Xiao Yan Zi bit back a sigh; she knew Ai Qi had given up a lot to be here with her. He had sacrificed more than she ever really had the right to ask and it was only until the sacrifices had been made that she really saw how significant they were. She knew it was selfish of her to have pulled him away from everything he could have had. Yet, at the time, she was so young and all she knew then was that the palace where he belonged, she did not. After six years of living there, in the end she still had to leave. Was it wrong of her to take Ai Qi with her, despite the fact that he was willing?

Surely if they'd stayed, he would one day succeed his father to the throne and eventually she'd be put on a position that she knew she never could want. He would tower above her and be taken so far away from her; Zhi Hua, too, would be over her. She knew if they'd stayed, everything about them would have to suffer. It wasn't even her jealousy that would make it suffer. Xiao Yan Zi knew that if they'd stayed, sooner or later she would have had to accept Zhi Hua's presence. Yet Zhi Hua wouldn't disappear even if Xiao Yan Zi did find a way to feel resigned about her. The thing that would ruin their bond would be the constant reminder of a third person between them, of the fact that with his family, she was never good enough, she was never worthy of him, not as Zhi Hua was.

Here, Xiao Yan Zi knew neither of them could totally escape the guilt that surrounded their decision to leave everything. He probably could never be completely happy in the palace, not when he knew she was miserable there. Yet he could never be completely happy outside of the palace either, not when he could never forget what he was born into and the duties he left behind.

Duty.

The word always sounded bitter to Xiao Yan Zi. It was as much duty as saving Xiao Jian's life that Ai Qi married Zhi Hua. It was duty that made her suppress all her heartbreak and push him out of her room to make him settle his marriage with Zhi Hua.

It was his duty that they left behind. It was his duty to Xiao Yan Zi to make her happy, but he was Zhi Hua's husband as well and had that same duty to her. Perhaps he had less of an obligation to Zhi Hua after she hit her eight-month pregnant self against the closet, resulting in the birth of a stillborn baby boy, but that did not lessen the fact that she was still his wife, for better or for worst. It didn't change the fact that they also left behind his duties to his position in life, to his family, to his father, to his country.

So was it the right thing? Of course not.

Was she merely being selfish? Was staying, resigning themselves to their lives, had been the right thing? She had asked herself this many times, but sometimes she wondered whether the fact that she had yet to settle on an answer was just a part of her own denial.

Ai Qi suddenly looked up from his reverie and their gazes met through the mirror. After all these years, she had learned to interpret every change in expression and knew by the darkening of his gaze that he was worried about her troubled expression. She watched as he crossed the room to stand behind her; he grasped her shoulder and pulled her up so that they stood face to face. She took both his hands in hers and clutched them tight.

"Have you ever regretted it?"

After seventeen years, this was the first time Xiao Yan Zi had ever asked him this question, though it was something that both of them thought of nearly everyday. Even as she asked, the tremble of her own voice reminded her that she was more afraid of his answer than she was willing to admit. He seemed to understand it too, because he gave her hands a squeeze.

"No, Xiao Yan Zi. No. I never will."

Her first instinct was to wonder whether he had said this just in comfort. After all, it was so easy to lie, and surely if he felt opposite, he could not possibly tell her that now. However, she knew he deserved better than her doubt. She really had no reason to doubt him; there was a deep conviction in his voice that told her that whatever else he might regret, he would never regret choosing her.

Still, choosing her was only the proverbial tip of the iceberg. There were so many implications underneath the surface, and she knew them all now, having been haunted by them for all this time, wondering to herself how it was that she had ever allowed him to leave.

"But you don't feel free. I know you don't."

He didn't answer to that right away, but only raised her hands and pressed them both against his heart. The familiar, comforting touch told her again just how much she had come to depend on him, how very much he meant to her, how very much she loved him with a passion that only seemed to increase through the years as she learnt to appreciate his every sacrifice for how great they really were.

"No," he finally said. "But Xiao Yan Zi, I always knew there would be memories. I knew there would always be guilt, that I would never be able to forget what I left behind. I was aware of everything that I was leaving: my family, my father, everything I've been brought up to honour, including duty, filial piety. Leaving was not exactly the right thing but then neither was staying and hurting all of us. It would not be fair to Zhi Hua, to make her have to witness our love. It would not have been fair for you to have to put up with the pain and the heartbreak, all for me. Leaving might had given Zhi Hua a chance for a new life, but I wonder if she took that chance."

Xiao Yan Zi fought against the instinctive resentment and odd pity that always threatened to overcome her every time she thought about Zhi Hua, who was always a painful subject for both of them. There wasn't a day that went by that Ai Qi didn't feel guilty for Zhi Hua and Xiao Yan Zi was well aware of it. Zhi Hua might have done a foolish, stupid thing that resulted in killing her own child, but they both knew it was for his love. Xiao Yan Zi allowed herself to feel sorry for Zhi Hua.

The resentment came every time she thought of what Zhi Hua was to Ai Qi. She knew, of course, that they had done what they had to do when Ai Qi married Zhi Hua. They made the decision that had to be made. Still, it didn't stop her heart from breaking when he married Zhi Hua, it didn't stop her jealousy as she realised that her husband could never be completely hers. It didn't help drive away her pain when Zhi Hua conceived her husband's child. She could not even feel relief or rejoice when Zhi Hua lost that child, as she knew all too well what that was like.

All of it didn't stop her, now, from feeling guilty for having pushed Zhi Hua into a miserable life.

Xiao Yan Zi knew that Zhi Hua would never remarry. She knew that Zhi Hua would realise that Ai Qi could not possibly be dead. Possibly, in her own way, Zhi Hua did love Ai Qi.

No, Xiao Yan Zi corrected herself, Zhi Hua loved Wu Ah Ge, with all the capital letters, but he was Ai Qi now.

Xiao Yan Zi looked into Ai Qi's eyes. He loved her. She knew that. He had done more than prove it over the years. She never truly doubted it, really, even when he married to Zhi Hua. She knew why he had done it, and that it was not out of love. Now, she knew more than ever that his heart had always been hers and will always be. Still, the question bothered her.

"Why? Why did you leave? And don't say it's because you love me, because I love you as well, and if you'd stayed, you know I would never leave, not like that. You really did have a choice."

He pulled her closer to him before saying in the utmost serious tone, "I had a choice between duty and love, between my head and my heart. Xiao Yan Zi, you are more precious to me than anything I had in the palace, title, prospects, money, yes, even duty. Given a choice, people will always choose what is most precious; that doesn't necessarily make the decision the right one. I'm not sure what the right choice is, you know. Both choices were painful to make and both would result in some amount of regret. I won't deny that the catalyst was what Zhi Hua did, because after that, I couldn't trust her anymore. If she was prepared to go that far to win me, what wouldn't she do to you? If we'd stay, she'd be a constant reminder of pain for both of us. I don't think I could have dealt with that and neither could you."

His eyes had been faraway, lost deep in memories, and he finished speaking with a sigh that seemed to contain all the regrets of the years. When he looked into her eyes, however, there was nothing but devotion in his gaze.

"It wasn't about right and wrong, Xiao Yan Zi. I know you don't belong in the palace, and I don't belong where you do not. Without you, my life would have been an existence for duty, for the position I was born into. Wu Ah Ge could never really live, you know, not when everything that is expected of him would be duty. Duty could never be a life. I met you and realised that what it was to live; it was not a life I could have had as Wu Ah Ge. Oh, how I wanted my life with you! If I never knew what life was like, I would never crave it like I did. But I did find out, and it would have been excruciatingly painful to go back to the existence before I met you."

She circled her arms around his neck and let the wave of memories wash over her. "Wu Ah Ge…when was the last time we heard those three words?"

"A long time ago, in a different existence," Ai Qi smiled slightly.

Before this night, they had never really ever talked about their current situation and how different it was from the life they could have had. The topic was like a giant elephant that was just left to its own devices in their life, wrecking whatever havoc on their emotions one at a time.

Xiao Yan Zi, Ai Qi, Qing Er and Xiao Jian had all accepted their lives as they were. Xiao Yan Zi knew, in one way or another, they were all trying desperately to forget the past, to run away from the reality that there was a lot more to their simple life than met a stranger's eyes. She wondered how their children would react if they ever knew the truth of who they were, of who their parents were. Yet she also knew, like they had made a decision to leave, they could not have made the decision to reveal the whole truth to their children unless completely necessary. It would only turn their lives upside down too.

"In a way," Ai Qi mused, "I did do my duties _to you_, to make you happy and give you the life you deserve, to be yours entirely. I could not have done that in the palace. You don't deserve a life where you are met with resentment and disapproval everywhere you turned. I could never completely be yours there. My duty to the children to give them the comfort and carefree childhood they deserve could never be carried out in the palace, in the tension we were trapped in. Growing up in the palace, no matter how many wives your father has, can be rather miserable. There is always the tension, the jealousy, the subtle wars, from all sides. The palace means a struggle for power. I could never have let them grow up in that environment. Perhaps I failed in my duties to my father but I must had done something right to deserve you, to have the life I have now with you, with the children. Both are my rightful duties, but I could only choose one. I refuse to regret it, Xiao Yan Zi."

"Are you happy then?"

"I am. Oh, Xiao Yan Zi, I only knew what happiness was when I met you. Happiness can only be when you have a life to be happy about. My life is with you. We were both miserable in the palace, with Zhi Hua between us. Perhaps she will never be gone; we would still have to remember her presence, somewhere in our past. The past is the past, we cannot change it. But, love, the life I want, the life I need, is with you. Trust me, Xiao Yan Zi, I am a lot happier here, knowing that you are away from sources of pain and heartbreak. I am happy with you, with our children. No one could ever be completely free of something in their past that they regret. We cannot escape that. But that does not mean we cannot be happy, alongside with that past."

Xiao Yan Zi allowed his words and the warmth and love that came with them engulf her. She wondered how once upon a more foolish time, her younger self could have taken him so for granted. Before Zhi Hua came along, she had always been so eager to prove that she could live without him, but it was only until Zhi Hua invaded her life that Xiao Yan Zi knew she could not. It wasn't a sign of weakness as she always thought, however, she understood that now. After all, what was life without a love like theirs, worth living for?


	2. Manchurian Musings

**Chapter 2: Manchurian Musing**

* * *

There was something about that unusually warm spring day that made Ai Ji Xiang (吉祥) restless. The sun was shining outside, beckoning her to join it. On the tree outside, the first magnolias of the season seemed to fill the whole world in a haze of fluffy white and dusty pink petals. It wasn't a day to be stuck inside with a book, Ji Xiang decided and snapped the tome in front of her closed with impatience.

Ji Xiang's father was a physician; more often than not, he was away from the house most of the day visiting patients. Still, her family still kept a small apothecary in the front room of their house, selling common herbs and medicine. Dali was a small town and their house lay on the outskirts of it, near to the green tea farm that her family and her uncle's family jointly owned. Despite their more remote location from the centre of the town, where there were one or two other apothecaries, her father's expertise and skills in the art of medicine made people find trekking their way out of town to this small apothecary worth the trouble.

Her uncle owned a literary store, close to Ji Xiang's family home, and people relied on his beautiful handwriting and expertise in poetry to provide them with the words they themselves could not compose. When he was not working on commissions, he worked on copying books, after which he would sell.

Ji Xiang still could not understand how an active man like her uncle could choose such a mundane occupation of sitting at home and doing paper work, but he seemed pretty happy with the job. It was calming, he once told her, though she couldn't really understand what he needed calming from. He also said it was a reminder of the strength of words, the magic they could create but also the damage they could cause. Ji Xiang had a feeling there was a deeper significance to these words than first appeared, especially when her uncle had looked unusually sad when he said this. There was something about that sadness that stopped her from pressing him for more details on what he really meant.

Ji Xiang's mother and her aunt spend most of their day tending to the tea bushes, and when Ji Xiang, her siblings and cousins were old enough, they took turns helping Xiao Yan Zi and Qing Er in the tea fields. The tea fields looked from afar like a vast blanket of green and it was an overwhelming sight to those who looked on it for the first time. To Ji Xiang, the sight always filled her with awe at the beauty of what nature could offer when tended to by loving hands. She would rather run around in the tea fields any day, smelling the fresh scent of the tea leaves, feeling the fresh air, rather than be stuffed up in the apothecary. Tending to the apothecary and waiting on customers was one the most boring chores in her home; she and her siblings had managed to work out a compromise to rotate the work so that none of them would be on apothecary duty two days in a row.

If Ji Xiang had to be fair, she loved her father's work. He had saved so many lives and her heart swelled with pride every time she thought of it. But he, at least, was actually out doing something. On apothecary duty was only ever a comfort when it rained, snowed or haled. In more cheery weather, it meant sitting behind the counter for a whole day, trying to amuse yourself while others went out to enjoy the sun and nature. It wasn't the constant, overwhelming aroma of herbs and medicine that bothered Ji Xiang either. She grew up with the scent and it was a reminder of home; it always comforted her. Still, one couldn't live on that scent alone. She didn't dislike apothecary duty for a lack of customers, because they came regularly enough throughout the day. It was the sitting and waiting in between that bored Ji Xiang. Of course, when there was outbreak of some disease in town, they suddenly would get more customers than they could handle, which was supposed to make up for the slow time of everyday.

Ji Xiang knew she was more fortunate than most her age, anyway. Her parents, her aunt and uncle all agreed on one fact (which Ji Xiang found incredible, seeing as her parents can disagree on most subjects): all their children, boys and girls, would get a thorough education. Ji Xiang was brought up to never be surprised at this approach to education, despite the fact that most other families would never bother teaching girls. Her father, uncle and aunt's knowledge of the classics obviously meant they had a lot to pass along to their children. Ji Xiang also knew her mother wanted a good education for her and her siblings because she only wanted them to have what she couldn't have herself as a child (or, as her father often teased her, what she was offered but too stubborn, lazy and headstrong to take).

So Ji Xiang and her siblings and cousins didn't just spend all day helping their parents at work. Her uncle, having more free time than her father, set down a time every morning for them to have their lessons, which they would review throughout the day as they work. Formal lessons for Ji Xiang, and her twin brother, Jian Jun (建君) had pretty much stopped by now but their parents expected them to still learn on their own. Ji Xiang had to admit there was some good to the apothecary. She loved getting herself lost in a book and apothecary duty was the only time that would give her the chance to do that, provided, of course, that she could concentrate on the book.

Today, she couldn't.

She looked at the front cover of the book in front of her. She really shouldn't be reading this book out here on the counter where any customer who came in could see it, but she had picked it up that morning before she came out to the apothecary to sit without really looking at the title. Now here it was, in her hands. The Manchurian characters in her father's familiar, neat, firm brush strokes stared up at her from the cover, reminding her that she needn't advertise the fact that she was fluent in the language.

Despite the fact that her uncle was their chief teacher, Ji Xiang's father insisted that all the children learnt Manchurian. Ji Xiang had a feeling that her uncle was far from happy with this insistence, especially when applied to his own children, but still he agreed. As a child, Ji Xiang never understood why they had to learn Manchurian of all languages, considering there weren't any Manchurian living this far south of the country. The Fang and Ai children were all fluent in the Bai Yi language, the language spoken by the native ethnic group of Yunnan. As for Manchurian? In nearly sixteen years, Ji Xiang had never had a chance to speak Manchurian to anyone besides her family.

Her father, consequently, was their Manchurian teacher. His and her aunt's command of the language was excellent; Ji Xiang suspected that they grew up speaking the language. As they grew older, she, her siblings and cousins came to understand without ever really asking their parents that Ji Xiang's father and her aunt, Qing Er, were of Manchurian descent. Her mother and her uncle, who was her mother's brother, obviously were of Han ethnicity. Her mother's Manchurian was shaky at its best; her father often cringed to hear her speak it and consequently she refused to speak it very often. Her uncle spoke Manchurian not at all.

Their family history was not something that none of the children were ever really clear on. The story was, of course, that Ji Xiang's father and her aunt were cousins, originated from Beijing and her mother and uncle were siblings from Hangzhou, though they had grown up apart, her mother in Beijing and her uncle in Dali. Somehow life had swept them together in Beijing, where they all met and married. Then as young married couples, they had moved to Dali to raise their families.

After all this time, the Beijing accent still showed in her parents' and her aunt's speech, especially when contrasted against her uncle's and their neighbours' distinct southern accent. Even then, Ji Xiang could still tell there was a slight difference between the way her father and aunt spoke and the way her mother spoke. Her mother's speech was more of a Beijing dialect that contained more slang, whereas her father and her aunt always spoke in perfect Mandarin. Growing up with such variety of speech in their own family meant that Ji Xiang, her siblings and cousins had managed to adapt their accent to whomever they spoke to. It also made the study of languages for them that much less difficult, as they had all had trained ears for languages. .

It was obvious that they learnt Manchurian more for the sake of knowing the language than for the need to communicate with it. It was not wise, anyhow, to parade your Manchurian connections to the world, when there were many people, especially in the south, who were supporters of the Ming dynasty and hated the country being under Manchurian rule.

The few times that her father ever gave his views on politics, he showed an intense loyalty to the Manchurian throne that only confirmed to Ji Xiang and her siblings how he, and consequently, they, had some Manchurian blood in them. Her uncle was more neutral on the subject; he seemed to neither approve nor disapprove of the Manchurian court.

Ji Xiang only wondered why neither her father nor her aunt, or even her mother or uncle, never acknowledged nor denied their Manchurian connections. Something had always kept the children from inquiring of it and their elder relatives seemed determined not to volunteer the reason why it was so important to them to learn Manchurian and confirm that they indeed, had Manchurian blood in them. Ji Xiang knew that Manchurian clans tend to intermarry, especially when many of them set high hopes of affiancing with the Imperial clan, Ai Xin Jue Luo. So there were three things that she never really understood. First, why did her father had a Han family name when so many factors pointed to the fact that he was of Manchurian blood, even if partly? Second, was that even their real family name? And third, why were they in Dali in the first place?

Ji Xiang and Jian Jun were the eldest of the Ai and Fang children. The children of the two families grew up in a tight knit group, amidst the obvious love and devotion between their two sets of parents. They all realised there was more to their family's story than what their parents were telling them, but they never pressed for details. Their parents probably would not lie to them if they ever asked, so it was not that fear that stopped them asking. Somehow, however, all of them had a silent agreement that they were happy was they were, and perhaps some things were better left unknown.

"Ji Xiang, take care of what book you take out to the apothecary," her father said to her as they sat down to lunch a few days later.

Ji Xiang had found herself on apothecary duty that day again, and that morning, had again picked up the book on Manchurian writing that she had been trying to read the other day.

"I'm sorry," Ji Xiang said. Of course, the whole time she was in the apothecary, the book was sitting on the extension behind the serving counter, so no harm was done. "But it's not as if it was on the counter for the world to see. People would have to lean over the counter to see it."

Her father shook his head slightly and gave her a small smile. "Just be careful, sweetheart."

Ji Xiang understood; it was the principle that mattered. One of the first lessons the Ai and Fang children learnt was that despite the fact that they must learn Manchurian, they would not tell the whole world about it. There was too much hostility towards the rulers of the country this far south.

"Can I ask something?" Ji Xiang asked as they had all started eating.

Her mother chuckled. "You just did. But you don't usually ask to ask questions, Ji Xiang. What is it?"

"Why are some people so against the Imperial family?" She almost surprised herself with the question and she certainly didn't know what made her ask it. It was not as if she was ever remotely interested in politics. Somehow, Ji Xiang had a feeling that she wanted to hear what the grown-ups said on this subject nonetheless.

Her question didn't get an immediate answer. Ji Xiang watched as her father exchanged a surprised look, not with her mother, but with her aunt, who looked somewhat uncomfortable. Her uncle gave a rather flippant role of his eyes and seemed to avoid everyone's gaze while her mother sat back in her chair with an expression that was almost upset while really trying to look nonchalant.

"China is a very diverse country, ethnically," her father answered slowly, as if weighing his words. "But the majority had always been the Han people. The current Imperial family is Manchurian, who used to be nomads with no set residence and they only gave up their nomadic habits when the dynasty was founded. Some Han people resent the fact that they are a majority and they have to be ruled over by a minority group. They think the Manchurian emperors don't understand the need of Han people."

"But right now, the country can't be more prosperous, things are so peaceful!" Jian Jun broke into the conversation. "Why should it matter what ethnicity the ruler is if he's a good one?"

It was Qing Er who answered him. "You've been brought up in a province of mixed ethnicity, all of you. You've got more tolerance for ethnic diversity than most people. People will always fear and resent people who are different from them. The resentment and hostility trace back for hundreds of years. People inherit anti-Qing views from their elders, they do not develop them over night, unless something drastic happens to suddenly make them hate the throne."

Ji Xiang was sure she could see both her father and aunt throw her uncle a significant look, which he obviously avoided by occupying himself with eating. The look only made Ji Xiang even more curious to find out exactly what her family's ties to the Manchurian race was. However, her father and aunt's answers only seemed to raise more questions than to clear up any confusion.

"What do you think of the Manchurian emperor then?" she asked her father.

Her father gave her a decidedly surprised look, though Ji Xiang wasn't sure whether it was because of the content of her question or because she asked it at all. "Is there actually a reason for your sudden interest in politics today?"

Ji Xiang shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt like asking."

"What do _you_ think?" Her father wore a look of intense curiosity and Ji Xiang had to take a moment to ponder before answering. After all, it wasn't a subject that she ever thought about herself and she had to decide for an answer.

"Obviously the Emperor is an effective ruler, otherwise we wouldn't have this peace, especially here, so close to the border with Burma, and everyone always say that he's very accomplished in Chinese literature and everything. So if he's so accomplished in Chinese way, does it matter that he's Manchurian? I mean, if the Manchurians really wanted to turn the country into a completely Manchurian country, would they have adopted and adapted to so many Chinese customs? Wouldn't they enforce their whole way of life to the country?"

"Somehow I don't think the dynasty would have survived this far if w - they had tried to enforce the Manchurian ways to every detail of life in the country," her father answered. "As hard as this might be for the Imperial family to grasp, it wasn't that people welcomed Manchurian rule over them. People who do accept the Qing dynasty in the end, they do it because they were appeased by only having to change their hairstyle and clothing. If you could even call it appeased, with the prosecution that went on in the early years of the dynasty over the queue order. But still, they got to speak Chinese and worship the religions and philosophies they held. There are still passionate anti-Manchu revolutionaries out there. But you are right, I do not think this dynasty will ever get a more brilliant Emperor than the current one."

Very suspiciously, her uncle gave a cough and gave her father a look that Ji Xiang was sure was meant to be sardonic, which her father returned with one that was almost hostile. Ji Xiang startled to see this exchange, especially when her uncle and father got on very well most of the time. Neither her mother nor her aunt showed any sign of disagreeing with her father, but they both seemed to carry rather tense, worried expression at the turn of the conversation. Ji Xiang would have dropped it then, because she was sure there was something about it that made the grown-ups uncomfortable, but her cousin, Jiang Fan (江帆) spoke up.

"You don't think the Emperor is a good one, Father?"

Ji Xiang noted that Qing Er immediately gave her son a sharp look, as if he had said something indecent. Her uncle also took a long time in answer. Finally he said in a rather weary voice, "Let's just say I have issues with him that your mother, your aunt and uncle can overlook but I cannot." It took a moment for Ji Xiang to realise it somehow bore the same tone as when he once spoke to her about the strength and danger of words.

"What does that mean?" Die Er (蜨儿), Jiang Fan's sister, asked.

"It means," Ji Xiang's mother finally spoke, "that while your mother, uncle and I are perfectly happy with the current ruler of the country, your father could do without him."

"But the view of the Emperor is so unrealistic," Ji Xiang protested, unable to help herself from continuing the subject. "I mean, there's evidence that he's a good leader, still the two views of him that anyone gets are that either he's perfect or that he's a perfect scoundrel who has no right to his office. But then the second one is from people who actually want him dead so I don't think they're worth much."

"I never said the Emperor was perfect, Ji Xiang." Her mother exchanged a small look with her aunt that Ji Xiang didn't understand. Oh, how she hated it when the grown-ups share private looks that obviously said whatever they were sharing was not something that she could ever be told or given a chance to understand; in other word, it was none of her business. Then, her mother added in a cynical tone, "I never thought it was possible for a man to have so many wives but obviously the Emperor has proved me wrong."

This completely random turn of the subject puzzled Ji Xiang, though for some reason, it seemed to amuse her aunt and father. In fact, her father could not hold back a chuckle even as he said, "No one is perfect, you know, least of all, the Emperor. I should think the Emperor himself would have more flaws than the average person, just because of the position he holds and what responsibilities he has to deal with."

"That's treasonous, Father," Ji Xiang said, raising her eyebrows slightly. Surely he knew they could not just go around saying that the Emperor had flaws. Her comment made both her parents and her aunt look even more amused, though Ji Xiang could not understand what was so funny about treason. Even her uncle gave a genuine upturn of the mouth.

"Treason?" her mother said, chuckling. "Ji Xiang, if your father were to die of treason, you would never have been born."

"What does that mean?" Ji Xiang asked, annoyed.

"Let's just say that's not the first time I've said the Emperor is far from perfect," her father replied, smiling slightly. Her mother merely rolled her eyes. "But you are right, it would not exactly do for someone to hear us talk like that."

"But what do you really think of him?" Ji Xiang persisted again. She didn't know why it was so important to know their views on the Emperor.

"You are determined to have a political discussion today, aren't you?" Her father was appropriately surprised at her persistence. "I think the Emperor is a brilliant ruler, but that does not stop him from making failures in judgement. But perhaps you might want to ask your uncle for a … well, an alternative view."

The children all turned to Xiao Jian, who would always be in dispute with the other three when it came to a political view.

"I officially do not have an opinion on the Emperor," he said, evading their stares. "Though if you really do want to hear what people are saying around town about the throne, just to be amazed at how gossip travels, I do have some news. The town was buzzing with talk that the Emperor might be appointing an official Crown Prince at last."

Ji Xiang saw that her parents and her aunt had visibly tensed at this news and they all watched her uncle closely, though he looked like he was having fun with their anticipation.

"Did they say who?" her mother probed when Xiao Jian didn't go on.

"Well, I was sitting in a teahouse before heading home and heard people behind me going on about Wu Ah Ge…"

There was a noisy clatter as her father's chopsticks uncharacteristically hit against his bowl. Her mother nearly choked on a sip of soup she was drinking but her father didn't seem to notice or react to it like he normally would; he simply stared at her uncle with an inexplicably horrified look.

"…then I realised they were talking about how Wu Ah Ge was once first on the list of successors and the Emperor's hesitations in choosing a Crown Prince officially after all these years was because he didn't know who to choose after Wu Ah Ge died," her uncle continued.

"So did they speculate on who is it?" her father asked, sounding oddly relieved.

Xiao Jian smiled. "Of course there's speculation. Well, I don't know how accurate the speculation would be this far away from the capital. Some people are saying that the Emperor would just take the obvious way and install Da Ah Ge as Crown Prince."

Even her aunt joined her father in a pained look at this suggestion. Ji Xiang had to wonder how they would know anything about imperial princes to appear to have a preference for one who would inherit the throne. Probably it had something to do with why they had to learn Manchurian.

"The other speculation is Shi Wu Ah Ge," Xiao Jian continued.

Surprise met this next speculation, and it wasn't just Ji Xiang who were watching the grown-up's reaction to this list of potential heir-to-the-throne candidates with fascination and curiosity.

Her uncle went on, "Personally I think this method of choosing Crown Prince is so fickle. I don't think the Emperor would ever name a Crown Prince definitely, officially anyway, because if he did, he would have done long before now. It's just spawning all this gossip among the people, and that could be disastrous. I mean, is it really necessary to stir up all the conflict between the princes?"

To this, her father answered with in a rather mocking tone, "We know you don't like the Emperor, Xiao Jian. But this late into his reign, he can't sit there and put the princes in suspense. The suspense would create more conflict and danger than speculation. The suspense makes it seem sure that he had chosen someone and was biding his time to announce it. The speculation tells them that there is still a lot of dilemma on who to choose."

"I'll take your word for that."

It was then that her mother seemed to notice the children's concentrated curiosity with the conversation and said hastily, with an air of shutting the subject down as fast as possible, "All right, all right, enough of this depressing talk! I'd rather think that this country wouldn't need a Crown Prince any time soon."


	3. Ji Xiang and Ru Yi

**Chapter 3: Ji Xiang and Ru Yi**

* * *

Lu Yi and his brother, Lu Yang eyed the pretty young girl from the darkness of an alley. They were a pair of brothers originating from Nanjing, and theirs was the trade of people. Buying and selling servants and slaves, dirty work as it may be, it brought the brothers big money. To the Lu brothers, when it came to money, nothing was beneath them.

And here on this beautiful morning, their pretty prey was right within their reach. Usually, when they were in bigger towns and cities, they could afford to "employ" several people into their team before leaving the town and selling these people into new employments. However, in such a small town as Dali, where many people know each other, they could only afford to employ one single worthy person before they drew too much attention to themselves. They, as strangers to the town, would stand out as culprits should anything go wrong in the town.

As soon as either of them caught sight of her large, round and beautiful eyes, sparkling in the early sunlight, they both knew the one person in this town having the "honour" of becoming their "employee" must be her. In all their years of being in this trade, the brothers have seen their fair share of beautiful girls, had their fair _taste _of beautiful girls, but this particular girl was not a type of beauty that they have seen in abundance. Truly, all the girls that they had before called beautiful could not match up to this particular one.

Both of them knew this rare beauty could not be wasted in such a small place like Dali. No, in this far south pole of the country, only a handful of people would get to appreciate her beauty. To them, she belonged in the biggest, most prestigious brothel in Beijing, to be admired by the highest ranking men of the country. Such beauty could not succumb to just being a wife to some useless scholar or farmer in a place like Dali, staying at home all day to mind the children. No, she deserved to be put on display, to be hailed a great beauty in Beijing, to be put on that highest shelf, where only those with enough power and money could ever hope to speak to her, to enjoy her.

A silent agreement appeared between them. They would take this girl to where she deserved to be. Yes, and as great as the temptation was, they would leave her untouched. They knew the big brothels in Beijing would pay a large fortune to get a hold of a girl like this and she would only be worth her price intact. Money was the only thing that Lu Yi and Lu Yang put before lust.

* * *

Ji Xiang made her way out of town morning market and towards home. As she passed an old wooden building, a body ran past her, pushing her roughly against a pillar. Grumbling slightly as she could feel a splinter brush through the sleeve of her shirt and cut her arm, Ji Xiang set down her basket of market purchases and pulled out her handkerchief to clean the blood that she could already feel running down her arm. However, before she could push her sleeve up to examine her arm, a pair of hands grabbed her, pulling her into the alley, making her drop her handkerchief. Whoever it was clapped a cloth over her nose and mouth. As Ji Xiang inhaled, she felt her head become filled with fume. Her body slumped and she knew no more.

Lu Yi reached out and grabbed the basket of foodstuff. There was no point leaving good food already paid for to waste, he thought with a grin.

* * *

Jian Jun felt a sense of dread sneak over his entire being like an unseasonal chill, making his skin crawl. He sat behind the counter in the apothecary and drummed his fingers impatiently on the counter; his eyes were fixed at the entrance in front of him for any sign of his sister. Ji Xiang had left over two hours ago for the market. Usually it only took her an hour to run her errands each morning and Ji Xiang did not usually dawdle around town but always came home after her shopping.

It wasn't just the time that alerted to Jian Jun that something was wrong. Perhaps it had something to do with being twins, but Jian Jun was closer to Ji Xiang than any of their siblings or cousins. He could almost sense when she was in trouble and that morning, he felt particularly jumpy. Jian Jun was sure it had something to do with Ji Xiang.

It was not as if Jian Jun's fears were without reason. He didn't like to admit it, but he was always more protective of Ji Xiang than Ru Yi (如意). It was not that he did not love Ru Yi as much as Ji Xiang; truly Jian Jun adored both of his sisters. But Ru Yi, being twelve, had not yet escaped the awkward cusp between childhood and adolescence to become a striking beauty as Ji Xiang had. Everyone who knew their family saw that Ji Xiang had inherited their mother's large, captivating eyes and their father's good looks. Ji Xiang's eyes were the first thing anyone noticed about her, and being her most striking feature, they made everyone notice her beauty that much sooner.

Beautiful was not exactly a word that Jian Jun would ever use to describe his twin. He knew she was beautiful, but Jian Jun could think of about a million other adjectives, equally attractive, that he could use to describe Ji Xiang before he called her beautiful. He knew Ji Xiang's beauty was not exactly a source of comfort for her either. She had once confessed to him that the only thing anyone outside ever say about her was that she was pretty and it annoyed her to know that people couldn't see that she was more than just a pretty face. So he sometimes couldn't help but worry that one day Ji Xiang would come to some harm because of that pretty face.

He craned his neck towards the door for any sight of his sister, but only saw his father, looking slightly worried and disturbed, hurrying towards him.

"Has Ji Xiang got home yet?" his father asked as soon as he stepped through the door.

The question only worried Jian Jun even more as he shook his head. "No, I was getting worried. She's been gone for over two hours, and usually she's never gone that long. What is it, Father?"

His father's face clouded over with worry as he put a handkerchief on the counter. Jian Jun could immediately recognise Ji Xiang's embroidery. It was one of their aunt's signature styles that she had passed on to his sisters and female cousins, as their mother would sooner stab herself with a needle than sew anything. "I found this on the way home from town. I thought maybe she just dropped it and went home to check first but now I have a really bad feeling about this."

"Do you think something's happened to her, Father?" Jian Jun said, panic starting to creep into his voice.

"I don't know." His voice was calm, but it was a forced calmness and Jian Jun recognised the worry in his father's eyes before he turned towards the door, as if expecting Ji Xiang to appear at his wish. "I really would rather not panic and upset your mother just yet. But we must look for her. Where's your uncle?"

"Probably over at his house, I think. The others are still in lessons."

"Stay here for a moment while I speak to him, Jian Jun."

"Yes, Father," Jian Jun said, worry settling deeper within him as he watched his father rush to his uncle's house.

He looked back towards the street in front of him, wondering if they were just being paranoid and Ji Xiang was just wandering somewhere on her way home or got caught up in something and lost track of time. However, deep inside him, Jian Jun knew that his sister's sudden failure to come home was not going to end smoothly. He felt grateful now that his father had given in to his mother's insistence that all their children were given training in martial arts. He heartily agreed with his mother's arguments right now that an attractive girl like Ji Xiang would desperately need means to defend herself. He could only hope she was not caught in a situation where she would not be able to use her martial arts.

* * *

"Xiao Jian!" Ai Qi called as he entered the Fang house. He followed the sound of the children reciting to the study, where the rest of the children were having their lessons.

"What is it?" His brother-in-law caught sight of his worried expression and hastened towards him.

"I'll tell you this outside," Ai Qi said quietly, motioning him out of the room. When they closed the door behind them, he continued, "Ji Xiang hasn't come home from the market and she left over two hours ago. I picked up her handkerchief on the way home right beside an alley, and came home to see if she just dropped it but Jian Jun said she hasn't come home. I have a really bad feeling something's happened to her."

"It's not like Ji Xiang to just disappear without telling anyone. Look, I'll free the kids of their lessons for day. Let's just keep it between you, me and Jian Jun for the moment. We'll go around town to look for her. Don't tell Xiao Yan Zi or Qing Er yet, they'll only worry."

"Right. I'll go tell Jian Jun. Then we'll split up."

* * *

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed as she looked at her brother and husband, wanting either of them to contradict what they just told her. "How could she be missing?"

Ai Qi took her hand and led her to a chair, pressing her down on it. He and Xiao Jian had looked for Ji Xiang for the whole morning around town and still found no trace of her. By now, they both knew something must have happened to her, as Ji Xiang had not shown up at home the whole morning. They had no choice but to tell the rest of the family the truth. "Xiao Jian and I have looked for her the whole morning, and no one seems to know where she is or have seen anything out of the ordinary!"

"But that's just not possible," Xiao Yan Zi sprang up from her seat in agitation. "It's not as if she went some outrageous distance! It's only from here to the market and back! She's made the trip alone since she was seven! How could she just suddenly disappear?"

Xiao Jian spoke in what was meant to be a calming voice, but considering his own worry, the effects were muted."We asked around the market and apparently she got to the market as usual. I just don't understand it, myself. The town is incredibly small, people know who we are, and Ji Xiang is very noticeable, she stands out in the crowd. But it seemed like no one saw her after she left the market!"

"She can't just have disappeared after she left the market!" Qing Er protested, trying to calm Xiao Yan Zi down and curb her own worry at the same time. "She's not exactly defenseless! And you really can't get a safer community than Dali! For all the time we've been living here, nothing happened! How could something like this - "

Ai Qi faced away from Xiao Yan Zi, feeling unable to meet her eyes. The expression 'worried sick' that parents used to describe their worry when something happened to their children just didn't even begin to describe his anxiety right now. What frustrated him most was that this happened out of nowhere, that Ji Xiang just suddenly disappeared without a trace! Ai Qi had never felt angrier at himself in his life, and it was over something completely out of his control! He felt useless; this was his daughter, how could he not have any idea of where she could be or how to get her back?

"No! I'm going to look for her!" Xiao Yan Zi cried, rushing out the door.

Xiao Jian grabbed her and held her back. "You can't just rush out like this, Xiao Yan Zi! Look, we'll continue to look for her, but we'll have to do this systematically."

"I want to go look for Ji Xiang!" Jian Jun broke in. He looked at Ai Qi pleadingly. "Please, Father, I can't spend another hour like this morning, just sitting there like that! Let me help!"

"Me too!" the rest of the children echoed at exactly the same time. Xiao Jian and Ai Qi looked at each other and came to a silent understanding.

Xiao Jian shook his head, "Jian Jun, Jiang Fan, you may go look for Ji Xiang with us. The rest of you stay home!"

"But Jiang Fan is only a year older than me, why should he get to go and I have to stay home?" Jian Wen (建文) protested.

Ai Qi looked sharply at his second son. "It's not a matter of age. We are not leaving three young girls at home alone. Jian Wen, you are staying home with the girls. And when I say stay home, I mean _stay home_! None of you set a foot out of doors! You are staying home where we can find you, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Jian Wen said meekly, sighing, but Ai Qi knew he was sensible enough to understand that they could not leave his sister Ru Yi and his cousins Die Er and Lan Er (岚儿) home by themselves, no matter how much he wanted to help search for Ji Xiang.

* * *

Ai Qi, Xiao Yan Zi, Xiao Jian, Qing Er, Jian Jun and Jiang Fan split up the different sections of the town and nearby area. They searched street after street, just about every corners of the small town, yet Ji Xiang could not be found. Xiao Yan Zi even attempted to knock on every door she passed to ask after her daughter.

They all met in an appointed spot just as the sun began to sink and seeing each other's dejected face, their hearts all sank. Wearily, they agreed to stop for the day and return home, desperately hoping against hope that Ji Xiang would be there when they reached it. She was not. At home, Jian Wen, Ru Yi, Die Er and Lan Er were waiting for them with hopeful expressions and a cold dinner.

None of them were hungry as they sat down at the dinner table. Xiao Yan Zi looked around the table and her eyes fell on Ji Xiang's empty seat. It was as if the shock, grief and exhaustion of the day caught up with her. She stood up and ran from the room, into her bedroom and threw herself onto the bed, unable to hold back the tears that had threatened to fall all day.

Ai Qi could only sit beside her and stroked her back, letting her cry. He knew nothing he said now could possibly lift his or Xiao Yan Zi's worries. Nothing could lessen the pain and anxiety now except seeing Ji Xiang safe before them again.

After a long while, her eyes stinging from her tears Xiao Yan Zi sat up and rested her head against Ai Qi's shoulder. "Where could she be, Ai Qi? I just - it's just - " Xiao Yan Zi felt tears overflow again and bit her lips hard to hold back the sobs.

Ai Qi pulled her into his arms. "I don't know, love. Let us just hope that Ji Xiang's name brings her some luck right now."

"Ji Xiang…Oh, Yong Qi, I can't lose her. We can't lose her! We've lost enough children to last a lifetime…" Xiao Yan Zi buried her face in Ai Qi's chest and sobbed again.

Her use of his real name was not lost on Ai Qi, neither was the significance of her words. Ai Qi knew, as far away as those days seemed from them now, neither of them could forget the two miscarriages they suffered in the City of Memories. She did not mention it, but he knew the loss of his third child, Zhi Hua's son, was also somewhere in both their minds.

"We'll find her, Xiao Yan Zi! We will! We won't lose her!" Ai Qi whispered firmly.

If only he himself bring himself to believe what he just said.

* * *

Jian Jun stood in the garden with the moon shining down on him yet he felt no joy at the beautiful light. His and Ji Xiang's sixteenth birthday had passed in a wave of pain. Everyone tried their best to make the day a cheerful one for him, but it was a hopeless affair. Usually birthday meals in their family were full of laughter and talk; today it had been almost silent, and Jian Jun preferred it that way. He could not bear pretending to be happy when there was nothing happy about. This had always been their day; he had never grudged sharing the attention with Ji Xiang. They had always been the first to wish each other a happy birthday. It was unbearable to think that the first time this was not the case, he had to spend the day wondering whether Ji Xiang was alive to greet the day with him in some other corner of the earth.

It had been three months since Ji Xiang disappeared. In those long months, his family had tried every method they could think of to locate his sister, but the search was in vain. Jian Jun thought it might have been better if Ji Xiang had died. At least then, they could be sure of something and could then stop hoping, wondering and searching fruitlessly. It was the unknown of where Ji Xiang might be, what she might have been going through, what tragedy must have fallen her that terrified Jian Jun.

"Brother?" Ru Yi's voice behind him made Jian Jun turn around.

"What is it, Ru Yi? You should be asleep, it's late."

Ru Yi wrinkled her nose. "You can so sound like Father sometimes, you know that?"

Jian Jun smiled wryly. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"What are you doing out here, anyway?" Ru Yi asked, sitting down on a boulder, looking up at him.

Jian Jun shrugged.

"I miss her too, you know," Ru Yi whispered in a small voice after a long silence. Jian Jun closed his eyes but didn't say anything. "What do you think happened to her, Brother?"

"I don't know," Jian Jun sighed heavily. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"I keep thinking, if Jie jie wasn't so pretty, would she - " Ru Yi swallowed. Jian Jun turned to look at his little sister, in time to see her brush away a tear.

"It's not fair," Jian Jun said bitterly, "that this should happen to Ji Xiang and it should hurt all of us like this. I keep asking why? Why does something like this have to happen? Everything happens for a reason, but…" He trailed off, his voice had gone too gruff to continue.

"The only thing that Jie jie's disappearance has accomplished is worrying Mother and Father to death and make Mother become insufferably protective of me. She's not even letting me walk by myself over to Uncle's house anymore. It's driving me mad," Ru Yi said in a burst of childish annoyance.

The corners of Jian Jun's mouth twitched despite the situation. Then he turned more serious. "Once burnt, twice shy, I guess. I know Mother is being a bit unreasonable in mollycoddling you after Ji Xiang - " Jian Jun's voice broke and he took a deep breath before starting again. "But bear with her, Ru Yi."

"I guess I should be grateful that I am still have Mother fussing over me," Ru Yi sighed. "I'm a lot more ji xiang than Ji Xiang now, I guess, even if certain aspects of my life is not ru yi."

Jian Jun smiled wryly and looked up the cloudless, star-filled sky. For his birthday wish, he wished that there might be something in a name after all.

* * *

Ji Xiang walked, hardly knowing where she was heading, but just walked as far as her tired body allowed. All the time, she wondered how with such an auspicious name, she could have found herself caught in such an inauspicious situation.

Three months ago, Ji Xiang had woken up to find herself in a strange room, bound to a bed and gagged. Two strange men, with malicious looks about them, had approached her, and introduced themselves as Lu Yi and Lu Yang. Ji Xiang slowly understood that they had sedated her in order to kidnap her and were bringing her to Beijing to sell to a brothel.

Ji Xiang had never felt more lonely and humiliated than on the long, three months long trip to Beijing. Throughout the trip, though her kidnappersdid not try to physically harm her in any way, the abundance of innuendos and harassment in the way they spoke to her and about her was beyond disgusting to her. Having to hear herself referred to and talked about in such crude terms only made her realise how sheltered her life at home was and how lucky she was to never had been exposed to this kind of behaviour before now.

Only in the last three months did Ji Xiang realise how much she had always taken her family for granted. She tried not to think about how worried and despaired her parents must be about her disappearance. What must her family be going through now? She missed them desperately and it seemed that the hope, however small or futile it seemed, of escaping and finding her way back to them was the only thing that kept Ji Xiang alive.

Soon after they started on the trip, Lu Yi and Lu Yang realised that she knew martial arts and was far more superior than them at it, so they had kept her tied up at all times. Ji Xiang hardly knew how she survived the trip without going crazy. She wasn't even mistreated. No, Ji Xiang knew the Lu brothers were probably treating her better than they have ever done their past victims, how ever many that number might be. She was given enough to eat and neither of the brothers laid a hand on her. Still, Ji Xiang knew why - they wanted to sell her to a brothel. For that, they couldn't afford to have her health deteriorate or beat her in fear of leaving marks on her body. When she realised this, Ji Xiang had felt both a bitter grudge and, for the first time in her life, gratitude, towards her looks. Grudge because it was obviously her looks that caused her to be kidnapped in the first place, and gratitude because her looks were letting her keep her strength, so that she could hopefully escape from her capturers.

They had reached Beijing the day before, and it was only by accident that Ji Xian learnt the date - she had lost track of it through their travel. It was her sixteenth birthday, and it was as if someone out there had been watching over her and blessing her, but it was the first time in months that Ji Xiang felt her name did bring her some luck.

They had booked into an inn, where, as usual, Lu Yi and Lu Yang had tied her up to the bed. They left the room for most of the day, leaving her alone, content with the fact that she couldn't escape. It was the best present they could possibly give her - a whole day without them. Granted she was tied up, gagged and unable to do anything, but one couldn't be too picky when in her position.

She spent the day crying the tears she refused to let her kidnappers see and longed to be back in her family's arms again. How was Jian Jun spending this day without her? How could any birthday be without the two of them together? If only she was by his side again, she would gladly allow him to worry and be as overprotective of her as he pleased.

Lu Yi and Lu Yang only came back some time close to dawn, smelling strongly of liquor, both clearly totally drunk. Ji Xiang thought that this would be the only time in her life when she would ever be grateful for someone attempting to assault her. Obviously under the influence of wine and lust, the Lu brothers untied her and made advances on her that made Ji Xiang cringe in disgust. However, being drunk, they were no match for her martial arts. It was without that much difficulty that Ji Xiang managed to knock them out and snuck out of the inn.

Escaped from the inn, Ji Xiang knew she needed to get away from the city, and find a place to hide where they could never find her. Ji Xiang realised, as soon as she set foot into the streets, that she was quite alone, in a huge city that she'd never been to before and penniless. She cursed herself for not having tried to steal some money from the Lu brothers before escaping the inn. Now she would not go back into that room for the world, and chances were, they probably spent most of their money drinking anyway.

Never before had Ji Xiang felt so lost. Her instincts told her to get as far away from the inn as possible, and she did just that.

Now, hours later, Ji Xiang didn't know how many, from when she escaped the inn, she found herself in the middle of a clearing in a wood. Ji Xiang had no idea how she managed to wander into this clearing but at least, it looked remote. Perhaps she could hide herself in this wood until she could think of how she might return home.


	4. Ji Xiang

**Chapter 4: Ji Xiang**

* * *

Fu Ying Zhong (英忠) raced ahead of his younger brother, Ying De (英德) into the hunting ground. Hunting was one of Ying Zhong's favourite past times and it was convenient when he discovered a piece of wild woodland to perfectly serve his purpose. The wood was located close to his parents' favourite haunt, You You Valley; he and his brothers discovered it quite by chance when riding around You You Valley a year ago. The small wood was overrun with wild animals and with no sign of anyone living near it.

As much as he enjoyed hunting, Ying Zhong much preferred the private hunts in this wild wood with his brother, Ying De and his cousins, his uncle Er Tai's sons (when they came to Beijing for visits) than the organised expeditions in the Imperial hunting grounds with the princes. The organised hunts meant too many people in too small a piece of ground, which, in Ying Zhong's opinion, took all the fun out of the sport. Besides, half the fun was looking for the animals, and well, the animals were too easily found when they were scared out of their wits by the sound of hunting horns and drums.

It was a beautiful late spring day that Ying Zhong and Ying De set out on a ride to You You Valley, and it was only a habit that they brought their bows and arrows with them. Ying Zhong had hoped that his father would be free that day to accompany them, partly because his mother refused to let his thirteen-year-old youngest brother, Ying Yi (英义), to accompany them on any hunting outing without their father. However, that morning, their grandfather, the Emperor Qian Long, had arrived at Xue Shi Fu and wanted to see their father.

So Ying Zhong set out on the ride with Ying De, and on a whim, challenged his brother to a race into the hunting ground.

"I win!" Ying Zhong cried triumphantly as he slowed his horse, waiting for Ying De to catch up.

Ying De smirked at his brother as he caught up and stopped beside him. "You do realise you cheated, you know? You took off and _then_ told me it was a race."

"You are just sore you lost!" Ying Zhong crowed.

"Then I hope you won't be sore yourself losing that deer to me!" Ying De sped past Ying Zhong before he could register what his brother just said, chasing after a deer that just passed behind them.

"Oh no, you don't!" Ying Zhong exclaimed and took off after his brother and the deer; his horse was faster no matter what. Having caught up to his brother now, he slipped his bow off his shoulder and put an arrow to it, taking aim.

Ying Zhong's arrow shot through the air, but instead of hitting the deer like they both expected, at the last moment, the deer that was standing in position to be target to the arrow fled. As soon as he saw the deer leap away, Ying Zhong sighed in disappointment. However, his disappointment quickly made way for shock and panic as a startled, female cry of pain greeted him as his arrow pierced through a bush.

Ying Zhong and Ying De looked at each other in shock for a moment when a female form fell through the bush, the arrow piercing her chest. Then they got off their horses and rushed to the girl, who lay unconscious on the ground.

Ying Zhong lifted the girl's body and rested her against him. She looked quite young, about Ying De's age. Despite the situation and his panic that his arrow could kill her, Ying Zhong's first impression was that she was very pretty. Yet there seemed to be something in her features that made him wonder where he'd seen her before. He slapped her cheek, trying to bring her to consciousness. "Miss! Can you hear me? Wake up!"

"Where did she come from? And why was she behind the bush in the first place? No one lives around here!" Ying De asked while feeling her wrist for a pulse. "She's still alive. I think we must get her home. Whoever she is, she's going to need the best physicians if she is going to live through this."

The two brothers, with the girl slumping against Ying Zhong on his horse, raced their way back to Xue Shi Fu. Never had the ride seemed so long to Ying Zhong and all the while, a million questions filled his mind. Who was she? What was she doing in the hunting ground, as it was such a secluded wood that not many were aware existed? And most importantly, would she survive this wound? Ying Zhong could see that the arrow had pierced dangerously close to her heart. He tried not to think of the consequences if she did not live. He could not bear the thought of accidentally killing a girl, and an attractive girl, at that.

Ignoring the astonished stares of the servants, Ying Zhong lifted the girl off the horse and rushed inside the house. "Er Niang! Ah Ma!"

Ying Zhong, with the girl in his arms, and Ying De met their parents and grandfather in the main room of the house.

"What happened? And who on earth is that?" Zi Wei asked as her sons rushed into the room, looking panic stricken with a gravely injured girl in Ying Zhong's arms.

"Huang Shang ji xiang!" Ying De said breathlessly. Seeing as his brother was too preoccupied to even greet their grandfather, he decided that Ying Zhong wouldn't be much use in telling the story either. "Long story. We were out hunting and Ying Zhong was aiming for a deer. The deer escaped, and somehow, she appeared out of nowhere, and got hit by the arrow. We don't know who she is, but she really needs medical attention. If we could call a physician here…"

It took a moment for Zi Wei, Er Kang and Qian Long to realise what was happening. Zi Wei shook her head and quickly ushered Ying Zhong out of the room. "Quickly, then, get her into a guest bedroom. Ying De, get someone to summon the Imperial physician." She turned to Qian Long for a moment for permission.

"Yes, yes, by all means, summon the Imperial physician!" Qian Long said impatiently. Then, he turned and caught Er Kang's eyes, both of them looking at each other in astonishment, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu rushing over them.

For the next hour, the whole house bustled with treating the girl's wound. At long last, Hu Tai yi had removed the arrow from her body, had the wound cleaned and bandaged and rushed off to get the necessary medicine.

Zi Wei, Er Kang, their four children, Ying Zhong, Ying De, Xuan Zhuang (玄庄) and Ying Yi, and Qian Long gathered around the girl's bed. Ying Zhong had not spoken a word to anyone since the moment they left the hunting ground, his mind too full for coherency. He was glad that his brother had the sense to take over and explain things to their parents and afterwards to the physician. He only felt like he could breathe again after Hu Tai yi had told them she was no longer in danger.

Zi Wei looked at the girl lying seemingly lifelessly on the bed and something stirred within her. She had felt the feeling before, it was a sense of inexplicable kinship she once felt the moment she lay eyes of Xiao Yan Zi. It was the tender feelings that drew her to the girl who changed her life forever. Now, looking at the young girl in front of her, Zi Wei felt as if she knew her. Certainly, there was something in her face that looked strangely familiar, yet Zi Wei knew she had never seen the girl before in her life.

"You said you were aiming for a deer and ended up shooting her?" Er Kang asked his son.

"Yes," Ying Zhong said. "I mean, she was behind a bush or something and I didn't see her until it was too late and she fell through the bush." He looked up at his father helplessly, as if expecting to be reprimanded, but his father was looking at him only with curiosity.

The Emperor murmured, "It is strange coincidences could happen." He looked at Er Kang again and the two men exchanged a look that made them both realise they were thinking of the same thing.

"Coincidence?" Zi Wei asked, looking at her husband.

"Well, a swallow was shot exactly like this, once," Er Kang said. Zi Wei's eyes widened in understanding. The children only looked at each other in confusion at the cryptic explanation.

"Is there nothing to show who she might be?" Qian Long asked. He did not know why, but for some odd reason, the Emperor found himself incredibly curious about this girl's identity. Perhaps it was the strange familiarity in her countenance; perhaps it was the way she suddenly appeared on the scene and how it so blatantly reminded him of another young girl who had appeared like this, long ago.

"No, nothing," Zi Wei answered. "I checked, she doesn't have anything to identify herself on her. But by the looks of her clothes, she must have been suffering some hardship lately. Her clothes are of good quality but they are incredibly frayed and worn."

"There's this," fifteen-year-old Xuan Zhuang, who had been sitting by the girl's foot, spoke up. She had rested her hand somewhere on the blanket and felt something hard underneath. She lifted the blanket and rolled up the right leg of the girl's trousers to reveal a silver anklet of strange design.

"Wait," Zi Wei said, leaning closer to look at it. "I've seen something like this before! This design…" She frowned in concentration, trying to remember where she'd seen it before. "Dali! I saw some jewellery with design like this in Dali!"

"Dali?" Er Kang asked, feeling that the situation was just getting weirder and weirder.

"Yes!" Zi Wei went on. "This design is native of the Bai Yi ethnic group. I remember because we went shopping in the market and the vendor was explaining to us how Bai Yi parents give their baby girls a piece of jewellery with this design at birth because it symbolises beauty, happiness and fertility. The jewellery is meant to be worn throughout the girl's life. And Xiao Yan - " Here, she trailed off.

"Ah!" Er Kang said, as he, too, remembered the shopping trip. Upon hearing this tradition of the Bai Yi people, Xiao Yan Zi insisted on buying an anklet. The others had pointed out to her that the baby she was carrying was not necessarily a girl. She had grinned and argued that it didn't matter, as if this one was not a girl, she would keep the anklet for a future baby girl that she would have. Zi Wei had said that since they had a pact to marry Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi's first daughter to Ying Zhong, they had better all hope the child Xiao Yan Zi was carrying was a girl and that the anklet really would bring her all it promised.

"And Xiao Yan Zi - ?" Qian Long asked.

"And Xiao Yan Zi actually bought one." Zi Wei frowned as she inspected the anklet on the girl. "Actually…she bought one that looked…exactly like this!"

"What?" Er Kang exclaimed. As an instinctive reaction, he leaned in to look at the anklet as well. He hardly remembered or ever cared to remember what the anklet Xiao Yan Zi bought years ago looked like so the anklet on the girl's ankle didn't look familiar to him, but he knew Zi Wei had spent half an hour with Xiao Yan Zi and Qing Er picking out the one Xiao Yan Zi eventually bought so if anyone would recognise it, it would be Zi Wei.

"You said Xiao Yan Zi bought an anklet like this, meaning it for her daughter?" Qian Long asked slowly.

"Yes." Then Zi Wei shook her head. "Of course, there are probably hundreds of anklets like this in Dali, so obviously the chances of this being the one Xiao Yan Zi bought are very slim. What this does tell us is that this girl either was born in Dali or is of the Bai Yi ethnic group or has some connections to the Bai Yi group of people."

"Is it just me or do either of you think that this girl looks strangely familiar?" Qian Long asked, looking at Zi Wei and Er Kang.

Zi Wei looked at her father. Then she looked at the girl on the bed. Surely, surely, it could not be so. She shook her head, wondering if they were all just looking too much into something that could be a total unrelated coincident.

"Huang Ah Ma, you are not suggesting…"

"I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying it's a set of bizarre coincidences, is it not? And do you not find her familiar?"

"Yes…I mean, even before I saw the anklet, there's something about her face that…but surely…no!"

Er Kang looked thoughtful for a moment then said, "I find it interesting that her feet are unbound."

"And?"

"If we assume she is a Han, don't you think it's very odd that she doesn't have bound feet?"

"I assumed I was a Han for half of my life, and I never had bound feet," Zi Wei pointed out. "But my mother had reasons for never binding my feet. She knew better. It didn't sit well with society though."

"Exactly," Er Kang stressed, albeit still cryptically.

"You are saying…?" Qian Long asked.

"Well, what you just suggested, Huang Ah Ma, this seems to support it."

"But what you are suggesting doesn't immediately follow the fact she doesn't have bound feet," Zi Wei protested. "Extremely poor families would not bind their daughters' feet if they need them to do work in the fields."

"Does she look like she's been doing hard labour out in the fields? Her skin is a bit tanned but not what you'd expect from someone who had to do hard labour."

"Well, if we deduce she is from Dali, chances are she doesn't have to be a Han. There are quite a few ethnicities down there, and not all of them practice foot binding," Zi Wei said.

"And thus girls, Han or otherwise, with unbound feet will probably be more easily accepted than in Shandong," Er Kang said. "I'm saying, it does have something to support what Huang Ah Ma suggested. I'm not saying it is definite, and it is certainly unlikely, but not impossible."

Qian Long didn't say anything but just looked at the girl. He did not know if he was simply convincing himself to see this or it was really there, but the more he looked at her, the more he found she resembled both of them.

"I have no idea what you're all talking about," Ying Zhong finally spoke up, reminding Zi Wei, Er Kang and Qian Long that the children were still around and they were all looking at the three with confused expressions.

Zi Wei sighed and looked at Er Kang and Qian Long, resigned to the explanation that must now come. "Xiao Yan Zi is my sworn sister and Wu Ah Ge's wife. You all know that."

"_Is_?"

"Neither of them are dead." Four pairs of raised eyebrows met Er Kang's statement. "At least…last I checked."

"But - " Ying Zhong started, not really knowing what to say. Like the rest of court, he had always been told that his uncle, Wu Ah Ge, and his first wife, his mother's sworn sister, had both died of an illness when they came back from rescuing his father from Burma nearly seventeen years ago. Now suddenly, his father was saying they were alive! Surely the death of a prince and his consort had to be investigated thoroughly and therefore a sure thing!

Slowly, Zi Wei and Er Kang explained to the children the circumstances behind Wu Ah Ge and Huan Zhu Ge Ge's "deaths".

"What does this have anything to do with this girl?" Ying Yi asked at the end of the story.

"Chances are, nothing," Zi Wei said, though she was hardly convincing herself. No matter how the reasonable part of her told her that the chances of this girl having any connections to Xiao Yan Zi or Yong Qi was slim, there was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that told her there was more to the girl than she was willing to face.

"I don't think we could say anything about who she is before she wakes up and can tell us," Qian Long said. "All right, I'm going back to the palace. Zi Wei, summon all the physicians here if you need them. And keep me informed of her condition. I admit I am rather curious about her, especially with all the coincidences. All our suspicions might turn to naught and she might just be a random commoner but then again, she might not be. Inform me when she wakes up."

* * *

Ji Xiang opened her eyes and squinted in the bright light that flooded in, feeling an intense pain in her chest. As she got used to the light, she saw that there was a group of people around her - _strange_ people. Her first instinct was to panic and struggle, but she couldn't find the strength to do this and as her body got used to her surrounding, there was something so very alluringly comfortable about her situation that she couldn't even bring herself to feel agitated anymore.

"You are awake! How are you feeling?" The woman who spoke was about her mother's age, and kindly looking. Her voice gave Ji Xiang a comforting feeling of being cared for and loved that she hadn't felt for such a long time. If she was a little less dazed and in pain, she probably would had teared up at the concern in that voice.

"I - " Ji Xiang opened her mouth to speak but found it painfully dry. The woman seemed to understand as she turned to a young man standing beside her, who looked to be a couple of years older than Ji Xiang, and asked him for a cup of water. This he brought; the woman helped her sit up and put the cup to her lips.

Ji Xiang looked around her as she sipped the water slowly. She could already feel the moment that her sense of touch came to her that she was in a heavenly soft, warm bed, but now she could see that it was placed in a richly furnished room. There were four people around the bed. There was the young man, the woman, an older man who looked as he could be the woman's husband, and an elderly man in his seventies. The thing that was most striking to Ji Xiang was the fact that they did not wear the clothes normally seen worn by even rich people. In fact, the woman wore an elaborate headpiece that Ji Xiang knew was only worn by women in the imperial court. The older man wore the blue robes worn by magistrates, but instead of the mandarin square on his chest, used to signify Han officials, on his robes was a large circle, embroidered with dragons. Lastly, the elderly man was dressed in robes coloured yellow, also embroidered with dragons.

Realisation of what their dress meant, what the ranks of these people must be, made Ji Xiang cough as her eyes widened.

The woman put handed the cup to the young man and patted her back while she tried to regain her breath and convince herself that she was not imagining things. Ji Xiang looked up at them somewhat fearfully. Where on earth was she? She could not possibly be in the imperial palace!

"I see you've somewhat realised how we might be," the woman said, with a hint of amusement in her voice. She placed a comforting hand on Ji Xiang's arms and there was no hint of hostility in her tone; in fact it spoke of gentleness and care. "I am Ming Zhu Ge Ge, but you can call me Zi Wei Ge Ge. This is my husband, Fu Da ren, my son Ying Zhong. And this, perhaps you've already guessed, is His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor. You are currently at my home, Xue Shi Fu."

Though she had already suspected it, the revelation of these people's identities still shocked her as she stared at Zi Wei Ge Ge in shock. On meeting her eyes, however, much to Ji Xiang's confusion, Zi Wei's eyes widened as well and she didn't quite manage to smother the gasp that escaped her. Ji Xiang blinked and looked around to see Fu Da ren also staring at her eyes. Ji Xiang blinked again and looked down, feeling immediately fearful and abashed, and also rather uncomfortable. She knew her eyes were striking and usually drew a lot of attention, bu the Fu couple's shock spoke of something other than just the fact that her eyes were unusually large.

Ji Xiang knew that it didn't matter how she got here and what happened since she got here, she must somehow say something to greet these illustrious people, but it was as if all words deserted her and she couldn't have recognised a polite greeting if it danced in front of her.

"Child, look up and let me look at you," the Emperor said. If Ji Xiang had ever allowed herself to think about what the Emperor's voice sounded like, she wouldn't have imagined it to be this kind. Yet she felt terrified and confused. There was a sense of intimidation too, as she had no idea why these people seemed so mystified and in awe by her presence. It was rude and it was probably some sort of crime to not obey immediately, but Ji Xiang stared at her lap, not daring to lift her face.

"Don't be afraid," Zi Wei said gently. There was more intense emotion in her voice now, as if she was holding back tears. Ji Xiang slowly lifted her eyes and looked at the Emperor.

There was an odd look on the old man's face as he studied her closely. She could also feel Zi Wei and Fu Da ren looking at her.

The Emperor, Zi Wei and Fu Da ren all tore their eyes away from her and in turn, looked at each other in shock and some sort of silent understanding. At last, after a long, confusing and, to Ji Xiang, eerie silence, Zi Wei cleared her throat and asked, "What's your name?"

"My - my name is Ai Ji Xiang," Ji Xiang whispered slowly. She cast her eyes down again, but if she had been looking at them, she would see three pairs of eyes widened around her in shock.

"Ai?" Fu Da ren finally spoke, disbelief ringing in his voice. He paused for a moment, then asked, "What's your father's name?"

"My father's name is Qi," Ji Xiang said, even more confused now. She glanced up to see that the Emperor was giving her a very strange look. Fu Da ren had stood up abruptly and paced in an agitated manner around her bed and Zi Wei gripped her handkerchief with a sharp intake of breath.

"Your mother…your mother isn't called Xiao Yan Zi, is she?" the Emperor asked her. The way his voice shook slightly as he asked her this, and the fact that he knew her mother's name astonished Ji Xiang so much that she forgot her fear. She stared at him, her mouth opened to answer but no sound came out. So she nodded silently.

The Emperor was now staring at her as if she was a ghost. Zi Wei had pressed a hand to her mouth and Fu Da ren stood to stare at her. Even Fu Ying Zhong looked aptly dazed.

Ji Xiang looked around, feeling ever more confused, until Zi Wei finally came to her senses and shook her head. "Oh my, I'm sorry, dear. We're practically interrogating you and you must be feeling rather confused."

"Yes…" Ji Xiang whispered slowly. There was something about these people that unnerved her, yet comforted her at the same time. "What…why am I here?"

"Well, you somehow were in the wood that my son, Ying Zhong was hunting in and he accidentally shot you with an arrow. You've been unconscious for three days," Zi Wei explained to her. "Ying Zhong brought you here and we've had the Imperial physician looked at your wound. It's going to heal slowly, but you've got to stay in bed for a while, I'm afraid."

So that would explain the pain in her chest, but it didn't explain anything else.

"As for your parents…" Fu Da ren said slowly. "For now, what you want to know is just that we know your parents. Rather well, in fact."

Zi Wei smiled at her. "Your mother is my sworn sister."

Ji Xiang stared at her. No, she couldn't have just heard right. How could her parents possibly know these people? But then, how else would the Emperor know her mother's (slightly odd) name?

"Surely…are you…are you sure?" Ji Xiang whispered.

How could her mother be sworn sisters with a princess? The idea was so foreign to Ji Xiang, she couldn't even grasp it. Her mother was least like any princess that Ji Xiang had ever read about or imagined. Princesses were demure, gentle and ladylike, and her mother…was not, most of the time. Zi Wei looked and sounded like the textbook definition of a princess, so Ji Xiang could hardly comprehend how she and her mother would ever have anything in common enough to want to swear as sisters. Besides, how would have her mother met any princess and get to know her enough to swear as sisters?

"Quite. The anklet you are wearing tells us you are from Dali, where my sworn sister is living. Your surname is Ai…" Zi Wei said, smiling.

"…And more prominently, you resemble your parents very much in looks, and you have your mother's eyes," the Emperor finished somewhat gruffly.

Ji Xiang just gaped at them. Fu Da ren chuckled. "I know this must be a shock, because I have an idea of what your parents might not have divulged to you. However, for now, you shouldn't worry just yet about why or how we know your parents. You should just rest and let your wound heal."

* * *

Ji Xiang fell back asleep soon after that conversation. Zi Wei, Er Kang and Qian Long sat around her bed, staring at the young girl in front of them, none of them knowing what to say.

"I can hardly believe it," Zi Wei whispered, stroking Ji Xiang's hair. "It's so incredible."

"I don't know what is more incredible right now, that she is somehow in Beijing or that she came our way in almost exactly the same manner Xiao Yan Zi did…" Er Kang shook his head.

Qian Long just stared at Ji Xiang. This was his granddaughter, Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi's daughter. When Zi Wei and Er Kang came back from Dali years ago, they had told him that Xiao Yan Zi was expecting a child, but the information never really became real to him. Ji Xiang must be the child. Yet, having not seen Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi in so long, to imagine them as parents was an odd prospect to Qian Long.

"Right now, what I'm wondering most is what on earth is she doing in Beijing?" Qian Long finally said after a long silence.

"That's bothering me, as well," Er Kang said pensively. "Somehow I don't think she's meant to be in Beijing. I mean, the only way I could think of that would lead to her being in Beijing, by herself, is that something happened and her parents sent her. But if that were the case, they would send her to look for us, and she has no idea who we are. And I can hardly imagine Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi sending their daughter all alone all the way from Dali to here, no matter what the reason is."

"Well, no matter how and why she ended up in Beijing, I must say it is most certainly something ji xiang that she found her way to us," Zi Wei sighed. "But that raises even more questions right now. If she's not meant to be in Beijing, do Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi know she's here? Do they know where she's gone? If not, they must be out of their minds with worry right now!"

"I know…but we can't do anything now, except to wait for her to get better and tell us her story. But it is lucky that however she came to be here, she found her way to us," said the Emperor.

"I've just thought of something. She looks at lot like Yong Qi, with Xiao Yan Zi's eyes. Anyone who knows them who sees her would not miss the fact," Er Kang said.

"You're worried that Zhi Hua will see her," Zi Wei said.

"Yes. I mean, really, Zhi Hua is not stupid. She knows all these years that neither Yong Qi nor Xiao Yan Zi is dead. If Zhi Hua sees Ji Xiang, I think she can put two and two together."

"The chances of that are rather remote, don't you think?" Zi Wei asked. "Xue Shi Fu is rather big, and Zhi Hua rarely comes to visit us anyway. Even if she does, there's no saying that she'll see Ji Xiang. Anyway, Ji Xiang is wounded, she won't move around much."

"Yes, but I think by summon the Imperial physician here, we've attracted attention," Qian Long sighed wearily. "Usually, if it weren't so life threatening situation, Xue Shi Fu doesn't summon the Imperial physician but have your own personal physician. This time, we've summoned Hu Tai yi, and though he will not divulge who he treated, he doesn't know, at any rate, rumours are still around the palace that someone in Xue Shi Fu is fatally injured."

"I know," said Er Kang. "Several people asked me about it this morning before the court audience. I told them that we had a guest, a family friend, staying who is injured. If Zhi Hua comes here, even by courtesy, she would ask after the patient, and perhaps even the identity of the patient."

Zi Wei was unconcerned about that problem. "Then we tell whoever asks that it's a friend. What are they going to do, pry and demand to know who it is?"

"I'm not saying that people will demand to know. But people might want a name attached to the mysterious 'friend' identity. We can't very well say that we can't divulge a name, that would make it rather obvious that we're hiding something," Er Kang pointed out.

"From what you lot have been through, the chances of your having friends that no one in court knows is rather big you know. I think the question we need to answer now, is what will we tell Ji Xiang? She obviously does not know anything about her family's true identities. But considering her wound, she'll be here for a while. She'll want to know how her parents know us. Do we tell her the truth? It does sound like she has no idea who her parents truly are."

"Of course she wouldn't know. I think it would rather defeat their purpose of being in Dali if she knew. I don't know what we should tell her though," Zi Wei said helplessly. "I don't think we can tell her the truth without mentioning Zhi Hua. How would that affect her? What after knowing the truth, how could she continue with her life as before?"

"If we don't tell the truth, what _do_ we tell her?" Er Kang asked. "We can hardly lie to her, and it's rather hard to think of a plausible explanation of her parents' relation to us without lying. The thing is, we don't know how much she knows right now. But either way, don't you think that sooner or later she would have to know who she really is, who Yong Qi, Xiao Yan Zi, Qing Er and Xiao Jian really are?"

"Why would she ever have to know the truth?"

Er Kang stared at her. "Zi Wei, have you forgotten our agreement with Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi?"

"What agreement?" Qian Long asked.

Zi Wei smiled. "We had an agreement for a marriage between Ying Zhong and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's daughter, obviously that's Ji Xiang now. This just makes Ying Zhong and Ji Xiang's meeting even more ironic and fated, I think."

Qian Long shook his head in amazement. "Why am I not surprised about this? When exactly did you make this agreement anyway?"

"Actually, strangely enough, Xiao Yan Zi and I first talked about it the night Yong Qi married Zhi Hua."

"She just miscarried then," Qian Long said with a frown.

"I know, that's what we were talking about. And I was trying to take her mind off Zhi Hua. Anyway, we made it a deal after Ying Zhong recovered from the smallpox."

"You know, I've just realised, we have talent for making situations incredibly complicated. I mean, let's put aside what we're telling Ji Xiang about her parents' relationship to us for a moment. For the two of us, and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi as well, obviously, as best friends and parents, we all think this is a great match. But the four of us, of all people, should know that arranged marriages without love could potentially lead to disaster."

"Oh Er Kang," Zi Wei smiled. "Just because we agreed on it, before we even knew Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi would have a daughter, doesn't mean that we can't be flexible about it. I mean, obviously they have to meet first and get to know each other before they actually marry. And now that they've met, if after we tell them, they don't want the match, could we bear to force them into it? Of course not."

"I think you've both wandered miles away from the point," Qian Long interjected. "Don't go matchmaking your children just yet or tell them anything about the match. I think right now we need to get Ji Xiang to survive this wound, find out why she is in Beijing. Also, back to the point, what are we telling her?"

"Well, either way, we could not dump the whole story on her," Er Kang said. "How about we tell her the general idea, how Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei met and sworn as sisters first…then as the occasion arises, if the occasion arises, we tell her more?"

"That's a good idea," Qian Long agreed. "Take it slowly. I don't think the poor girl could take much more shock anyway."

* * *

Ying Zhong sat by the bed, feeling the wonder of everything that happened since he shot that arrow still overwhelming him. He'd often wondered about his aunt and uncle, who he'd always thought to be dead, because there were times when he overheard conversations between his parents that implied there was more to the deaths than met the eye. This obviously was it: they weren't dead. Now, incredibly, Ji Xiang came to them in the most unexpected and startling manner.

Ying Zhong looked up as his mother sat down beside him and found her to be looking at him in a very strange way. Over the past days, he had caught his parents looking at him like this many times, but had tried to push it aside. Now the exasperation was getting to him.

"Er Niang, why do you and Ah Ma keep looking at me like that?"

His mother feinted incomprehension, which considering her skills on deception, it was about as effective as trying to hold water in her hands. "Like what?"

"You _know_ like what, Er Niang."

"Well, it's just a very strange coincidence, Ying Zhong, of how Ji Xiang came to us. Xiao Yan Zi came into the palace in exactly the same way, you know. Yong Qi was also aiming at a deer and ended up shooting her."

"So?" Ying Zhong asked suspiciously. "It's a coincidence, I get it. But why do you keep _looking_ at me?" Zi Wei hesitated. Ying Zhong sighed. "Er Niang! Please! Do you expect me to fall in love with her or something, like her parents did?"

Zi Wei smiled. "Of course not! You hardly know her, Ying Zhong, I can hardly expect you to love her just like that. It's just strange, that's all, how you two meet, especially considering…"

"Considering?"

Zi Wei was saved from having to answer her son's question when Ji Xiang stirred. She tried feebly to sit up but Zi Wei held her down on the bed.

"Don't get up. There's no need. Are you hungry?"

"A bit."

She didn't dare to say anymore and in any case, she had no idea what else to say. As kind and sweet as Zi Wei Ge Ge was, it still made Ji Xiang nervous that she was being taken care of by a princess. Still, she allowed herself to enjoy it; it had been so long since she had been cared for like this and Zi Wei inexplicably reminded her of the comfort that only her mother could give.

Zi Wei told Ying Zhong to go get the kitchen to make Ji Xiang some food. A few moments later, Ying Zhong returned to the room with his father in tow. Ji Xiang looked around at the three of them with a bit of apprehension.

"Relax, dear," Zi Wei said to her. "I know you must have a lot of questions regarding how your parents know us, and we will answer them for you. But we must ask you to not treat us as strangers. Your mother is my best friend and sworn sister, so you are much like my own daughter."

Ji Xiang nodded.

"We must ask you, though," Er Kang said, "how you came to be in Beijing. Considering your father's tendency to worry about the smallest things when it comes to people he loves, even despite your mother's sense of adventure, I can hardly imagine them willingly let you go from Dali to Beijing alone."

Er Kang's words finally forced Ji Xiang's muddled mind to consider how exactly it was that she left her home and the worry that her entire family must have gone through when they discovered she had disappeared.

"Oh no!" Ji Xiang gasped. "My parents! You must help me send news to them. They must have turned Dali upside down looking for me when I disappeared!" Then Ji Xiang told them of how she was kidnapped and brought to Beijing and how she escaped. Her audience, especially Er Kang and Zi Wei, were shocked into silence following her story.

"Well, you really are Xiao Yan Zi's daughter, aren't you? Get into the worst imaginable kind of sticky situation and still come out unscathed. But then again, you are Xiao Yan Zi's daughter, and if you are anything like your mother, you must have a talent for getting into sticky situations." It took Ji Xiang a moment to realise that Er Kang was teasing her. "I think your parents must have been thinking of that to name you Ji Xiang. You really do need the luck."

"Er Kang!" Zi Wei said reproachfully, but with a smile.

"I would hardly call being shot with an arrow and nearly killed unscathed, Ah Ma," Ying Zhong pointed out. "Somehow I don't think it was very ji xiang of Ai Xiao jie to be standing right in the way of my arrow."

"Oh no, Fu Shao ye," Ji Xiang said with a smile. "I think I was very ji xiang to have been there. After all, I know no one in Beijing and am without any way of getting back home. With your arrow, I get to come live here and meet people who know my parents and can perhaps help me."

"Of course we will help you," Zi Wei said comfortingly. "You are not going anywhere, young lady, before your wound completely heals. Meanwhile, I will send news to your parents so that they can stop worrying."

"Thank you, Ge Ge," Ji Xiang said gratefully.

"Call me Aunt Zi Wei," she said gently.

Ji Xiang hesitated for a moment. Then she said, "Yes, Aunt."

"As for the story between your mother and I," Zi Wei continued speaking, "what happened was this. I was not raised in the palace. Until my mother died when I was 18, I lived in Jinan. After my mother died, I went from Jinan to Beijing to find my father. In Beijing I met your mother and we swore as sisters, and she helped me a lot in finding ways to meet the Emperor, my father."

"Your father is also one of my best friends," Er Kang went on. "So are your aunt and uncle."

Ji Xiang nodded. The slightly wistful ways they talked about her parents and aunt and uncle told Ji Xiang there was probably more to the relationship than just normal friendship, but she didn't ask for more information. She had grown up knowing that there were things that her parents wouldn't tell her and that she shouldn't press for them. These newly revealed relationships between her parents and a princess answered some questions about her family's connections but with that also opened even more room for enquiries. Ji Xiang felt that this wasn't the time contemplate them. Her body was in too much pain to take the mental pain of confusion as well. Surely as bad as her wound felt, she would have plenty of time to find out.

"Can you tell us more about your family?" Zi Wei asked, emotions rising in her voice. "I know your parents don't want to make their connections to us generally known so correspondence had been rather nonexistent since we last saw them, before you were born."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, for example, like do you have any siblings, cousins…."

"I have two brothers and a sister. Jian Jun is actually my twin."

"Twins? Well, we would never have guessed then, would we?" Zi Wei looked at Er Kang with a delighted smile.

"Jian Wen is two years younger than me, and my sister - "

"Ru Yi," Zi Wei cut in.

"How did you know?"

Zi Wei shrugged. "It was a guess. And considering how your mother was obsessed with cheng yu and four-word phrases when we last saw her, if you're named Ji Xiang, you must have a sister called Ru Yi. The two always go together."

Ji Xiang told them about her family life, which was all much to the interest of Zi Wei and Er Kang.

"Well, it certainly seems that Yo - Ai Qi and Xiao Yan Zi have done well for themselves," Er Kang remarked offhandedly to Zi Wei.

Zi Wei sneaked a glance at Ji Xiang and saw that her brows were knitted together in a way that was very much characteristic of Yong Qi, and with a mental wince to herself, Zi Wei realised that Ji Xiang must have caught Er Kang's slip.

* * *

That day was the first day that the physician had let Ji Xiang out of bed, fifteen days since the day Ying Zhong shot her with the arrow and she was brought to Xue Shi Fu. She was strolling in the garden with Xuan Zhuang. As much as Zi Wei wanted to spend as much time as possible with Ji Xiang to know more about her family, Zi Wei also knew that Ji Xiang was not entirely comfortable around her yet, and that her title was still in the way between them. On the other hand, perhaps it was because they were closer in age, Xuan Zhuang seemed to be able to draw Ji Xiang out of her shyness and the two became fast friends.

Of course, Xuan Zhuang had been warned by her parents that Ji Xiang did not know anything about her and her parents' identities and that she was not to say anything that would give it away. Xuan Zhuang didn't know whether her parents wanted her to lie to Ji Xiang if she ever asked whether Xuan Zhuang knew anything about the friendship between their parents but was thankful that Ji Xiang didn't bring it up. Perhaps Ji Xiang was still in disbelief about the fact that her parents had a close friendship with a princess, or she thought that Xuan Zhuang would not know any more than she did, but she didn't ask.

Yet Xuan Zhuang and Ji Xiang bonded through their mutual inquisitiveness and eagerness to learn new things. Ji Xiang fascinated Xuan Zhuang with her stories about growing up in the multi-ethnic community in Dali while Xuan Zhuang intrigued Ji Xiang with tales of Beijing and life in the imperial family.


	5. News From Old Friends

**Chapter 5: News From Old Friends**

* * *

Meanwhile, in Dali, spring had rolled into early summer with the accompanying heat and humidity. It was on a particularly uncomfortable day that felt like it should rain that Ru Yi found herself trapped in the stuffy apothecary, drowning in the fumes of herbs and medicines, which were always more overwhelming in the summer. She thought she was slowly going mad from the heat and was fanning herself with a book when she heard someone enter.

"I am looking for Ai Da ren," the man, looking about in his thirties, said to her as he approached the counter.

Maybe it was the effect of the heat, but it took Ru Yi a moment to react. First off, the man's voice was much higher than normal, and he was obviously a eunuch, which meant he was probably a servant from a very wealthy family. Why on earth would anyone of such high status be looking for her father? And secondly, no one had ever called her father 'Da ren'. 'Da fu', yes, but not 'Da ren'.

"Oh, that will be my father. Just one moment, please."

Ai Qi was not surprised when Ru Yi told him someone was looking for him. People around town often looked for him to ask for medical advice. However, the person he met in the front room of the apothecary was the last person he expected.

"Xiao Deng Zi!" Ai Qi exclaimed in astonishment upon seeing the eunuch.

By habit, Xiao Deng Zi knelt down and performed a full kowtow to Ai Qi, and would have blurted out "Wu Ah Ge ji xiang" if Ai Qi did not interrupt him with a hasty cough.

"Please, stand up. Really, there's no need for all this formality," Ai Qi said pointedly as he raised Xiao Deng Zi to his feet.

"Ai Da ren," Xiao Deng Zi bowed to Ai Qi and said sheepishly.

Ai Qi was still too bewildered at Xiao Deng Zi's appearance in Dali to notice or be bothered by Ru Yi's confused expression at the exchange between them.

"What are you doing all the way here?" Ai Qi asked anxiously. Some panic was beginning to creep into his mind. What had happened in Beijing?

"Da ren, I have a letter for you from Fu Da ren about Ji Xiang Xiao jie," Xiao Deng Zi said.

A gasp from Ru Yi and an astonished stare from Ai Qi greeted Xiao Deng Zi's reply. After months of no news of Ji Xiang, it was astonishing that information should come from Er Kang in Beijing of all places! "Ji Xiang! How do you know about her? Where is she? Why is Er Kang writing to me about her?"

"Sir, I'll let the letter explain." Xiao Deng Zi handed Ai Qi an envelope.

Ai Qi turned to Ru Yi and said, "Go get your mother home." Ru Yi shot out the door immediately, and Ai Qi invited Xiao Deng Zi to sit down. He himself dropped down onto a chair nearby and tore open the envelope. However, Xiao Deng Zi remained standing.

"Xiao Deng Zi, please, take a seat," Ai Qi said, indicating another chair.

"But, sir - "

Ai Qi sighed exasperatedly. "Please, this is not the palace, and I am no longer Wu Ah Ge. I know I will never be able to persuade you to drop the 'Da ren' and call me by name, but at least, sit down."

Ai Qi looked at the letter in his hand and it took him several moments to realise that he was trying too hard to read the whole letter at once that he hadn't taken a word in. Calming himself somewhat, he forced himself to read the individual words one by one instead of staring at the whole letter.

* * *

_Dear Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi,_

_We know Xiao Deng Zi would have told you that this letter is about Ji Xiang so we'll get to the point. Firstly, Ji Xiang is safe with us, so you can stop worrying now._

_A few days ago, Ying Zhong and his brother, Ying De, went hunting. According to them, Ying Zhong was aiming to shoot a deer, but missed. You will never guess who his arrow ended up shooting instead. Honestly? We're still trying to figure out whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that Ying Zhong shot Ji Xiang by accident. _

_When the boys found out that Ying Zhong had shot a person by accident, they brought her home, and we had her wound treated. Her wound, though was dangerous, is healing and she should make a full recovery. You must imagine the confusion we were in and how nervous we were as we waited for Ji Xiang to wake up to be able to find out who she was, after we saw her anklet, and saw how familiar she looked. _

_Lao Ye was also there when the boys brought Ji Xiang home and was actually the first to verbally suggest, though we all had a suspicion, that she might, somehow, miraculously, have a relation to you. Lao Ye was also there when Ji Xiang awoke and we learnt her name. We think the three of us all knew she was your daughter even before we asked her name. She could have only gotten those pairs of eyes from one person, and she looked too much like both of you for doubt._

_Needless to say, to learn that Ji Xiang was your daughter bewildered us even more as we wondered what she was doing in Beijing, and all alone. She told us that she was kidnapped on the way home from the market and brought her from Yunnan to Beijing. Her kidnappers were planning to sell her to a brothel, but she managed to escape from them in Beijing. Aside from her wound from Ying Zhong's arrow, she is perfectly _unharmed_. _

_We know that you two must have been beyond worried about her well-being, and hope that you're more assured now that she's being taken care of. She had met Lao Ye and knows our about our titles. We also told her about Xiao Yan Zi being Zi Wei's sworn sister. Other than that, we haven't told her anything else. Though, really, your daughter is a smart girl, and it's obvious she can tell there's a lot more to our relationship than just a simple friendship. We want to ask you how much you want us to tell her, because she's bound to ask questions._

_Also, I don't think any of us could miss the irony of Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong meeting as they did, considering what we agreed to years ago. We don't think the engagement should be revealed to the two of them just yet, since Ji Xiang is still so young. Also, it's better to let nature takes its course anyway, since if we tell them about the engagement, it will put the two of them at awkward position with each other. They're getting on well so far, and Ji Xiang and our daughter Xuan Zhuang can be quite thick as thieves now. _

_Ji Xiang had told us about your situation and we're glad that you're all well and happy. We are all well here in Beijing, though I am sure you've heard about Lao Fo Ye and Ling Fei Niang Niang's passing away. Life in the City of Memories certainly is a lot more quiet and subdued without you, especially Xiao Yan Zi. Lao Ye sends his best wishes and his love. _

_Write back to us, and especially concerning Ji Xiang's situation. Meanwhile, stop worrying about her and rest assured that she is being treated to the best care with us. We miss you all very much and hope that we will meet again. For now, give our best to Xiao Jian and Qing Er, and take care. _

_All our love,_

_Er Kang and Zi Wei_

* * *

Ai Qi looked up from the letter just as Xiao Yan Zi, Qing Er, Xiao Jian and the children rushed into the room. Xiao Deng Zi promptly sprang up from his seat and greeted them.

"Xiao Deng Zi pays respect to Ai Fu ren, Fang Da ren, Fang Fu ren!"

"Xiao Deng Zi! What are you doing here? What's the news about Ji Xiang?" Xiao Yan Zi asked frantically.

"Ji Xiang is in Beijing, she's staying at Fu residence. Xiao Deng Zi just delivered a letter from Er Kang and Zi Wei."

"Beijing?" Xiao Jian exclaimed. "What is she doing all the way in Beijing?"

"How would she even know the Fu family? Or Fu residence?" Qing Er asked, not giving Ai Qi any time to answer Xiao Jian's questions.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't even bother with the questions and upon seeing the said letter in her husband's hand, she unceremoniously snatched it from him. When the letter was over, she simply fell down onto a nearby chair and stared at it, apparently moved to speechlessness. "I know how you feel," Ai Qi murmured.

It was as if Xiao Yan Zi had realised that everyone was still around her; she pressed her fingers against her temple to push back the invading headache then gave Ai Qi a helpless and slightly incredulous look. "Someone up there is seriously having a lot of fun with us."

Her husband managed to give a crooked smile at the thought, however her brother and sister-in-law, who were as of yet clueless about the contents of the letter, demanded impatiently, "What does the letter say?" Xiao Yan Zi handed it to them.

They put their heads together to read it and fell silent too at the knowledge that the letter imparted, though it was probably safe to assume that they didn't feel the same effect as Ai Qi and Xiao Yan Zi regarding the manner in which Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong met. It was more likely that they were just shocked into relief to know that their niece was safe after months of incessant worry.

"Father?" Jian Jun finally spoke up when none of the grown-ups showed any sign of letting them know what was going on.

Ai Qi finally realised that they weren't the only ones who had been worried about Ji Xiang all this time and as unexpected a turn as this was, it was probably cruel to keep the comforting knowledge that Ji Xiang was safe from the children.

"Your sister was kidnapped and brought to Beijing, where she managed to escape from her kidnappers. She, miraculously, met the family of our old friends, the Fu family and is currently staying at their house."

Of course, he knew that there were probably thousands of questions that might occur to his children when faced with this rather simplistic explanation, but at the moment he did indeed feel too much used and manipulated by some higher forces to consider a detailed explanation which would better satisfy the children.

"Beijing? Jie jie is in Beijing?" Jian Wen exclaimed when Ai Qi didn't elaborate

"It would seem so. Well, at least she is in the safest place she could possibly be outside of home. I am thankful for that, at least," Xiao Yan Zi said. The relief was palpable in her voice, but so was the worry regarding the confusion and complication that the situation now posed.

"What shall you do?" Qing Er asked.

"Well, isn't that the question worth quite a few gold teals right now." Ai Qi was looking at Xiao Yan Zi and saw that perhaps the same idea had begun to form in her mind as well.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi felt jumpy and couldn't curb her restless for the rest of the day until she, Ai Qi, Xiao Jian and Qing Er finally were able to come together to discuss the situation later in the evening. They had earlier gave their children a more detailed explanation of where Ji Xiang was and how she got there, but with their own emotions and thoughts in an utter mess, they still had to leave out quite a few details of who the Fu family were in relations to them. Xiao Yan Zi knew that the children were far from not seeing that there were still secrrets, and she felt guilty for keeping those secrets from them, especially when they had gone through just the same worries and heartache as she had over Ji Xiang's disappearance. At that moment, however, she didn't think she could face an explanation of their real identities to their children just yet. Still, she knew that _Ji Xiang_ deserved an explanation which had to come from her and it had to be in person.

"I want to go back to Beijing."

Xiao Jian and Qing Er both looked at her in surprise but it was her brother who voiced the concern. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I can't - I can't just sit here! I know she's with Er Kang and Zi Wei and she should be fine, and I shouldn't worry but I can't! I can't just not worry! Besides, now that she's there, there are explanations that had to be made and she has to hear it from us."

"She's right," Ai Qi said. "I think the time has come so that we can't avoid the truth with Ji Xiang anymore. Besides, we've had months of worry over Ji Xiang, I can't bear the thought of just leaving her there in Beijing by herself. We trust Er Kang and Zi Wei but to Ji Xiang they are still strangers. There are possible consequences of going back, but for Ji Xiang's sake, we have to."

"I don't think it would be a problem," Qing Er said, "as long as you make sure you are not seen by anyone who shouldn't see you. Then again Xue Shi Fu is a big estate, it will hide you well."

"I know it's dangerous and we'd have to make sure to not run into someone we shouldn't meet, but we can't possibly wait here for news after months of worrying about Ji Xiang," Ai Qi said.

Neither Qing Er nor Xiao Jian could or would argue with that sentiment, so he only said, "It would just be the two of you then?"

"Unless you two absolutely refuse to keep an eye on the rest of the kids for us for a while," Xiao Yan Zi smiled.

Qing Er pretended to think. "I don't know, Xiao Yan Zi. Who knows how long you will be gone for? And six kids is a huge responsibility."

"At least they don't get into trouble every other day like Xiao Yan Zi used to." He had not felt like he could joke for such a long while that the sensation felt quite strange. Still, even Xiao Yan Zi had to smile, though she made a show of being upset, first.

"I suppose we should Xiao Deng Zi ahead first to warn Er Kang and Zi Wei that we're coming. After all, we can't just appear on their doorsteps," Ai Qi said.

"I guess so. Though I suppose they'd take us even if we just appear on their doorsteps. Or at least Liu Qing and Jin Suo would," Xiao Yan Zi answered.

* * *

"Are you nervous?"

"Going back to Beijing?"

"The possibility of seeing Zhi Hua again."

Ai Qi sighed. A sigh always accompanied discussion of Zhi Hua. "To be honest, yes. And to be honest, I'd rather we didn't see Zhi Hua when we get back. It wouldn't solve anything. I know she wouldn't have believed the story that we're dead but it won't help for us to see each other again. It would open too many old wounds."

"Are you sure, then, that you want to go back?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, you know we both want to. It's not just making sure Ji Xiang is ok, either. It's also seeing everyone else - Er Kang, Zi Wei, Huang Ah Ma if we're lucky, everyone at Hui Bin Lou."

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer but the burden of sorrow showed clearly on her expression. He took her hand and kissed it.

"Don't feel guilty, Xiao Yan Zi."

"That advice is about as useful as me telling you not to do the same."

He had to smile at that. "Point taken."

"Another thing we have to talk about, though. What are we going to tell Ji Xiang?" Xiao Yan Zi asked. "It's going to be rather complicated, wouldn't it?"

"I know. But she must know now that she's there. We probably won't be able to avoid it with the rest of the children either, but I don't think I can deal with that right now. It will have to wait until we get back. Now that Ji Xiang's been shoved into our old world like that, I think they all deserve to know the truth. It won't be easy; I dread how it would affect them and hurt them."

* * *

Half a month after he set out for Beijing again from Dali, Xiao Deng Zi arrived back in the capital, and delivered Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's reply to Er Kang and Zi Wei.

_Dear Er Kang and Zi Wei,_

_It's impossible to describe our relief when we read your letter. Thank Heaven that somehow Ji Xiang miraculously found her way to you. Who knows what could have happened to her if she didn't. Thank you, thank you, thank you for having found her, even if it was totally by accident. _

_Still, we've had three months of knowing nothing about what happened to her and despite the relief that she's safe with you, it's still hard for us to stay put in one place and wait for news of her. So we've decided to come to Beijing. We should be arriving in Beijing about three days after this letter, as we're planning to set out after Xiao Deng Zi three days. It will just be the two of us coming, as Xiao Jian and Qing Er agreed that it was better for the rest of the children to remain in Dali with them. _

_Hopefully we can stay at Xue Shi Fu with you? (This is Xiao Yan Zi. I don't know why Yong Qi thinks we need to ask this. Of course you'll take us, right?)_

_It will be great to be able to see the two of you again, as well as Huang Ah Ma. However, we know that our coming will mean that you will have to keep some secrets in Xue Shi Fu but it will be worth it, just to be able to see each other again. _

_As for what you should tell Ji Xiang, it's probably best that we explain to her in person, so if you could, spare her most of the details for the time being. We will have to talk to her when we get there. Hopefully we will have arrived before she starts asking too many questions and making things difficult for you. That should be the case, anyhow, as Ji Xiang, as inquisitive as she is, tends to rather shy and I don't think she'll bombard you with questions before she learns to be comfortable around you. _

_We'll stop at Hui Bin Lou first when we arrive in Beijing and let you know then that we've arrived in Beijing so that we won't take anyone by surprise by just turning up at Xue Shi Fu. _

_See you soon,_

_Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi _

* * *

Er Kang and Zi Wei were in one of the gardens of Xue Shi Fu when they got this letter.

"Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi are coming here?"

"All right, we have to think about this. Obviously it will be wonderful to see them again, but seriously, there are a lot of implications of this," Er Kang said reasonably.

"We've got to tell Huang Ah Ma. Huang Ah Ma will want to see them again, both of them. But then, it's got to be discreet, doesn't it?"

"Exactly. This will have to be a secret visit, as we can't very well let anyone outside know that they will be here, especially anyone who can recognise them as Wu Ah Ge and Huan Zhu Ge Ge. Two people who are supposed to dead cannot just suddenly turn up at our house. But I don't think this should be too hard. We can have them stay at the south wing, it's a bit secluded from the main wings so it will be harder for them to bump into anyone unnecessarily."

"What about Zhi Hua?" Zi Wei gasped.

"What _about_ Zhi Hua? It's not as if she comes here that often. Even then, I think Yong Qi will go out of his way to avoid Zhi Hua, if I'm reading the tone of this letter right."

"Well, I can't imagine Yong Qi overly excited about seeing Zhi Hua again, myself, either. But don't you think it will be rather awkward for us to know that they're staying with us and then maybe meet Zhi Hua in the palace and pretend everything is as normal?"

"It's not as if we could tell her, could we? What Zhi Hua doesn't know won't hurt her. It won't do any of them, any of _us_, any good for Zhi Hua to know that Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi will be here. After all, Wu Ah Ge is dead. It's an irrefutable fact. Zhi Hua is used to it, even if she might not believe it. Putting the fact otherwise in her face now would just bring more pain for all."

Zi Wei pondered for a moment. "Do you think Yong Qi regrets it?"

"I think he regrets marrying Zhi Hua, no matter how at the time we all knew there was no other choice. And to be honest, if we look at it, it was a disastrous marriage from the start. Given how Yong Qi was forced into it, I don't think he could ever learn to love Zhi Hua even if he wasn't so in love with Xiao Yan Zi. Though I suppose if he wasn't so in love with Xiao Yan Zi, the situation would never get to the point where he was forced to marry Zhi Hua. But anyway, I don't think he regrets leaving for Xiao Yan Zi."

"Sometimes I wonder whether we got it all wrong, whether we did the wrong thing in stopping Xiao Jian telling Xiao Yan Zi the truth from the very beginning. Did we really believe that we could have kept the truth from her forever?"

"I don't think we could have foreseen anything. There was so much at stake then, even if we told her from the beginning, who knows what could have happened? I think there would always be good and bad outcomes. If we could pick the best one, it wouldn't be life."

"You're right, I suppose," Zi Wei said. "What about Huang Ah Ma?"

"I'll go see Huang Ah Ma now and tell him about this."

"All right."

Zi Wei watched her husband leave. Then, folding the letter still in her hand, she made her way back into the house. As she stepped through an archway leading to the next courtyard, Zi Wei came face to face to with Ji Xiang, who had a tense expression on her face.

"Ji Xiang, how are you feeling? Why aren't you with Xuan Zhuang?" Zi Wei hoped that Ji Xiang had just arrived and had not heard her earlier conversation with Er Kang.

"Xuan Zhuang is inside. I - I wanted some fresh air," Ji Xiang answered, her voice a little shaky.

"You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine. But - "

She hesitated, looking at Zi Wei as if scared to ask.

"But what?"

Ji Xiang hesitated again. Then she blurted out, "Who is Zhi Hua?"

Zi Wei's heart sank and she closed her eyes for a moment. "You heard that conversation?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I really didn't. I just - "

"It's all right," Zi Wei sighed. "Curiosity is not a sin. Besides, I suppose it would be rather hard to keep things from you now that you're here anyway."

"I know…my parents don't tell me a lot of things," Ji Xiang confessed.

"It's understandable, really. But I think now I will have to tell you the whole story rather than let you speculate from what you've just heard. Come inside."

Once they have sat down inside, Zi Wei began, "Ji Xiang, what you have to understand is what I'm about to tell you can be rather shocking. Promise me you will listen to the whole story before reacting, all right?"

Ji Xiang mutely nodded.

"How much do you know about your family history?"

"Not much. I mean, just that my parents moved to Dali from Beijing when they first married."

"Do you speak Manchurian?"

"Yes. Father insisted that we learnt it. We never knew why, though."

"And you never asked why?" Zi Wei wondered.

"No, and I don't exactly know why. I think it was just one of the things that we accepted."

"Your family name, Ai, do you know where it comes from?"

Ji Xiang shook her head. Zi Wei smiled slightly.

"It comes from Ai Xin Jue Luo."

Ji Xiang stared blankly at her. "What?"

"Your father is my brother."s

"What?"

Zi Wei chuckled. "I know it's quite a surprise. Yes, Ai Xin Jue Luo Yong Qi, Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang."

"_What?"_

Slowly, Zi Wei proceeded to explaining to Ji Xiang everything about her parents' real identity, everything that happened between them and the reasons for their moving to Dali. She also debated to herself whether she should also tell Ji Xiang about Zhi Hua's lost baby, but decided against it for the time being. Perhaps it might help explain better Yong Qi's decision to leave, but it would only increase her niece's pain. Ji Xiang listened to Zi Wei's story in rapt silence, with an expression of pained fascination. Even after the story had finished, Ji Xiang found it hard to immediately express a reaction to it other than sitting mutely as the information turned itself over in her mind and she tried to accept it.

"I know it's a lot to take in so suddenly," Zi Wei said comfortingly.

"I don't - How could this be possible?" Ji Xiang's voice was very faint as she asked this."So to get this straight, my father actually married another woman, then left her to go to Dali with my mother?" Her voice was filled with confusion and hurt and it made Zi Wei's heart give a pain lurch. Ji Xiang definitely wouldn't be taking this news calmly, but then again, Zi Wei hardly expected her to. It wasn't the type of information that could be taken in stride. Perhaps Zi Wei would even be worried if she had taken it well. "Yes. But you have to understand, at the time, he didn't have a choice but marry Zhi Hua. It was your uncle's life at stake. There was nothing he could do to refuse."

"This can't be. It can't be possible, it just can't," Ji Xiang said, shaking her head vigorously. Tears sprang into her eyes. "I don't believe it."

Zi Wei squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, knowing there was nothing she could really do or say that would make the sudden information less painful or shocking. "I know you can't digest everything right now, and I don't want to sound patronising but it's very hard to understand the situation we were in then, if you weren't there and experiencing the dangers with us. Don't be too hasty to judge your father, my dear. I won't say it was the right decision in the long run - right and wrong is relative, by any means. But in reality, in that situation, it wasn't the right choice, it was the only choice. And your father wasn't the only one who made the decision, it was all of us."

Ji Xiang didn't answer, but simply said, "Can I just be alone for a bit?"

"All right. But, remember this, Ji Xiang, ultimately, no one among us is perfect. Don't be too harsh on your parents."

Zi Wei was about to go, before Ji Xiang called, "Aunt Zi Wei."

"Yes?"

"Are my parents really coming here?"

"Yes. We should be expecting them in a couple of days."

"Right."

With one last sympathetic look at her niece, Zi Wei exited the room and closed the door behind her.

* * *

When Er Kang returned from the palace later that day, Zi Wei told him about her conversation with Ji Xiang.

"She reacted badly then?" Er Kang asked worriedly.

"Well, she didn't really react. I mean, not in the way that Xiao Yan Zi would react. I'm sure it's a shock for her and she must be somewhat still in denial, and honestly I can't blame her. From the way she talked before, she practically idolised Yong Qi and to find out this is a rather nasty fall, I just hope it won't cause too much damage."

"So what do we do?" Er Kang asked.

"I don't see whether we can do anything, really. She'll have to learn to accept it and I don't think she will manage to accept it until she gets a chance to speak to her parents. For now I think we should just make sure she takes care of herself. What did Huang Ah Ma say?"

"He's happy that they're coming and that we'll be able to see them again. And he does understand the need for discretion."

The next two days at Xue Shi Fu was busy getting ready for Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi. Ji Xiang, on the other hand, was quiet for most of the time, still visibly upset, though she assured Er Kang and Zi Wei that she was fine.


	6. Back to Beijing

**Chapter 6: Back in Beijing**

* * *

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi arrived in Beijing on a clear, bright, sunny day. Xiao Yan Zi had thought she missed most her beloved friends in Beijing. However when she finally arrived here again, the whole bustling feel of Beijing, with everything so large and noisy compared the peace of Dali, all made Xiao Yan Zi realise that she had missed the city more than she expected. Then again, how could that be a surprise? She had spent her childhood exploring the corners and depths of Beijing. She had lived practically everywhere in it, the worst places and the best places, and so the entire city was like one big house that she had been free to explore to its nooks and crannies for the first twenty or so years of her life.

She gave a contented sigh as they traced the familiar paths through Hui Bin Lou. She had expected the streets and markets and ways to change, but all was same as ever and it gave Xiao Yan Zi a sense of comfort that she didn't expect to feel when she set out on this street. Surely, even if Beijing would undoubtedly bring up bad memories, there were too many happy memories locked up here too that she could not avoid coming back here.

"Do you think Liu Qing and Jin Suo know we're coming?"

They had passed through the front gates of Hui Bin Lou, which only seemed more busy with guests than usual and made their way around to back gate. Their reunion with their friends would surely emotional, and it'd probably better take place in the private residence area of the Liu family rather than out in the inn and main restaurant area.

"I think Er Kang and Zi Wei would have told them if they got our letter. Even if not, they should be used to impromptu guests anyway."

Even as Yong Qi said this, they heard sounds of horses and a carriage behind them and turned around. They recognised neither the carriage nor the servant driving it, but in both their hearts rose an unmistakable feeling of longing and anticipation that meant the occupants of the carriage could only be two people.

As soon as the carriage stopped, the door opened and the people in it caught glimpse of them, there was a happy cry of "Xiao Yan Zi!" Zi Wei jumped off the carriage without waiting for Er Kang to get off first and help her like usual; the servant had to leap out of her way to avoid a collision.

Suddenly Xiao Yan Zi found Zi Wei's arms wrapped around her and her own around Zi Wei. Oh how Xiao Yan Zi had missed her! How wonderful it was to see her beloved friend's face again and know that the years apart hadn't managed to drive them apart. How wonderful it was to be able to say her sister's name to her again and know that she'd respond.

"Oh, Xiao Yan Zi, let me look at you!" Zi Wei cried as they finally broke apart, but still held both Xiao Yan Zi's hands tight. "Oh you are the same as ever! I can't believe that you're here! I don't know how I ever managed without you, oh Heaven, I've missed you _so much_!"

Xiao Yan Zi felt too happy and too moved for words and just beamed at her. The years had been kind to Zi Wei, but then wasn't everything kind to her? How could it help being so to such a dear, sweet and wonderful person? She was as beautiful as ever and Xiao Yan Zi felt she could only just bask in the happiness of being near Zi Wei again.

"Well, it must be a special day if Xiao Yan Zi is moved to not speaking," Er Kang teased. He and Yong Qi had shared a briefer, but equally heartfelt greeting and were now standing side by side looking fondly at their wives.

"Oh it's so good to see you too, Er Kang," Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "_Both_ of you!"

Then she finally let go of Zi Wei so that she could greet Yong Qi. At the same moment, apparently having heard the commotion outside, Liu Qing and Jin Suo appeared and once again gave them all a delighted reunion. The group of long separated friends spend some time catching up in Hui Bin Lou, where Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi met Liu Qing and Jin Suo's children, before anxiety about seeing Ji Xiang again pulled them to the carriage to head back to Xue Shi Fu.

Once the carriage started moving, Zi Wei gave Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi a hesitant and guilty look. "I must warn you, Ji Xiang is a bit upset right now."

"Why?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, concerned.

It was Er Kang who answered her.. "She overheard us talking about you and Zhi Hua when we got your letter and Zi Wei had no choice but to tell her the truth about everything. Well, almost everything anyway. It would have been worst for her to have speculated from what she heard."

"Almost?"

The tentative glance that Zi Wei now gave her brother was almost wary and fearful. "I left out the part about Zhi Hua's baby…I didn't think…"

"Oh," Yong Qi said quietly. Xiao Yan Zi reached over and took his hand comfortingly. "It's ok, Zi Wei."

There was a brief silence, before Zi Wei spoke again. "I'm sorry, we should have been more careful, talking in the gardens."

"It's not your fault," Xiao Yan Zi assured her. "We can't possibly not tell her at least some of the truth now that we are here, anyway. How did she take it?"

"I don't know. She's been very quiet. It's obvious that she's upset about it but she hadn't said much about what she thinks just yet. I guess it's still not an ideal way for her to find out. I think she just needs to speak to you, to get the perspective from you before she begins to accept it," Zi Wei said. "She tries to act normal around us but how could anything be normal after everything she'd just learnt? I think the thing that bothered her most was the whole issue with Zhi Hua."

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi exchanged a look. "She's upset with you, then," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"How do you know that?" Er Kang asked.

"Because she only sulks when she's angry at Daddy. She'd be a lot more vocal about it if she was upset with me."

"Ah, Daddy's girl, is she?" Zi Wei teased, despite the situation.

Yong Qi rolled his eyes. "Did you have to wonder? And consider yourself lucky, I'm giving her to you. Your son had better be worthy of her."

Zi Wei smiled. "I think you will approve. Though I could be a tad biased."

Yong Qi smiled back at her, but the smile disappeared quite quickly as his mind turned back to a must-touch-on subject that he dreaded. "Speaking of, how is Zhi Hua?"

Xiao Yan Zi squeezed his hand.

Er Kang and Zi Wei looked at each other. "Do you want the long and depressing version or the short and depressing version of things?"

This made Yong Qi give a mirthless laugh. "Do we have time for a long version before we arrive at Xue Shi Fu?"

"So short version is that Huang Ah Ma tried to persuade her to marry after you left, she stubbornly refuses. That's about it."

"I know it's useless to say this," Zi Wei said quietly, "but it's not entirely your fault and you shouldn't take the guilt all upon yourself, you know. We all made the decision together, and at the same time, it was as much her decision as it was ours. If she was determined in saying no to Lao Fo Ye then, we could have found another way out. But she accepted it, and I think from the beginning she knew more or less what she was walking into, but she did it anyway. It's as much her mistake as it is ours."

"While my head grasps the logic behind what you've said, that doesn't mean I can feel any less guilty or blame her. For the marriage, not for the - " He didn't finish speaking, but Er Kang and Zi Wei nodded sympathetically.

"And really that's one of the most wonderful thing about you, you care too much," Zi Wei told him before the carriage came to a halt in front of Xue Shi Fu.

Zi Wei and Er Kang's four children were waiting for them in the main room and it was there that Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were introduced to their niece and nephews. However, Ji Xiang was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Ji Xiang?"

"She's in her room. She seems a little…agitated," Xuan Zhuang said, looking worried.

"This sounds promising," Xiao Yan Zi said with a slight sigh.

Zi Wei sighed and turned to Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi. "I'll take you to see her then? She's staying in the south wing where you'll be as well. It's more secluded there as I think will be a good thing."

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi followed Zi Wei through the familiar courtyards until she left the two of them in front of the door to the room where Ji Xiang was staying, which was closed.

Yong Qi suddenly felt rather like he was facing some sort of Heavenly judgement, which was ridiculous, of course. Behind that door was his daughter, who he had worried for and longed to see for months. Then why did his hands suddenly feel clammy and why did he dread that door to open? However, Ji Xiang was upset and she surely was upset with him; he hated to face that truth, no matter how it could not be avoided since they had already planned to tell her everything anyway. Still, after months of worry and separation, he would have much rather have this meeting be the joyous one that it should be, rather than facing a very upset Ji Xiang.

In the end, it was Xiao Yan Zi who knocked on the door.

"Ji Xiang?"

The door flew open as if she had been expecting them. Ji Xiang looked pale but otherwise healthy and well cared for. She flew into her mother's arms as soon as she saw her.

"Mother!"

"Ji Xiang. Oh thank Heaven you're all right." Xiao Yan Zi's voice was full of the utmost relief. At that first sight of his daughter, Yong Qi forgot everything else and could not help that same relief rush through his own heart as well. Xiao Yan Zi held her daughter out at arm's length and looked at her up and down. "How are you, darling? Are you feeling all right? Does anything hurt?"

"I'm fine," Ji Xiang said, giving her mother a tearful smile but she looked genuinely glad to see her.

Then she turned to Yong Qi.

"Father." Her voice was wooden and the hug she gave him was a little stiff. Her sudden distance was a foreign feeling for Yong Qi and his heart clenched. It was strange; usually Ji Xiang got on far better with him than with her mother. She fought with her mother every other week, but with him rarely. Now it was obvious that she was furious at him.

"Ji Xiang, how are you feeling, really?" Yong Qi asked with deep concern.

"I'm fine," she repeated, not meeting his eyes.

"I know you're not just fine, sweetheart."

Ji Xiang didn't answer but just looked away. Xiao Yan Zi gave Yong Qi a worried look.

"Xiao Yan Zi, can I just talk to Ji Xiang for a bit? You go catch up with Zi Wei."

He would have liked to have a little more time to settle before facing his daughter in this conversation, however what was his comfort to do with the situation? What else was he to do in that moment? Ji Xiang was upset and confused, rightly so. He had to explain and it had to be right then. She had suffered enough in the days between first hearing the truth and his arrival just now. Yong Qi couldn't make her suppress whatever emotions and questions she wanted to hurl at him any longer.

Xiao Yan Zi gave Ji Xiang a brief hug, and took the chance to whisper in her ears, "Talk to him." Then she turned to give Yong Qi an encouraging look and his hand a squeeze before leaving them together.

The door closed behind Xiao Yan Zi but Ji Xiang still refused to meet Yong Qi's eyes. He pushed away the pain, not allowing himself feel the full effects of it just yet. It would keep for later; he needed to deal with his daughter's broken heart now, not his. He grasped Ji Xiang by the shoulder and turned her so that she had to look at him. "Ji Xiang, sweetheart, I know you're angry with me."

She didn't answer.

"Tell me what's bothering you."

For a brief moment, Ji Xiang lifted her eyes and looked up at him. He could see the confusion and hurt etched in eyes so like Xiao Yan Zi's; he could even almost see his reflection in the unshed tears in those eyes. Then she turned away again. After what seemed like eternity, she spoke. "Is it true? Did you really do it? You really married someone else then left her for Mother?"

"Yes."

"How could you do it?" She seemed to have surprised even herself with the vehemence of her voice, because she gave a little start. But the words kept flowing. "All my life, _all my life,_ I grew up thinking that you loved Mother and that she was the only one and - "

"I do love your mother, Ji Xiang. And she is the only one whom I love, she'd always been," Yong Qi interrupted. He could not let her doubt for one moment on that subject.

"I know that! But for all my life, I thought you and Mother had the perfect marriage and all I dreamt of, ever since I was little, was that there would be someone who would love me like you love Mother, the one and only one. Do you know what it's like now for me to suddenly realise that to give Mother that, you actually abandoned someone else, that you had to hurt someone else in the process? It's like realizing that after all this time, what I wanted all my life and thought was possible was really too good to be true, that behind that façade of happiness, you've caused all this pain upon someone else! For a long time, I thought Mother was and had always been the only one in your life and to know that _my_ _Daddy_, who seemed to have been one of my only hopes that there is faithfulness and constancy in men, isn't all that, at all. How could you have married someone else? How could you have not realised it would hurt Mother? I - You lied to me, Father!"

It was like a dam had burst on her emotions, the words flooded out and the tears had fallen too. As she spoke, she became increasingly choked so that towards the end, she was hardly coherent. Yong Qi let her speak until she could not speak anymore for crying. Each of her words tore his heart to pieces. She wasn't just angry at him, she was disappointed in him. Somehow, that was worst.

It took Yong Qi a long moment to be able to compose his emotions enough to speak, but even then his voice was gruff.

"Ji Xiang, I'm not going to tell you that you can't possibly understand the situation we were under when we - or ultimately I - made the decision to marry Zhi Hua, because it won't help you accept it. But there's one thing you can never, ever doubt, Ji Xiang, it's that I love your mother very very much. I always have and I always will. I would be willing to do anything in the world for your mother, _including_ marrying Zhi Hua."

For a moment, he wondered how much he should tell her, how much of the truth she could take. She was still so innocent of hurt and her life had always been sheltered. Perhaps whatever she had gone through these few months had broken that innocence a little (he wanted to wince at the thought), she still never had to suffer such a hurt. However, as he look at her tears, he knew that as much as he wanted to protect her, not just from this particularly pain but from all pain, he couldn't do it forever. He could keep his silence when she knew nothing, but now that she must know, he would rather she knew everything. It would hurt him to speak of it, and it would probably hurt her more to have to think of it, but denial wasn't an option anymore. She deserved to know and in some way she deserved to grow up. This was perhaps the beginning of the end.

"In reality, I really did marry Zhi Hua for her. I didn't marry Zhi Hua to save Xiao Jian, not really. At the time, everything, absolutely everything as we knew it was in chaos. The only thing we could hold onto was the fact that no matter what my father did, who your mother's parents were, we loved each other. You have to understand the pain your mother was under at the time, Ji Xiang. She's just been told that the only father she'd ever known was responsible for making it so in the first place. On top of it all, there was a second miscarriage. What your mother lost that night was more than just the baby, but her every sense of security; all of the sudden, her world was turned upside down. Xiao Jian's life was at stake; his life was dependent on my saying yes or no to this marriage. But I can tell you this, Ji Xiang: Xiao Jian is one of my closest friends, but if your mother had not begged me then to say yes to the marriage, Xiao Jian could have been on his way to execution and I wouldn't have given in. But she did, and it made me realise, after everything she'd just gone through, how could I ask her to endure more losses? I could refuse my grandmother but could I refuse your mother at that moment? Could I stand by and watch her lose the last member of her family without doing everything that I could to prevent it? Ji Xiang, I was saving your uncle, but ultimately, it was for your mother!"

Ji Xiang did not speak but at least she was looking at him now. Tears were still shining on her cheeks but she was no longer crying. She didn't look like she wanted to forgive him and he didn't expect understanding or forgiveness so easily. She simply looked at him as if expecting him to go on, and so he did.

"I hope, Ji Xiang, that you would never have to go through any hurt that remotely resembles what your mother and I had to go through that night. But that night, perhaps somewhat ironically, made me realise how much I _truly_ love your mother. I always knew it but it wasn't till then I realised what I was willing to do for her. It frightened me more than anything, Ji Xiang, to realise that I loved someone so much, as much as to knowingly break her heart, and my own in the process, all because she asked me to."

Yong Qi's voice failed him then, so that for a long while, the two of them were silent. When he finally sighed and held out a hand towards his daughter, she slowly took it. He led her to a chair and waited for her to sit down. Then he sat down beside her.

"Ji Xiang, I know it must have been a shock for you to find out, and like this. I would have been surprised if you weren't angry at me when you heard the truth. Numerous times I've questioned my decision myself, whether I did the right thing. Did I know when I married Zhi Hua that I was hurting your mother more than anyone had ever hurt her? Yes. Did I know that despite her begging and pressuring me into marrying Zhi Hua to save Xiao Jian's life, inside, her heart was breaking? Yes. Did I know when I said yes to the marriage that she would spend that night in unbearable pain and crying? Yes. Did I know that it would be miserable marriage from the start? Yes. Did I know that the days that lay ahead for the three of us would be painful? Yes. Was it the right decision that I made? At the time, and at that moment in time only, yes, because I was doing it for your mother, and it saved your uncle's life in the process."

"But you _left_ her!" Ji Xiang cried. It took Yong Qi a moment to swallow the irony of Ji Xiang's indignation on Zhi Hua's behalf.

"Yes, because I wanted to give her a second chance. I knew, like she was trying desperately to deny, that nothing could come from that marriage, not under the circumstances in which it took place. Some would say I never made an effort to give her a first chance. In reality, though, it's very difficult. The resentment will always be there. That's what was so exhausting about the whole situation, that your mother and I, every time we looked at her, we were reminded forcefully of why she was there in the first place. It was a constant barrier that would never go away."

"If you could do it all over again, would you still have done the same?"

Yong Qi gave a wry smile. "Retrospect is a wonderful and horrible thing, Ji Xiang. If given a chance to do everything over, and knowing the consequence of one choice already and those consequences weren't very good, anyone would turn around and take the other choice. But is that necessarily a better choice? Can one really know that until one have lived through both choices? If at that moment, I refused to marry Zhi Hua but went and told my father everything instead, would that had triggered Lao Fo Ye into having Xiao Jian killed before we could save him? Or would we had been able to avert all the pain and disaster right from the start? We don't know, and we will never know."

"But Uncle hadn't done _anything_ wrong! So his father was convicted of a crime and executed, but he was only a child then. He didn't commit any crime. How could he be killed?"

"Ji Xiang, I am only grateful that you are this naïve of the malice of the palace," he said with a bitter laugh. "This was the Dowager Empress we're talking about. If she deemed your uncle to be a danger for the Emperor's life and had him killed, who could have said she was wrong? Who could have condemned her? The point wasn't that he hadn't done anything, the point was that his life was in danger, regardless of what he did or didn't do."

Yong Qi shook his head. For a moment, he was lost in thoughts. Then he turned back to Ji Xiang and said softly, "I'm not going to say I shouldn't have done it, Ji Xiang. I just regret having to bring that pain on both your mother and Zhi Hua, and now you as well."

Ji Xiang met his eyes for a moment, before looking away again. "I need time to think about all this."

She was still keeping her distance from him though in her voice, there was a little less accusation now - a very little less. Yong Qi knew he could not force her to understand, could not push her to open up to him before she was ready. This wasn't something to be taken in stride; time was needed and he would give her that time.

* * *

Perhaps part of it had something to with the fact that they were two stubborn and opinionated women living together, but Ji Xiang seldomly poured her heart out to her mother. She loved her mother, of course, and usually they were a normal pair of mother and teenage daughter: her mother nagged, Ji Xiang pouted and talked back, they would argue and not talk for the rest of the day, until sleep and a new sunrise washed away their annoyance with each other. However, the idea of sitting down for a heart to heart talk and telling her mother her deepest, darkest feelings always made Ji Xiang feel awkward. She wasn't sure that her mother would entirely understand; Xiao Yan Zi wasn't always the most sensitive of beings and she had a habit of not listening to the whole story and just give her opinion in the middle of everything. This always made Ji Xiang feel like her mother would judge her before knowing everything if she told her about the feelings that weren't always completely proper or right. Her father or her aunt Qing Er would always be more likely to listen to her without interruption.

However, in this matter, Ji Xiang felt that she could only talk to her mother about the knot of emotions that was trapped in her heart. Only her mother would be able to see the situation from her father's point of view and could help Ji Xiang undertand it. Only she would be able to understand what Ji Xiang was feeling too, as Ji Xiang refused to think that someone who wore her emotions on her sleeves as Xiao Yan Zi never once felt the resentment and anger that Ji Xiang now felt for Yong Qi.

"Mother?"

Xiao Yan Zi was previously sitting with Zi Wei in a pavilion in the garden of Fu residence. However, Zi Wei, tactful enough to realise that Ji Xiang would want to talk to her mother alone, had excused herself when she saw Ji Xiang approach them.

Ji Xiang sat down now next to her mother and put her chin in her hands.

"How was the talk with Daddy then?" her mother asked.

She sighed. "I don't know what to think."

"You shouldn't be angry at your father, honey. He only married Zhi Hua because - "

"- because you begged him to. I know. He told me. I'm not even sure why I'm so angry at him, Mother. I mean, I know he loves you and everything, but…"

"But you've come to realise your father isn't as perfect as you thought him to be."

It was then that Ji Xiang knew she was right to come to her mother at that moment. She did understand, and she had put into words the feelings Ji Xiang couldn't quite vocalise herself. To be totally honest, this was a rather new experience.

"Is it stupid of me then that I'm angry at him for that?"

Xiao Yan Zi gave a smile of understanding. "No. I think it's normal."

"Normal?"

"Every child, Ji Xiang, would want to think their parents can't do anything wrong, because they are the one you turn to for security, for protection. Then there comes a time when you realise that they, too, are human. You suddenly realize that theydo make mistakes and have times in their past that you don't know about and it wasn't always so bright and wonderful as you thought. It took a slap from Huang Ah Ma for me to realise that even the Emperor isn't a perfect father as I thought he was, either." For a moment, her mother looked lost in thoughts. Then she took Ji Xiang's hand and patted it. "But you know, Ji Xiang, that doesn't mean that your father is suddenly any different from the man you've always known. You're just seeing him in a different light now. While it's not as flattering as you thought it always was, everything he'd done for you is still as precious; he's still your father and he still loves you like he always did."

"So how to I accept it?"

"I'm not sure I can tell you that. You just have to reconcile yourself to the fact. But if you're going to be angry at your father for this, you may as well be angry at me. It was our decision, not merely his."

"But how did you do it?" Ji Xiang exclaimed. This was something that she couldn't understand. The whole truth had made her look at her mother in an entirely different way too. Her mother had never approved of the idea of men having more than one wife and always spoke against the idea that men marry as many women as they wanted and then break the heart of all of them. Ji Xiang knew if she could spend her life campaigning against something, she'd probably want to stop the polygamy practice. So how could she have accepted that Yong Qi married someone else? "How did you just resign to his marrying someone else?"

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "It wasn't easy, Ji Xiang. If anything, you could say I never truly accepted it and resigned to it, considering in the end we left the palace. When I asked him to marry Zhi Hua, I thought I knew what it meant and that I could handle the pain. I thought that as long as I knew he loved me, it would be enough. In reality, though, it was much more than I anticipated; it hurt me more than I thought was possible to feel. I knew that he loved me, but that meant that it was hurting Zhi Hua. Seeing Zhi Hua's pain was even worst than experiencing my own pain. Still, though, there wasn't another choice, considering the situation we were in."

"I didn't think it would be like this, growing up. It is growing up, isn't it?

"What is?"

"Realising that grown-ups don't have all the answers. That there isn't always a right solution to everything. That the world isn't all black and white."

"Yes, I suppose it is," Xiao Yan Zi mused with a slight smile.

Ji Xiang sighed. She knew her mother was right. She had been too used to her mother's imperfections; she could count off her mother's faults without feeling anything other than acceptance. Her mother was impetuous and quick to judge and Ji Xiang loved her for all her faults. In contrast, or perhaps because of her mother's numerous faults, she had always expected her father to be perfect and found it hard to forgive him when she realised that he wasn't. But then, who could be perfect really? Had not her father also once said that even the Emperor was not free from faults?

Wait, the Emperor?

_The Emperor…_

"Oh my goodness!" Ji Xiang suddenly sat straight up and looked at Xiao Yan Zi with wide eyes.

Xiao Yan Zi was a little alarmed. "What? Are you feeling unwell? What is it?"

"I'm feeling fine, Mother," Ji Xiang said impatiently. "It's just - "

"Just what?"

"Father - Father is - "

"What about your father?" Xiao Yan Zi asked even more urgently now.

"Aunt Zi Wei said Father is her _brother_, right?"

"Yes." Xiao Yan Zi's concern had turned to confusion.

"Then - then - that means - the Emperor - "

" - is his father and therefore your grandfather, yes," Xiao Yan Zi said, looking at Ji Xiang strangely.

Ji Xiang just gaped at this. It made Xiao Yan Zi laugh out loud.

"Ji Xiang, surely you put that bit of information together. You must have talked to him since you found out the truth about everything, right?"

"Well yes, but - I - didn't think - I was too busy thinking about other stuff - "

"Oh Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi laughed, patting her cheek affectionately. "Well, you've better get used to the fact that the Emperor is your grandfather, sweetheart. The fact is not about to change, no matter how your father may have given up his title for good."

* * *

"So how are you and Ji Xiang?" Xiao Yan Zi asked her husband later that evening when they had retired to their room for bed.

Yong Qi smiled wearily at her. "I'm not sure. Did she speak to you after that?"

"Yes. She asked me whether this was growing up."

"What was? Realising that you're disappointed in your father?" The pain was palpable in his voice. It made Xiao Yan Zi look up sharply from the mirror at him.

"She said she was disappointed in you?"

"Not in so many words. But the implication was there."

Xiao Yan Zi stood up and moved to stand in front of him. She cupped his face in her hands and said softly, "That doesn't mean she loves you any less, Yong Qi. If anything, she's hurt because she adores you."

"That's not what bothers me. It's the fact that I didn't live up to her expectations." He looked so sad that it broke her heart.

Xiao Yan Zi hesitated for a while, then said, "Surely, you must know how she feels though? Surely you've been through a stage when you realised that even Huang Ah Ma could make mistakes?"

"Actually that's what hurts more, the fact that I can relate to what she is going through. Heaven knows I probably was confronted with Huang Ah Ma's imperfections a bit too soon in life. Ironically, it's almost exactly the same situation for me, as well. My mother loved Huang Ah Ma very much, but well, you know how Huang Ah Ma gets with his concubines. One of my most vivid childhood memories was walking in with my mother on Huang Ah Ma in a rather compromising situation with one of her maids, and the look on my mother's face when she saw. I can understand why Ji Xiang is disappointed now with me, because I was disappointed then with Huang Ah Ma. But at the same time, it's different. For most of my childhood, Huang Ah Ma was my father but he was also the Emperor and that took him so far away from me. With Ji Xiang, though, it makes me question…"

"It makes you question what?"

"Myself. Whether I'm really such a good father, after all."

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer immediately but she just looked at him seriously for a while. Then she took his hand and entwined her fingers in his. "Yong Qi, you're a wonderful father for my children, and don't you ever question it!"

"Then why did I disappoint Ji Xiang?"

"I think - I think that the feeling of disappointment she feels now is because she'd always held up this perfect image of you. She has to come to realise that no one is literally perfect, not even her Daddy and it's that realisation that is disappointing to her."

"So that means she is disappointed in me."

"I think it's more like she's disappointed at life in general. I think when she finally learns to accept the situation and gains a little perspective on it, she would think of you and your love for her and then, I would be surprised if she would still be disappointed. She might had been let down by the knowledge of things that happened in our past, but what about that means that you are not a good father to her? Perfection isn't about doing nothing wrong. Perfection is about being right for the situation, because of and along with all the imperfections. Ji Xiang will just have to get used to the fact that there is a past part of your - _our_ - lives before she was born that wasn't as ideal as she would like it to be. I don't think she would tell you you're not a good father because of that past. You told me once that we can't escape regretful pasts in our lives. You were right, if there's no imperfection in our past, we can hardly seek to make the present and the future better. You've always done what you believed was good and best for Ji Xiang, for all of our children. You love them. In the end, I think that's what matters most."

Yong Qi just looked at her bemusedly for a long while.

"What?"

"I was just thinking, where did you get all this wisdom?"

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "I've been living with you for the last twenty years, where do you think I got it from?"

Yong Qi just smiled and wrapped his arms around her, engulfing the two of them in a comforting silence. They stayed like that for a long while.

* * *

"We're seeing Huang Ah Ma tomorrow," said Yong Qi.

"Are you nervous?"

He gave Xiao Yan Zi a crooked smile. "Are you?"

"No. I'm just terrified."

"Me too."

* * *

"I can't do this, I can't do this." Xiao Yan Zi was muttering this over and over to herself as she paced around the main room of Xue Shi Fu, where Zi Wei usually received guests. .

Er Kang was in the morning court assembly and was due to come back with Qian Long later. She, Yong Qi, Zi Wei and Ji Xiang were waiting for them to arrive. A visit from the Emperor to their home was only too usual an occurrence that the Fu children were off doing their own things, knowing that he was not coming to see them, at any rate.

Yong Qi was following his wife's pacing with his eyes and finally it seemed to have worn out his last nerve. "Xiao Yan Zi, will you _please_ sit down. You are driving me mad." He wasn't any better at curbing his nervousness, though, as he was drumming his fingers on the table he was sitting at.

Xiao Yan Zi ignored him and continued her pacing. Zi Wei looked torn between amusement and the need to calm them down. Ji Xiang looked pensively between her parents, not really knowing quite what to feel, as she had never seen either of them this agitated, especially her father who was usually required to keep absolute calm by nature of his work.

Ji Xiang had not really talked to her father again since their conversation the day before, when her parents first arrived. A sort of silent truce, the kind that usually took place whenever Ji Xiang fought with her mother, had passed between her and her father. Only the difference was, of course, they weren't both angry at each other, as was usually the case with her and her mother. She was the one who had been angry at him. She still didn't know what to make of everything she recently found out about her father just yet, but she was no longer as stiff around him as she was the day before.

In a way, it was almost impossible to stay really mad at her father when she hadn't seen him in months and had missed him for all of that time. Life in Xue Shi Fu was full of comfort but her family was always missing; it was comforting to have her parents here with her. It was only their presence that truly convinced Ji Xiang she had not dreamt up that whole story of her father being a prince and her mother being sworn sister to a princess.

Zi Wei stopped Xiao Yan Zi mid-pace and pushed her down onto a chair. "Come on, relax. It's just Huang Ah Ma."

Yong Qi shook his head but he looked relieved that Xiao Yan Zi had stopped trying to single-handedly making the room spin with her pacing. "I'm not sure that helps. Huang Ah Ma is never _just _Huang Ah Ma."

"Well, he is your father," said Zi Wei.

"You were a wreck when you first met Huang Ah Ma so you can't tell us not to be nervous," Xiao Yan Zi shot back.

"At least you're not meeting him for the first time in your entire life."

"No, just for the first time in seventeen years," replied Yong Qi.

"What _are_ you so nervous about?"

"I'm just thinking of what Huang Ah Ma said to me when he agreed to let us go."

Zi Wei gave her brother a long, pondering look before speaking."You know, you shouldn't be feeling guilty about the Crown Prince position. Huang Ah Ma would never have let you go if he didn't think he could find a substitute for you in the other princes. Though, mind you, I reckon if he has a choice, his first choice would still be you."

"You are not making me feel any better about that, you know."

"I know," Zi Wei said, smiling. "I just want to say, though Huang Ah Ma had plans for you, he trusted you enough to let you choose your life for yourself, to not force you into what he wanted. Doesn't that show how much he loves you?"

"That's not what bothers me." Yong Qi stood up and looked far out into the courtyard, lost in thoughts. "It's just that Huang Ah Ma had always made his preferences known. There are times when I feel I took unfair advantage of those preferences."

Zi Wei chuckled. "Well, really, as a mother, I feel it's impossible to have favourites between my children. But Huang Ah Ma never had trouble having favourites among his, sons as well as daughters."

"I suppose it's easier for Huang Ah Ma. He has…I've lost count now…a lot of children to choose from. Besides, we weren't all born for the most flattering of reasons. There are more than just good feelings involved with the births of Huang Ah Ma's children."

"I can't disagree with you on that." The sadness that tinged Zi Wei's reply spoke of a burden that she rarely allowed herself to express, possibly even to herself. There probably was a time when she could have deluded herself into thinking her father wanted her existence, but the truth was, she was never meant to be born. Both Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi turned and looked at her sympathetically. Zi Wei just shook her head sadly. "It's really a fact I've resigned myself to a long time ago."

In the short silence that followed, Ji Xiang thought about the conversation she just heard, more specifically the part about her father's potential for the throne. She was having enough trouble getting used to hearing her father being addressed and referred to by his proper name by everyone, including her mother, but this latest realisation was rather a big bite to swallow. She had assumed that since he had so easily left the palace and his title, his father couldn't possibly have been very important and that surely his leaving would never affect the running of the imperial court. Now to think that her father could have been Crown Prince, had been in consideration to inherit the throne, it all rather overwhelmed Ji Xiang. She was not even sure she could ever reconcile the idea of her father and throne into a single concept.

After a while, Zi Wei spoke again. "You know, Yong Qi, other princes would have taken advantage of Huang Ah Ma's preference for them to get the throne. That's probably what made you so perfect for it. You never wanted it, so if you get it, it won't be for a malicious reason. At the same that's also the reason why you should never become Emperor. It would make you so incredibly miserable, even if I know you would carry it out properly."

"Properly isn't always competently, Zi Wei."

"You really don't think you would make a good Emperor?"

"No, I don't. Why? Do you?"

"You know I do."

Yong Qi smiled thinly at his sister. "Yet you say I care too much."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Zi Wei, if there's a lesson I learnt from Huang Ah Ma about the art of ruling, it's that one is much better off caring more about the power than about the feelings of those around. Power, it's about being ruthless enough to not be influenced by those around you, to do whatever it takes to get what you want done."

"But then someone like Da Ah Ge would make a horrible Emperor, Yong Qi," Xiao Yan Zi dropped into the conversation suddenly.

Yong Qi chuckled. "Well, there's such thing as too much."

"I think Er Kang would resign if he ever has to serve under Yong Lian," Zi Wei laughed.

"I think Er Kang would be killed if he ever has to serve under Yong Lian," Yong Qi said cynically. "Yong Lian hates him. Then again, that's partly my fault."

Zi Wei smiled. "Yong Lian would hate Er Kang anyway, considering Ling Fei was his aunt. And Shi Wu Ah Ge is his worst competitor at the throne."

"So it's true, then? Yong Yan?" Yong Qi asked seriously.

Zi Wei hesitated. "It's supposed to be a secret, but really, as you said, Huang Ah Ma doesn't exactly hide his preference well, does he?"

"It's so strange," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"What is?"

"Yong Yan. The last time we saw him, he was five years old."

"Xiao Yan Zi, you could feel like a big sister to him all you like, but I very much doubt he would appreciate you remembering him at five years old."

"I don't think I can quite imagine him at five years old anymore, with all that innocence," Zi Wei said.

"What do you mean, with all that innocence?" Xiao Yan Zi looked genuinely alarmed at what her friend just implied.

Yong Qi chuckled and said rather matter-of-factly, "It's kind of hard to keep on thinking the world's all sunshine and daisies for very long in the palace where there's so much competition and backstabbing to 'educate' you of what the real world is like. One can be so sheltered yet at the same time so exposed, growing up in the palace."

"Is he suitable then, do you think?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

Zi Wei hesitated. "I won't deny that he's smart. Just…well…put it this way, I don't think either of you'd like him, as a person."

"We wouldn't?" Xiao Yan Zi said at the same time as Yong Qi said, "That's not exactly a surprise."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her husband and raised an eyebrow. "It's not?"

"No it's not. To be honest, Xiao Yan Zi, it's very hard for my brothers and I to like each other as people and enjoy each other's company beyond the duties of work. As children we might get along because we never knew any better, but even then, there had always been ganging up and splitting sides. Then there's always the underlying resentment from our mothers. Most of the time it's not outright hate or contempt. Perhaps there might be some grudging but silent respect but most of the time it's just sort of a silent competition. But then of course, there are ones like Yong Lian."

"I think Yong Yan sort of sees me as the big sister who used to give him sweets as a child but someone he shouldn't have anything to do with now that he's grown up," Zi Wei smiled.

"So is he any good?" Yong Qi asked. "Intelligence isn't everything for it. Yong Lian isn't exactly stupid but well, let's just say we can't do much worst if he, Heaven forbids, _ever_ becomes Emperor."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about Da Ah Ge, since Huang Ah Ma made it rather clear he'd taken himself off the succession list a long time ago. But Yong Yan, he's got the excessive pride part down right."

"He's an Ai Xin Jue Luo, what did you expect?" Xiao Yan Zi muttered.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Yong Qi asked indignantly while Zi Wei laughed.

"I think it means that she thinks all members of our family are too proud for our own good."

"Not _all_. Not you, Zi Wei. But Ai Xin Jue Luo _men_ are, most of the time." She shot Yong Qi a pointed look.

"There must be something about all that pride that appealed to you, because in case you haven't noticed you fell in love with one," Zi Wei said, while Yong Qi chortled and shook his head.

"I've noticed," Xiao Yan Zi answered dryly.

At that moment, a servant entered the room and told them that Er Kang and Qian Long have arrived at the gates. Yong Qi stood up and clenched his trembling hands. Xiao Yan Zi paled considerably at this announcement."I can't see him, I can't."

Even Ji Xiang stiffened. Though she had met the Emperor quite a few times since her stay here, and also since she found out the truth about her parents' identities, she still felt very uncomfortable around him though he was very kind to her, and it was only until Zi Wei told her about her parents' titles that she truly understood why. Yet Ji Xiang still found herself, perhaps not terrified, but very much inhibited around him. She wasn't sure whether this was because he was the Emperor or because he was the Emperor and he was her grandfather at the same time. He did not in any way impose his rank on her of course, but she still struggled to feel truly like he was her grandfather in the sense that she always imagined. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself as she looked out the door for Qian Long's arrival, any moment now. She was not the only one who did so.

Zi Wei squeezed Xiao Yan Zi's hand comfortingly just as Qian Long walked into the room, followed by Er Kang.

Qian Long took note of Zi Wei and Ji Xiang's greeting but his eyes remained on Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi as he walked into the room.

To Yong Qi, the nearly twenty years they had been apart showed in every line that had appeared on his father's face; he looked much older than Yong Qi remembered or imagined. It made his heart burn with guilt. He knew if there had ever been anyone who could convince both he and Xiao Yan Zi to stay in the palace all those years ago, it would had been Qian Long. Now, seeing the age on his father's face, the white of his hair and feebleness of his form, Yong Qi felt the gnawing pain and guilt of leaving attacking him even more strongly than ever.

"Huang Ah Ma." This was all Yong Qi could say gruffly as he fell to his knees in front of the man that had always been a world away from him, yet commanding so much love and respect from him. Immediately Qian Long stooped down to raise him up on his feet. His father put both hands on his shoulders and looked at him with utmost affection and almost an expression of wonder, as if not believing that Yong Qi was before him again.

"Yong Qi, Yong Qi, my son."

At Qian Long's words, the tears that had been shining in Yong Qi's eyes fell as he gripped his father's arms tightly. He wanted to hug his father but he only remembered ever hugging Qian Long once, and even then, it had been Qian Long who had initiated the hug. It was back just before he married Zhi Hua, on their way back to Beijing from the trip to the south. They had helped Qing Er and Xiao Jian run away, for which Qian Long had locked up Er Kang. He had protested on Er Kang's behalf, earning a painful slap from his father. As a prince, no one had ever dared slap him before. Even as a child, if he was naughty, the worst punishment he earned was writing lines. The first time someone slapped him, it was his father. Then, he truly understood what Xiao Yan Zi felt when Qian Long slapped her over Xiang Fei. Their reconciliatory hug had only come after Qing Er and Xiao Jian, being unable to make their friends suffer, had returned.

However, all that didn't matter then as they didn't matter now as Qian Long pulled him into a fierce hug, tighter than he remembered the last one to be. For a long moment, Yong Qi could only grip the back of his father's robes, savouring the hug and unable to say anything. Words were not necessary, in any case. Around them, everyone was teary-eyed, except Xiao Yan Zi who was way passed that stage. She was crying earnestly.

When Qian Long released Yong Qi, he turned to Xiao Yan Zi and smiled. "Well, Xiao Yan Zi? After all these years and you still haven't learnt to greet Huang Ah Ma on time?"

"Huang - Huang - "

She only managed that before she threw her arms around Qian Long, hugged him tight and sobbed on his shoulder. Yong Qi looked at them with a small smile and wiped away the tears on his cheek.

Xiao Yan Zi was still sniffling when she broke apart from Qian Long, but then she dried her tears and dropped a very proper curtsey.

"Huang Ah Ma ji xiang!"

Qian Long chuckled and raised her up himself.

"So it would seem you still remember your courtly manners. Still, perhaps Ji Xiang would not so appreciate her name being taken in vain so often," Qian Long said, still chuckling.

Ji Xiang did not get the joke that made the Emperor, Zi Wei, Er Kang and her parents all smile, therefore she said nothing.

"We were not exactly thinking of this when we named her Ji Xiang, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi chuckled, "though it did occur to us later. Xiao Yan Zi insisted on keeping it, as a laugh at ourselves."

"Ji Xiang Ge Ge ji xiang," Xiao Yan Zi giggled and it was only then that Ji Xiang understood. She looked uncomfortable at being called Ge Ge, even only in jest. It was apparently another thing she hadn't pieced together about this whole situation, along with the fact that the Emperor was her grandfather, that as the daughter of a Qin Wang, she was technically a Ge Ge.

"I see you two are well and happy and can only hope Qing Er and Xiao Jian are as well. Ji Xiang did assure me of the fact but I am more convinced now that I see you before me," Qian Long said fondly.

"We should be asking after your health first, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi said.

"I am well, Yong Qi, considering all things."

"Considering all things? What things?" asked Xiao Yan Zi worriedly.

Qian Long chuckled. "Not too serious things, Xiao Yan Zi. All the normal things like old age and headaches over squabbles between my sons over the throne before I am even dead yet."

"Huang Ah Ma, I - "

Qian Long sighed. "No, Yong Qi, I did not mention for you to feel guilty. I will not regret letting you go if you will not regret it, son."

Yong Qi could only nod to show that he understood the sentiment behind his father's words, even if they didn't have the effect intended. There would be nothing that would stop him from feeling guilty, especially now when he had seen the effects of the years on his father. He should be by his father's side, sharing the burdens and become the comfort of his old age. Instead, Yong Qi had spent the last nearly twenty years miles away in Dali. Even if his father didn't blame him, Yong Qi wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself. Really, he didn't want to forgive himself for his own selfishness; he didn't deserve that complete happiness and the guilt was only a reminder of that, a reminder that he gladly carried.

It did not seem, however, that his father was interested in dwelling on such unhappy matters. He was simply glad to see Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi again, and it showed in the way he gladly leaned on them, let them slip their arms around either of his and lead him to a chair. The fond looks he gave them was free of any pain or regret and he was determined to keep the mood in the room cheerful, as should be at such a reunion.

"Well, from my talk with Ji Xiang, Yong Qi, I must commend your child-raising method. How do you do it? I would be glad if my children spoke half so well of me as your daughter does of you."

Xiao Yan Zi protested defensively, "We would speak very well of you, Huang Ah Ma." To this, Yong Qi, Zi Wei and Er Kang all voiced their agreements. Qian Long just smiled indulgently at them.

"I only spoke the truth," Ji Xiang said shyly.

"Ah yes, I am sure. But Ji Xiang, from what I gather, you apparently are under the impression that your Daddy is perfect and could do no wrong. I cannot claim to know everything about my children but I can say I know enough of your father to firmly say that he is _not_ perfect."

"I'm sure Ji Xiang had realised that by now, too, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi said quietly, but he was looking intensely at Ji Xiang, who squirmed uncomfortably.

"I must say, though, Yong Qi," Er Kang said, "if Ji Xiang's knowledge of literature and calligraphy skills are any indication of the abilities of your other children, I say I must meet the rest of them soon."

"I take it then, you are impressed? You approve?"

"Certainly," Er Kang grinned while Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei exchanged a smile.

Qian Long just chuckled. He wanted to say something but knew, from Ji Xiang's completely oblivious expression, that she knew nothing of her and Ying Zhong yet. So he simply said, "You have done well with her, you two. But I should not be surprised, should I?"

"No, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi said softly, "for she is your granddaughter."

"Well, you can credit all her upbringing to Yong Qi, my brother and Qing Er, Huang Ah Ma," Xiao Yan Zi said casually. "For we know I do not have much to pass on to her."

"Modesty from you, Xiao Yan Zi? Well, I would never expect," Qian Long said with a straight face and a twinkle in his eyes. Xiao Yan Zi spluttered while Yong Qi turned away to hide a smile and Zi Wei and Er Kang chuckled. Ji Xiang looked like she didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"Do not worry, Xiao Yan Zi, that you are not appreciated. I may be a man but I do have quite a few children and I know they do not just suddenly appear. Someone has to give birth to them," Qian Long continued.

"I am surprised," Zi Wei said, changing the subject, seeing that Xiao Yan Zi looked a bit flushed, "that Ji Xiang does not play weiqi when you do so well, Yong Qi."

Yong Qi just smiled. Ji Xiang, on the other hand, looked at him with some surprise. "You can play weiqi, Father?"

"Of course he can!" Qian Long exclaimed. "It would be rather scandalous if a son of mine did not! Though I have to say, Ji Xiang, your father can play a bit too well."

"Yes, I've given up playing weiqi against him a long time ago," Er Kang chuckled. "Not many twelve-year-olds would enjoy being beaten to pieces on the board by his little brother's nine-year-old friend."

"I'm sure you'll fare better now than you did then, Er Kang," Yong Qi chuckled.

"No, Yong Qi, I vowed I would never humiliate myself on the weiqi board against you again and I will not. As for your comment, Zi Wei, Yong Qi may be an excellent weiqi player, but he would make a horrible teacher of the game."

"Why?"

"You've never played against him have you?" Xiao Yan Zi grumbled. Yong Qi just chuckled.

"No, but I've seen him play against Xiao Jian once. Fine, so Xiao Jian lost but why would he not make a good teacher?"

"Yong Qi doesn't know how to play gently and never plays handicapped," Qian Long explained. "I cannot blame your reluctance to play him, Er Kang. I do not very often feel my ego is up to being trampled on at the weiqi board by him either."

"I would not dare to trample on your ego if you did not let me, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi protested mildly.

"My ego would be in worst pieces to have you purposefully lose the game in an attempt to pamper it, Yong Qi," Qian Long said.

Er Kang chuckled. "As I said, he's an excellent player but anyone who learns from him will end up so scared of the game that they will never want to see another board again."

"I'd say," Xiao Yan Zi muttered.

Zi Wei laughed. "Is that why you never ask me to play with you again after you got married, Xiao Yan Zi?"

Xiao Yan Zi just scowled huffily while Yong Qi patted her back gently, smiling.

"The point of teaching someone is to go easy on them at first so that they last long enough in the game to learn," Er Kang said. "Yong Qi is apparently incapable of doing that. So, Ji Xiang, if you do want to learn weiqi, you are better off having your aunt or uncle teach you, not your father."

"Now I'm intrigued," Zi Wei said. "I can't believe I've never played against you before. I want to know what they're all fussing about."

Yong Qi just smiled at her. "You want a game, little sister?"

"Yes," Zi Wei said, looking at him challengingly.

Er Kang just shook his head but called a servant to retrieve a weiqi set anyway, while Qian Long said, "You don't know what you're getting yourself into, Zi Wei."

"I haven't played a game properly in years, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi shrugged.

"Anyone could become rusty if they are out of practice but not you, Yong Qi," Er Kang chuckled.

"Besides, Xiao Jian didn't lose that badly," Zi Wei shrugged.

"I didn't think it was beneficial for me to beat Xiao Jian too badly. After all, I was going to marry his sister, it was best to keep myself in his good book," Yong Qi grinned cheekily.

"Ah, so you do know how to hold yourself back from winning too high, unlike what they said."

"Of course I know, but it's just against my principles to do it. But that was not holding myself back, that was tactic in the bigger scheme of things," her brother said.

Weiqi was the only one of his skills that Yong Qi ever allowed himself to be smug about. Despite what Qian Long might or might not claim, Yong Qi received all his natural proficiency in the game not from his father but from his mother. She had been an excellent weiqi player, which was one the first thing that Qian Long noticed about her. She had started teaching Yong Qi to play her favourite game when he was only four. In fact, the weiqi board contained some of Yong Qi's happiest memories of his mother. By the time his official weiqi lessons started with the imperial tutors, he was not a popular figure among his classmates, considering by then he could effortlessly beat them all. By fourteen, he could beat Qian Long, an excellent player himself, in under two hours, much to his father's consternation and pride. Xiao Yan Zi had foolishly asked him to play with her soon after they married. Even his love for her did not allow him to go gentle on her. It was safe to say that she never asked him to play with her again after that first game.

It was not surprising to him, though, that Zi Wei had never played against him. He may allow himself to be smug about winning the games he played, Yong Qi never went out his way to find people to play with. Anyone foolish enough to challenge him to a game once would usually be hard pressed to do so again anytime soon, if at all. The only person who had ever insisted on playing regularly against him before was Ji Xiao Lan, whose pride was beyond accepting that he could lose every single time to someone who had been his student since the age of five.

Though Yong Qi had to admit, Zi Wei put up a fierce fight. It took him almost three hours to beat her.

"I'm impressed, Zi Wei," Yong Qi smiled at her.

"I'm not," Zi Wei moaned as she took in the fact that this was about the worst game she'd ever lost since her teacher stopped playing handicapped against her when she was fifteen. However she had to admit that playing with Yong Qi was certainly an experience. His style was entirely unpredictable and he was capable of such bluffs and double-bluffs that made her head turn and half the time she could never understand why he made a particular move until it was too late. By the time she reluctantly admitted defeat, Zi Wei found that she'd developed a headache.


	7. Love is Patient, Love is Kind

**Chapter 7: Love is Patient, Love is Kind**

* * *

Summer in Beijing was a lot drier and cooler than Ji Xiang was used to and the scenery of Xue Shi Fu gardens was also so different from home. She didn't like heat, so was glad for the refuge of the vast gardens. The shades of the numerous trees cleared her mind and allowed her to think. That morning, she needed to do a rather lot of thinking.

It seemed like years since she last saw Dali, or even since she first arrived in Beijing. Ever since the moment she arrived at Xue Shi Fu, completely unconscious, her life had turned upside down with new found information to all the long burning questions about her parents and her family. The answers didn't necessarily bring her comfort, she thought. No, there was definitely merit to the saying that ignorance was bliss. She should have realised long before now that the only reason her parents would be so secretive about their family was precisely because it was something this complicated. If it had been simple, there would be no issue of a secret. Still, before when she was in Dali, she would not have guessed the truth to be like this, not even in her most fanciful dreams. All girls at some point dreamed of growing up a beautiful princess, but this version of princess-ship was definitely not what Ji Xiang ever imagined.

On the other hand, everything made so much _sense_ that she wondered why she never worked out any of it on her own. Of course the only reason her father would insist they all learn Manchurian was because they were Manchurian. Of course the reason why both her parents and her aunt and uncle all took their education so seriously was because they had something to live up to.

In a different way, so many things were so totally unexpected that she still wondered if she could still believe them. The idea that her father and her aunt were a prince and princess of the blood was unbelievable. Their manners and their outlooks on life had always demonstrated that they were brought up well, but this was beyond Ji Xiang's comprehension. Her father did not act any different from what she always knew now that he was here, in the imperial environment he was brought up in, so it seemed even less real to her that he really was a prince, and poised for the throne too! This was his home, this was what he was born into. He was so relaxed at Xue Shi Fu, so natural in its settings, around the Emperor and Zi Wei and Er Kang while she, Ji Xiang, was still struggling to become relaxed around them, despite their kindness to her. Emperors and princesses weren't supposed to care so much about a girl of no consequence like Ji Xiang. No, she couldn't tell herself just yet that she was daughter of a prince, that she was a princess herself.

She was so lost in thoughts that she didn't hear the sounds of someone approaching her, until she heard him clear his throat.

Her father was looking down gently at her with a hopeful smile. Ji Xiang moved over on the stone bench she was sitting to make room for him and he gave her a look of relief then sat down beside her.

"Father. Ah Ma."

He simply smiled at the new title.

"That is what I should call you, shouldn't it?" Ji Xiang asked.

"Yes, but it would be a little problematic if you called me that in Dali. It does not matter, anyway, Ji Xiang, what you call me. Just as long as I am still your father in your heart."

Ji Xiang gave him a small smile. In that smile, she suddenly realised that she was no longer angry at her father. She really never could be angry at either of her parents for long. She realised that in this matter, she hardly had a right to judge him, to be angry at him. After all, whatever happened between him and Zhi Hua in the past, he had never been less than everything a father should be to Ji Xiang and her siblings. He had always wanted the best for them; even her parents' secrecy regarding their roots in Beijing was also an attempt to protect them.

"Do you remember the conversation we had in Dali about opinions on the Emperor?" Yong Qi asked.

"Yes."

"What do you think now?"

"Now that I've met him or now that I know he's my grandfather?"

Yong Qi smiled slightly. "Both."

"Well now that I know he's my grandfather - which to be honest, Father - "she answered, reverting back to her familiar address for him, " - I still find a bit hard to get my head around, I suppose it explains a lot of, and gives more meaning to, the comments you and Mother and my aunt and uncle made then."

"Ah yes," Yong Qi smiled. "I could tell you were confused then. What do you think now that you've met him?"

"He's - he's not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know. But whatever it was, he wasn't it. He's so - "

"So what?"

Ji Xiang looked unsure, as if she didn't know how to say what she wanted to say.

Yong Qi shook his head with a wane smile. "Don't worry, Ji Xiang, over the years I've heard about every opinion there is to have about my father."

"No, it's not that! It's just he's so…kind. I thought he would be more imposing and…scary."

You haven't seen him angry, my dear. As for imposing, well, I don't suppose the home of one of his favourite daughters is going to trigger much of that. He is very relaxed here. Don't think he cannot be imposing, Ji Xiang."

"You seem very relaxed here, Father."

"Here as in here at Xue Shi Fu?"

"No, here as in among the imperial family, among - well - I shouldn't be surprised, should I, Father? I guess I'm still trying to believe you were born a prince."

Yong Qi smiled wryly. "This isn't among the imperial family, Ji Xiang. This is among the Fu family, the family of my closest childhood friend. Even your mother is relaxed here with her best friend and sworn sister. If you think life at Xue Shi Fu is court life, then you are woefully mistaken, Ji Xiang. Put me back in the palace now and I shall not be so at ease as I am here. I'll probably know how to deal with the pressure but I won't be happy about it."

"It's so strange," she said, more to herself and with a sigh.

"What is?"

"Everything, Father," she said. After a long silence, she spoke again. "You really gave up a lot for Mother. I just realised that now."

It was Yong Qi's turn to sigh. "Yes, but honestly? I gained much more and what I gave up, whether it's a lot or not is up to interpretation. To me, the material wealth I gave up could never compare to the wealth of happiness I gained."

"Is that not a bit too romantic, Father?" She gave him a skeptical look that he couldn't help but smile at. He was supposed to be questioning her romantic notions, not the other way around. "I mean, if people could be happy without money or something to live on, it would not exist."

"I'm not saying that money is irrelevant in life, Ji Xiang. To be honest, even after your mother and I left the palace, we always had a comfortable life, because we brought enough with us from the palace to start our new life. Perhaps since we left, we never had so much money that we can afford the extravagance of the palace but it was enough to live on. Our being in Dali also meant that we had support from your Uncle's godparents. We were able to build our lives then on an already comfortable foundation. You could ask whether we would have been equally happy if we left the palace completely penniless, had to make our own way with empty hands and all this time have to struggle to make ends meet. I will admit, Ji Xiang, that I have never truly known what being poor and penniless for an extended amount of time is like. I cannot speculate whether such poverty would destroy our happiness, despite of our love. I would _like_ to think that we would be equally happy, poor or not, but the sad fact of life is one cannot live without some money and if we cannot afford to live free of worry, the worry and stress would surely have a detrimental effect to the happiness."

"But even with money, love is not necessarily enough, is it?"

"Nothing is enough on its own, Ji Xiang. Frankly I have seen more of unhappy marriages in my life than happy ones. Over the years, though, I've come to realise that love, _mutual love_ and affection are the basis for a happy marriage, but one cannot strive on love alone. Love without trust will burn itself out in suspicion. A selfish love without compassion will earn no liking and respect to strengthen it and thus will not survive. Love without the willingness to sacrifice to make the relationship work will never be happy. You cannot doubt the love between your mother and me, Ji Xiang, but consider the situation when I married Zhi Hua. Your mother stepped down to accept Zhi Hua when Zhi Hua's very presence was a great damage to her pride, telling her that with my grandmother, she was not good enough for me. It was her love for me that enabled her to make that sacrifice but that sacrifice also let me know how precious her love was. So, no, Ji Xiang, love on its own is not necessarily enough. Or rather, it can only be love when it is all these things combined."

"And you sacrificed the throne for Mother."

"I never wanted the throne so it was a small loss, Ji Xiang."

"But Huang Ye Ye - " Qian Long had insisted she called him that. " - is convinced, and apparently many people, Mother included, would agree with him, that you would make a good emperor, perhaps the best choice of all the choices he has. You didn't sacrifice the throne just for yourself, Father. You sacrificed the country's chance of a good emperor. You can't say that is not a big sacrifice."

Yong Qi looked at her pensively, "Do you blame me then, for that? Do you regret a chance at being a princess?"

"No, Father. I'm not as ungrateful as to scorn at the life you and Mother have given me. I do not blame you if, like Aunt Zi Wei said, the position would only make you miserable. But you can't deny what I just said."

"No." The syllable hung heavily in the air between them for a moment. Then Yong Qi spoke with a sigh, "But also as I told your aunt, with reluctance, very few efforts can be good ones. Perhaps I have the capabilities for it, but I know myself enough to know if I did not have the heart for it, I will never do it well. Honestly, all this is a bit irrelevant right now as talking about it will not change anything."

"It made me realise how much you really gave up for Mother."

"I would have given up more, Ji Xiang."

Yong Qi allowed his daughter a moment of silence to contemplate his words. In that silence, he had to admit to himself that once Ji Xiang's anger at him the day before was over, she had been taking this rather well, maybe a bit too well. He wondered whether she has allowed herself to think of Zhi Hua at all, or like him and like Xiao Yan Zi, she was happier to just let the knowledge of Zhi Hua exist and not truly think about it.

"You still are angry at me for marrying Zhi Hua, aren't you?"

"Not as much angry as - " she tried to think of an appropriate word but couldn't, and faltered.

" - disappointed?"

"No," Ji Xiang shook her head. "Well, maybe I was disappointed and sad that you did have to marry someone else because it made me realise that sometimes, real life forces you to make decisions that are so totally out of your control. But I am not disappointed in you, Father. I suppose you did what you had to."

From the look on her face, however, he knew she hadn't said all that she could say on this situation. So he remained silent, allowing her to ponder, until she gave a decidedly frustrated exclamation.

"I'm just - I don't know!"

It was an expression and a sentiment that he had seen before in Xiao Yan Zi, so even if Ji Xiang could not put a name to it, Yong Qi understood. "You feel bad for her?"

There was a long pause then Ji Xiang said in a small voice, "Yes. A bit." She looked a bit abashed.

"And you feel like you've in some way betrayed your mother by feeling bad for her?" Yong Qi asked slowly.

Ji Xiang nodded.

"Do you feel bad for her because I married her while I didn't love her or because I left?"

"Both. Why did she marry you?" Then she added a bit defensively, "I mean - not that anyone wanting to marry you is strange, Daddy."

Yong Qi laughed. "I'm not offended, Ji Xiang. I would had rather she didn't want to marry me. I suppose I could guess why she did marry me, but only she would know the real reasons. I think perhaps she convinced herself she loved me, but how she did that after only knowing me for four months is a bit beyond me. We knew quite literally very little about each other. I knew she was, and is, very talented in a lot of things but little else about all the more mundane things like what her favourite food was or whether she preferred summer or winter. Whatever she knew of me before she married me was all hearsay, from Lao Fo Ye most probably. I can't deny that my prospect for the throne was probably a large inducement for her as well. Still, she was brought up in an upper-class family and was taught to look for status, power and wealth in a marriage. A good marriage for her would mean to someone of status. For her marrying for status makes sense but it doesn't for your mother."

"And for you?"

"It should. I think if I never met your mother, I would never come to question that assumption so I would be able to accept it a lot easier."

"If you hadn't met Mother, would you have been happy with her?"

"I think it wouldn't be the happiness in this sense with your mother, but I think I would have been…content, yes. The thing is, Ji Xiang, if I hadn't met your mother, my perspective would have been a lot more limited to what I see everyday in the palace, in the court. Your mother opened my eyes to so many things; that it was ok to trust your heart and emotions was one of those things. She taught me that despite the wars that go on in the palace for status and power, there were people outside the palace who genuinely cared for each other and not just for what benefits they bring each other. It made me realise the status and power and wealth that I have didn't mean so much. Perhaps I've always known this but it was pushed into the back of my mind and your mother just brought it out."

"Why did you leave? Even if it was, at the heart of it all, for Mother, why did you leave then? Why not before? Why not another time?"

Yong Qi didn't know how to answer this question.

No, that was wrong. He knew what the answer was, but he didn't know whether he should tell Ji Xiang. The truth was, it was what Zhi Hua did that was the deciding factor, he could not deny that. He was so angry at her when he found out, not only for the loss of the baby, but for the fact the whole incident nearly lost him Xiao Yan Zi as well. Then, he had believed he made the decision to leave calmly, but he knew now that he was still angry and the anger fueled his decision to leave. The anger was long gone now, only replaced by a sadness of knowing that Zhi Hua was willing to do such thing, just for him. However, that didn't mean he ever regretted his decision. What he told Xiao Yan Zi was true; he couldn't stay when he couldn't trust Zhi Hua. He couldn't put Xiao Yan Zi in such danger, especially when it was clear that Zhi Hua was willing to do just about anything to get him.

Could he tell Ji Xiang this? It would, on one level, explain why he left, but if she could be angry at him for just marrying Zhi Hua, how would she react to knowing that he had a child with Zhi Hua? Would Ji Xiang even be able to understand his reason for leaving, even if he did tell her?

However, Yong Qi didn't get a chance to answer, as their conversation was cut short here by the arrival of someone, whose startled cry of shock made them both turn to face her:

"Yong Qi!"

* * *

Zhi Hua was standing there, staring in shock at Yong Qi. How fitting that she turned up then, considering she just interrupted a conversation about her.

Yong Qi's heart felt heavier meeting the tumult of emotions in her eyes. Of all the times to meet Zhi Hua, he was certainly least prepared now. Of course, he would never really be prepared to meet Zhi Hua on this trip, but for her to be here, unannounced, when he was most off guard like this was not a comfort.

The look on her face did not provide much comfort either. She looked like she wanted to both slap him and hug him. Yong Qi thought he'd infinitely prefer the former. She was mouthing wordlessly at him; apparently the shock of seeing him had rendered her speechless.

For his part, Yong Qi knew even less of what he was to say to her. He felt like he was sudden robbed of air, being thrown so unceremoniously back into her presence like this. He was too aware of Ji Xiang looking between them with curious eyes. It was difficult enough to face Zhi Hua under all circumstances, but to face her under Ji Xiang's scrutiny just when they had just been talking about her was worst.

"Ji Xiang," Yong Qi said in a tightly-controlled voice, "go tell your mother and your aunt that…Rong Wang Fei is here."

The sound of his voice made Zhi Hua snap out of her trance as her eyes flicked over to Ji Xiang, still in shock. Ji Xiang seemed unable to look back into the depths of pain in Zhi Hua's eyes and she turned, instead, to her father.

"Father - ?"

"Ji Xiang!" Yong Qi said, his voice threatening to fail him and was near choking him. "Go!"

The situation was entirely too confusing for Ji Xiang to even want to stay, so she fled, without really looking at Zhi Hua, though Zhi Hua's eyes were on her until she left their sight.

* * *

Ji Xiang knew that must have been Zhi Hua, but she didn't know what to make of her sudden appearance, or what such an appearance would mean now, for her parents. She didn't even know what she was feeling upon meeting her father's other wife, despite having admitted that she felt pity for her. After all, she had never thought about actually meeting the lady herself, since her father was clear that he didn't want to see Zhi Hua on this trip, and that visiting Zhi Hua was definitely not his purpose for coming back to Beijing.

Feeling bad for her father's other wife who she had never met was one thing. To actually see her and realise she was a living person and not just a faceless being, was overwhelming. Thus, now that Zhi Hua had made her appearance, Ji Xiang found herself completely confused about what to feel towards her.

Ji Xiang had never questioned her place in the world, her legitimacy in it. She knew she had no reason to question them. Yet the brief look that Zhi Hua gave her just then made Ji Xiang feel like she was the product of something that wasn't right, perhaps not quite sinful, but not supposed to be. It made her feel like she wasn't supposed to be here, and the fact that she was here was not something natural, but to be shocked at. It was not a comforting feeling, and it made Beijing become just hat much more exhausting.

Ji Xiang found her mother and her aunt in the latter's room; both were laughing at something. She wasn't sure what expression she had on her face but it couldn't have been normal, since her mother rushed to her as soon as she entered the room.

"What's wrong? You look pale, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine, Mother," she said. She hesitated for a moment before saying what she had come to say, wondering how her mother would react to the news. "Father wants me to tell you and my aunt that…Rong Wang Fei is here."

Her mother just stared at her. Her aunt, on the other hand, stood up in alarm. "Zhi Hua is here? Where?"

"In the garden. Father…Father and I were talking and she just came across us."

"Oh dear," Zi Wei groaned softly.

Xiao Yan Zi had let go of Ji Xiang's hand and now was quite pale herself. In fact, to Ji Xiang, she looked lost as she stared wildly around for some invisible support before dropping down into a chair nearby. Ji Xiang had never seen her mother quite like this, so totally out of control of herself.

"Zi Wei!" she cried, the pitch of her voice definitely higher. "Zi Wei, I can't! I can't do this!" Her eyes were wide and slightly panicked, so that she managed to look years younger.

"Xiao Yan Zi - " Zi Wei started, though Ji Xiang was not sure what could possibly be said in such situation.

"I can't, Zi Wei! How could I - how could I see her again? It's one thing coming here, but seeing her - Oh Heaven, how could _he_ see her again? And now she knows." Ji Xiang thought her mother sounded borderline on hysterical. She couldn't seem to sit still and had jumped up off her seat and was now pacing up and down the room.

"She'd always known, Xiao Yan Zi," Zi Wei said gently. Ji Xiang wasn't sure how such a reminder was supposed to help her mother calm down.

"Yes! But it's different now; she knew before, but now she really _knows_! How could we - how could I – " She swallowed labourously before continuing, "Zi Wei, the guilt is easy to deal with but how do I face this pain again after all these years? Not just mine, _hers_ and _his_ as well. And to see them together again - "

"Xiao Yan Zi, you don't honestly still suspect that he has feelings for her," Zi Wei said, but her tone also hinted at a question.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her in shock. Then she said, trembling, "I don't doubt that he doesn't love her, Zi Wei, but he isn't indifferent to her, either. He cares enough for her to feel guilty all these years, despite everything. That guilt had always been in her absence and _that_ I know how to deal with. Now I'm not sure I can face it in her presence."

"He cares too much," Zi Wei softly echoed her earlier thought. "That, of course, what makes him Yong Qi. If he could be like Huang Ah Ma and casts aside his concubines without much guilt and thought, you would never have fallen in love with him."

"That's not the point!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, still in that hysterical voice. "The point is, to leave her once is hard enough! How could I ask him to leave again? How _could_ he bear to leave again? How could we not?"

"First, Xiao Yan Zi, you _have_ to calm down," Zi Wei said, taking her arm and sitting her down on a chair.

"Calm down?" Xiao Yan Zi demanded, her eyes wide. "_Calm down?"_

"Yes! Xiao Yan Zi, don't do this to yourself! It's just Zhi Hua - "

"The bane of my life, she is! Without her, my brother would be dead. With her - with her - Zi Wei, what am I supposed to do?"

"Stop giving her such power over your life, over your emotions!" Zi Wei exclaimed. "Yes, I realise seeing her will be emotionally draining for you, but that doesn't change the truth, Xiao Yan Zi. The truth is, Zhi Hua married Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang, who is, for all purposes, dead! She married him with the intent to become Wu Fu Jin, to become a Wang Fei, to become Empress! However, Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang and Emperor, all those things Yong Qi cannot be again, and will never be! What is done cannot be undone! If the man she married does not live, then neither do her hopes of getting him back, no matter how much she wants it, no matter how much she denies, no matter how guilty both you and Yong Qi feel!"

Xiao Yan Zi moaned and put her head down on the table. "I can't deal with this, Zi Wei. I don't even know what I'm feeling for her anymore. I'm supposed to be grateful for her; I do owe her for saving my brother's life. I could blame her for getting us all nearly killed when she blurted out our secret but Yong Qi never kept his end of the bargain of marrying her either, so how could we blame her for not keeping her end of it? I could be jealous of her but could I fault her for loving him?"

"Do you honestly think she loves him?" Zi Wei asked quietly.

Xiao Yan Zi just looked at her like she was insane.

"She bargained her son's life, and lost, to try and keep him, Zi Wei," Xiao Yan Zi whispered.

"What?" Ji Xiang's shocked gasp made both of them turn and realise that she was still in the room with them. They both winced upon realising what they just divulged to her.

Xiao Yan Zi sighed wearily before explaining to her daughter what the last comment meant. Ji Xiang, upon hearing it, could only gape in shock.

"Not the wisest move of her life, that wasn't," Xiao Yan Zi said sadly.

"How - could - anyone - do - that?" Ji Xiang gasped, punctuating each word. Before, Ji Xiang was not sure where Zhi Hua stood in her esteem, but regardless of wherever it was, she had lost a large amount of respect for her. She tried not to think about the significance of the fact that her father not only married someone else other than her mother, but also had a child with her.

"She didn't mean for the baby to die, I'm sure," Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "She was very young, naïve, and in love. I suppose she thought it would keep him with her if he felt guilty about pushing her."

Zi Wei shook her head sadly, "He might have felt guilty but he could never love her, much less when he found out the truth. In fact, everything quite backfired on her."

The meaning of Zi Wei's last sentence suddenly hit Ji Xiang with a blinding force and she felt breathless. That is why he left, she thought. She didn't know whether this new-found information justified her father's leaving, nor could she decide whether Zhi Hua deserved it, but it certainly answered the question that her father didn't get to answer earlier.

"Anyway, yes, she was young and naïve," Zi Wei continued. "But I would hesitate to say she loved him."

"You don't think she loves him?" Xiao Yan Zi looked at Zi Wei curiously. Somehow, during this conversation, she had managed to calm down a bit and was sounding more like herself.

"I'm not saying she doesn't believe it. I'm sure she believes she loves him, but does she, really?"

"You tell me," Xiao Yan Zi shrugged.

Zi Wei didn't answer, but simply quoted, "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (1)."

Xiao Yan Zi reluctantly nodded to that. "I cannot say I was patient or not irritable or not resentful or not envious, Zi Wei."

Zi Wei smiled slightly and replied, "With your character, if you were not patient you would have run off the night he married her. If you were resentful you would never feel guilty for her. You bore it all and endured it all." Then she glanced at Ji Xiang before saying, to Xiao Yan Zi, "You would not have done the same if you were in her position, Xiao Yan Zi."

"And if you say you would have done the same in that situation, Mother, then I'm not sure what I could have faith in anymore," Ji Xiang whispered in a choked voice.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her daughter for a long time, apparently having hit the painful realisation that meeting Zhi Hua would not just be emotionally draining on her and Yong Qi, but on Ji Xiang as well. At length, she said slowly, "I would not marry a man who I knew did not love me. But if I had ever found myself in that situation, no, I do not think I would have been able to do what she did. Still, that doesn't mean I didn't do my fair share of stupid things because of your father."

"Speaking of whom, I should probably go greet my guest and rescue my brother from having to entertain her on his own," Zi Wei said. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute," Xiao Yan Zi squeaked, looking very pale again.

After Zi Wei left, Xiao Yan Zi dropped her head down on her arm again.

"And all this I go through, all for the love of a man," she muttered. Ji Xiang knew her mother was definitely not talking to her. It was several moments before she lifted her head and looked at her again. "Ji Xiang, do me a favour and don't ever fall in love."

Ji Xiang knew she was not entirely serious, so she sat down next to her mother and asked, instead, "Are you going to see her, Mother?"

"I must," she sighed. "You do not have to see her, though."

"She already saw me, Mother," Ji Xiang said, frowning.

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi asked at her expression.

"Nothing. It's just…she must have realised who I am, because she looked at me weird…I think. I wasn't really looking back."

"Weird, how?"

Ji Xiang shrugged. "I don't know…like…I don't know…"

"Ji Xiang?"

"Well, it made me feel like…I was… You know how when people look at you like someone like you shouldn't exist?"

"No," Xiao Yan Zi chuckled. "I was never as beautiful as you so that people stare in disbelief at me, Ji Xiang. You got your good looks all from your father, not surprisingly since his family's gene pool scoops up all the most beautiful women in the country in the last century."

Ji Xiang resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "That's not what I meant, Mother. Though Daddy would probably disagree with you about your beauty."

"Well, only Heaven knows what your father ever saw in me. What did you mean?"

"I mean, the way she looked at me, or at least the way I felt her eyes on me made me feel like my very existence was somehow…unnatural and…unlawful or something…"

"Ji Xiang!" her mother said sharply. "Don't you dare ever question your legitimacy, do you understand me?" Her mother had never used such a tone with Ji Xiang in her life and she was naturally startled.

"I'm not!" she exclaimed earnestly and even slightly defensively. Then in a smaller voice, she said, "I just felt like that."

Her mother took both of her hands in her own. "Ji Xiang."

"Mother?" Ji Xiang said after a while of her mother not saying anything.

"This is one of the reasons why staying in the palace would have been a miserable solution for all of us. What ever your father felt for me, whatever he didn't feel for Zhi Hua, in the end, she will end up above me. But all that is quite moot now, really. We made our decision. It can't be changed."

"I suppose."

"Anyway, I must get out there or she will think she'd driven me into hiding."

"Shall I come with you, Mother?"

"No, Ji Xiang. Stay here. I can't cope with seeing her and introducing you to her at the same time right now."

* * *

_(1) If you recognise the quote, please excuse its gratuitous use here, which is quite out of place._


	8. Love Does Not Insist On Its Own Way

**Chapter 8: Love Does Not Insist on Its Own Way**

* * *

"Hello, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi said quietly after Ji Xiang disappeared behind the archway to the next courtyard.

"What - why - how - when - who - " Zhi Hua tried to talk but obviously the number of questions in her mind were making her quite incapable of coherent speech, quite strange for someone usually as eloquent as Zhi Hua.

Yong Qi stayed silent, waiting for her to regain her speech and ask her questions properly. He knew exactly what she was trying to ask but he didn't want to have to decide for himself which of those incriminating questions he should answer first.

"You are here. You are alive," Zhi Hua said finally, stepping closer to him. He couldn't see how he could back away.

"I don't think you ever believed I wasn't alive, Zhi Hua." Yong Qi forced himself to look at her calmly, though calm was about the last thing he felt right then.

Zhi Hua pursed her lips together and looked on the verge of an emotional breakdown, but for a long time, neither of them said anything else.

"You left!" Zhi Hua cried suddenly, as if all her emotions had caved in. "You left me! How could you do it? You didn't love me, but I am your wife! Your wife, Yong Qi! And you left!" Her tears didn't fall but the stricken look on her face made Yong Qi remember even more forcefully why meeting her after all this time was a very bad idea. Before he could answer, she spoke again. "Why? Why, Yong Qi, why? What did I do?"

She stepped even closer to him, so that now they were close enough to touch. Still, Yong Qi didn't move away; he just stared incredulously at her. "What did you do? _What did you do? _You, of all people, should know why! You, of all people, should know what you did!"

"For you! You know what I did for you, and you left me for it! How could you?"

"For me? You bargained our son's life, for me? How could you actually say that? How could you still be asking me why?"

"I did wrong!" she cried, now bursting into tears. If it was anyone else standing there crying like this, Yong Qi would at least offer some comfort, but it was Zhi Hua, and he found that he could not react any other way than just to stand there, watching her cry. "I didn't mean for him to die! I didn't, Yong Qi, I swear! Heaven knows how I regret it!"

"I know," Yong Qi said sadly. "Still you risked it! You gambled, Zhi Hua!"

"Can't you see why? Why can't you see why I did it? For you, yes, and it was because you never look at me, not like you look at her! You wouldn't care, not even when I was carrying your child and she couldn't even give you one. Can you blame me for doing whatever it took so that my husband could just want me, just once? Can you blame me for wanting my husband to look at me with some good feeling?"

"Yes I can blame you! Because, Zhi Hua, if you could risk your unborn child's life for my attention, what wouldn't you do? How could I ever trust you again?"

"But I love you! I love you!"

For a moment, Yong Qi could not say anything. She was looking at him through her tears and reaching out her hand to take his. He pulled his hands swiftly away and clasped them behind his back. He knew she recognised the rejection.

"What is it that you love about me, Zhi Hua?"

"Everything! I could appreciate your talents, your intelligence, your potential! I understood you more than she ever will!"

"Yet you don't understand why I left." The memories that he had suppressed for all these years have flooded back with Zhi Hua's presence, and they had made him angry with her again; still, he couldn't help but pity her as well. "Do you love me or my title, Zhi Hua?"

"You and your title go together. You cannot deny what you were born into, Yong Qi! You are an Ai Xin Jue Luo; you and your title cannot be parted."

"Apparently it can, Zhi Hua. Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang is dead. That is a fact that cannot be changed."

"You are alive! Rong Qin Wang cannot be dead if you are alive!"

"I am Ai Qi, not Rong Qin Wang. I will never be Rong Qin Wang again. The sooner you accept that, the easier life will be for you."

She didn't say anything.

"If you could do it again, would you do it? Would you risk the baby's life like that?"

"No!" she exclaimed vehemently. "Losing him took you away from me! If he had been born, if he had lived, we would have had a son and you would never have left me! You would learn to love me because I could give you the thing you needed, the thing she couldn't give you - an heir."

To Yong Qi, the sadest thing about her statement was that she actually believed it; how he pitied her for it.

"You believe that if you want, Zhi Hua. In reality, what you did only made me realise that sooner or later, I would have to see what length you were willing to go just to get my attention. Sooner or later I would know what you were willing to risk, and sooner or later I wouldn't be able to trust you. If I couldn't trust you to still have some moral, sooner or later, I would still have left, Zhi Hua."

"You would leave your own son, your own child?" Zhi Hua asked, eyes wide.

"If he was born and I stayed, he would grow up knowing his father didn't love his mother and never will. If I left, he would grow up without a father. Either way, he would not get what he deserves. In a way, perhaps it is best that he never lived. He would have been a miserable child, born under those circumstances, Zhi Hua."

"You are glad that he died?" Zhi Hua whispered, barely audible. She looked like she was going to faint.

"Not glad. Never glad, Zhi Hua. But there are worst fates than death. A miserable life is harder to bear than death. We would be miserable if I stayed, Zhi Hua."

"No!" she cried. "We wouldn't have to be miserable! People make their own happiness! It all lay with you, you held the key to our happiness. We could have been happy, only if - "

" - only if I loved Xiao Yan Zi a little less. Only when it wasn't a grudge and blackmail that led to our marriage. People do make their own happiness, Zhi Hua, as you could have made yours after I left. You chose not to. I gave you your chance for happiness, Zhi Hua and you didn't take it."

"Are you saying it's my fault that I'm not happy now, when it was you who left?"

"Would you have been happy if I stayed, knowing that I love Xiao Yan Zi, and that will never change? I cannot rule my heart, Zhi Hua. Love doesn't just come because you want it to!" Yong Qi exclaimed. "Or would it have been the Empress position that would eventually make you happy?"

Zhi Hua didn't say anything, but just stared at him.

Yong Qi sighed. "Neither of us are faultless in this situation, Zhi Hua. We both made choices. I told you once before, you are too ambitious. If you keep wanting to win, those ambitions will come down and crush you. You were willing to do anything and everything because you believe you love me. But if you use love as an excuse to harm people, then the love is no longer pure and worthy of respect, Zhi Hua."

"But I love you," she repeated in a whisper.

Yong Qi was saved from answering and their conversation was interrupted by the sounds of footsteps. A moment later, Zi Wei rounded the corner. Yong Qi could not feel more relieved and he finally took a step back away from Zhi Hua, though she still was staring at him with wide eyes. She looked like she would kiss him if they weren't so interrupted.

Zi Wei gave Yong Qi a small sympathetic look before turning to Zhi Hua. "I've been a very bad hostess, Rong Wang Fei, to leave my guests standing out here and talk. Perhaps we could go into the sitting room and have a cup of tea?"

With that, she turned and led the way, with Yong Qi only too glad to come with her and leaving Zhi Hua no choice but to follow. As the three of them settled down in one of the sitting rooms, conversation turned to more neutral grounds.

"Who was that young lady I saw with you when I first arrived?" Zhi Hua asked Yong Qi. She looked like she'd forced herself to be calmer now that Zi Wei was here.

On second thought, perhaps not so neutral.

"Who do you think she is?"

Zhi Hua was silent, looking at him with an expression mixed with pain, regret and the feeling of being betrayed.

"My daughter," Yong Qi said. "Ji Xiang."

He couldn't keep the hint of pride out of his voice, and Zhi Hua caught it. The frown was barely noticeable on her face for just a second before she turned to Zi Wei and said, "The last time I saw you in the palace, you said said Xue Shi Fu had a guest who was injured..."

Zi Wei smiled as pleasantly as she could. "That's Ji Xiang."

"How did she come to be here?" Zhi Hua asked, when Zi Wei did not go on.

"It is rather intriguing, really. She was kidnapped and brought to Beijing but managed to escape from a kidnappers. But she ended up getting in the way of one of Ying Zhong's hunts and got shot by his arrow instead. Though I suppose it was fortunate that she came to us."

"When we heard the news from Er Kang and Zi Wei, of course we had to come and see that Ji Xiang was all right," Yong Qi added.

"I see." There was a silence. Then, "I hope she is recovering now?"

"Yes, though I suppose a bit shell-shocked from everything she found out here," Zi Wei said.

There was another silence.

"And - and - is - is - she here as well?" Zhi Hua looked directly at Yong Qi then, and neither Yong Qi nor Zi Wei doubted who Zhi Hua meant by 'she' this time around.

"Yes."

Yet another silence descended upon this answer, thicker and colder than the last. It was broken only by a person clearing their throat softly. The three of them turned to the entrance of the room and found that Xiao Yan Zi, as if on cue, had joined them.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi could feel the tension pulsing in the room as she stepped inside and knew her presence would do little to relieve it.

"Jie jie," Zhi Hua greeted Xiao Yan Zi in a voice that was too sugary to be sincere. "How - _good_ - to see you."

Xiao Yan Zi forced herself drop a small curtsy. "Rong Wang Fei ji xiang. There is no need to call me jie jie." She fought to keep her voice neutral, but it somehow came out very strained instead.

Zhi Hua gave a stiff smile that Xiao Yan Zi found she couldn't sincerely return.

"Where's Ji Xiang?" Zi Wei asked when another silence stretched on as Xiao Yan Zi sat down beside Yong Qi and Zhi Hua's eyes followed her every move.

"In her room. She's not feeling well. I think she's worn herself out for today."

"Is she all right? Should I - ?" Yong Qi asked, concerned.

Xiao Yan Zi shook her head slightly. "No, I think she's just overwhelmed by everything that's happened this morning."

"Are you sure?" Zi Wei asked. Xiao Yan Zi was sure Zi Wei said it purely to make some sort of conversation; she must know there was nothing really wrong with Ji Xiang considering she just saw her. "Perhaps I should call for a physician."

"Really, Zi Wei, a little rest should clear it up. She should be fine by lunchtime."

"You must think nothing of my medical skills if you feel we need to call for a physician to examine my daughter while I'm here, Zi Wei," Yong Qi said.

Zi Wei smiled sheepishly. "I forgot."

Zhi Hua seized the first moment when she could join in on the conversation though what she said impressed none of her audience. "Medical skills - ?"

"Yes. After we settled in Dali, I was able to meet a friend of Xiao Jian's godfather who was a very skilled physician. I was fortunate enough to have him take me as an apprentice and he passed on his medical skills to me. He didn't have any children so when he passed away seven years ago, I inherited his medical practices." Zhi Hua gave Yong Qi a blank look, like she hadn't understood a word of what he said. "I am a physician, Zhi Hua. You know, it's a profession, like the Imperial physician? Only for normal people?"

The slightly mocking tone of his voice was totally lost on Zhi Hua as she was apparently occupied with more dangerous information. "Profession? You would live by other people's money?"

There was an uncomfortable silence that followed Zhi Hua's horrified and rather impolitic outburst as the other three looked at her in astonishment, wondering whether there was supposed to be an insult hidden in that statement.

"I would live by money I earn, Zhi Hua. Believe it or not, most people do," Yong Qi said finally in a dry tone.

"But…but…I am not saying that such situation is shameful - " Zhi Hua stammered. Her cheeks were flushed red as she searched around for words.

"Really?" Xiao Yan Zi said under her breath. "You certainly sound like you do."

"I just mean…why would you…I mean, if you are here, in the palace, if you would come back, you would not have to suffer such…such _degradation_ of your circumstances and have to rely on other people to pay you to live, but you could have independent money, all that is due to your title as a prince."

Zhi Hua looked at Yong Qi with a pleading look while he looked back at her with something akin to pity and Xiao Yan Zi could only just stare at her. Did Zhi Hua really just _say _that? Did she really not realise how ignorant that sounded? Xiao Yan Zi knew Zhi Hua was brought up in a sheltered life, in the luxury of her family estate in Haining, then the luxury of the palace as a Fu Jin, but she could not believe Zhi Hua could be so close-minded.

"Degradation? Degradation?" Xiao Yan Zi demanded indignantly. "I'll have you know, Rong Wang Fei, there is no degradation in a man earning his own living by honest means. What exactly is wrong with a profession that saves people's lives? I would hope you'd appreciate the existence of physicians the next time you fall ill and need their services!"

"I am not saying that there is anything wrong with such situation, in general, for normal people," Zhi Hua cried. "But for you, Yong Qi, a born prince of the blood, who could have access to all the wealth of the empire, to have to stoop so low as to live off other people's money, surely, surely it must be - "

"Be what, exactly?"

" - humiliating."

"You don't think you and the rest of the imperial family are also living off other people's money?" Yong Qi asked incredulously. "The money for the imperial family's living expenses comes from the people's taxes, Zhi Hua. Money doesn't appear out of thin air. The Emperor and princes and officials alike are doing their work of running the country and the people pay for their work with taxes. It's the same concept of normal people doing normal work and getting paid. Even being Emperor is just a profession, Zhi Hua, even if it is a rather exclusive profession."

"No!" Zhi Hua gasped breathlessly. "No, it's not the same! The elite, the Emperor, owns the lands and people pay taxes for the use of it to make their living. The taxes are all that is rightly due to us. All the money in the land belongs to the Emperor in the first place - "

"Zhi Hua," Yong Qi interrupted her. "I have a feeling whatever you or we say in this argument we're not going to agree. Perhaps the imperial family does have the rights to all the money in the country, but I'll tell you something. I learnt to appreciate my money and the hard work that comes into earning it more, thus the money is more valuable to me, now that I have to work for it. As I said, plenty of people do this and it's not in way shameful. If I do not feel it a degradation, why should you?"

"But you are a prince! How could you resign yourself to such a life, to do this for the rest of your life?"

"Why not? Other people do. You do not think I am capable of doing what thousands of other people do and be able to make my own living instead of having it handed to me on a plate?"

"It's not a question of capabilities! I know you are capable of a lot of things, but this! You, as a prince, have every right - "

"Ah, this is where you are wrong! I am not a prince any longer. This is apparently a fact you still have trouble grasping. But the truth, Zhi Hua, is that I have given up all my titles and now have no rights to them any more. For all purposes, Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang is dead. It will do us all good if you accept that fact."

Zhi Hua just stared at him, looking as if she had forgotten Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei were still in the same room with them. Somewhere along the way of the conversation, all of them had unconsciously got to their feet. She approached him so that they were standing face to face.

"You ask me to accept the fact that Rong Qin Wang is dead while you still live?" Zhi Hua demanded, her voice forceful. "How? How, Yong Qi, how? How am I supposed to accept it while you are still alive, while you are obviously not dead! How do you expect me to believe my husband is dead when he still lives on the opposite end of the country from me, with another woman, no less! Tell me how!"

"By realising that seventeen years is a long time, and that things change, people change," he replied without a trace of intimidation. "By realising that everything that has happened all these years would have changed me, so that whoever I was when I married you, that person has changed. I am no longer the prince you married, Zhi Hua. I am not even the same man you married. My life now has little to do with the court, the palace, the imperial family. I cannot, even if I wanted to, just go back to the palace and pick my titles up where I left them. Even you cannot deny that, Zhi Hua."

"Why not?" she demanded. "Er Kang was once thought dead too, but he came back. Why not you?"

Yong Qi didn't seem to be able to think of a reply to that, because he just stared at her, astonished that she still held such hopes.

"Zhi Hua," Zi Wei finally spoke up, gently. "Er Kang was thought dead for a few months. For Yong Qi, it's not even just a few years. It's been nearly twenty years! There is no way he could come back now and you should let go of that hope."

"Would you let go?" Zhi Hua demanded, wheeling around to face Zi Wei with a desperate expression on her face that was almost hysterical. Her voice was also appropriately a pitch higher. "If you were me, would you let go? Would you?"

Zi Wei seemed to want to speak, but then thought about her answer and realised it wouldn't help to speak her answer out loud. So she gave a sigh but remained quiet. However, Zhi Hua's question to Zi Wei made Xiao Yan Zi realise that though the three of them - Zhi Hua, Zi Wei, Xiao Yan Zi - grew up in very different environments, though they were so different in tempers and values, they did have one thing in common, after all. They loved. Xiao Yan Zi was sure, if she was ever in Zhi Hua's position, of knowing the man she loved still lived, she would not let go of hopes of him ever coming back to her either, that she would not remarry, either. So why did it matter if Xiao Yan Zi could know that Yong Qi loved her? So why did it matter that Zhi Hua never had Yong Qi's love? Did it matter so much, when in the end, they both loved? Perhaps they did not love in the same way, but no doubt it was with the same intensity.

_Therein lied the cruelty of leaving_, she finally realised. Of course, Yong Qi had asked Lao Fo Ye and Qian Long to see to Zhi Hua's future happiness, but they were aware that she knew Yong Qi lived. It might have been kinder to have never made such a request, because by making it, they were dangling that happiness in front of Zhi Hua, and yet knowing that Zhi Hua's conscience would never allow her to take it. No wonder Zhi Hua was this desperate now.

So lost was Xiao Yan Zi in her thoughts that she did not hear Yong Qi say, "I'm sorry, Zhi Hua," and consequently, she was startled by Zhi Hua's fierce reply.

"I don't want you to be sorry! I just need you to love me, just a little bit! Please, Yong Qi! Why is that so hard?"

"I need you to stop loving me," Yong Qi replied sadly. "Why is _that _so hard?"

"I can't," Zhi Hua whispered. "I can't stop loving just because you want me to."

"Neither can I," he answered.

She shot Xiao Yan Zi a venomous look, jealousy clearly etched on every feature of her face. "Why? Why her?"

"Why me, Zhi Hua?"

Zhi Hua had turned back to him now to look at him with tearful eyes, and he met her gaze. Zi Wei wasn't looking at the three of them, but was staring determinedly at a corner of the room with an uncomfortable look on her face, looking as if she wanted to appear as small as possible. Like her, Xiao Yan Zi too felt like she was intruding, just by being there. She was standing too close to Yong Qi, she thought, though they were in no way touching. She was certainly too close to Zhi Hua, so close that she could observe every single one of Zhi Hua's expressions. Her lips were pursed tight and her brows were furrowed into a pained expression and Xiao Yan Zi wished she could not see the beginning of tears making their way into those eyese. She knew Yong Qi was hers now, but there was no satisfaction to be had, only the mounting discomfort of the knowledge that she was part of the reason for Zhi Hua's pain. Xiao Yan Zi never wanted this war and never wanted to be such a winner.

"Come back to me," Zhi Hua whispered finally. "Just come back to me. I don't care if you don't love me. Please."

Zhi Hua had never allowed Xiao Yan Zi to hear her speak with anything less than pride, so the desperation that now rang in her every word made Xiao Yan Zi feel a new, odd nagging sense of guilt. Xiao Yan Zi never consciously wanted to bring this kind of pain on anyone, even Zhi Hua, still she felt like Zhi Hua's pain was her fault, nonetheless. It did not seem fair that for Xiao Yan Zi to have her happiness, Zhi Hua had to suffer. Xiao Yan Zi never wanted anyone, not even Zhi Hua, to have to suffer for her happiness. Or was this unhappiness just everything that Zhi Hua deserved after everything she did to try and take Yong Qi away from Xiao Yan Zi? Did anyone deserve to be so unhappy, regardless of what she did? Where was the justice in reducing Zhi Hua to a place where she would put aside all her pride and self-respect to beg a man to come back to her, despite knowing he would not love her?

"Will you honestly not care?" Yong Qi asked.

"I will care, but I will bear it! I just want you back! Please!"

There was a long silence. Xiao Yan Zi could not look at them. Then:

"I can't. I'm sorry, Zhi Hua."

"Can't, or won't?"

"Can't. Even if I could, I wouldn't. We would be miserable, together. You would not be able to stand being on the sideline, knowing I can't love you, Zhi Hua. You know that."

Xiao Yan Zi thought Zhi Hua would break down then, but she did not. She just looked at him. The whole room was still. None of them moved. Xiao Yan Zi wanted to disappear from the room but found that she had no excuse to be anywhere right now. Zi Wei looked like she hoped Zhi Hua and Yong Qi had forgotten she was in the room, which they probably have.

The silence stretched on and it was only broken by Er Kang's entrance.

The presence of the master of the house fractured the thick tension in the room and made Yong Qi and Zhi Hua look away from each other. While Er Kang and Zhi Hua were forced to take part in the customary greetings, Xiao Yan Zi had a moment to examine her feelings.

Right then, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't feel jealous of Zhi Hua, nor could she feel anything except sorrow. Of course, she Zhi Hua was no less Yong Qi's wife now than she was all those years ago when they left, but still, right then, it was almost impossible to do anything but pity Zhi Hua. To say she was not bothered by how strong Zhi Hua's feelings for Yong Qi still were would be lying, but she did not dislike her. She did not like her, certainly. There was too much between them for her to like Zhi Hua. She only wished things never had a chance to turn out this way.

"So, Rong Wang Fei," Er Kang said, unable to keep the tone of surprise from his voice, "to what do we owe the honour of a visit today?"

"I thought I would visit Zi Wei Ge Ge, but it appears I have imposed myself upon your family and your...guests," Zhi Hua said stiffly.

Silence stretched for several moments until Er Kang recovered his wits enough to manage a neutral reply. "I hope you would not think that you are not welcomed here at any time."

"You are all politeness, I'm sure," Zhi Hua said, still stiffly. She looked at Er Kang, challenging him to say that she was perfectly welcome even now, when Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were staying here and obviously did not want to see her. He didn't take up her challenge.

Zi Wei cleared her throat and said, "Well, now that you're here, perhaps I could persuade you to stay and have lunch with us."

Xiao Yan Zi could not say she rejoiced at this suggestion and hoped that Zhi Hua would decline. She knew Zi Wei was just being polite, since it was close to lunch time and she could not just tell her guest to leave, especially not a guest such as Zhi Hua. Xiao Yan Zi could imagine the awkward relationship: Zhi Hua should be an intimate friend of their family but there was probably too much stood between them to make this possible. She wondered how Zi Wei and Er Kang managed to keep the delicate balance of their relationship with Zhi Hua over the years: on the one hand, she was officially the widow of their favourite brother and so they should express more sympathy and care towards her than anyone, but on the other hand, they were the ones who knew what she knew but could not prove, that Yong Qi was alive. What was worst, they had orchestrated the charade around his "death". It must make family dinners with all three of them in attendance such a joy.

Zhi Hua glanced at Xiao Yan Zi, who was trying to keep her expression neutral. The keyword was, of course, 'try'.

"I do not think Jie jie would enjoy my company for lunch. Of course you must consider your other guests as well, Zi Wei Ge Ge, and I'm sure Jie jie would want to object to you inviting me to stay."

"It is not for me to tell Zi Wei who she may or may not invite over for lunch in her own home, Rong Wang Fei," Xiao Yan Zi said coolly. "And as I said, there is no need to call me Jie jie."

"I am simply giving you the deference that is your due, Jie jie," Zhi Hua said in a syrupy voice. It took both Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi considerable effort not to grimace or roll their eyes at this insincere statement.

"Surely you would not leave now that you've just arrived," said Zi Wei, unfailingly polite.

"If I stay, shall I meet your daughter properly?" Zhi Hua asked Yong Qi.

"I suppose, yes," Yong Qi said.

"Then I shall accept the invitation for lunch, Zi Wei Ge Ge."

Zi Wei was now standing behind Zhi Hua so she gave Xiao Yan Zi a comforting look over Zhi Hua's shoulders, as if telling her that the meeting will have to take place sooner or later now that Zhi Hua was aware of Ji Xiang's existence and their presence here. Xiao Yan Zi suppressed an audible sigh and had to admit that she could not keep Ji Xiang from meeting Zhi Hua either, no matter how the introduction wouldn't be enjoyable. She wondered why Zhi Hua even wanted to meet Ji Xiang in the first place.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ji Xiang, left alone, went looking for Xuan Zhuang and found her in her brothers' study, playing weiqi with Ying Zhong. Ying De and Ying Yi were nowhere to be found.

"Where are your brothers?" Ji Xiang asked.

"Still at school, probably. Why? Are we not good enough company, Ai Xiao jie?" Ying Zhong teased.

Ji Xiang gave him a sidelong glare. "I was merely being polite, asking after them, Fu Shao ye."

"Why are you here, anyway?" Xuan Zhuang asked. "Not that I don't enjoy your company, Jie jie. Just that Er Niang said you were talking with your father when I was looking for you earlier."

"Rong Wang Fei is here, and your mother and my parents have gone to see her," Ji Xiang said, trying to keep her voice even.

Both Xuan Zhuang and Ying Zhong gave startled looks and turned away from their game. "Rong Wang Fei is here? I thought my parents said that it was best that we keep your and your parents' visit to Xue Shi Fu a secret from her?" Ying Zhong asked.

"Yes, but she just happened upon my father and me in the garden."

Xuan Zhuang and Ying Zhong exchanged a long look, before Xuan Zhuang turned to Ji Xiang and said tentatively, "So you've met Rong Wang Fei."

"No, not exactly. My father told me to go tell your mother about her arrival as soon as she arrived, so I didn't get to properly meet her."

"Ah," was Xuan Zhuang's reply.

Ji Xiang looked curiously at them. "What do you think of her? I mean, you know her and everything, right?"

Ying Zhong looked pensive. "I don't think we're the best people to form an opinion on Rong Wang Fei, Ai Xiao jie."

"Why not?"

Ying Zhong thought for a moment before answering. "Well, put it this way. Our mother has a lot of brothers and sisters. Thus we have a lot of relatives. Well, I suppose they're your relatives as well, but the point is, we grew up with this huge family, using that term as loosely as possible. As such, we don't spend enough time with many of them to form a concrete opinion on anyone. Rong Wang Fei always had an odd sort of relationship with our parents, whereby she acts like she wants to avoid our entire family but in reality can't actually manage to do this. This is why every once in a while she comes here to visit our mother, though no one, including she, ever enjoys it. Our mother then feels obligated to stop and visit her every time she comes into the palace. There was always a sort of - _tension_, shall we say - between our parents and Rong Wang Fei. I never actually understood why before, but I suppose now I do."

"You wouldn't know about - " Ji Xiang started, then stopped. "No, you probably wouldn't."

"About what?" Xuan Zhuang prompted.

"No, nothing, I shouldn't spread gossip," Ji Xiang said quietly, though she knew she wanted to talk to somebody about this. Her parents did not seem like such likely confidants on this subject.

Ying Zhong looked thoughtful. "Are you talking about Rong Wang Fei's son?"

Both Ji Xiang and Xuan Zhuang stared at Ying Zhong.

"She had a son?" Xuan Zhuang asked, astonished.

"You know about that?" Ji Xiang asked. "But you were only a child."

"Oh I didn't know then, obviously, I was only about two then," Ying Zhong said. "Er Niang told me about it, some time last year. I don't remember what we were talking of but somehow it came up. Apparently Rong Wang Fei had a baby, right before they left the palace to go look for my father in Burma, before my uncle left the palace. But he was stillborn, right?"

"So you don't know why?" Ji Xiang asked carefully.

"Why what?"

"Why he was stillborn."

"There was a reason?" Ying Zhong asked, eyebrows knitted together.

"I should not tell you if you do not know," Ji Xiang said resolutely but she knew she had already said too much and if Ying Zhong wanted to figure it out, he probably could.

Ying Zhong gave Ji Xiang a knowing look. "You know, Ai Xiao jie, if I was inclined to bet about a lady, I would bet that what is bothering you right now is the fact that your father had a child with her."

"If it were our father, I'd be bothered as well, Brother," Xuan Zhuang sniffed.

"Yes, and that's because you are both looking at it from a woman's point of view."

Ji Xiang gave him a look of disdain. "Of course, being male, you would think there was nothing wrong with women and their feelings being used in such way, I'm sure."

Ying Zhong smiled. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"I mean, you blame your father for having a child with a woman who is not your mother, correct?"

Ji Xiang gave a grudging nod.

"Have you ever looked at it from his point of view? I won't go into whether he wanted a child with Rong Wang Fei or not, because we can't judge that. However she was his wife, she _is_ his wife, if you really think about it. What he wanted didn't matter, the truth was that they were married. There was more at stake than just your mother's feelings; not that I'm saying her feelings were not important. The point is, Rong Wang Fei came from a very respectable family, and no matter what the reason for it was, their marriage was very legitimate in everyone's eyes. Your father could not decently ignore her altogether. If fact, if he had, it would probably had done more damage to the dignity and reputation of all three of them, especially your mother's, regardless of how he might had been guarding her feelings. Can you argue with my logic so far?"

"Why should anyone care what goes on in his house? I mean, why should anyone have the right to pry into the going-ons in a man's house?"

Ying Zhong looked at her sympathetically. Even Xuan Zhuang looked amused at her questions. "A prince's marriage is not a private matter," Ying Zhong said matter-of-factly. "It's a matter of state. Look, I grew up seeing my parents' very loving marriage. I know my parents married for love, but I also know that the chance to marry for love is very rare in the court. The truth was that your father was a prince, Ai Xiao jie, with a lot of potential for the throne. Even without your uncle, sooner or later he would have to marry more than once. If it wasn't a Chen Xiao jie, it would have been a Zhao Xiao jie, a Huang Xiao jie or a Li Xiao jie. That's exactly one of the reasons he gave it all up for your mother, is it not, to spare her that?"

"I suppose," Ji Xiang said grudgingly. "I understand the logic fine, Fu Shao ye. But that does not mean I have to like the situation."

Ying Zhong smiled. "No, but it means you should cut your father a bit of slack. Don't be so hard on him. You may say I'm being biased, being male, but you cannot deny the marriage did take place, and I hope you are not so naïve as to not know that children are natural products of a marriage, regardless of the reason for the said marriage."

Ji Xiang nodded, pursing her lips together.

"You also cannot be insensible of the things he sacrificed out of love for your mother, which, if I might add, includes a very decent wife, in society's eyes, at least," Ying Zhong continued.

"No, I am very aware of what he gave up," Ji Xiang sighed. "I have to admit, I do realise I'm probably being a bit unfair, but honestly, it's not comfortable finding out that your father not only has another wife but also had a child with her."

"To be honest, if it were me, if it were my father, I would not be surprised," Xuan Zhuang said thoughtfully. "Devastated that it was my father, probably, but not surprised, that a man in that station had more than one wife."

"You would not be surprised?" Ji Xiang asked.

"No, but like my brother said, despite our parents' very loving marriage, I've seen enough of marriages to realise that in the society and in the class I grew up in, marriage are not very often based on love, and men often do have more than one wife, whether they want it or not, whether they like it or not. Most do, but that's not the point. When I marry, I would not be foolish enough to hope that my husband would marry just me, either. If he does, I'd be thrilled, but I would not kill myself over the fact that he would have concubines. I would be satisfied if my husband would love me half so well as my father does my mother."

It astounded Ji Xiang that a fifteen-year-old girl like Xuan Zhuang would be so casually accepting of an outlook on marriage that Ji Xiang thought was completely undesirable. However, it was this view that made Ji Xiang suddenly realise how great the difference was in their childhood environments. After all, as Xuan Zhuang said it herself, she grew up in a world where a marriage like that of her parents was extremely rare. This was totally different from Ji Xiang who had learnt to take it for granted that her parents loved each other. That was the way things should be, and it never occurred to Ji Xiang that anything had ever happened or would ever happen to lessen that happiness.

Ji Xiang suddenly realised quite forcefully that her life had been quite sheltered, in the peaceful, friendly and completely serene Dali and that it was that shelteredness that was precisely the reason she was having such a hard accepting the truth about her father's second marriage. To her, anyone might marry again, but not her Daddy. Now, she was forced to see that the situation was in reverse, that anyone might not have a second wife, but her father was expected to have many wives, just for the position he was born into.

This apprehension did nothing to put her mind and her heart at ease, as with that realisation, she came to see how unstable her emotions towards her father had been lately. First she had been hurt and angry that he had married someone else, but she had grudgingly accepted that, with no little disappointment, and only when she really thought about the fact it was her uncle's life at stake.

That he had a child with Zhi Hua had then felt like a worst betrayal and Ji Xiang wasn't sure she wanted to forgive her father for it. Yet Ying Zhong's words made her look at it in a different light, and she wondered why his words had such effects. He did not say anything so life-changing, nothing that was a shock to her, but it made her reconsider. Maybe it was because he was offering her another perspective on this situation which was entirely too emotionally confusing to her.

Then it made her consider what would happen if that baby - her brother, she realised with some pain - had been born, had lived, had survived. She, Ji Xiang, grew up seeing the love between her parents and their love for her. She had no doubt her father would love any of his children, regardless of how they were born, but how would such a child had grown up, knowing, despite whatever love he had from his father, his mother would never enjoy the same?

Would her father had left, if her brother had lived? She would hate to think that he would have. Then what would Ji Xiang's life have been like, if they had stayed in the palace? She could not even begin to imagine it.

It was all too confusing, that every single small action could lead to so many reactions that would shape so many people's lives, and one could never be sure which action would lead to the best. Could a single action lead to all the best results? Or did there have to be some grief and pain along the way for the good things to follow?


	9. Love Bears All Things, Endures All Thing

**Chapter 9: Love Bears All Things, Endures All Things**

* * *

Zhi Hua was honestly surprised to hear Zi Wei's invitation to stay for lunch, though she knew Zi Wei was just being polite. It was rather obvious that none of them really wanted her to stay and Zhi Hua was not looking forward to a meal with Xiao Yan Zi either. She knew she didn't have to stay, but how could she not stay? How could she give up a chance just to be around Yong Qi for longer? She had to stay, to let Yong Qi know that he still could come back to her, that it wasn't too late, no matter how he might think it was. She had to show him what he'd given up all these years.

She would meet the girl - the child - Yong Qi's child, not with Zhi Hua, but with that other woman. Why was she putting herself through this? What would meeting the girl achieve, other than deepening her pains? She would only be a reminder of what Zhi Hua had lost. She was the painful proof of his preference of his preference for Xiao Yan Zi over her, so why did she have to voluntarily go through that pain? What ever the reason was, the truth was, meeting her was a huge reason for Zhi Hua to accept the invitation. The brief glimpse at the girl in the garden had not satisfied Zhi Hua's curiosity about her. Well, curiosity would probably end up killing the cat, but Zhi Hua could not resist. How would such a child be like, with Yong Qi for a father and someone like Xiao Yan Zi for a mother? No doubt the girl would be hopelessly neglected at the hands of Xiao Yan Zi; Zhi Hua almost felt sorry for the girl for having such a mother.

She came into lunch with the Fu children. Apparently none of the five of them expected that Zhi Hua would be there for lunch as they all stopped at the door with varying degrees of surprise on their faces. Fu Ying Zhong recovered first and greeted her politely, and his brothers and sister added their greetings to his. They were used to her sporadic visits and thus were probably only surprised that she had bothered to stay for a meal, something she had never done before. She had never been able to stomach the insufferable cheerfulness and happiness that always surrounded the Fu family when they were all together. Zhi Hua acknowledged their greetings, but kept her eyes on Ji Xiang.

The girl only dropped a curtsy then looked at her parents, apparently completely at loss at how to address Zhi Hua. Zhi Hua allowed herself a certain satisfaction; if she had been _her _daughter, she would know how to greet strangers properly, even if that said stranger had a rather _interesting_ relationship to the rest of her family. To Zhi Hua, Ji Xiang's confusion was enough proof of Xiao Yan Zi's shortcomings as a mother.

Her satisfaction was decidedly short-lived. She watched as Xiao Yan Zi took Ji Xiang's arm and led her to Zhi Hua. Yong Qi stood on the other side of Ji Xiang and said to Zhi Hua in a voice that was on the surface neutral, "Zhi Hua, let me introduce my daughter, Ai Ji Xiang. Ji Xiang, Rong Wang Fei."

The girl had dropped another curtsy and though she did not look directly at Zhi Hua, she greeted Zhi Hua in a clear voice, addressing her as Rong Wang Fei, and did not show any sign that she knew Zhi Hua was her father's wife. Zhi Hua was frustrated when her earlier impression of the girl didn't hold up. She had expected from her Xiao Yan Zi's boldness, but the girl in front of her was unassuming. She was almost shy, but not quite. In fact, Zhi Hua found, with some consternation, despite Ji Xiang's earlier hesitance, there was a quiet but determined dignity shining out of her. She didn't cower away from Zhi Hua but she didn't look haughty about it either. It didn't help, of course, that she looked so prominently like Yong Qi and gorgeously so. Except the eyes, Zhi Hua realised. They were Xiao Yan Zi's eyes.

For a moment, Zhi Hua looked at the picture the three of them made in front of her. This picture of Yong Qi, Ji Xiang and Xiao Yan Zi, together, painted a family - _his _family - in which she had no place. The force of the realisation nearly knocked Zhi Hua breathless. She had lost him, and now he was so far away from her that she probably had little chance of winning him back. It was not fair. Zhi Hua bit the side of her cheek hard to stop being consumed by her emotions. She could feel the blood rush from her face and she hoped that none of them would notice how white must had become, or the fact that she had gripped her handkerchief tightly in order to stop herself trembling.

Zi Wei seemed in a great hurry to get everyone settled around the lunch table. She probably purposefully directed it so that Zhi Hua was sitting opposite of Yong Qi, as far away from him as she could be on the round table. On either side of him were Er Kang and Xiao Yan Zi, with Ji Xiang on Xiao Yan Zi's other side and Zi Wei on Er Kang's other side. The Fu children completed the table so that Zhi Hua ended up being sandwiched between Xuan Zhuang and Ying Yi who she had no interest in.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi didn't know whether it was a good thing that Zhi Hua was seated where she was. Having Zhi Hua sitting opposite her and Yong Qi meant that she would have to deal with Zhi Hua's scrutiny throughout the meal. She would need a lot of willpower to get through this meal without some outburst of feelings. She didn't even remember the first meal she had with Zhi Hua after her wedding with Yong Qi being so tense and uncomfortable. Was the presence of everyone else just adding to the tension? She wished there could be three sides to a body so that she could have Zi Wei by her as well to calm her down.

Then she felt Yong Qi's foot press against hers under the table.

* * *

Yong Qi could tell Xiao Yan Zi was far from the calm exterior she put up. Xiao Yan Zi always wore her heart on her sleeves, so the fact that she was appearing calm in this intense situation was a bad sign. It was only the calm before the storm, he was sure. She was sitting rigidly and Yong Qi knew Xiao Yan Zi enough to know that such posture was not natural. She was, probably unconsciously, tapping her foot under the table, and only he could feel it from his seat next to hers. He moved his foot next to hers and pressed his toes gently on hers. A glance over at her allowed him to see that she had clenched her hands in her lap at the contact. She nudged his foot away but he returned it to hers, rubbing the back of her heel with the tip of his toes. Whether he was doing this to calm her down or calm himself down, he wasn't entirely sure, but he needed some physical contact with his wife right now, just to get through this entire meal intact.

It was curious, really, how such little movements of their feet under the table could calm them down when they were in tense situations like this, but in a more casual, relaxed setting, they would build a very different kind of tension: passion. It had been his way of letting her know that he was beside her through long boring banquets in the palace, through uncomfortable meals with Lao Fo Ye that could not pass fast enough. It had been, more pleasantly, their way of flirting at meal times in front of the servants when they were in the palace, and in front of the children by the time they moved to Dali. He had done this in the first meal they had together with Zhi Hua after he married Zhi Hua. It had been lunch, as well, the day after his wedding, as Xiao Yan Zi, after nearly killing him, had refused to have breakfast. She had initially silently resisted him then as she did just now, but eventually she did let his foot give hers the attention the rest of him longed to give her that day.

Now, he paused for a moment, just resting his foot next to hers. They were still for a moment, until she ran her foot up slowly once against his calf, making a shiver pass through him, as only she could ever manage to do. Then she let her foot rest innocently beside his again. Yong Qi smiled inwardly. So she did remember their little game, a game that she knew he reserved only for her. Yong Qi responded by slowly and sensually rubbing his foot against hers, before turning the rest of his attention back to the meal and the people around them.

* * *

If truth be told, Ji Xiang felt she would suffocate. Somehow, she managed to force herself to remain calm when meeting Zhi Hua, though nothing about the meeting had been calm, except the appearance. Zhi Hua had given her such a searching look at which Ji Xiang had wanted to squirm, but managed not to. Ji Xiang forced herself to keep calm; she would not give Zhi Hua the triumph over her mother by letting Zhi Hua know she had managed to discompose her.

As the meal began, Ji Xiang came to a conclusion: she would probably like Zhi Hua better if she actually acted according to her feelings. Zhi Hua was sweet as sugar to her mother when Ji Xiang could not find any reason for Zhi Hua to sincerely behave this way. It was obvious to anyone listening that there were thinly veiled jabs and provocations under the sweet tone.

"Jie jie," Zhi Hua said, "I say, it must had been hard for you to see to Ji Xiang's education considering you were not so lucky as to have received the level of education that Ji Xiang, as daughter of a Qin Wang, would need."

"Indeed not," Xiao Yan Zi replied shortly, as if not aware of the subtle insult. "You forget that Yong Qi is fully qualified to give Ji Xiang the education she would need. And of course, there is my brother as well as Qing Er too. Or are you implying that _Qing Er_ too is not equipped for the job?"

"Oh no, Jie jie, I would not dream of implying such a thing. I was just expression my concerns."

"Your concern is admirable, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi said somewhat ironically. "But be assured that all my children are receiving all the adequate education that they deserve."

Ji Xiang was not sure whether her father brought out the fact that she was not an only child on purpose or not, but she could tell that Zhi Hua didn't miss that bit of information, even if her only reaction was a twitch in her expression as she looked hard at Yong Qi.

"I have found little wanting in Ji Xiang's knowledge of the classics," Er Kang broke into the conversation with a smile, to both her parents' relief, Ji Xiang could tell. She could feel her mother letting out a slow breath beside her. "In fact, as I told you, Yong Qi, earlier, that I am most impressed, that not only does she have a firm grasp of the books but she can also form her own opinion and debate about them."

Ji Xiang knew she could stand out in a crowd by her looks alone, and had always received far more attention than she ever was comfortable with. In any other situation, if someone was to put her on the spotlight like this, she would have flushed red and be dying of embarrassment, regardless of the fact they weren't praising her looks. However, strangely enough, in Zhi Hua's presence she could not feel embarrassed, but just serenely and silently accepted Er Kang's compliments, and was thankful for them. At least she could be sure now that her parents would have no reason to be ashamed of her in front of Zhi Hua, which clearly what Zhi Hua was looking for.

"Indeed?" Zhi Hua asked, turning her eyes to Ji Xiang now, looking surprised. Ji Xiang met Zhi Hua's eyes with just enough deference. Zhi Hua fired a few questions at Ji Xiang, obviously testing whether her abilities were really what Er Kang claimed. Ji Xiang answered as calmly as she could and after a while, it was clear that Zhi Hua, too, was grudgingly impressed as she stopped her interrogation. While Zhi Hua turned back to her father, Ji Xiang could feel her mother squeeze her hand slightly under the table. She squeezed back and gave her mother a quick smile.

* * *

Zhi Hua did not know whether to be nettled at how intelligent the girl obviously was. She should not have been been surprised, she chastised herself. After all, even Zhi Hua could not deny that she was Yong Qi's daughter, and apparently had inherited his intelligence along with his good looks.

"I understand it, then, that Ji Xiang is not an only child?" Zhi Hua turned to ask Yong Qi. Why was she doing this to herself? Why? Why put herself through this agony of knowing exactly how many children he had with Xiao Yan Zi? Zhi Hua thought this must be what being a moth must feel like, drawn to the light, only to get burnt.

"Yes," Yong Qi said rather shortly, as if he would rather not discuss it. "Ji Xiang has a twin brother, a younger brother and a younger sister."

"How happy for you, Jie jie, to have had twins," Zhi Hua turned to Xiao Yan Zi who gave her a wooden smile. "Why, two children at once. Perhaps Heaven was finally making it up to you for taking away your first two children."

The smile slipped off Xiao Yan Zi's face immediately to be replaced by a stony expression, as Zhi Hua expected. Everyone else around the table tensed at the comment as well. Yong Qi did not look happy at Zhi Hua's comment either and was giving her a warning look, but Zhi Hua could not heed it. Of course, no one was ever particularly wise and thinking properly when they are jealous and Zhi Hua was no different. She had started the meal thinking to herself if she had to sit through any length of time with Xiao Yan Zi and had to put up a charade of politeness, she would work to make it not any more enjoyable to Xiao Yan Zi than it was to herself. She felt like she was running down a slope and couldn't stop, no matter how doing this to Xiao Yan Zi was not making her look any better in Yong Qi's eyes.

"I must congratulate you, Jie jie," Zhi Hua continued sweetly, "for having such strength to give birth to four more children after losing two already. I say, not many would think that you would possess such willpower. Surely you must have been scared it would not end happily? But you took the risk."

"And you, of all people, would understand what it's like to take risks when it comes to children, would you not, Zhi Hua?" Yong Qi asked in a carefully controlled voice, looking directly at her. A very uncomfortable silence descended on the table following his remark, though the Fu children did not understand exactly what it meant. Zhi Hua realised that perhaps she had stepped over the lines and for the first time since the meal began, wisely, didn't answer. The silence stretched on until Zi Wei broke it.

* * *

"The weather lately is unusually chilly for this time of year," Zi Wei found herself saying.

_The weather_. She was talking about _the weather_. Zi Wei kicked herself. For all her education and she couldn't even think of a more interesting topic of ice-breaking conversation than the weather. However it had been the first thing that came to Zi Wei's mind and she knew she must break the tension. When Zhi Hua started on the subject of children, Xiao Yan Zi had looked like she would very much want to throttle Zhi Hua. Zi Wei thought if she didn't change the subject, Xiao Yan Zi probably would be driven to following that instinct. Or perhaps Yong Qi would be the one to do the deed. Both would probably be just and amusing enough to witness, but it would reflect rather badly on the Fu family. After all, one could not allow guests to be strangled in one's home, no matter how annoying the guest.

"Yes," Er Kang said with a supporting smile at her. "Though I suppose we should have known things will turn around after last year's very mild weather. We will have a rather harsh winter this year, I fear."

"I suppose that is one of the few things we don't miss about Beijing," Yong Qi spoke, his voice a little less tense than before. "Weather is much more bearable in Yunnan."

"Now that I'm so used to the weather in the south, I would hate to have to endure Beijing winters again," Xiao Yan Zi agreed.

"I enjoy Beijing winters," Zhi Hua said, her voice a little less friendly now. "After all, if one was born to endure such weather, one would be able to, even to the point of enjoying it. Or one could learn to adapt to it. You were born in Hangzhou, were you not, Jie jie? It seems that you were not born to endure Beijing winters, nor did you ever manage to tolerate them."

Somehow, Zi Wei did not think Zhi Hua was simply talking about the weather anymore.

"But Yong Qi," Zhi Hua continued. "You were born into Beijing winters, you cannot deny that. You should be able to tolerate it, even if Jie jie cannot. I am sure you can very much enjoy Beijing winters, but sadly it seems you would be influenced by Jie jie's more common fondness for the heat."

Now Zi Wei, and everyone else, was sure Zhi Hua was no longer talking about the weather. No, in fact, replace Beijing winters with life in the palace, with all its luxuries and wealth, and one would get a good idea of what Zhi Hua was talking about.

"Not heat, but warmth, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi answered. "Some may enjoy Beijing winters, and I may be able to endure Beijing winters, but I often find it too chilling and cutting for comfort. Certainly there are ways to guard against the cold but I would rather not to not have to so dependent on such defenses. No, Zhi Hua, I infinitely prefer the warmth of the south."

"But it must be terribly humid and uncomfortable down there?" Zhi Hua asked.

"I find the humidity more bearable than the cold," Xiao Yan Zi said frostily.

"You would," Zhi Hua remarked flippantly. "But I am sure Yong Qi is not accustomed to such discomfort. After all, he was born to the drier cold of the north."

"If I do not mind the little discomforts and would embrace them to take advantage of the warm weather, then I do not think you should worry much about my discomfort either," Yong Qi responded.

* * *

The conversation went on still, in the same vein. The longer this conversation about the weather went on, the clearer it became to Ji Xiang what Zhi Hua's motive was in leading the conversation into this area. It was quite obvious that Zhi Hua was trying to hint that her father belonged back in Beijing. It would not surprise Ji Xiang if Zhi Hua was in some way trying to find a way to get her father to return to Beijing for good.

Ji Xiang could also see that both her parents were less than happy with the direction the conversation was heading. For her part, Ji Xiang found that this one meal was enough to seal her dislike for Zhi Hua. She still felt bad that Zhi Hua had to endure her cold and lonely life but she couldn't like the way how Zhi Hua was using that as a reason and a weapon to attack her mother. Moreover, she was getting really irritated at having to listen to Zhi Hua's voice and seeing the annoying pouts Zhi Hua shot her father's way. She felt if she stayed in Zhi Hua's presence any longer she would be getting a huge migraine and desperately wanted to get rid of her.

Well, desperate times did call for desperate measures, no matter how her father, at least, would see straight through it. Ji Xiang hoped that he would be as eager as she was to be away from Zhi Hua's company and would not mind.

* * *

How Xiao Yan Zi managed to not say anything rude all this time was a mystery even to herself. She forced herself to listen to Zhi Hua's words and swallow them along with her annoyance. Just when Xiao Yan Zi thought her self-control was going to break, she heard a soft groan of discomfort beside her as Ji Xiang leaned her forehead on her hand.

"Mother, I feel - " she said weakly, looking like her head was suddenly too heavy to hold up.

"Ji Xiang?" Xiao Yan Zi put a hand on Ji Xiang's shoulder gently and turned her daughter towards her. She did look rather pale. Xiao Yan Zi took Ji Xiang's hands in her own, rubbing it. It was warm as normal. "What's wrong? What hurts, darling?"

"I feel really dizzy," Ji Xiang croaked out weakly. Yong Qi had gotten out of his chair and went over to crouch by Ji Xiang. Everyone else at the time was looking at Ji Xiang with worry, though Zhi Hua looked more puzzled.

Ji Xiang suddenly slumped against Xiao Yan Zi, apparently had fainted. "Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi called worriedly, slapping her cheek lightly, then rubbing at her temples. Ji Xiang didn't budge. Yong Qi, meanwhile, was taking Ji Xiang's pulse. Xiao Yan Zi looked at her husband and found that he had a curious frown on his face, almost confused. Then it was as if he suddenly understood something and he gave a sigh that could be interpreted as exasperated. He gave Xiao Yan Zi a look that was almost amused and rolled his eyes slightly, turning away from the table so that only she could see.

"I think the chilly weather lately had not been good for her, especially with her wound. I'm sorry for disrupting the meal but I must get her to lie down for a while," he said to the rest of the table.

"Of course," Zi Wei said. "I fear she may have been overexerting herself lately."

Yong Qi picked Ji Xiang up and carried her out of the room, followed by a genuinely worried Zi Wei and Xuan Zhuang and an equally worried-looking Xiao Yan Zi, who really was rather grateful for her impish daughter and trying to hide it.

"I hope she's all right," Ying Zhong said to no one in particular.

Er Kang nodded and turned to Zhi Hua. "I am sorry the meal has to end so abruptly, Rong Wang Fei."

Zhi Hua didn't answer but just said, "Perhaps you should call for a physician to look at her."

"I'm sure Yong Qi will know what to do for his daughter. I'm afraid we would not be very good hosts now that we have to worry about Ji Xiang's health."

Zhi Hua could not miss the hint. She debated insisting to stay but thought against pushing too much in one day. She wasn't sure whether Ji Xiang really fainted or was just acting, but it was clear that Yong Qi wasn't warming up to her and she wouldn't make much progress today either.

"I was just thinking about leaving. I should not be out for so long, someone in the palace may be looking for me," she said coolly.

"Shall I have the servants prepare the carriage then?" Er Kang asked, hoping his relief was not showing in his voice.

"Yes, please."

* * *

Er Kang entered Ji Xiang's room a while later.

"Zhi Hua just left," he announced.

Everyone looked more relieved than was decent.

"How's Ji Xiang?" Er Kang asked Yong Qi.

He didn't answer, but just turned to his daughter, who was lying on the bed and said, "You can stop pretending now, Ji Xiang."

She didn't move. Yong Qi let out an exasperate breath while Xiao Yan Zi tried to stop herself from laughing. "Ji Xiang!" he said warningly.

Ji Xiang immediately sat up and looked at her father with an annoyed look. "How did you know I was pretending?"

Yong Qi just shook his head and chuckled. "I would be a very poor physician indeed if I couldn't tell when my own daughter was faking illness, Ji Xiang."

Ji Xiang pouted, making Xiao Yan Zi laugh.

"Did she learn this trick from you, Xiao Yan Zi?" Zi Wei teased, now that she understood what was going on. Er Kang and Xuan Zhuang laughed while Yong Qi rolled his eyes.

"Well, it saved you from having to sit in her company for much longer, didn't it?" Ji Xiang said to her parents childishly.

"Don't think I would condone this trick in normal circumstances, Ji Xiang," Yong Qi said, trying to look at her sternly but failing hopelessly.

"Just in circumstances where it benefits you," Er Kang said dryly. Ji Xiang giggled.

"Where are my brothers?" Xuan Zhuang asked, noticing they did not come in with Er Kang.

"They went off, apparently not wanting to disturb Ai Xiao jie's rest," Er Kang said, smiling.

"I suppose you made sure Rong Wang Fei departed comfortably, Er Kang?" Zi Wei said.

"Oh yes, I personally saw her to the carriage."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "This will not be the last we see of her, now that she knows, will it?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Yong Qi replied.

They exchanged a foreboding look, knowing that today's discomforts of being in the same room as Zhi Hua was only the beginning.

* * *

When Zhi Hua arrived in the palace, she didn't go back to Jing Yang Gong but went to find Qian Long and found him at Qian Qing Gong.

"Huang Ah Ma, I just arrived back from Xue Shi Fu," Zhi Hua got straight to the point once the greetings were over and she had asked him to dismiss the servants.

Qian Long looked at her intensely over his desk.

"And?" he asked.

Zhi Hua bit back an exasperated sigh. "You would not happen to know who I found staying there, would you, Huang Ah Ma?" If he was playing with her, she would play it right back.

"I might. Who did you see there?"

"Aside from the Fu family, I saw Yong Qi."

"Yong Qi?"

"Yes, Yong Qi. I do not imagine that you do not know he is there, Huang Ah Ma," Zhi Hua said bluntly.

Qian Long didn't seem offended at her tone, but he also stopped pretending like he didn't know Yong Qi was still alive.

"So you saw Yong Qi. I assume you saw Xiao Yan Zi as well?"

"Yes, and I met their daughter," Zhi Hua said grimly.

"Ji Xiang is a very clever, sweet girl, I am very fond of her. They have raised her well, do you not think?"

"Huang Ah Ma, you and I both know I am not here to talk about their parenting skills," Zhi Hua said in anger.

Qian Long looked resigned, ignoring her insolence. "Why are you here, Zhi Hua?"

"How could you do it?" Zhi Hua asked, almost demanding. "How could you just let him leave everything, let him walk away? How could you just let him go?"

Qian Long just looked at her seriously for a long time. "Do you want to know the honest answer, Zhi Hua?"

"Yes."

"I came to the throne at the age of twenty-five, the same age Yong Qi was when I let him go. To take responsibility for a whole country at that age is a huge burden. An honour, yes, but also more of a burden than you could ever imagine. I had to sacrifice a lot of what I want to do, for what I must do, in the name of duty, and most of the time, those sacrifices were not easy. Often, they can be painful. I don't want Yong Qi to have to make the same sacrifices, to forego his own happiness, not like that."

Zhi Hua just stared at Qian Long in disbelief. Qian Long sighed.

"Listen, Zhi Hua. I know Yong Qi would make an excellent ruler of this country. I also know that he would take whatever responsibility handed at him and carry it out properly; he has too much of a sense of honour to do otherwise. But I also know Yong Qi hates things being forced on him. He has inherited too much of the Ai Xin Jue Luo stubbornness and sense of independence to meekly accept things handed to him if he doesn't like them. For that, if I were to force him to stay, if I forced the throne and its responsibilities on him, he would take them seriously but not very graciously. He would not be happy as a result. As a father, I cannot bear to force him into a life where I know he would not be happy. As an emperor, I realise I am sacrificing perhaps the well-being of my whole empire in depriving them of such a future ruler, but just that once, I could not bear to let the emperor in me take over the father. I trust Yong Qi to make the right choice for his life, and I trust he would not shame me wherever he goes, and he has not."

"Of course, you care so much about him to indulge him in that," Zhi Hua said bitterly. "What about me? But I do not mean so much to you, do I, Huang Ah Ma? You would have me suffer for his supposed happiness."

Qian Long's expression was woeful. "I offered you more than one chance at happiness, Zhi Hua."

"You would have me abandon all duty and morals and virtue to marry another man while my husband lives?"

"Your husband is dead. I did not lie to you. The moment Yong Qi left, the moment he gave up his titles, Rong Qin Wang had died. His life is no longer here, in the palace, Zhi Hua. If you still hold hopes of being with him, your only choice is to leave what you have now and join him in his new life. I know it cannot be just to ask that of you; Yong Qi was willing to give up everything, you are not, so the comparison is unfair. Your situations are too different."

"But he belongs here, Huang Ah Ma!"

"Where a person belongs can only be determined by that person themselves - where they feel they belong. For Yong Qi, he belongs where Xiao Yan Zi is, and Xiao Yan Zi does not belong here, so neither does he."

"Do you believe that?" Zhi Hua asked, her voice choked with emotions.

Qian Long looked at her sadly. "It doesn't matter whether I believe it. Yong Qi does, and that is what will make his happiness. I have accepted that. Perhaps you should, as well, Zhi Hua."

Zhi Hua just shook her head mutely.

Qian Long sighed again. "It does not matter, now, anyhow. Right or wrong, the decision had been made and we cannot undo it, Zhi Hua. The records have it that Wu Ah Ge is dead. He cannot come back now, even if he wanted to."

"So you are just going to let him leave again, after this?" Zhi Hua asked weakly.

"Yes. I must."

Zhi Hua just looked at Qian Long for a long moment with blazing eyes, before abruptly turning and walking out of the room, forgetting even the proper farewells.

* * *

Zhi Hua ran all the way back to Jing Yang Gong, for once, not caring how unladylike it was and who saw her. She nearly crashed into Xiao Shun Zi and Xiao Gui Zi in the courtyard and they had fallen over in their haste to jump aside to avoid her. Even inside Jing Yang Gong, she could not get relief. This whole place, every room, every corner, every piece of furniture, contained reminders of him...and of her. They had walked these rooms, they lived here, in every smallest patch of it. Zhi Hua went straight to her bedroom, slammed the door behind her and bolted it. Then she collapsed on the bed, her energy finally spent and leaving her exhausted.

Qian Long's words rang in her ears. "Yong Qi belongs where Xiao Yan Zi is, and Xiao Yan Zi does not belong here, so neither does he."

She wanted to destroy every thing in sight just as she thought about those words but only managed to throw her pillow across the room. No! She refused to accept it. To think someone like Yong Qi would need someone like Xiao Yan Zi to determine for him where he belonged! It was absurd. He may had fooled himself into believing that, he may had convinced Qian Long and everyone else that, but she would not accept it. No, she had to show him that his place was here, to all the potentials he had, to all honours, wealth that he had, that he deserved. His place was here, with her, who could accept him for who and what he was born as, not Xiao Yan Zi!

It was absurd, that he would resign to a lowly life in some hole miles away from civilisation instead of embracing the opportunities he had here. Zhi Hua didn't know how Yong Qi could be so blind.

A small voice inside of Zhi Hua whispered to her that perhaps the blind and absurd one was her, to be spending so much time and energy trying to hold on to one as blind and absurd as Yong Qi. The voice was not a stranger to her, but as usual, Zhi Hua ignored it. It would not help and she would not get anything done if she listened to that voice.

No, she would keep him back. She would find a way to keep him in Beijing, to stop him leaving her again. She would find a way to make him see the life he could have here, in the palace, with her. She would take him back, even when he'd hurt her all these years by abandoning her, because she was the only one who could show him what he missed all these years.

Her eyes and her heart hardened, as did her resolve.

She would make him become hers.

* * *

Back in Xue Shi Fu, everyone had enough tact to leave Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi together after that very long and strenuous morning.

"Well?" Yong Qi asked.

"I - " Xiao Yan Zi started, then stopped abruptly. She started pacing around the room and Yong Qi just waited patiently for her to stop. When she finally did, she faced Yong Qi with a sad look in her eyes.

"I don't know, Yong Qi," she said helplessly.

Yong Qi just put his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. He kissed her tenderly, then rested his forehead against hers.

"It was uncomfortable," Xiao Yan Zi said after a while.

Yong Qi chuckled. "That was an understatement."

"You know...the thing is…the thing with Zhi Hua is when she is not there, or when she just speaks to you, I feel sorry for her and guilty for her. But the moment she opens her mouth to speak to me, I want to strangle her for the annoying way she calls me Jie jie."

Yong Qi smiled.

"I mean, I know she hates me, she knows she hates me, you know she hates me, so why doesn't she just act like it?"

"Are you sure it's just the way she calls you Jie jie that bothers you?" Yong Qi smirked.

"Well, that and the way she pouts at you, wanting you to take pity on her."

Yong Qi sighed. "Sugar-coated venom is worst than the strongest dose of poison and she knows it. She knows it irks you, that's why she's doing it. But you know, two can play that game."

"No, no, no way, Yong Qi. I'm not sinking to her level and pretend to be sickeningly sweet while I'm plotting her murder like she is doing with me."

"That would be funny, Xiao Yan Zi, only if I could be sure that she would not ever be plotting your murder."

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer, but simply said. "So what now?"

"Well, it doesn't really matter whether she knows or not that we are here. She made her decision to marry me. I made my decision to leave. Right now, I'm not sure either of us made those decisions calmly and rationally or not, but it does not matter; it's done. We'll all just have to live with those decisions."

"So after all this, even after seeing her, would we just leave? Go back to Dali?"

"Would you want to do otherwise? Come back to Beijing, to the palace?"

"No. We can't do that now, anyway."

"No," he agreed. "In any case, I don't want to go back to the palace. Just a morning spent with Zhi Hua was enough to remind me of everything that I wanted to get away from in the palace. What I said to Zhi Hua was true, Xiao Yan Zi. Beijing winter is much too chilly and cutting; I never enjoyed it. I left as much for myself as I did for you, so you should not feel so guilty."

"I don't want to feel guilty either," she admitted. "But it just seems weird, being back here, then asking you to leave it all again."

"You are not asking me to do anything. Neither of us really belongs back here anymore, you know, after all this time. Maybe once upon a time, my place was here. Now my place is where you are, where my family is and it's not here."

"Hmmm."

"Really, Xiao Yan Zi, can you imagine our children in the palace?"

"No."

He looked seriously at her and said sincerely, "If they don't belong there, and you don't belong there, then neither do I."

She looked up at him, reached up and framed his face in her hands, her fingers caressing his cheeks lightly. Together, they didn't say anything for a long while. Then she asked softly, "Have I ever told you I love you?"

Yong Qi smiled, "Not lately, no."

"Well, I do."

He kissed her cheek gently. "I know."

* * *

"So, what do you think of Zhi Hua, Ji Xiang?" Zi Wei asked.

Ji Xiang shrugged. "She - I still feel bad that she has to suffer because she loves my father, but - "

"But you don't like her," Zi Wei finished.

"Is it that obvious?" Ji Xiang asked, looking guilty.

Zi Wei laughed. "Ji Xiang, after what you did to get rid of her? Yes, very."

Ji Xiang knew Zi Wei enough to know that she could speak totally honestly, but even then, she struggled to form her opinion of Zhi Hua in a coherent way. There were too many conflicting emotions inside her to be very eloquent.

"It's just...she's not...very...I'd...maybe not _like_ her, but I won't dislike her as much if she was a bit more sincere. I mean it's obvious that she doesn't like Mother. Isn't it just more comfortable for everyone if she just goes out and act that way, instead of pretending to be so nice when it was pretty obvious that she doesn't want to be nice?"

"A well-bred lady is nice to everyone, though she may secretly hate them. Of course, Zhi Hua, and others like her, take that to a different level and make it clear their dislike through their action while still acting 'nice'. But yes, I see your point."

"Though I suppose...she must really love my father." Even as she said this, the words felt strangely bitter on her lips. Even her mother had apparently resigned to the fact, so why did _Ji Xiang_ had to feel jealous on her mother's behalf? It wasn't as if her father hadn't made it clear where his heart lay, and it wasn't as if they could force Zhi Hua to feel otherwise.

"You think so?" Zi Wei asked sceptically.

"Do you not think so? I mean, all these years, she still waits for him, still wants him back."

"Why does she want him back, though? So that she could be with him. She still thinks that if only he stayed, she would be able to win him over, sometime, somehow. She can't accept that if your parents had stayed, all three of them would be miserable, your father most of all. She waits for him, I think, more out of pride for the books that she read that told her this was a woman's duty. She waits because it gives her something to do, someone to blame, something to blame her misery on that wasn't herself. The truth is, she walked into this marriage knowing your father didn't love her, so she practically brought this on herself. She thinks she knows your father better than he did himself, which, frankly, is a stupid assumption. She thinks she knows what is best for him, and won't accept his decision because accepting his decision would mean admitting that she failed. Where is the love in her refusal to accept his decision, in her desperate attempt to pull him back to a life where he was miserable, Ji Xiang? Love isn't about what you, yourself, selfishly want. It's about what will make the person you love happy, and accepting the situations that will make them happy. In love, you have to be prepared to let them make, and accept, their decisions, perhaps with input from, and consideration for, you, yes, but their decisions nonetheless. To assume that you can make decision for them and that your decisions will be for the best, because you think so, that will be taking them for granted. Zhi Hua should have realised that if your father was to ever realise that your mother was wrong for him, he'd done so long before now. But he hadn't. But she still can't accept the fact that he loves your mother, and not her. She thinks she knows better than him of who he loves, of who he should love and thus refuses to let him go."

"That's ridiculous," Ji Xiang exclaimed. "You can't choose who to love. If all of us love who we should love, then there would never be any problem!"

"Exactly."

"But why - why can't such an obviously intelligent person realise that she's only hurting herself more by holding on, when letting go would bring her so much more relief? I mean, if she holds on, she'll have to think about it, count the days till he comes back. If she lets go, she could have her own life. Maybe she thinks it's her duty to not marry again, but if she let go, she'd at least be able to live for herself, and be happier for it."

"Well, that is what it should be, if she were rational, yes. Zhi Hua is very intelligent and very educated, but she does seem to be rather lacking in the rationality department. She buries herself in her bubble of what she reads in her books and doesn't realise that life is very different from books. Books are written, by men, I might add, to act as ideal for people to strive to. Life is different, people are different, situations are different. Life changes, people change, situations change. If we don't know how to adapt to our situations, we'd be trapped in a corner with no way out. If she really lets go, she'd marry again, as the whole duty of a woman staying a widow and not marry again works on the idea that she holds on to her dead husband all her life. It's the way she was brought up and she is trapped in a society where she thinks she cannot break free from all these book teachings, that she has to carry them out to the letter."

"Weren't you brought up the same way, and live in the same society?"

Zi Wei chuckled. "Yes, but I've had your mother to widen my perspectives a bit. I've had a time when I was totally on my own, when none of the teachings in my books would help me survive and find my father. I had to realise that life is harsher than what my books tell me, that life is full of unexpected turns and you just have to let yourself react to them. If every time we come across a problem we have to think the whole society think will be acceptable, as opposed to what is the solution that will bring us the best result, then we'd all be pretty miserable. People around you and society are important, yes, but ultimate you live for your life and only you can tell what is best for you, what would make you happy. No book written by men long in their graves could tell you that. For all her education, Zhi Hua lacks the real world experience. Her life revolves around the upper-class she was brought up in, life in which, quite frankly, only teaches you how to compete to climb higher rather than to look down and realise there is more to life than that."

Ji Xiang looked thoughtful as she let Zi Wei's words sink in. If truth be told, she had grown up with the same teachings, as well. After all, they all read from the same books. Still, though both her parents took a very serious approach to her book learnings, they never failed to make it clear to her that there were more to life than what was in those dusty books and they never were satisfied for her to just simply memorise and follow those words blindly, which, according to Zi Wei, what Zhi Hua was wont to do. It was the ability to think about what you read that allowed you to benefit from them, her father always told her. After all, if rote learning was all that made a scholar, then the world would be a rather scary place with no progress.

"What do you think my parents will do now?" Ji Xiang asked.

"He cannot come back, if that's what you're asking. And he would not want to come back either. He doesn't belong in the palace anymore, not when they think he is dead. No one would be happy even if he did come back, least of all Zhi Hua. It's not really anyone's fault. Zhi Hua...she is to be pitied, but it's not really a question of blame, Ji Xiang. Actions and reactions feed on each other, and we can't look back and say if we didn't do this, it would all turn out all right, because more things could go wrong even if we did make another decision. The most difficult thing in life is not making a decision - that's just choosing between one and the other. It's to accept the consequences of those decisions and live with them."


	10. Hua Rong Yan

**Chapter 10: Hua Rong Yan, or the Study of the All-Too-Confusing Love-Triangle of Rong Qin Wang and His Wives**

* * *

That night, Xiao Yan Zi burst rather unceremoniously into Zi Wei and Er Kang's bedroom.

Er Kang sprang up from his seat where he had just sat down to take off his shoes.

"Good Heaven, Xiao Yan Zi, do you not knock?" he asked irritably.

Xiao Yan Zi ignored his comment and just said, "Go away, Er Kang. I need to speak to Zi Wei."

"Excuse me? This is my bedroom, in my house!" Er Kang said indignantly.

"Please?"

Er Kang sighed and shook his head, but didn't say any more and just left them alone.

Zi Wei laughed as soon as he was out of sight, though they could still hear him grumbling down the hall.

"Really, Xiao Yan Zi, you could have walked in on something."

"If I did then I should be happy for you."

"What?"

"That after all these years there's still something for me to walk in on." Xiao Yan Zi smirked as Zi Wei blushed.

"And you?" Zi Wei shot back. "Would there be something for me to walk in on if I were to burst into your bedroom in the middle of the night?"

It was Xiao Yan Zi's turn to blush, even redder than Zi Wei.

"It's hardly the middle of the night, Zi Wei," she mumbled.

"And you're avoiding the question," Zi Wei chuckled.

Xiao Yan Zi sniffed and turned up her nose, saying loftily, "You want to know what I do with your brother in the bedroom in the middle of the night?"

Zi Wei laughed. "All right, point taken. But you didn't come in here to discuss our night lives, Xiao Yan Zi. What about Zhi Hua do you want to talk about?"

"What makes you think I want to talk about Zhi Hua?"

"No?" Zi Wei looked at her friend challengingly.

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "Fine. All right. Do you honestly don't think she loves Yong Qi?"

"And you do?"

"Yes."

Zi Wei sighed. She was quiet for a moment, before pulling Xiao Yan Zi to sit down on the bed with her.

"Look, Xiao Yan Zi, I've observed Zhi Hua through all these years, and I've had a lot of time to think about her and Yong Qi and you, with a clearer mind now than when we were caught up in a confusion of secrets. Yong Qi never made a secret of why he married her; she knew the only reason he agreed was to save Xiao Jian's life. But she married him anyway. Why? Back then, I really thought it was out of kindness, but really, who could be so selfless as to throw their life into misery for a perfect stranger? She practically told me then that it was Lao Fo Ye's promise of her becoming Empress that persuaded her. She let herself become the bargaining device for Xiao Jian's life. Do you really think Lao Fo Ye would have made her marry Yong Qi if she, herself, said no?"

If truth be told, the circumstances surrounding Yong Qi and Zhi Hua's marriage was something that Xiao Yan Zi had always tried to deny and push out of her mind, so she never considered what Zhi Hua's true motive was in marrying Yong Qi. The idea that another woman wanted her husband was bad enough, she never wanted to torture herself was the why as well.

"No," Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "But why should she have said no? There was nothing wrong with him. She apparently thought she could make him love her."

"Exactly! That very shows how very little she understood him. She hardly knew _anything_ about him, as a person, Xiao Yan Zi, and I think she still doesn't know much more about him now. If she did, she'd understand why she never gained his love, why he loves you so much, why he left. He loves you because you were different from all the women at court, because you brought joy into his life, because you made him realise that there was more to life than just the wealth and luxury he grew up with. But you didn't make him treasure these things, Xiao Yan Zi. You only made him realise they exist and he comes to treasure them because that's what he, himself, wants in his life. He loves your difference not for the sake of your being different, but because he values all the different values from what is demonstrated in court. What he loves in you stems from who he is and what he values, and you just happen to have those qualities. Even without you, even if he married her under better circumstances, I don't think he would love her much better, because they have such different values in life."

"But they do have a lot in common - they were brought up in the same way, with the same kind education. She could appreciate all his talents - "

Deep down, Xiao Yan Zi always knew this was the root of all her insecurity around Zhi Hua, of all her jealousy. She always knew that whatever it was about her that attracted Xiao Yan Zi, it wasn't her literary prowess, whereas she was always aware of and admired his talents and knowledge, even if she never understood much of it. Still, she could appreciate that he was indeed more intelligent and talented than the average person and faced with Zhi Hua, who was equally so (she grudgingly admitted), how could she not feel so small? How could she help wondering why he wouldn't want a wife who actually understood everything he said to her without misinterpreting every four-word phrase that came her way?

"Yes, and on one level, those things are a small part of him," Zi Wei said, "but a bigger part of him longs for, not someone who can sit and philosophise with him, but someone who can offer him friendship and love, unconditionally. Why did you like him so much in the first place? What made you trust him with your secret?"

The answer was so simple that it came to Xiao Yan Zi's lips without her having to even think about it. "Because he was so kind. He suspected that I wasn't his sister, wasn't Huang Ah Ma's daughter and he could have reported me, but he tried to get the story from me first. And when he knew, he still protected me, covered up for me, as dangerous as it was. I wasn't anything to him, but he helped me."

"You didn't think about his title, his upbringing, did you?"

"Well, no. But then, I didn't think they mattered. I only realised how far apart we were when Lao Fo Ye came back and made it clear that he was too far away from me."

"Exactly! Yong Qi wanted that: someone who could love him with or without his title. If he had been a commoner on the streets and you met him and he was equally kind to you, you would still like him, and with enough time and getting to know him, you would still love him, would you not?"

"Yes."

"Do you honestly think Zhi Hua would give Yong Qi a second thought if he wasn't a prince, or at least, high-born?"

"Well - " Xiao Yan Zi hesitated.

"I don't think what Zhi Hua calls her love for Yong Qi is unconditional. Take right now, Yong Qi no longer has his titles. No matter what he was born to, he had given it all up and can never take it all back again. Zhi Hua cannot accept that. She still holds on to the prince that she married. I think she loves…she loves all the wrong parts of him. Or, rather, she never loved him, but she loves an expectation of a person she thought he was. She expected him to embrace his chance at the throne, she expected him to be the prince that she thinks princes should be. She had an image of a prince that she would like him to be."

"It wasn't just her," Xiao Yan Zi pointed out. "Everyone expected of him what she expected."

"Yes, and perhaps he _should_ be that prince, for his own sake, if he was to succeed to the throne. But he is not, and never was that prince to begin with. He would not become that prince just because she, or anyone else, wishes it so. I still think Yong Qi's character and personality would make him a good Emperor, but I do realise, and Huang Ah Ma does as well, as Zhi Hua doesn't realise, that he'd be so miserable with it because he never looked for it. But if Zhi Hua realised that he never wanted the throne and would give it up if he could, she would never had married him. Whatever she loved about him, she had an agenda to become Empress in marrying him. To be fair, considering the life she was brought up in, that agenda is logical and isn't a sin. She expected him to have the same agenda with her, because it's logical to her, but he doesn't, I don't think he ever really had. I'm sure he grew up knowing the expectations people have of him, but he never actively sought the throne. When she realised that he doesn't have the same plans as she does, she thinks it's because of you. It gives her someone to blame, she probably felt more comfortable blaming you than blaming Yong Qi's lack of enthusiasm for the throne. But even without you, I don't think Yong Qi would be any more eager for the throne. Of course, without meeting you, he wouldn't see the world outside through your eyes and perhaps he might have an easier time accepting the throne, but he would never be like the other princes who will fight to death for it."

"How do you know that?"

"From Er Kang and Er Tai. You didn't change him that much, Xiao Yan Zi, you just brought out the best in him. Or worst…depending on one's perspective, I suppose."

"So from all this, you conclude she doesn't love him?" Xiao Yan Zi said slowly.

"She loves - whatever she loves, it's not him, either the prince or the person. Yong Qi was never a normal prince because he never wanted the things that princes want, nor was he ever a normal person, because he was born a prince. She loves a figment of her imagination that she wishes to be him."

"Let's forget what, or who, she loves right now," Xiao Yan Zi said. "You cannot deny that she does love, even if it is only an illusion of him. She does believe that she loves him."

"Yes," Zi Wei said sadly. "She believes it so much that all these years she can't let go of him to make a life for herself. The truth is, even if she loved him, for himself, he does not love her. He never had. Her tragedy is in not loving, Xiao Yan Zi. It is in marrying him when she knew he did not love her."

"Lots of people marry without love."

"Not the way she married him. Not for the reasons he married her."

"Would it necessarily be better if she hadn't married him?"

"Yes!" Zi Wei exclaimed. "Let's just assume that she loves him now, but do you really think she loved him when she married him?"

"I - I don't know."

"She didn't know anything about him then. Even she cannot claim to love him after a four-month acquaintance and about two brief conversations. For whatever reasons she married him, she knew that he did not love her, though perhaps she thought she could make him, later on. She probably also believed that she would grow to love him, because there was really nothing wrong with him, as you said. And because of that belief, she did convince herself that she loved him, later on. But at the moment of their marriage, Xiao Yan Zi, I don't think she could truthfully say she loved him."

"So, what's your point?"

"My point is, for her, it was marriage, then love. If she had not married Yong Qi, if she had married someone else, her chances of moving from marriage to love would probably be just as good, probably better because if she had married someone else, she would have had better chance of her love being returned."

They were quiet for a moment, both lost in their thoughts. Then Zi Wei spoke again.

"Honestly, Xiao Yan Zi, I don't think you should feel threatened by her now."

"I don't...exactly."

Zi Wei reached over and took her hand.

"Really, Xiao Yan Zi. Just because they took part in a ceremony two decades ago doesn't mean they have a marriage, an understanding, a relationship as you and Yong Qi do. They haven't seen each other in seventeen years. Even if she knew who he really was seventeen years ago, she would only be holding onto that image of him now and it would be an outdated one. But she never truly understood him all those years ago, and she is not about to now. If she understood, she'd realise that no matter how, no matter why, no matter how illogical it was to her, the truth was and is that you are part of him, a part that came together with him through everything that you've been through together. No matter how charming, beautiful, talented she was, she could never take those things away from him and from you. If she realised that she would never had married him, not unless she was prepared to accept that he would never love her, which she was not, as she tried to take him away from you. So can you really love someone truly for who they are if you don't even understand who they are in the first place?"

"I suppose not. But it's not really her fault that she can't understand. How could she understand when she never felt it?"

"I'm not saying it is her fault and I do agree with you on that. She was brought up to trust a certain line of logic and she had held on to that steadfast all these years, and it justifies her feelings and expectations for him, and hinders her understand of his true feelings. She was very young. She made a foolish, naïve decision based on logic that, in any other situation, would make sense, but didn't make sense with our situation and feelings. It's not really a matter of fault. Neither you nor Yong Qi could help your feelings nor can she help how she was raised, which ultimately affects her feelings."

"Her life is very sad."

"Yes," Zi Wei sighed heavily. "But she is not the first in the palace to suffer so and will not be the last. Our happiness is the rare thing, you know. It all hinged on her decision to marry him all those years ago. We perhaps can't blame her for making the decision but it was her decision nevertheless. If she was to blame Yong Qi for loving you, she might as well blame herself for loving him. Or for believing that she loves him, as I don't think she loves him. Not the way we love."

Xiao Yan Zi looked curiously at Zi Wei.

"You've thought a lot about this - about us. You should write a book about it, since you certainly understand more than I do."

Zi Wei laughed. "Huang Ah Ma told me once that our story was probably intriguing enough to be written into a book. As for me, well, without you, I have to say life is a little less exciting. Aside from the children and visiting various female family members, listening to palace gossip, I don't exactly have much to do. I missed you. But I usually can't think of you without thinking of them."

"I missed you too. Let's stay up and talk tonight, like the old days."

"Wouldn't Yong Qi be expecting you back?"

"No, I'm sure Er Kang's gone to tell him I'm here and if they know us, and they better do, after all these years, they'll leave us alone."

They both laughed.

Zi Wei smiled conspiringly. "So, this book I'm writing, what should it be called?"

"Hua Rong Yan, or the Study of the All-Too-Confusing Love-Triangle of Rong Qin Wang and His Wives."

They both burst out in giggles.

* * *

Er Kang had half-expected Xiao Yan Zi to show up to talk to Zi Wei that night, so he wasn't overly surprised when she burst in and wasn't entirely unprepared to leave. Still that didn't mean he had to show that he appreciated being ordered out of his own room. He made his way to Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's room.

"Your wife had just burst into my room and ordered me out because she needed to talk to my wife," Er Kang told Yong Qi ask he walked into the room.

Yong Qi looked up, chuckling. "Really? Somehow I don't think either of us will see much of our wives tonight then."

"No. Honestly, I'm starting to have second thoughts about you two being here," Er Kang teased.

"Oh?"

"Well, now that Xiao Yan Zi is here, I have to share my wife with her."

Yong Qi raised his eyebrow. "And you don't do that usually anyway, with your children?"

"Not at night, I don't," Er Kang said with a straight face.

Yong Qi looked amused for a moment, then said, "I would reply to that, but considering she is my sister, I really don't want to know."

Er Kang chuckled. Then he turned more serious.

"So Zhi Hua, what are you going to do about her?" Er Kang asked, sitting down.

"I don't see much I can do about her. What I worry more about is what she will do."

"True. I don't see her just letting you go without a fight now that she knows you are back in Beijing."

"She would not announce it to everyone in the palace that I am here, would she?"

Er Kang shook his head. "I don't think so. Zhi Hua may want you back, but she's proud. She would not announce it to the world that you left her all those years ago. As for what she would do to keep you back, honestly I have no idea."

Yong Qi stood up and looked out onto the courtyard. "She told me - she told me she wants me back, that she loves me. After all this time," he said heavily.

"You are surprised?"

"Not…not really. I had hoped that she would had come to hate me after all this time. Funny, how I find it easier to bear for her hate me than love me. But it bothers me, that after all this time, she still thinks everything can be ok, only if I come back to her. How can she think that anything between us would ever work, after everything?"

"I think - I think she's gotten into a mindset where she has to think that, whether she really believes it or not, to just keep holding on to you, to stop moving on."

"Why?"

"Because, deny it all you want, the truth is she entered the palace for you and you were her reason for existing in the palace. You know Lao Fo Ye took her in because she wanted to marry her off to you. If she takes you out of her hopes and out her mind, she doesn't have a reason for being in the palace anymore."

"That's what so frustrating," Yong Qi exclaimed. "That she thinks she has to hold onto to a life in the palace, hold on to me. She's a pretty, talented, intelligent woman. She doesn't deserve the life she has right now, so why can't she just realise that?"

Er Kang smiled thinly. "She apparently thinks for her beauty, her talents and her intelligence, she deserves no lower than a prince - "

" - who no longer exists. But of course, she won't accept that."

"This may sound very flippant, Yong Qi, but that's her problem, not yours. You made your choices, and yes, they affected her life in a way that she didn't like, but that doesn't mean she has to sit back and moan about it, blaming all her problems on it. She made her fair share of choices, as well."

"What I don't get is what she loves about me! She certainly believes it, yet she knows so little about who I really am. So how could she - "

"Her idea of love is very different from ours, I suppose. Maybe to us, loving you for your titles et cetera may not be love, but that does not stop her from believing it is. And when she believe is then it is love, to her."

"Do you think she'd do something rash? I mean, we all know what she was willing to risk last time. I don't want to have to worry, but how can I not worry that she'd try something again, this time?"

"As I said, I'd be surprised if she didn't try anything. You know, the easy solution would just be for you to leave as soon as possible."

Yong Qi sighed. "Xiao Yan Zi and I had hoped we could spend some more time with you and everyone. Besides, while Ji Xiang would be ok to travel now, I don't want her to until her injury completely heals. I would hate to think we'd have to run away from Zhi Hua. Though, to be honest, what could she do, really? Aside from announcing to the world that we're here, but even then, not many people would believe her if the common knowledge was that we're dead."

"You have a point, but one never know. I don't want to either underestimate or overestimate her. I suppose we should just all be on our guards."


	11. Something Wicked This Way Comes

Chapter 11: Something Wicked This Way Comes

* * *

The four men trekked along in the pouring rain, looking for their place of shelter. They were in Dali on a mission, a mission which involved a stay with the Fang family.

They had arrived in Dali only two days ago, and found the Fang residence with much ease, considering most the town knew where the Ai clinic was, and the Fang house was not far away. They had spent a day watching the house's occupants, trying to figure out who was who. Now, they would act.

At first, their biggest dilemma had been how to come up with a plausible excuse to come into the Fang household, but it seemed that Heaven was on their side. On the day they were to put their plan into action, it poured with rain, liked someone had punched holes in the sky, which they rejoiced at. This was the perfect excuse.

So now, they walked towards the house, dripping wet, but that was all part of the plan. When they reached the door, one of them rapped on it. A kindly looking woman in her early forties opened the door to answer them. They knew this was Qing Ge Ge, but of course, she must not know that they knew anything about that.

"Oh my goodness," she exclaimed upon seeing them sopping wet and worst for wear. "Please do come in, gentlemen."

"Thank you," one of them said apparently gratefully but inside, they were all smiling in triumph. The first phase of the plan went perfectly well.

"The weather is dreadful at the moment, is it not, gentlemen? Let me get my husband out to greet you then I am sure we can get something dry for you to wear," she said. Then she left them in the main living area, going into one of the inner rooms. A moment later, a man, looking only slightly older than his wife, stepped into the room.

"Gentlemen, welcome to my home," the man said politely. "My name is Fang Yan and you are very welcome to take your shelter here as long as need be."

"Thank you, Fang Xian sheng," one the four men said, stepping forwards. "My name is Liu Cao and these are my brothers, Liu Tang, Liu Ying and Liu Tian. We own a business in Beijing, and are here in Yunnan to conduct some business. We were on our way to see some friends but unfortunately got caught out in the rain; it started so suddenly. It's very kind of you to agree to take us in like this."

Liu Cao was proud of himself. The polite and cultured tone of his voice perfectly hid his intentions and no one listening to his speech could ever suspect his reasons for being here. His brothers likewise didn't give anything away.

At that moment, Qing Ge Ge reentered the room with some towels. After Fang Yan had introduced them to the visitors, she said:

"Gentlemen, if you will follow me into the guest room, you can get dry and change into something drier."

While the guests were changing, the master and lady of the house gathered the children in the main living area to introduce to their guests.

"These are all your children?" Liu Tian asked as they were introduced to the children.

Fang Yan chuckled. "No, sir. These three are our children," he indicated them. "And the other three are our niece and nephews. My sister and brother-in-law is currently away visiting some friends and the children are staying with us for the meantime."

After some inconsequential conversation, it became clear that the rain was not going to let up before night is over, much to the Liu brothers' happiness, as it would give them more time to act. Fang Yan offered for the men to stay in the guest room for the night since it was obvious that they could not go out while it was still raining so hard.

* * *

It was her younger daughter's terrified scream that woke both Qing Er and Xiao Jian the next day. To Qing Er's own panic, she woke to find herself not in bed but in the living room, tied up to a chair and the two youngest Liu brothers - Liu Ying and Liu Tian - hovering menacingly over them. Qing Er found that her head was heavy as stone, and she was very much disorientated. It took her a moment to shake herself out of her stupor, think properly and get her bearings. She gasped as she looked around and saw that her husband and children were in the same situations, while Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi were nowhere to be found.

"Who are you?" Xiao Jian was shouting angrily, as he struggled futilely against his bonds. "What do you want? What have you done to my niece and nephews?"

Liu Ying smirked at them. "We are who we told you last night, and we are from Beijing, here to do some business. We just failed to say that our business involved you. Now, ah yes, Qing Ge Ge - " Qing Er gasped at his use of her title. Likewise, Xiao Jian let out a straggled cry next to her, while their children looked terrified and confused, " - I have a letter here for you, from the person who hired us on this business. I believe it will explain everything."

Liu Tian was holding a piece of paper in front of her for her to read. Though it had been many years since she saw it, Qing Er could immediately recognise Zhi Hua's handwriting and it gave her a sinking feeling before she even started reading.

* * *

_Jie jie,_

_I hope you don't mind me calling you Jie jie, but we were both taken in by Lao Fo Ye, I think it is not too presumptuous of me to call you thus. In case you still don't know who I am, I am Zhi Hua. _

_I shall cut the long story short, Jie jie. I am sure despite the fact that he didn't want to meet me, I did come across Yong Qi in Beijing and shall we say he was less than cooperative in my plan for his returning to the palace, to the titles, wealth and everything else that could be, is, was and will always be his. I am in need of something to persuade him, so to speak, so I have taken the liberty of borrowing his children for the purpose. _

_By the time you read this, Liu Cao and Liu Tang will be on their way with my darling husband's remaining children to Beijing. If you must know, yes, I did meet the girl, Ji Xiang, but I can't hope to lay a hand on her while she is at Xue Shi Fu. Anyway, so I need her siblings in Beijing and I cannot risk you or your husband meddling with this plan. I just need someone to hold you and your husband back in Yunnan, to stop you rushing to Beijing to tell Yong Qi of his children's whereabouts before I am ready for him to know. _

_So Liu Ying and Liu Tian will be your houseguests for a while. I hope you do not mind. They will just be there, keeping you company and make sure you don't set a foot out of doors. Do not worry, I will not harm you or your family, so they are under orders to keep you as comfortable as possible, in captivity of course. Lao Fo Ye would never forgive me if something happened to you. Liu Cao and Liu Tang will be back to collect his brothers when everything is settled on my end._

_I hope you are well, and I remain affectionately yours,_

_Zhi Hua_

* * *

Qing Er's first reaction was disbelief. Then she realised, after what Zhi Hua did last time to try to win Yong Qi, this shouldn't be that much of a shock, even if she did take things up a notch. Qing Er wasn't sure what angered her more, what Zhi Hua had done or the mocking tone of the letter. She had a headache as it was and reading Zhi Hua's letter just made everything worst. All the time she was reading it, Xiao Jian was trying to get out of the Liu brothers what was going on but they just smirked at them, waiting for her to finish reading the letter.

"Qing Er?" Xiao Jian asked, apparently given up on trying to talk to his jailers.

"Zhi Hua," Qing Er said.

"Zhi Hua?" Xiao Jian asked through gritted teeth. "What - ?"

Liu Tian just moved the letter to Xiao Jian's line of sight so that he could read it, still smirking. Qing Er tried to clear her head to think but failed. She was drowning in a daze of confusion, of not knowing what happened to her niece and nephews, of the appalling horror of what Zhi Hua would do next -

Apparently Xiao Jian had been shocked into silence as well after he finished reading the letter. He was just glaring at their captors with death glares, as if willing his stares to kill them right there. Liu Ying smiled even wider.

He said casually, "Oh and if you are wondering how we managed to tie you up with so little trouble, I have to confess it was with the help of a little thing called Mi Hun Xiang."

"Mi Hun Xiang?" Xiao Jian breathed. "Of all the lowly things - "

It was low, indeed, but it would explain how none of them could be very coherent and think properly.

"We are not paid to be noble, Fang Xian sheng," Liu Tian laughed. "We are paid to do what is required of us. Do not worry, as the letter said, we will not harm you. Just cooperate and nothing will happen to you. You will find that you will be quite incapable of any form of martial arts right now, as we had to give you something to ensure you would not fight back when we loosen your bindings a bit. We don't intend to keep you permanently tied up to chairs like this for however long we will have to be here, no. There's no fun in that. We'll let you off the chairs in a while. But as I said, you'll find all your strength and martial arts gone, until we give you an antidote to the potion we forced into you last night."

True to their words, Liu Tian and Liu Ying let them up from their tied positions on the chairs, but they still kept the family loosely tied up. To make the situation worst, whatever it was that they forced them to take, it not only took away their abilities to protect themselves but also put them in a weakly state that they were all dominated by their keepers in strength.

Qing Er knew what frustrated Xiao Jian most in the days they were basically under house arrest was not only their worry about what happened to Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi and Zhi Hua's schemes, but also his inability to protect his family. She knew these days, when not one of them as left alone for long, when they were under the constant watch of the Liu brothers, it all was damage to his pride and self-esteem, though neither she nor the children blamed him for it. They had to explain the situation to their children under the scrutiny and sneers of Liu Ying and Liu Tian, which made the experience which under normal circumstances would had been uncomfortable enough, doubly so.

Their reactions, naturally, had been shock, but Qing Er imagined that if they were told this under different circumstances, their reactions would have been much different, perhaps with more anger. But as of right now, they were all too busy being worried about their cousins to think much about anything else.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi knew very little of what went on during their trip to Beijing. In fact, they didn't even know they were being taken to Beijing. Per Zhi Hua's request, Liu Cao and Liu Tang traveled day and night to get them to Beijing in the shortest amount of time. For the whole duration of the trip, they were kept in a more or less constant state of intoxication of Mi Hun Xiang burning inside a stuffy carriage. The Liu brothers escaped the effects of the mind-muddling incense as they were out on the driving seat of the carriage in the fresh air.

They arrived in Beijing at night, about ten days after started off from Dali, and it was under cover of night that Liu Tang and Liu Cao snuck them into the palace and into Jing Yang Gong to bring them to Zhi Hua. Seeing how they were all still unconscious when the Liu brothers brought them to Jing Yang Gong, Zhi Hua had them locked up in a secret chamber behind a bookshelf in the study.

Her plan would come into action tomorrow.

* * *

To those at Xue Shi Fu, it seemed like nothing happened for a long time and for that time, Yong Qi thought he had worried about nothing. It puzzled him in those days when he didn't see Zhi Hua again and as Zi Wei reported from her visit to the palace, she didn't seem to be doing anything to seek him out or show that she knew Yong Qi was at Xue Shi Fu at all. In retrospect, Yong Qi knew this should have been the thing that alerted him that something was wrong. Zhi Hua would not just sit back and wait for him to leave and meekly accept it.

In fact, Ji Xiang's wound had completely healed, and he and Xiao Yan Zi was planning to leave Beijing to go back to Dali before they knew that something had gone wrong back home at all.

* * *

"Ru Yi!" an urgent voice was calling her, shaking her. She struggled awake, and opened her heavy eyelids.

She couldn't see anything. It was very dark in the room. For a moment she thought it was not lit at all, but as she slowly gained her senses, she realised it was only lit by a very small candle.

"Ru Yi, are you ok?" Jian Jun was talking to her. It took Ru Yi a moment to make her mouth work.

"Brother? Where are we? What happened?"

"We don't know, Ru Yi," Jian Wen said quietly while Jian Jun stood up and looked around the room. There was really not much to see; the room was totally bare except for a small table that held a candle and themselves. He felt around the walls, trying to find an exit, or at least a door, an opening, anything, but couldn't seem to find any.

"How are you feeling?" Jian Jun asked, concerned, sitting back down next to them.

"Dizzy," Ru Yi said weakly. "Scared."

Jian Wen put an arm around her shoulder and she huddled closer against him. "It's ok, it's going to be ok," he whispered, though none of them believed it.

What scared Ru Yi most was the fact that neither of her brothers seemed to know what was going on either, and why they were here. They didn't know how much time had passed since they left Dali or where they were. Nothing made much sense and none of them knew how they would get out of this situation, whatever this situation was.

Then suddenly, the wall opposite them opened and one of the men that had kidnapped them, Liu Cao, stepped in.

"Well, well, you are finally awake," Liu Cao sneered.

Ru Yi clung fearfully to Jian Wen, whose arm was still around her protectively. Jian Jun stood in front of them and said harshly, "What do you want?"

"I don't want anything with you, someone else does," Liu Cao said. He seized them and pushed them out of the opening. They stumbled into a room; it was a study by the look of it as it was lined with bookshelves and had a writing desk at one end. The room they were locked in was concealed by a bookshelf, which Liu Cao closed behind them.

For a moment, Ru Yi looked around the room, and despite the situation, was in awe at the rich furnishing and the beauty of the room. She looked at the scrolls of calligraphy on the wall and was immediately confused. The writing on them looked eerily like her father's handwriting. She looked over at her brothers and found that they, too, were looking in trepidation at the writing. Of course, it was not impossible that someone else could have the same calligraphy style as her father, but it just made the whole experience even scarier.

The door to the study opened and a woman, richly and elaborately dressed, stepped inside, followed by their other kidnapper, Liu Tang.

* * *

As soon as they spotted Zhi Hua, the older boy, Jian Jun was his name from what Liu Cao told her, stepped in front of the little girl and faced Zhi Hua was a venomous look. "Who are you and what do you want with us?" he demanded with considerable force for someone so young. The way his eyes flashed in anger couldn't help but remind Zhi Hua of his father. She thought idly how this boy would have great potential one day; he was already showing the commanding presence and calibre of a future monarch. It was a pity he was Xiao Yan Zi's son.

"Not to harm you," Zhi Hua said serenely. "Not yet. In fact, I would hope I will not have to harm you."

She stepped closer to them. "As for who I am, all you have to know right now is that I am Rong Wang Fei. You are at Jing Yang Gong, in the imperial palace."

This information put all three of them into shock, apparently, and Zhi Hua was able to push Jian Jun aside without much struggle. For the first time she got a good look at the other children.

As much as the two older children resembled their father, Ji Xiang in look and Jian Jun in manners, the two younger ones were definitely their mother's children. The second boy, Jian Wen, did not look obviously like his mother, but he had a face that showed he could be just as high-spirited, cheeky and mischievous as her. Zhi Hua could well imagine her annoying playful smile on his face.

The little girl, Ru Yi, on the other hand, was a carbon copy of Xiao Yan Zi. How strange that the two girls should be the ones to most resemble their parents. Well, this would be interesting.

"Well, you are a pretty little one, aren't you?" Zhi Hua said softly, tilting the girl's chin up. Ru Yi cringed and tried to struggle against her but Zhi Hua was gripping her shoulder with her other hand. Jian Wen protectively pulled Ru Yi away from Zhi Hua and put himself between them.

"Don't touch her. I don't care who you are; don't touch her," he said angrily. Jian Jun had shifted closer to Ru Yi as well.

Zhi Hua swept a look at the three of them, before turning away from them and said airily, "Did you parents not teach you any manners? Did they not tell you to be respectful to your elders?"

"Only when they deserve it," Jian Jun said in the same harsh voice he had used earlier. "And only when they are not trying kill us."

Zhi Hua laughed, "I never said I wanted to kill you. No, I do not want to kill you."

"What do you want then?" Jian Jun demanded.

Zhi Hua turned and gave them a smile. "That, you will find out in due course." She nodded to Liu Cao. "Take the girl into the other room."

Immediately Liu Cao seized Ru Yi, who struggled madly against him, and took her out of the room, while Liu Tang went over and held Jian Jun and Jian Wen back.

"No! Jian Jun! Let me go! Jian Wen!" The only appropriate way to describe her struggles was to say that she was literally kicking and screaming.

"Ru Yi! Let go of her! What do you want with her? Whatever you want to do with her, you can do to us! Let her go!"

There was a howl of pain as Liu Cao let go of Ru Yi quickly because she had bit him and as soon as she was free, she made to dash back to her brothers. However, Zhi Hua caught her around the middle and held her back. Gripping Ru Yi's throat, she forced the child to look up at her and was met with defiant eyes on features so like Xiao Yan Zi. Zhi Hua's own eyes hardened with hate and Ru Yi couldn't help but cringe from a mixture of fear and pain. It was as if she knew what was coming even before Zhi Hua did, but still she couldn't help the cry of pain as Zhi Hua slapped her hard around the face and the force of it made her hit against the table.

She could hear both her brothers scream. "Ru Yi!"

They were shouting completely inappropriate things at Zhia Hua too and were struggling more than ever now but both Liu Cao and Liu Tang had restrained them and in their dizzy and disorientated from the effects of long exposure to Mi Hun Xiang, it was a hopeless affair.

Ru Yi tasted blood and knew there would be a massive bruise on her cheek soon. She looked up just as Liu Cao, having left her brothers to Liu Tang, grabbed her again and despite her continued struggle, dragged her out of the room, with her brothers angered and fearful protests still ringing in her ears.

"Stop struggling," Zhi Hua said to the boys. She appeared visibly discomposed by what she'd just done nevertheless and was trying to calm herself. "I'm not going to do anything to her, just put her in a place away from you. Do not worry, if your father cooperates and do what I want him to, no harm shall come to her."

"Our father? What do you want with our father?" Jian Jun demanded, still struggling against Liu Tang, and failing.

"That, you will find out in due course," she repeated. Then she walked out of the room, leaving Liu Tang to force the boys back into the room behind the bookshelf.

* * *

The next morning, a letter arrived early at Xue Shi Fu for Yong Qi, from Zhi Hua. In fact, they were still at breakfast when the letter arrived.

Yong Qi took the letter, a feeling of unease slowly seeping into him. As he read it, his face paled considerably. There was something in the menacing tone of the letter that told him Zhi Hua wasn't bluffing, and as unlikely as it seemed, she relaly somehow managed to get his children from Dali to Beijing and now were holding them captive in his former home.

"Yong Qi, what is it?" Zi Wei asked as she looked at her brother's stricken face.

"Zhi Hua - she - she has Ru Yi and the boys - "

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, alarmed. "What do you mean, _have them_?"

"Somehow - somehow she managed to kidnap them and brought them to Beijing. They are at Jing Yang Gong, it says here," he explained, completely at loss at how he was could even manage to speak this much. "She said she wants to see us at Jing Yang Gong - "

"Impossible!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed. "What has she done to them?"

Zi Wei gasped, "And how can she kidnap them just like that? What about Xiao Jian - "

Yong Qi shook his head and passed the letter to Er Kang. He closed his eyes and listened to Er Kang's voice reading the letter out to the others, repeating what Yong Qi just read, making it even more real than the first time he read it. The letter had explained that Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi were held captive in Jing Yang Gong, how Zhi Hua managed to kidnap from Dali in the first place, and the fact that the Fang family were now also held captive in Dali.

Anger filled every part of his being. That Zhi Hua would try to keep him back, he was not surprised about. But that she would go to such length! It was insuffereable that his children, who had no fault in any of this, had to pay for his mistake of marrying her and her ruthless denial that he could never love her. The more he thought of it, the more the fury choked him. He clenched his fists together and was glad that Zhi Hua was not in front of him now, because if she was, he couldn't guarantee that he would be able to resist wringing her neck.

"We must go to them!" Xiao Yan Zi cried. "Yong Qi, I don't care what she wants - in fact, I have a good idea what she wants - we have to go in there - "

"Yes, there's no question of that," Yong Qi said through gritted teeth. "But how - "

"Well, obviously you can't go in there as Wu Ah Ge and Huan Zhu Ge Ge," Zi Wei said. "Er Kang and I could bring you, you could disguise as a couple of servants or something."

"We must tell Huang Ah Ma," Er Kang said.

"No!" Xiao Yan Zi cried. "No, we can't. I can't risk it, Er Kang, what if she does something if she finds out we've told Huang Ah Ma? Please, can we just go see her first?"

"But - " Er Kang started to argue but Yong Qi cut him off.

"Xiao Yan Zi is right, I don't want to have to go and explain to Huang Ah Ma now! I just want to get there and see what she's done to my children! And don't say that she wouldn't do anything! You should both know what she would dare to do!"

Zi Wei and Er Kang exchanged a look before nodding grimly. Quickly, the four of them changed to appropriate clothes, with Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi acting as two servants from the Fu household.

"Can I go - " Ji Xiang asked.

"No," Yong Qi said shortly.

Ji Xiang looked like she would have liked to protest but was silenced by a look from her mother.

Xiao Yan Zi said, "Stay here, Ji Xiang. The last thing I need right now is you in the palace as well!"

"We must still be careful not to run into anyone who might recognise you," Er Kang said when the four of them were in the carriage. "I mean, the servants in the palace have changed over the years, so I don't think many would recognise you, but there are other people."

"Well, we're pretty inconspicuously dressed as your servants," Xiao Yan Zi shrugged. She was pushing against her seat, as if pushing would make the carriage go faster.

"You'll find that Zhi Hua had kept Jing Yang Gong pretty much the same since you left. In fact, I think that's one of her ways of convincing herself that you'll come back one day," Zi Wei said. Yong Qi grimaced at this information.

They reached the palace gates quickly, but not quick enough for either Xiao Yan Zi or Yong Qi.

As Yong Qi stepped down from the carriage, despite his haste to get to his children, an overwhelming feeling of resentment and oddly enough, nostalgia, swept over him as he took in the first sights and sounds of the palace. It looked the same. Nothing had changed. It was still there, the luxury and wealth, the pride and ego, the arrogance and disdain, the beauty and drama. It was a cold elegance that spoke of the ambitions and malice that was the imperial court.

Though it had been many years since he had made this journey, the route from Shen Wu Men where they got off the carriage to Jing Yang Gong fell into steps with him. He knew if he closed his eyes now, he could still trace the steps right to Jing Yang Gong's gates with no trouble.

They fortunately didn't meet anyone they shouldn't on the way to Jing Yang Gong as it was still pretty early in the morning and reached Jing Yang Gong with no trouble at all. Both Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi stopped only for a moment at the gate of Jing Yang Gong and stared at the building, overcome with the rush of emotions and memories that it brought.

Then they stepped over the threshold determinedly and purposefully, as if nothing had happened all these years, as if they still lived here, still belonged here. It was as if they never left. It was time to face Zhi Hua again.


	12. Jing Yang Gong

**Chapter 12: Jing Yang Gong**

* * *

Zhi Hua apparently was expecting them.

More correctly, Zhi Hua's maids were expecting them, as they showed the quartet into the study as soon as they entered the main room. There, in the study, Zhi Hua was waiting for them.

How strange it was that he was entering this house like this, Yong Qi thought. Not exactly as a guest, but not as its owner, either. None of this was his anymore, and he did not want them, either. He only came to take back what was his, and this house, with all the titles and wealth attached to it, was not what he was looking for.

"Where are they?" Yong Qi demanded callously as soon as the study door was closed behind them. Xiao Yan Zi was glaring at Zhi Hua, looking like if she spoke to Zhi Hua now, she would strangle her. Frankly, that was bordering on what Yong Qi himself was feeling right then.

"Good morning to you too," Zhi Hua said sweetly.

"I don't have time for niceties, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi said dangerously, stepping up close to her. "Tell me where my children are."

His entire body was trembling with anger now that he was facing her; there was a fire burning somewhere inside him and he could not remember being so angry in his entire life. There was only a very faint voice in his head that told him that hurting Zhi Hua now wouldn't help him find his children, and it was only this voice that stopped him from doing any rash.

"Zhi Hua, you better tell us where the children are before we take this to Huang Ah Ma," Er Kang threatened behind him.

Zhi Hua smirked. "Any of you set one foot out of here to go get Huang Ah Ma, Fu Er Kang, and I cannot guarantee their lives. One signal from me or my maids can kill any of them."

"You wouldn't dare," Yong Qi said through gritted teeth. Zhi Hua turned to him, looking at him defiantly. Yong Qi stared into her eyes and somewhere in those depths, he saw that there was enough desperation in her to attempt it.

Before he could react to that chilling glint, Xiao Yan Zi brushed past him and grabbed Zhi Hua roughly, shaking her. "Let them go! All this has nothing to do with them! This is between the three of us, they have no part in it. We will work this out among ourselves, just let them go. Please!"

There was a desperate agony in her voice that Yong Qi had never heard before and it clawed painfully at his own heart. He thought this probably was the only situation when Xiao Yan Zi was desperate enough to beg Zhi Hua for anything. It was like a fresh flame of anger flared up inside him and Yong Qi clenched hands into fists to stop wraping them around Zhi Hua's neck.

Zhi Hua meanwhile, looked unmoved at Xiao Yan Zi's plight. "On contrary," Zhi Hua said coldly, "they have everything to do with this. We will work this out, Jie jie, and they will persuade you to do what I want."

The sheer mockery of Zhi Hua's tone made something snap inside Yong Qi. In one stride he had reached the two women, pulled Xiao Yan Zi away from the other woman and grabbed her wrist. His voice was quiet but hoarse and harsh as he said, "Do not test my patience, Zhi Hua. I will not be responsible for my actions if you continue to play with me like this. Tell. Me. Where. My. Children. Are. "

"Not until you agree to my conditions," Zhi Hua said softly. The calculating coldness in her voice both frightened and enraged Yong Qi. How did she get like this? How did that girl, so ambitious, yes, but still innocent and naïve, get like this? Was it all because of him?

Even if it was because of him, the iciness of her expression still made Yong Qi yet more angry with every passing second. What kind of love did she think she have for him that would drive her to this? What did she think all this would actually achieve? He clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on her wrist. "I don't give a _damn_ what your conditions are! Tell me where they are. NOW!"

Zhi Hua's face whitened at the rage now burning his eyes. She struggled against him for the first time. "Let go, Yong Qi, you're hurting me!"

Yong Qi just stared at her with hardened eyes but meanwhile his mind was whirling. Why was he even bothering to get her to talk? The important thing was to find his children and Zhi Hua had gone through all this trouble to get him here, she probably would not tell him where they were even he held a knife to her neck. He shouldn't be _asking _her, he should be doing something to find them. They were here, they were in Jing Yang Gong, he knew it. He could - he could -

Suddenly, his eyes flicked over the bookshelf beside them. He didn't know whether Zhi Hua knew about the secret chamber behind it. If she did, it was too obvious...wasn't it? It couldn't be so easy.

He let go of her roughly and strode over to the bookshelf. Everyone was looking at him in confusion as he reached behind the books and felt for a lever at the back of it.

The bookshelf swung open and light flooded the secret room. Xiao Yan Zi let out a strangled cry as there stood Jian Jun and Jian Wen, looking defiantly ready to fight off whoever it was that opened the bookshelf. However, as soon as they saw Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi, their jaws dropped in surprise while Xiao Yan Zi rushed forward and pulled both of them into a tight hug. Yong Qi wasn't far behind.

"Sons, are you ok? Are you unharmed?" Yong Qi asked as Xiao Yan Zi was too stunned to ask.

"We're fine, Father, Mother, but - "

Yong Qi could only have a second to breathe with relief that they looked unharmed when he realised that it really wasn't so easy. Ru Yi, where was Ru Yi?

"Where is your sister?" Yong Qi asked urgently.

"She took her somewhere, we don't know," Jian Wen said, looking accusingly at Zhi Hua.

"Where is my daughter?" Yong Qi growled at Zhi Hua.

"Well, well, so you found them," Zhi Hua said impertinently, looking surprised, then put on a mocking smile. "I must admit they are of no use to me, and too much trouble to keep hidden so you can have them back. But the girl - "

"Where is she, Zhi Hua?" Yong Qi demanded forcefully, in an imperious tone that would have made his father proud and anyone else cringe.

Zhi Hua just gave him a thorough look, then turned to Xiao Yan Zi, before saying, "Jie jie - "

"Call me Jie jie in that voice one more time and I will slap you, Zhi Hua, so help me - " Xiao Yan Zi said icily.

"Xiao Yan Zi," Zhi Hua corrected herself in an equally artic tone. "Yong Qi, I have a proposition for you."

Yong Qi would not allow himself to bargain with her. "Where is my daughter?"

"You're getting a bit repetitive, my love," Zhi Hua said.

Yong Qi's eyes flashed angrily at this address and he clenched his fist together to try and calm himself. Xiao Yan Zi, on the other hand, walked slowly up to Zhi Hua and looked coldly at her for a moment. Then she slapped her hard. "Damn it, just tell me where my daughter is," she yelled almost hysterically.

Zi Wei stared at Xiao Yan Zi, almost as if scared of her, Er Kang looked quite approving and so would Yong Qi if he wasn't so busy being absolutely furious at Zhi Hua. Jian Jun and Jian Wen looked completely bewildered at Zhi Hua's words.

Zhi Hua ignored the slap and just calmly pushed Xiao Yan Zi away. "As I said, I have a proposition. And I'd like to discuss it with you, Yong Qi. Alone."

"Where is my daughter?" Yong Qi asked again, with an air of forced patience, ignoring Zhi Hua's demand. He was itching to do what Xiao Yan Zi just did to Zhi Hua. But, no. He would _not_ lose control. He would _not_ slap her. _It would not help_, he told himself. He was rapidly losing the argument.

"You are not going to stop about that, are you?"

"My daughter, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi said through gritted teeth. _Keep calm, Yong Qi_, he told himself. _Your baby's life is at stake here._

Zhi Hua sighed, as if defeated. "She is in a safe place. But I'm not going to tell you where until you do what I want you to do. And I am sure you know what I want you to do."

"Then you should also know the answer is no."

"Then your precious Ru Yi stays where she is."

Yong Qi just glowered at her. He knew he was missing something. Ru Yi was in Jing Yang Gong! He knew she was! He could feel it! But where...? Something was tugging at the back of his mind, telling him he should know, but he couldn't think of what it was. _Come on, think, man!_

Zhi Hua went on. "Or we talk about this. You and me. Then when we come to an agreement, my agreement, I let you have your daughter back."

"Fine," he said shortly. "You apparently are not going to be persuaded to not have this talk. Everyone, please get out of here."

"What? Yong Qi, you can't be serious," Er Kang shouted.

"Just - please?" He turned to his friends and said, "I can't believe I'm saying this right now, but I believe her. She probably hasn't done anything to harm Ru Yi and she is around somewhere." He looked significantly at them and mouthed, "In this house."

"Are you sure?" Zi Wei asked.

"Yes, quite."

Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Er Kang exchanged a look and slowly made their way out of the room. Jian Jun and Jian Wen looked reluctant to leave, both looking rather suspiciously at Zhi Hua. Xiao Yan Zi determinedly took their shoulders and steered them out of the room.

"Come, boys."

They looked wildly at Yong Qi. He just slightly shook his head and motioned for them to follow their mother. When the door closed behind them, Yong Qi turned to Zhi Hua.

"What do you want, Zhi Hua?"

"You know what I want. I want you to stay with me."

"No."

Zhi Hua simply gave him a simpering look that made Yong Qi feel repulsed. "Do we have to go through this, Yong Qi? I have the upper hand here."

"How exactly is blackmailing me to stay with you by kidnapping my daughter going to help you, Zhi Hua?"

"Well, it could persuade you."

"Let me make this clear, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi said in a dangerously quiet voice, "you could use whatever means to persuade me, but the more you try to persuade me, the more I will hate you. Do you really want that? Do you want me back so badly that you would have me hate you for the rest of your life for it?"

"Why should you hate me? It's not as if I'm making you leave Xiao Yan Zi either. No, I can be generous enough to let you keep your Xiao Yan Zi and your bratty children on the side."

The insult was too much for him, and he simply reacted. Before even Yong Qi knew what he was doing, he had already sent a blinding slap across Zhi Hua's cheek. While Zhi Hua didn't even react to Xiao Yan Zi's slap, she looked at him with complete horror.

"You - you - "

"I told you not to test my patience, Zhi Hua," Yong Qi hissed, seething. "Let me tell you, I have my limit and I can only take so much. You will tell me where my daughter is, Zhi Hua, or I will tear this place apart until I find her!"

"And by the time you find her, she'd be dead," Zhi Hua spat. "Don't test me, either, dear husband."

Two steely pairs of eyes met in a raging battle of will, both wanting to push the other over the edge. The room was icy and ominous. Neither would give in to the other. Thus they would had stayed for even longer, if they were not eventually interrupted by Er Kang bursting into the room again.

* * *

When they had exited the study, Er Kang grabbed Xiao Yan Zi's wrist and pulled determinedly her out of Jing Yang Gong.

"Let go of our mother!" Jian Jun and Jian Wen, who didn't know who Er Kang was and had quite stopped trusting strangers after everything, both yelled angrily. Er Kang simply rolled his eyes.

"This is your uncle," Xiao Yan Zi said quickly to her sons. This, of course, wasn't exactly enough to assure them of Er Kang's trustworthiness considering he was dragging their mother rather forcefully out of the house. Xiao Yan Zi turned to Er Kang, yanking her wrist out of his hand. "Er Kang, what are you doing? Where are you dragging me?"

"Going to see Huang Ah Ma," he said, as if that was enough explanation.

"No!" Xiao Yan Zi yelled. They were standing just outside the gates of Jing Yang Gong now. "No, we are not bloody going to see Huang Ah Ma! You heard her, Er Kang! She would - "

"She's not going to kill your daughter! Good god, Xiao Yan Zi, think! What use is she going to be to Zhi Hua dead?"

"I don't care!" Xiao Yan Zi shouted. "I'm not risking it, Fu Er Kang! I don't care ... she's probably desperate enough! I'm not risking my baby's life because you want to think there's still something good in her - "

"I don't think there's any good left in her right now and I know she is probably pretty desperate! But she just doesn't have an purpose to - "

"I. Don't. Care. I. Am. NOT. Risking. It. What part of that don't you understand?" Xiao Yan Zi cried.

"Look, you two!" Zi Wei cut in. "Yong Qi is right, Ru Yi is definitely somewhere in Jing Yang Gong. We can find her - "

"What? With her maids running the place?" Er Kang asked incredulously while Xiao Yan Zi looked at him with frustration. "Zi Wei - "

But their conversation was interrupted by two people, standing a little away from them, who were beckoning them over.

"Please, follow us," one of them said quietly, looking around discretely.

Somehow, they all made the silent agreement to trust and followed the duo.

When they got a fair distance away from Jing Yang Gong, the other one said, "Ge Ge? The little girl you are looking are looking for, we know where she is."

* * *

"Why are you doing this?" Xiao Yan Zi asked as they lead them back to a side entrance into Jing Yang Gong and then to a small garden at the back of the house. "It could get you into trouble with Rong Wang Fei. And how do you even know who we were looking for?"

Both Xiao Gui Zi and Xiao Shun Zi stopped abruptly and turned around to face Xiao Yan Zi. Xiao Gui Zi said respectfully, "Ge Ge, it was rather hard not to hear your conversation in the study just now and it was not hard to figure out things considering what had been going on lately here at Jing Yang Gong, though we servants are supposed to be blind and deaf to our masters' and mistresses' doings. As for why, we had served Rong Qin Wang for ten years before Rong Wang Fei came along. Our loyalty lies with him and only him. For all these years, we served at Jing Yang Gong out of loyalty for our master, and no one else."

If Jian Jun and Jian Wen were amazed about anything in this speech such as their mother being addressed as Ge Ge, they didn't show it, and considering all things, they were too preoccupied with their sister to think much on it.

Xiao Yan Zi was so touched at the eunuchs' simple statement that she looked as if she could have kissed them. Before she could do more than just looking at them gratefully, however, Xiao Gui Zi turned around again and felt under a small bush.

Xiao Shun Zi said, "I must warn you, there are two men down there, named Liu Cao and Liu Tang who Rong Wang Fei hired. However, they are under strict order not to do anything until specifically told so by Rong Wang Fei herself or her maids."

"Two men to watch a twelve-year-old girl?" Er Kang asked incredulously.

"Down there?" Zi Wei asked, puzzled.

Much to everyone's shock, Xiao Gui Zi pushed the bush aside, revealing a trap door, locked on the outside.

"Hang on," Er Kang said. Then he turned and walked away.

"Where are you going?" Xiao Yan Zi asked after him, confused.

Er Kang didn't answer but returned a little while later with a sword.

"If there are two men down there, I'm not going down there unarmed. I got this from one of the guards outside. I think everyone should stay up here and let me go down first and take them out."

"Are you sure? If there are two of them, maybe you should call some guards - " Zi Wei started.

"No, the more people we pull into this, the riskier it will be. Remember, Zi Wei, no one must know Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi are here. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Go on, open the door. Xiao Yan Zi, stay here until I tell you to go down."

"I can help - " Xiao Yan Zi started.

"Stay," Er Kang commanded, and for once Xiao Yan Zi didn't protest. Right then, she didn't care what Er Kang did, she only wanted to make sure she would get to Ru Yi.

Xiao Shun Zi pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the trap door.

"Where did you - " Xiao Yan Zi started to ask.

"I've kept the key to this trap door since Rong Qin Wang moved in here, Ge Ge. Though I don't think he even remembers this door and the room it leads to exist or that I have the key, it was so long ago. Rong Wang Fei doesn't know I have the key, she thinks she has the only one."

The trap door was opened and there was a set of stairs leading down into an underground room.

Whether it was sheer luck or Heaven was on their side, Xiao Yan Zi didn't know, but Liu Cao and Liu Tang must had heard the door opening and approached it to see who it was, leaving their prisoner huddled at the back of the room. They were both armed but were still no match for Er Kang, who quickly engaged them both in a fight so that neither could get to Ru Yi. With some struggle, he was able to knock both of them out by knocking their heads together.

As soon as she got Er Kang's signal, Xiao Yan Zi rushed into the room so fast that she nearly stumbled. Sunlight was pouring in from outside but still, it was dark and she could barely make out the back of the room.

"Ru Yi?" Xiao Yan Zi called softly.

"M - Mother?" Ru Yi's terrified voice sounded from the back of the room.

"Oh Heaven," Xiao Yan Zi gasped, rushing to her daughter. She pulled Ru Yi tightly into her arms, kissing the top of her head. Ru Yi burst into tears. "Ru Yi, oh, Ru Yi. Sssh...it's ok, baby, it's all right now."

The first thing that came to Xiao Yan Zi's head then, other than the relief of seing Ru Yi again, was that Ru Yi didn't protest at being called 'baby'. Usually she hated the nickname but right now, she just clung to Xiao Yan Zi tightly.

"_Mummy_."

"It's all right," Xiao Yan Zi repeated. "You're safe, precious."

She knelt down and gathered Ru Yi into her arms. For the first time she realised how hot her daughter was to the touch and that there was a black and blue bruise on her left cheek. Her baby, what had Zhi Hua done to her little girl? Xiao Yan Zi's heart filled with a boiling rage that she had never felt before towards anyone, even Huang Ah Ma in the days when she hated him the most. It almost made her snap and she might have left Ru Yi with the others and went to find Zhi Hua to really hurt her if Zi Wei's voice didn't bring her back to the present, more pressing, course of action.

"She's burning up," Zi Wei breathed as other people in the room, sans Liu Cao and Liu Tang, also rushed over. "Good Heaven, it's freezing down here. We must get her out of here."

"Ru Yi, Ru Yi, baby, are you awake?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, as her eyes were closed, whether in pain or in unconsciousness, she didn't know. No, Zhi Hua could wait, the important thing now was to make sure that Ru Yi was all right.

Ru Yi just nodded weakly.

"Ge Ge, Fu Da Ren, there's a stair here that leads to the master bedroom," Xiao Shun Zi said. "We can get out of here that way and put her into a warm bed."

"The master bedroom? We're under the master bedroom?" Xiao Yan Zi asked in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Let me take her up, Xiao Yan Zi," Er Kang said. "She's too heavy for you to carry."

Xiao Yan Zi nodded shakily. However as soon as Er Kang touched Ru Yi, she whimpered and clung tighter to her mother.

"It's ok, Ru Yi. It's ok," Xiao Yan Zi soothed. "I'm here. I'm going to be here, I'm not leaving you, baby."

Er Kang picked Ru Yi up into his arms, though she still held tightly onto Xiao Yan Zi's hand.

"What shall we do with them, sir?" Xiao Gui Zi asked, indicating the unconscious forms of Liu Cao and Liu Tang.

"Lock them in here for the time being," Er Kang said.

So Xiao Gui Zi went out the trap door to the garden to lock it from the outside while Xiao Shun Zi showed the rest of them up another set of stairs, which lead to another trap door, opening up to the master bedroom.

Er Kang put Ru Yi on the bed while Xiao Yan Zi stared as Xiao Shun Zi covered the trap door with a rug. How odd that she had lived all those years here without knowing there was a whole secret room under her feet. But this was no time to think about that now.

She rushed over to sit on the edge of the bed, tucking blankets around Ru Yi. She only vaguely heard Er Kang saying he'd go tell Yong Qi. Xiao Gui Zi had entered the room and together he and Xiao Shun Zi stood to the side, awaiting her orders as if nothing had changed.

Zi Wei had gone to get a basin of cold water and a towel to put on Ru Yi's forehead while Jian Jun and Jian Wen stood by the bed looking at their sister with worry. Ru Yi, on the other hand, looked relieved at seeing her brothers again.

A moment later, Yong Qi burst into the room, closely followed by Zhi Hua and Er Kang. Zhi Hua looked murderous.

"Ru Yi, precious," Yong Qi said, rushing to the bed. Despite his relief, he caught Xiao Yan Zi's eyes and they shared a panicked look at how pale and sickly she looked.

"Daddy," Ru Yi cried weakly at seeing him again.

"You two!" Zhi Hua was raging at the two eunuchs. "You showed them - you - you - "

She was about to strike them, but Yong Qi was quicker than her. In a flash, he was up and gripped her wrist before she could hit them. "You will not touch them, Zhi Hua," he said angrily. "They are not your servants to punish!"

"Forgive us, Rong Wang Fei," Xiao Shun Zi said. "A good wife marries only one husband, a good servant serves only one master. If we maybe so bold, if you insist on keeping your side of that teaching, then we will keep our side of it."

Zhi Hua looked angry enough to burst. Yong Qi only smiled approvingly at them and ignored her, turning back to Ru Yi. It was then that Yong Qi saw the bruise on her cheek for the first time.

He brushed his thumb light against her cheek, feeling his heart twist with pain and anger. Neither he nor Xiao Yan Zi had ever felt right at laying a hand on their children so the sight of the bruise marring his daughter's still chubby, baby-fat cheek was startling as it was agonising to see.

He looked up at met Xiao Yan Zi's eyes for a moment, and seeing as she didn't appear to know how Ru Yi got the bruise either, he turned back to his daughter. "What happened?"

It was his sons who answered him, however, both pointing accusingly at Zhi Hua and said, anger shaking their voice, "_She_ hit her!"

There was a rustle as Xiao Yan Zi made a wild gesture as if to rush at Zhi Hua but then somehow, Yong Qi wasn't sure how, managed to grip the bedpost in an attempt to stop herself from committing murder. Yong Qi found he couldn't look at his wife and focused, instead, on Ru Yi, Ru Yi who looked so much like Xiao Yan Zi. If he only looked at her eyes, wide and fearful and desperate for his comfort, he could tell himself that Ru Yi needed him right now, and she didn't need him to kill Zhi Hua…

In the end, Yong Qi wasn't sure how he achieved it, but he said, not looking at anyone and desperately trying to keep his voice even, "Er Kang, please take her out of here before either Xiao Yan Zi or I break her neck. I think you could take her to the study, perhaps now she will see what it's like to be locked up. Her maids can join her."

"You wouldn't dare, Ai Xin Jue Luo Yong Qi!" Zhi Hua cried, and exclamation which was greeted by a collective gasp from all his three children. Her words didn't bother Yong Qi as much as he thought they would, because now he would have to tell his children the truth anyway. It was her tone that was making his blood boil.

Yong Qi stood up and clenched both his hands into fists so hard that could feel his nails digging into his palm painfully. His entire body felt uncontrolled and he was shaking with the attempt to simply not do _anything_. He looked up into Zhi Hua's defiant eyes and it was only thoughts of his children, who probably still had no idea who Zhi Hua was, and what was going on, that stopped him from doing the unspeakable. No, the priority now was his children, they deserved his attention and his explanation now, not Zhi Hua.

"You can't do this!" Zhi Hua said, shaking her head and looking at him in disbelief.

"Watch me!" he said venomously, before turning to Er Kang. "Make sure that no one that shouldn't leave or enter this place."

Er Kang nodded and then took Zhi Hua by the arms and dragged her out.

"Let go of me! How dare you lay a hand on me!" she struggled.

"You were the only who insisted he act according to his title, Rong Wang Fei," Er Kang mocked. "I think that was an order, and I cannot disobey an order now, can I?"

Yong Qi closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself. Then he turned to Xiao Gui Zi and Xiao Shun Zi.

"Thank you, you two," he said gratefully.

"We didn't as good as grow up with you to take part in blackmailing you, sir," Xiao Gui Zi said simply.

"Right. Xiao Gui Zi, I don't care how you do it, go into the Imperial Medicine Room and steal if you have to, but go find me a set of acupuncture needles." Yong Qi pulled out the letter that Zhi Hua sent him that morning. "Xiao Shun Zi, take this to Huang Shang and ask him to come here."

"Yes, sir."

And with that, the two of them left.

Yong Qi turned to his sister. "Zi Wei, can I ask you to go down to the kitchen and prepare some hot drink for Ru Yi. Some ginger tea, preferably."

"Of course."

That left him in the room with Xiao Yan Zi and the children.

Xiao Yan Zi would had liked for Yong Qi see to Ru Yi first before having to explain anything to them but knew some explanation had to be given now after Zhi Hua's revelation of his full name. She gave him a look and a shrug that said, "Well, this is it."

"Sit down, sons," he said wearily, indicating a couple of chairs next to the bed. They obeyed but still looking up at him as if they didn't quite know what to make of him. Yong Qi paced around for a moment, before sitting down next to Xiao Yan Zi. He reached over and brushed a stray strand of hair off Ru Yi's forehead before taking a deep breath.

"What you should know right now is that I was born Ai Xin Jue Luo Yong Qi," he said as calmly as the situation would allow. "I am the fifth son of the Emperor Qian Long. That woman, Zhi Hua, _was _my wife, who I was forced to marry for...many reasons, despite the fact I was already married to your mother. Let us just say, this was not the first time Zhi Hua had brought some grief upon your mother and me. In the end, we just left; it would had made all of us miserable to live with Zhi Hua, and so I just gave up all my titles and left with your mother."

A shocked silence greeted his brief explanation. The appropriate description for the expression on Ru Yi's face would be flabbergasted. Her brothers were looking at each other with disbelief written on every single one of the feature.

"Listen," Xiao Yan Zi said, "I know you all have questions and there is so much that we have to explain to you, but now is not the time. Let your father have a look at Ru Yi first, all right?"

They just nodded mutely.

"Where was she?" Yong Qi asked Xiao Yan Zi as he felt Ru Yi's forehead and took her pulse.

"In the secret room under this room. Do you know the room existed?"

Yong Qi turned to stare at her. "The room under - " Then he slapped his own forehead. "Oh why didn't I remember it? Why didn't I think of it?"

"You know about it?"

"Of course I know! I lived here for ten years, Xiao Yan Zi. Good Heaven, it's like a bloody icehouse down there! I forgot all about it because I never used it - "

"Use it? What would you use it for?"

Despite everything, a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. "I believe that room was designed for princes to keep women they have illicit affairs with down there, women who, for some reason or other, could not be taken as a wife or concubine."

Xiao Yan Zi stared him, incredulous that such a room with such a purpose existed. Though on second thought, why was she surprised?

"But never mind that. How long were you down there, precious?"

"I don't know," Ru Yi gasped.

"How are you feeling exactly?"

"Cold."

"You're sweating profusely, darling. And you're burning with fever," Xiao Yan Zi said worriedly.

"I feel really dizzy and sick."

"Dizzy? Can you see clearly?"

"Not really...sometimes everything would be blurred."

"Could it be the Mi Hun Xiang, Father?" Jian Jun asked.

"Mi Hun Xiang?" Yong Qi turned to look at his son.

"Yes, it's a – "

Yong Qi quickly brushed aside the explanation. "I know what it is."

"Well, apparently Liu Cao and his brother used it on us all the way from Dali to here. We don't remember much about the trip but they told us when we got here..."

"How are you two feeling then?" Xiao Yan Zi asked worriedly.

"Well, when we first woke up, we were really disorientated too, but we're better now. But Ru Yi, she's smaller - "

"And the cold didn't help either," Yong Qi muttered. "Does anything hurt, Ru Yi?"

"My head aches. My neck hurts."

"Where, baby?"

"I don't know - everywhere. My neck just feels really stiff."

"Try and sit up for a while," he said, helping her up and letting her lean against him. Then he pressed at various places along her neck. "Tell me where it hurt."

After he'd determined that the whole of the back of her neck was causing her pain, Yong Qi eased her down again, with Xiao Yan Zi putting an extra pillow down to cradle her head. She then leaned down to kiss Ru Yi's bruised cheek before looking up desperately at him.

"There's nothing to do about that now," Yong Qi said with a sigh. "Even if what Zi Wei said was right and nothing's changed about this house, all the balm we had around were still here they wouldn't be good to use now."

Zi Wei had re-entered the room with a cup of hot ginger tea, Er Kang with her. Xiao Yan Zi took it from Zi Wei with a grateful smile and fed it to Ru Yi with a spoon.

"Zi Wei, Er Kang, these are the rest of my children, Jian Jun, Jian Wen, Ru Yi," Yong Qi made the long overdue introduction. "Children, my sister Zi Wei and her husband, Fu Er Kang."

After the greetings, Jian Jun suddenly exclaimed, "Ji Xiang!" as if he just remembered her. It was perhaps Yong Qi's statement about the rest of his children that alerted him to his twin sister.

"Ji Xiang is absolutely fine," Xiao Yan Zi assured them. All of them looked absurdly relieved. "She is at the Fu family's home."

"Ji Xiang is fine, but you three are not," Yong Qi said. "Ru Yi, try to get some sleep, darling. And you two," he looked at his sons. "You haven't had a decent night of sleep lately either, have you? Come, I'll take you next door where you can get some sleep. I don't want you two falling sick as well."

He took his sons to the next bedroom, what used to be a guest room, and made sure that they got in bed.

"I know you will want to talk, and I know it seems like you wouldn't be able to sleep after everything that's happened today," Yong Qi said with a sigh, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "but try to get some sleep. There will be plenty of time to talk later. I will tell you everything you want to know, after you've gotten some rest. All right?"

They nodded. As he was about to walk out of the room, Jian Wen called, "Father?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever love her?" he asked.

Yong Qi turned slowly to look at his sons. Then he shook his head. "No. Always your mother. Always."

* * *

He met Xiao Gui Zi in the hallway, where Xiao Gui Zi handed him the box of acupuncture needles and, to his grateful relief, a pot of medicinal balm for Ru Yi's cheek. Trust Xiao Gui Zi to have caught the entire situation and spotted what he forgot earlier to ask for.

"How did you get them?" he asked.

"I went to the Imperial Medicine Room, sir, and said they were for Rong Wang Fei. They didn't even blink."

"You are going to have to make another trip, for some medicine." Then, he gave Xiao Gui Zi a list of medicinal herbs and sent him on his way.

"Ru Yi is asleep," Xiao Yan Zi said when Yong Qi returned to the bedroom. "She just drifted off."

Yong Qi handed her the balm; Xiao Yan Zi sighed with relief and started to apply it on Ru Yi's cheek.

"What is wrong with her, exactly?" Zi Wei asked.

"It's not a cold or pneumonia," Yong Qi said. "She'd be coughing and sneezing a lot if it was. With the headache and neck pain, it seems to be a type of influenza, but I'm not sure what until she develops more symptoms. It could be that some of her fatigue now is just result of lack of sleep and the stress lately and might clear up with some rest. Anyway, in the meantime, we just have to keep her fever down, make sure she is hydrated and get her comfortable. I can try to ease the stiffness in her neck now by acupuncture."

After he finished the acupuncture treatment, he looked at Er Kang.

"Rong Wang Fei is enjoying the company of her maids in the study," Er Kang said before Yong Qi could ask. "Let us hope she doesn't set your favourite room of the house on fire."

"If it will make her regain some of the sense of moral she once had, I'd let her."

Before anyone could comment, however, Qian Long stepped into the room. They all stood up to greet him.

"Huang Ah Ma ji xiang."

"Huang Ah Ma, why didn't you have yourself announced?" Zi Wei asked.

"That would bring you out into the main room and I suspect from what Xiao Shun Zi told me, you didn't need to be pulled away from Ru Yi right now. What exactly happened?"

Zi Wei and Er Kang took turns explaining to Qian Long everything that happened that morning since neither Yong Qi nor Xiao Yan Zi looked like they wanted to.

"How are the children then?" Qian Long asked.

"The boys should be well enough with some rest and food, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi said. "Ru Yi isn't too good right now, but I hope to be able to treat her symptoms as they come."

"You all probably have realised there are quite a few things we have to consider right now," Qian Long said. "Firstly, will you stay here while Ru Yi is sick?"

Yong Qi sighed. "To be honest, I'm not totally comfortable about moving Ru Yi right now, but staying here would make things so complicated and very risky. I would much rather be at Xue Shi Fu, Huang Ah Ma. "

"It's not that far from here to Xue Shi Fu," Er Kang pointed out. "Surely if we move slowly and carefully, not much harm can come to Ru Yi."

"How are we going to move her without attracting attention, though?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"Go at night," Qian Long said. "Are you sure you want to return to Xue Shi Fu then?"

"Yes, Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi said. "It will be much easier and more convenient."

"Very well, you can leave tonight. Meanwhile, I'll see to it that no one suspects you are here and make the necessary arrangements for you to leave without anybody knowing you were ever in the palace."

"How are you going to do that?" Xiao Yan Zi wanted to know.

"You'll be surprised what can be achieved when the Emperor wants it, Xiao Yan Zi," Qian Long looked at her, amused.

Yong Qi knew Qian Long would bring up Zhi Hua soon enough and wanted to delay talking about her as long as possible, so he said, "Huang Ah Ma, in Zhi Hua's letter, she talked about Xiao Jian and his family - "

"My brother!" Xiao Yan Zi gasped, as if only just remembering them. "Oh my god, what they must have been going through all these days!"

"Ah yes, I am getting to that," Qian Long said. "While I believe that Zhi Hua has enough conscience to not harm Qing Er or her family for Lao Fo Ye's sake - "

"How nice of her," Xiao Yan Zi muttered sarcastically.

Qian Long ignored her comment. " - but obviously the situation Zhi Hua describes them living in now cannot be comfortable. Though I am a little at loss of how to fix it - "

"Maybe you could send someone to Dali, Huang Ah Ma," Zi Wei suggested, "to release them from their captors. Zhi Hua said there were only two of them and by all accounts the only reason Xiao Jian can't fight them off is that they drugged him."

"I think that is a good idea, Huang Ah Ma," Er Kang said. "With your permission, I could take a few men to Dali. I believe we can reach Dali in less than ten days if we travel quickly and release the Fang family."

"Are you sure you want to go, Er Kang?" Yong Qi asked. "There is no one I would rather trust with this but - "

"Of course I'll go," Er Kang said. "Besides, Xiao Jian would know me and he'd only trust me anyway."

"True, that," Xiao Yan Zi nodded. "Zi Wei - ?"

"Er Kang is right, Xiao Jian would only trust him," Zi Wei said. "I wouldn't mind him being gone for a while, as you will all be staying for the time being at Xue Shi Fu anyway."

"Then it is settled, then?" Qian Long said. "You should start off as early as possible, of course. But perhaps set off early tomorrow morning, so you can see everyone back to Xue Shi Fu tonight."

"Yes, Huang Ah Ma," Er Kang said. "And I'll go gather some capable guards later this afternoon for this mission."

"Yes, take as many as you think you would need."

"Thank you, Huang Ah Ma. I'll of course bring the men who are holding them captive back to Beijing. Oh and speaking of, there are two of them down in the basement under this room. They apparently were the men who kidnapped the children and brought them to Beijing."

"Put them in Zhong Ren Fu. We will sort them out when we have them all in one place."

Er Kang nodded.

"Now, Zhi Hua," Qian Long sighed heavily.

They all winced, but she must be talked about. Qian Long looked at Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi.

"Where is she?"

"In the study, Huang Ah Ma," Er Kang answered.

"And what shall we do with her?"

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi exchanged a look.

"What exactly could be done, Huang Ah Ma?" Xiao Yan Zi asked. "You can hardly do anything without telling the whole world that we were here and what happened."

"What you said is true," Zi Wei said, "but surely we cannot just not do anything. I think Zhi Hua had proved that she would do anything to get Yong Qi back. And now that she knows exactly where you live and other details about your life, if we don't do anything, I don't think any of us could guarantee she would not try again and perhaps in an even more desperate manner."

"She will not go unpunished, there is no question of that," Qian Long said coldly. "If it were anyone else, I would not hesitate to send them to the scaffold. Even with Zhi Hua, I would say she deserves it."

Xiao Yan Zi gasped. "Huang Ah Ma, surely - surely - it won't come to that - "

Qian Long looked at her in surprise. "She threatened to kill your children, Xiao Yan Zi, and looking at Ru Yi like that, you still could say that?"

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "Huang Ah Ma, if she had done something serious to them, if she did manage to harm them, I wouldn't ever forgive her, and I am not sure what I would do to her. But - she - I won't say what she did was justifiable, but I do think she doesn't deserve death - "

"No, death is too good for her," Yong Qi said harshly, standing up and not looking at any of them, his fists clenched. Everyone stared at him with varying degrees of surprise at his uncharacteristic vehemence.

"Yong Qi?" Xiao Yan Zi said tentatively, almost fearfully.

"Right now, I cannot even describe how angry I am at her. I don't know how I managed not to murder her in there," he said, his voice dark with rage. There was a pause. Then he turned to Qian Long and said in a slightly calmer voice. "Huang Ah Ma, whatever you want to do to her, I will not complain, as long as she cannot pull something like this again."

"You know what I think?" Er Kang said. "I think perhaps her position as a Wang Fei is getting to her head a bit. I mean, look at this plan of hers. She did nothing to hide any of it from us. All of it was very blunt. It was as if she felt she was secure enough where she was to do whatever she needed, whatever she wanted. It lacks her usual subtlety, don't you think?"

"I don't think she had enough time for subtlety. It seemed like she was desperate enough to be so blunt," Zi Wei said.

"Well, whether it was lack of time or lack of humility of her position that allowed her to be so blunt, one thing is for sure," Qian Long said. "She's putting her allowance money in all the wrong places. She must have paid those kidnappers a lot for that elaborate kidnapping plan. She is definitely exploiting my indulgence in letting her maintain all the privileges of her title. Er Kang, you can tell Zhi Hua that she is moving to Jing Xin Yuan. Today."

"Jing Xin Yuan?" Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei exclaimed. "The place where ... Huang Hou Niang Niang was?"

"Yes," Qian Long said shortly. "She may take with her anything in her room, but nothing else in this house. Do not worry, Xiao Yan Zi, I will be make sure she has enough money to keep herself relatively in the standard to which she's been accustomed, just not with enough to fund anything illicit. And she will not set a foot out of the palace without permission, either."

"So basically you're putting her under house-arrest in what is probably the coldest, most isolated and most miserable part of the palace," Xiao Yan Zi said.

Qian Long nodded grimly.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at Yong Qi and gave a helpless shrug.

"And er - how long will she be there?" Er Kang asked tentatively.

"As long as I see fit. And at the moment, it looks like it will be forever."

"Are you sure, Huang Ah Ma?" Zi Wei asked. "Not that I'm saying she doesn't deserve it, but what are you going to tell everyone?"

"I will think of something," he replied. "That is not something any of you should think about right now. Right now, my priority is making sure she won't have the chance to do anything like this again."

There was a pause when no one else said anything. It was obvious that Qian Long had it all under control.

"You can escort her to Jing Xin Yuan now, Er Kang, then you can go put together whoever you want to bring with you to Dali," Qian Long went on. "Her servants can collect her things after you have all left. Xiao Gui Zi and Xiao Shun Zi will stay here, as they have obviously proved that they can be trusted."

Er Kang gave Xiao Yan Zi, who looked a bit uncomfortable at this verdict, a look that said, "It's an order." Out loud, he said, "I'll drop by at home later to tell the children that all is under control here so they can stop worrying," before leaving.

Qian Long stood up as well. "I will get going to make sure that your departure later will be inconspicuous. You lot just stay here and make sure no one knows it."

"Shall you join us for lunch, Huang Ah Ma?" Zi Wei asked.

"I am having lunch with some officials, but I will return before you leave."

* * *

"Xiao Yan Zi, if you say that you feel bad for her about this arrangement, I shall strangle you," Zi Wei said after Qian Long had left.

She just smiled helplessly.

"You're thinking it, aren't you?" Zi Wei asked suspiciously.

There was a shrug.

"Xiao Yan Zi - "

"What I regret," Yong Qi cut in suddenly, "is not her punishment. For what she did, it is absolutely just. What I regret is that she had ended up like this, because of me, because she thinks she loves me. When we first met her, she was so...innocent."

"Love doesn't give her the right to do whatever she wants, to harm whoever she wants, Yong Qi," Zi Wei said. "Besides, I wonder now whether she was ever really innocent from the moment she agreed to marry you. She might be naïve in thinking that she could manipulate you to love her, maybe, but innocent? She was hardly innocent when she had plans to steal you away from Xiao Yan Zi all along."

"When we first met her in Haining, she was innocent, Zi Wei. Somewhere along the way, she lost it."

"Not to you, but to her ambitions of becoming Empress. Neither of you forced any of this on her, she made the decisions herself, so she alone must suffer the consequences."

"I know," Xiao Yan Zi finally said softly. Then she let out a bitter chuckle. "I really should make up my mind about her, shouldn't I? One moment, I hate her for what she's just done, but then I pity her that she'd have to suffer those consequences, just as they are."

"You have too big a heart, sometimes, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi smiled wanly at her. There was a pause as he looked thoughtful. "I should probably see Zhi Hua before she..."

"You don't have to, Yong Qi," Zi Wei said quietly.

"No," he sighed. "But I should."

Zi Wei looked like she would stop him but then just sighed with resignation.

Yong Qi stepped into the study to find that Zhi Hua was not taking Er Kang's news well.

"No! I refuse to be banished just like this!" she was crying hysterically when he entered the room.

"You refuse to obey Huang Shang's order?" Er Kang asked coolly.

But Zhi Hua didn't answer him, because by then she had spotted Yong Qi. She threw herself at his feet and tugged on his hand.

"Yong Qi!" she cried desperately. "Please, please, I only did it because I was desperate, because I wanted you back, because of you! Can't you understand that? Please, Yong Qi, you have all your children back now, unharmed – "

"Unharmed?" Yong Qi was staring at her in disbelief. Then his voice rose, his anger getting the better of him. "_Unharmed_? Did you just say that? Do you know what I see now when I look at that bruise on my daughter's cheek and take her pulse and see how weak she is? I see what pain and fear _you _have inflicted on all three of them! Unharmed! You even _dare_ say that to me! I can't – "

He had to stop. He had to stop and catch his breath, because the anger was near choking him now.

Zhi Hua was still crying, however. "Please stay with me. I don't need anything, I just need you to stay with me."

Yong Qi only spoke when he was sure that he had managed to regain control of both his voice and his emotions. "You change your tone so very fast, Zhi Hua. Yet the answer is still no."

"Yong Qi - "

"_No_. Now, if you will swear on everything that is holy to you that you would never do anything to harm me or my family again, that you will stop doing whatever it takes to get me back, I might be able to persuade Huang Ah Ma to let you stay here, to not do anything to you. I have not forgiven you for what you just did, Zhi Hua, but I think my leaving, for you, will be punishment enough. If you will swear, then you can stay here, as you are."

"No!" Zhi Hua exclaimed vehemently, standing up abruptly. "I will not swear to let you go! I won't!"

"Then, to Jing Xin Yuan you will go," Yong Qi said simply.

Zhi Hua just looked at him in disbelief. Then, her eyes hardened and she said, "Then I will go to Jing Xin Yuan, and it will be for you, because I refuse to let you go, Yong Qi. I will swear to do whatever I can to get you back, even if I die trying."

Yong Qi shook his head sadly. "Am I worth all this, Zhi Hua?" he asked simply.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Then I am disappointed, disappointed in you, disappointed for you. You could have had so much, you could have had everything you wanted, you could have done so much more and be so much happier, only if you realise that I cannot be your destiny. You, alone, are your own destiny, yet you chose to cling on to me to make your happiness. It is disappointing."

"You are disappointed in me," she repeated, as if confused.

"Disappointed. Angry. Pained. For what you did. For the fact that after everything, it has to come to this. For the fact that after everything, you still refuse to face the truth, still think you could get me back."

"I will. I will do it. Somehow, sometime. But I will, Yong Qi."

Even now, it amazed and pained him that she still was thought that.

"You think that if it gives you something to think about, if it keeps you going. It is clear now that if you don't think that, you have little to live for."

"It is clear that you've said all you want to say, Yong Qi," she answered in a flat, hollow voice.

"There is only this. Goodbye, Zhi Hua."

She didn't answer but just looked at him for the longest time, but he met her gaze, until she looked away. When she did, Yong Qi looked at Er Kang for the first time since he entered the room and gave a small nod.

Er Kang said, his voice devoid of any feeling, "I will take you to Jing Xin Yuan now, and your maids can come back here for your things tomorrow."

He gestured towards the door. Zhi Hua walked, her head held high, out of the study, her two maids following in her wake, Er Kang right after them.

Yong Qi watched her go and everything that happened between them seemed to flash before his eyes. Their first meeting, their wedding night, the first and only night they consummated the marriage, finding out about the baby, losing the baby, leaving, returning, facing her again, her plans, her schemes, her threats, her tears, her voice telling him she loved him...All blurred in front of Yong Qi for a moment, so that when he cleared his vision again, she was gone and he was alone in the study.

He knew he would never see her again.


	13. Family is Just Accident

**Chapter 13: Family is Just Accident**

* * *

_Family is just accident... They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are. _~Marsha Norman

* * *

Yong Qi went back to the bedroom and sat down, his heart heavy. Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi looked at him expectantly.

"She is gone," he said simply. They just nodded. "I can't decide whether she's just delusional or in denial or had really gone insane, because she still believes that she'll be able to get me back, somehow."

Neither Zi Wei nor Xiao Yan Zi commented, though they did exchange a dumbfounded look. Then there was a short silence, until Zi Wei stood up.

"Xiao Gui Zi returned with the medicine, Yong Qi. I'll go prepare it. And meanwhile I'll cook us some lunch as well."

"Do you want help?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

Zi Wei looked a bit horrified. "Erm...no, thanks, Xiao Yan Zi. I'm sure I'll manage..."

Yong Qi chuckled, despite everything. Xiao Yan Zi put on an injured look. "I can cook now, you know."

Yong Qi said, "It's true, Zi Wei. I've lived on her cooking all these years and haven't died yet..."

This earned him a slap on the arm from his wife. Zi Wei just smiled. "No, I'll be fine, Xiao Yan Zi."

There was a short silence after Zi Wei left, not entirely comfortable either, as both of them searched around for a topic to talk about that didn't involve Zhi Hua.

"Ru Yi must have been really exhausted," Xiao Yan Zi said finally. "I just changed her into some of my old clothes and she didn't even stir once through it all."

"Well, at least this sleep won't be filled with the fumes of Mi Hun Xiang, and will actually let her get some rest. I think the Mi Hun Xiang just makes her that much more tired."

"You know, Zi Wei really wasn't kidding when she said this place was left completely untouched after we left. I mean, all my clothes are just as I left them. And I expected them to be at least a bit musty from being in a closet all these years but they're quite fresh. Apparently, according to Zi Wei, this place gets aired thoroughly once a month or something."

"So we should feel right at home?" Yong Qi said dryly.

Xiao Yan Zi smiled. "How exactly at home do you feel right now?"

Yong Qi just looked around the room with a regretful look on his face and shook his head. "It's all Zhi Hua here now, isn't it? This place hasn't been mine for a long time now. But I don't regret it."

* * *

Er Kang returned later to Jing Yang Gong for lunch, having taken Liu Cao and Liu Tang to Zhong Ren Fu and Zhi Hua to Jing Xin Yuan.

"Should we wake Jian Jun and Jian Wen for lunch?" Zi Wei asked.

"No, just let them sleep a little longer," Xiao Yan Zi answered, who was tucking the covers back around her daughter. She had woken Ru Yi just a moment before for her medicine before letting her go back to sleep.

"They're two teenage boys, Zi Wei, they'll wake themselves if they're hungry," Yong Qi smiled.

Lunch was rather a quiet affair as none of them felt like talking much about the morning's happenings. What exactly could be said after such a morning, anyway? If Yong Qi thought the first morning of seeing Zhi Hua again after seventeen years was emotionally draining, he knew this morning had surpassed that by a wide berth. He didn't allow himself to think about what this morning really meant just yet. It would make him even more tired and at the moment he needed to keep his head to worry about Ru Yi.

* * *

"Wake up, boys," Xiao Yan Zi shook her sons awake a few hours into the afternoon.

They sat up and looked around blearily.

"Where are we, Mother?" Jian Jun asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

Xiao Yan Zi chuckled. "Jing Yang Gong, the palace. Get up. I've had your baths drawn; you haven't had one since you left Dali, have you? It's disgusting - "

" - It's not as if it's our fault, Mother," Jian Wen grumbled.

Xiao Yan Zi just went on, "Jian Jun, in here. Jian Wen, next door, in the next guest bedroom. I've laid out some of your father's old clothes for you. They'll be a bit big for you, Jian Wen, but they'll do for now."

"Why would Father's clothes be here?" Jian Wen asked.

"We lived here," Xiao Yan Zi explained. "This was his house, you know."

They both looked at her blankly.

"Do you remember your father telling you about his real identity as Wu Ah Ge, don't you?"

"Yes."

"So this was where we lived before we left the palace - your father and I."

"Oh."

They looked around room with a bit of a dazed expression on their faces. The identical facial expressions made Xiao Yan Zi want to laugh, but she just stifled it and said, "All right now, take your baths and then you can have something to eat, then we can get out of here. Jian Wen, come, I'll take you next door."

As Xiao Yan Zi showed him into the other room, Jian Wen muttered, "How many rooms does this house have anyway?"

"A few," Xiao Yan Zi smiled, before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Xiao Yan Zi entered the master bedroom again to Yong Qi and Zi Wei.

"Where's Er Kang?" she asked, sitting down at the table.

"Er Kang is off gathering some people to go and rescue your brother tomorrow," Zi Wei told her.

"Ah."

"Zi Wei, did you say that Zhi Hua basically left the house untouched all these years?" Yong Qi asked suddenly.

"Yes, why?"

He stood up and went to a drawer and started rummaging through it.

"What are you doing?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"Just a moment...ah, here."

He pulled out a small box wrapped in gold cloth. He placed it on the table in front of Xiao Yan Zi.

"This was supposed to be your twenty-fourth birthday present," he said.

"My - what? But you gave me a - " She paused and thought for a moment. " - Actually, what did you give me for my twenty-fourth birthday?"

"I didn't give you a present."

"You didn't? Why?"

It was Zi Wei who answered with a smile, "Because two days before it, you had that huge fight about whether Zhi Hua hit herself against the closet or not and you went storming off to Xue Shi Fu. Then your birthday came and he was too stubborn and prideful to come and see you. When he did three days later, you were so hurt that you told him you didn't love him anymore."

Yong Qi continued, "Then by the time we called a truce, we were too busy trying to save your brother's life and rushing off to save Er Kang from Burma that I forgot all about it. And it's still where I left it all these years."

"Oh," she said simply, remembering now.

"It's kind of ironic, really, why I didn't get to give it to you on time, considering what the present is," he smiled.

"What is it?"

"I think the customary method of finding out what a present is, is to open it." He sat down beside her.

Xiao Yan Zi untied the cloth to reveal a box small lacquered box about the size of a book. She opened the box and found another identical box, smaller, just fitted inside. She lifted the second box out, feeling that it was quite heavy, and opened it. Just as she was beginning to suspect, inside was yet another box. She looked up at Yong Qi to find him smiling at her with an amused twinkle in his eyes. Zi Wei was shaking with silent laughter as she, too, realised that inside this third box, there would be another box again, just smaller. Xiao Yan Zi kept opening the boxes until she got down to a small box that fitted just into the palm of her hand.

"This is a very small present then, Yong Qi," Xiao Yan Zi said, raising an eyebrow at him. He just smiled. "Or the present is a set of boxes with nothing in them."

"Open that one. I hope it's still there."

"What is? Another box?"

Yong Qi laughed. "No. Just open it."

She opened the last box to reveal a simple ring with tiny dark red and pink glittering stones alternating all around both edges of the ring, leaving a band of white gold running in the middle of the two lines of gemstones. She looked up at Yong Qi for an explanation. He never gave her jewellery for a gift before, knowing that she didn't wear them much.

"Look on the inside the ring," he told her.

She did, and saw that on the inside of the ring, the following words were engraved: Never doubt I love.

"The red stones are garnets, the pink ones are rose quartz," he said softly. "Garnet is known as the stone of commitment; it represents devotion, love and faithfulness. Rose quartz is known as the stone of gentle love, especially in a marriage, bringing peace and calm to relationships. It apparently helps whoever wears it feel a strong sense of self-worth, therefore being worth love and able to feel love more strongly. A ring is an unbroken circle, with no beginning and no end, representing wholeness and eternity."

"And you thought I needed all this then?" she asked with a smile.

"I had it made after all that grief we went through with finding out the truth about your family and then Zhi Hua...I was going to give it to you before your birthday but then so many things happened, I never got around to, and even for your birthday I never got around to it, either. Maybe I should have, because we certainly needed some peace and calm around then. I can't believe I forgot about it when we left."

"Well, considering we left in a tearing hurry, I can't blame you. Do I have to put it on myself?" she smiled cheekily.

Yong Qi smiled and took the ring out of the box and slipped it gently on her left ring finger. Then, he pulled her into his lap and kissed her firmly on the mouth. Xiao Yan Zi let herself enjoy the kiss for a moment, before pushing him away, blushing slightly, looking around, expecting Zi Wei to be there, but she was no where to be seen.

"Where's Zi Wei gone?"

"She probably had enough sense to know when to make herself scarce," Yong Qi chuckled and pulled her down for another kiss.

"Ru Yi..." Xiao Yan Zi murmured.

"Ru Yi's asleep," Yong Qi said against her lips.

Xiao Yan Zi pulled away. "The last time you were sure the children were asleep, Ji Xiang nearly walked in on us."

Yong Qi just smiled. "I think it's safe to say Ru Yi is really asleep right now."

This time, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't resist the temptation of his kisses.

"So do you like the present? Even if it is nearly twenty years too late."

She just smiled and kissed him deeply again.

But their privacy was short-lived. A few moments later, the door burst open and Jian Wen started to walk in.

"Mother - " He stopped dead and turned several shades of red at seeing the sight before him.

With the resignation gained from years of being interrupted like this by children and patients alike, Yong Qi reluctantly pulled away from Xiao Yan Zi.

"Yes, Jian Wen?" Xiao Yan Zi said to her son, who was now looking anywhere but at her.

"No, nothing," he squeaked and exited the room. "Sorry."

With that, he fled from the room before either of his parents could react. Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi looked at each other, Yong Qi with a slightly nettled look on his face, and Xiao Yan Zi barely able to keep her laughter in check. In fact, her shoulders were shaking. Then Yong Qi startled chuckling and she couldn't hold her laughter back any longer either.

* * *

As soon as Yong Qi started talking about properties of garnet, Zi Wei had heard enough to know that she was definitely not needed in the room anymore and so headed to the study. When she heard one of the other doors opening, she went out into the hall to see Jian Jun coming out from one of the guest rooms.

"Jian Jun, come in here," she called with a hint of a smile. "I really wouldn't interrupt your parents now, if I were you."

Jian Jun seemed to shudder a bit at what Zi Wei just implied but followed her into the study nonetheless.

"Erm..." Jian Jun stammered a bit, looking unsure how to address Zi Wei.

"I am your father's sister, so you may just address me accordingly," Zi Wei smiled.

"Aunt?"

"Yes?"

"My mother said we were leaving? Where are we going?"

"To my house. Your sister is already there with my children. I don't know how much your parents have told you about everything, but everyone else in the palace believe both your parents are dead, so it will not do for them to stay here. But we shan't leave till nightfall though. You missed lunch. Do you want something to eat or do you want to wait for your brother?"

"I'll wait for Jian Wen."

Speaking of his brother, at that very moment, Jian Wen - there was no better word - stumbled into the room, looking rather flustered.

"What happened to you?" Jian Jun asked.

"Nothing," he shook his head frantically.

Zi Wei laughed. "You walked in on your parents?"

Jian Wen just grimaced, looking rather nauseated. This made Zi Wei laugh even harder.

"Jian Wen," Jian Jun groaned. "You know the unwritten rule! Never go into a room with Mother and Father inside without knocking first."

Jian Wen wrinkled his nose. "Yeah well - "

"Why are you so flustered anyway?" his brother asked. "It's not as if it's the first time you've walked in on them."

"Yeah but the last time was a while ago. How was I supposed to know they still - Ru Yi was in there!" Jian Wen retorted.

"Asleep," Yong Qi said as he entered the room. This made Zi Wei, who had just stopped laughing to gain her breath, overcome with giggles again.

"Sorry," Zi Wei gasped through giggles as Yong Qi shot her a withering look. Then, after she had regained her breath a bit, she said, more calmly, "You do realise that being back in Xiao Yan Zi's company is about the only thing that can manage this?"

"Manage what? Reduce the cool and proper Zi Wei Ge Ge into a giggling fifteen-year-old?"

"Yes!"

Yong Qi rolled his eyes. "I'm sure she's flattered. Actually she wants to talk to you."

Still smiling, Zi Wei made her way to the door. Before she went out, however, she leaned in and whispered in her brother's ear, "Trust me, Yong Qi, I raised three boys who can't learn to knock even if the concept was knocked into them, I know exactly how you feel."

Yong Qi just gave her a look, which made her laugh again. Then she walked out of the room, leaving Yong Qi to face his sons.

* * *

"Not one word, either of you," Yong Qi told his sons with a warning tone and a smirk. "I dare say you will understand when you catch fancy in a girl."

Both of them suddenly seemed to be dissolved in coughs.

Yong Qi just shook his head. "That is not exactly a subject I want to talk about now, but be assured it will be...soon." His sons now both sported horrified looks and turned an interesting shade of red. Yong Qi shook his head again at their discomfort, before saying, "Right now, you should have something to eat first. Your mother is waking Ru Yi. After you've eaten, your mother thinks we should tell you the truth about everything before we leave here."

This finally piqued their interest while it made Yong Qi lose some of the light-heartedness he just had. He shrugged the discomfort aside and led his sons to the dining room, and thence to the bedroom after they have eaten.

"Are you sure you're up to sitting through this, Ru Yi?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"I want to hear," she said softly, though she still looked very pallid.

Xiao Yan Zi exchanged a look with Yong Qi but didn't say anything else. Yong Qi, with Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei's help, began telling his children his whole story - everything from when he met their mother to the end, when they left the palace. Reliving the whole story was not a comfortable experience, but he knew he couldn't hold anything back from his children now, not when fate had thrown them back so callously into the palace again.

The truth left all three of his children dumbfounded for a long moment, all of them staring at their parents in shock.

"Well?" Xiao Yan Zi probed finally, when they didn't say anything for a long time.

"Does - does - Ji Xiang know this?" Jian Jun asked faintly, finally.

"Yes, now she does," Yong Qi sighed. "She had to while she was staying at Fu residence. Besides, she met Zhi Hua a while ago. That day was actually how Zhi Hua knew I was at Xue Shi Fu and I assume, started this plan to kidnap you."

"You married her to save our uncle's life?" Jian Wen asked shakily.

"Yes."

"But you never loved her?" Jian Jun queried. He was looking at Yong Qi so steadily and determinedly that for a moment, Yong Qi felt like he was the son, being interrogated about having doing something naughty. The notion almost made him laugh.

"As I said to you earlier, no. Never. Even if I ever had any good feelings for her, after what she just did, those have all been lost."

"But then why?" Jian Wen persisted. "I mean, why would your own grandmother make you marry someone you don't even love?"

Yong Qi looked at his son in wonder for a moment, before saying, almost to himself, "Sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing that you all grew up thinking a marriage has to be based on love."

"What do you mean?" Jian Jun asked.

"I mean, your mother and I happened to be in love and married for love. But the reality is, we don't even have to look as far as the imperial family, even with everyday people out there, love is not a prerequisite for marriage. Marriage happens for all sorts of reasons. Do you know how many people out there get married without ever having seen their future spouse before?"

"Yes, that is all well, Father," Jian Wen said impatiently, "but exactly is a marriage that came about by blackmail and force going to ever work?"

"It just would not work in the sense that it won't bring good feelings into the marriage. But most people deal with it by living with it. Ignore the reasons and coexist. I just happened to take a rather drastic way out of it - a way out that, believe me, not very many people would ever even consider taking."

"So why did she kidnap us?" Ru Yi asked.

"She wanted to blackmail me into staying back, to come back here to the palace."

The children exchanged a look that asked their question even before they could think of the words to form it.

"I am not going back to the palace," Yong Qi said firmly. "I cannot go back to the palace and take up the titles I left behind. I knew that when I left and I left accepting that. So yes, we will be going back to Dali eventually, after Ru Yi recovers."

"That is also why we can't stay in the palace for long," Xiao Yan Zi explained. "We will be leaving tonight to go to Zi Wei's house."

"You are a prince?" Jian Wen exclaimed, loudly, suddenly, as if he was just turning the truth over in his head and grasping it now.

"Was."

"You only are not a prince in title, Brother," Zi Wei said, smiling, "but in person, you are still very much Ai Xin Jue Luo Yong Qi. Though I suppose we should not hope you to be anyone else."

"This is very - " Jian Jun started and then trailed off.

"Very - ?" Yong Qi prompted.

"Weird..."

Xiao Yan Zi chuckled. "Weird? Is that all you can say?"

"What could we say?" Ru Yi asked, looking very faint; whether it was because of her illness or because of the information, Yong Qi could not be sure.

"Your sister had a lot to say, trust me," Yong Qi said ironically. Then he turned serious and looked at his three children sincerely, "I just want to stress this. None of this new information you're getting now, none of it will change anything in our family."

They all gave him a look that told him they didn't believe a word of what he said.

"It wouldn't change anything? Father, you've just told us that we've got a whole host of relatives that we didn't know exist and who don't know we exist," Jian Jun said. "And that's not even mentioning the fact that - that the Emperor...is our - "

He looked for a moment like he didn't even dare to say it.

Yong Qi gave a small smile. "Yes, but to be honest, very few of those relatives would ever have any impact on our lives. Other than the Fu family and the Emperor, to everyone else, I am dead. What I mean was that both your mother and I are still who were always are. We may have kept the truth about our past from you, but we have never kept who we really are, as people, from you. I want all of you to understand that."

They all just nodded slightly but didn't say any more for a long time.

In that silence, Yong Qi found himself wondering why they were taking all this so calmly compared to how Ji Xiang took it. Then again, Ji Xiang had always been the one with the quick temper, inherited from both Xiao Yan Zi and him. She had always been quick to react. Besides, Ji Xiang never met Zhi Hua when she was told the truth. These three, after what they've just gone through at the hands of Zhi Hua, Yong Qi suspected it was easier for them to see why he left Zhi Hua.

Jian Wen frowned for a moment, then said tentatively, "Can I ask something?"

"Go on," Yong Qi said.

"You said you had another son...right? With - her?"

"Hmmm." Yong Qi thought that even if he had to anticipate talks with his sons about women, this talk about this particular woman would surely be the most awkward talk ever.

"If he had lived, would you had left?"

Yong Qi was quiet for a long moment, so long that it was Xiao Yan Zi who broke the silence, "I would not have let him leave if that was the case."

Both Yong Qi and Zi Wei looked at her with expressions of total disbelief.

"You say that now, Xiao Yan Zi," Zi Wei said gently, "but the state you were in then, I am not so sure..."

"Maybe, but if I did think rationally about it, I don't think I could do it, I don't think I could ask...I grew up without parents! I would not wish that on any child, even if it meant - "

Zi Wei still looked at her sceptically while Yong Qi remained silent still. For a while, it was as though he didn't intend to answer the question at all. Then, suddenly, he turned to Xiao Yan Zi.

"Do you know what it's like to grow up knowing your father never loved your mother and had you more or less out of obligation?" he asked.

"No," Xiao Yan Zi answered.

"I do."

Xiao Yan Zi was about to answer to that, but then the meanings of his words sank into her. She stared at him in disbelief. Even Zi Wei looked amazed.

Xiao Yan Zi spluttered, "But - but - your mother, she was a gui fei - and Huang Ah Ma adores you - "

"She was a gui fei because she had a son. Huang Ah Ma's preference for me after I was born had nothing to do with my mother. He appreciated her talents and made her his concubine because she was pretty enough, but he made clear his lack of any real feelings for her. I'm not saying he treated her badly; he just never showed he even remotely liked her. There was a part of my childhood when I wasn't too - appreciative, shall we say - of Huang Ah Ma, especially right after my mother died."

"Then?" Xiao Yan Zi asked in a small voice. Yong Qi very rarely talked of his childhood, even less of his mother. Xiao Yan Zi never asked why, but then she didn't particularly like talking about her childhood either, so she never pried into his.

He shrugged. "Then I grew up and realised that, quite frankly, Huang Ah Ma loved very few of his concubines. In fact, I think the number of women Huang Ah Ma had ever truly loved can be counted on one hand. And I moved on, realising that hating Huang Ah Ma about this wasn't going to change who he was, and that this was basically one of his faults that I would just have to accept. But trust me, I would not wish _that _childhood on any child."

"So you are saying you still would have left?" Zi Wei asked quietly.

Yong Qi sighed. "I don't know. I told Zhi Hua yes when she asked, but then, I was caught up in resenting her, I was thinking more of what she would do if I stayed. But which is worst? That I stay and for him to see that I don't love his mother, or that he grows up without a father?"

No one answered him.

"That's hardly relevant now, is it?" he muttered after a while.

Yong Qi turned back to his children after another long silence. "The truth is," he said, "all of you are, by birth, direct male-line descendents of the Emperor, thus are true princes and princesses of the blood. If there is anything you want to blame me for, you could blame me for taking you away from the rights of your birth."

"What did you take us away from?" Jian Wen asked, as if he could not dare to imagine.

Yong Qi gestured around the room. "All this, and more. Titles. More money than you could possibly imagine. Being completely and utterly spoiled. Probably even the throne, eventually, in the future, for one of you."

"And probably a few more stepmothers and brothers and sisters," Xiao Yan Zi added dryly. Yong Qi gave a terse laugh. Xiao Yan Zi went on, "Honestly, all this - and life in the palace - they're not what they're cut out to be, and I'm not just saying this. I really mean it."

Yong Qi looked at his children seriously, "I can tell you this, from experience, that despite all the luxury and wealth, a childhood in the imperial court is not a childhood at all. At least, it is not one I would want any of you to have to go through. I am glad that I was able to spare you all of that. Would any of you have wanted to grow up with Zhi Hua as a stepmother?"

"No!" they all exclaimed immediately. It was almost funny, really, how uniformly they answered this, and how quickly, with such conviction and horror.

"If you think realistically, Zhi Hua would not have been the only one either," Xiao Yan Zi added grudgingly. Zi Wei suddenly made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

Yong Qi grimaced. "No."

The significance of this single syllable was not lost on his children. Another silence descended on the room as they were all lost in their thoughts again.

It was only Ru Yi's wince of pain that brought them back to the present.

"Ru Yi?" Xiao Yan Zi asked worriedly. Ru Yi just scrunched up in pain and lay back down on the bed, cradling her head. Yong Qi quickly went over and felt her forehead. Her fever had not dropped and she still looked ashen, as if the sleep didn't do her any good at all. Though he wryly thought that all the shock of what he just revealed to her couldn't have helped her illness, either.

"I shouldn't have told you all this just now," he said worriedly.

"It's not what you've just told me," she said weakly. "I just feel dizzy, and my neck still hurts."

"I'm sorry, darling, there is little to do to relieve that except lying down and rest and massaging the muscles. They seem very tight." He was lost in thoughts for a moment, then he gave Xiao Yan Zi a look that told her he was suspecting more of Ru Yi's illness than he wanted to say when Ru Yi was awake and could hear. Then he shook his head slightly. "Try not to think much of things now, Ru Yi. Just get some rest."

Ru Yi could do little more than nodding. In truth, she didn't feel up to doing much than just closing her eyes and wishing her dizziness away, never mind much thinking.

Yong Qi went on, "I know you all probably have questions, but I think you all need a little time digest all this. Talk to Ji Xiang about it if you want to, when you see her. But remember what I said. Nothing changes. Nothing should change."

* * *

An announcement from the outside came, halting any further conversation on this topic.

"Huang Shang arrives! Fu Da ren arrives!"

"I'll go - er - stall them for a while," Zi Wei said, standing up. "I think your children need a minute to get used to the idea of meeting Huang Ah Ma."

Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi exchanged a wry smile.

"We're meeting the Emperor?" Jian Jun squeaked. Both he and Jian Wen suddenly looked like they were being subjected to some dire punishment and Ru Yi looked even paler, if that was possible.

"He is also your grandfather. Just relax," Xiao Yan Zi tried to sooth them.

"Relax?" Jian Wen repeated, looking at her like she was insane. His voice was suddenly very high. Jian Wen's voice had started to break about a year ago but he had recently got past the squeaky stage. Now, it seemed like the shock of everything had made his lose control of his pitch again.

"Forget the fact that he's the Emperor," Yong Qi said, knowing it would never work. Huang Ah Ma had a way of making sure everyone knew he was the Emperor. "Imagine this just as meeting your grandfather."

"That is worst, to think we have a grandfather that we've never met in our entire life! It would make more sense that we never met him if he was the Emperor," Jian Jun said, his voice shaky.

"Maybe you are right. But really, relax. I know it's hard," Yong Qi said, looking at them sympathetically.

"No you don't," Ru Yi whispered.

Xiao Yan Zi looked like she wanted to laugh at their nervousness but didn't have the heart to. She just patted Ru Yi hand comfortingly, just in time for Qian Long to enter the room with Er Kang and Zi Wei following.

"Huang Ah Ma ji xiang," Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi chorused.

Qian Long waved a hand, indicating them to straighten. Then he looked at them with an expectant smile.

While Xiao Yan Zi went to sit on the edge of the bed with Ru Yi, Yong Qi turned and motioned his sons forward.

"Huang Ah Ma, this is my eldest, Jian Jun. And my second youngest, Jian Wen."

Qian Long nodded approvingly as the two boys kowtowed to him. Then he leaned down to personally raise them up to their feet. Yong Qi turned to Ru Yi and finished, "And Ru Yi, my youngest daughter."

"And the apple of your eye, I'm sure," Qian Long said fondly. Yong Qi smiled.

Ru Yi, being in bed, could not kowtow to her grandfather so she could only whisper a greeting. Yong Qi wasn't sure whether the whisper was due to fear and hesitance or due to her fatigue.

Qian Long turned to Xiao Yan Zi. "I have just noticed, Xiao Yan Zi, that when I met you, Ji Xiang and Ru Yi, you've all been stuck in bed. Is this some kind of pattern you're trying to make?"

"Huang Ah Ma," Xiao Yan Zi said with a hint of pout, but with a smile.

Then, he looked at Yong Qi with an amused expression, "You know, Yong Qi, if your children are anything like you were at this age, then you would be feeling all my pains. Though from what I've seen of Ji Xiang and now of them, I would say otherwise."

Yong Qi let out a short laugh. "Huang Ah Ma, I think I can safely say they are not half as spoiled as I was at that age. It is not possible to be so."

"You? Spoiled?" Zi Wei exclaimed. "I beg to differ - "

Er Kang let out a very suspicious cough. Yong Qi just smiled.

Qian Long shook his head and said, "Doubt it, Zi Wei, but your favourite brother could be very - shall we say, difficult - at one time."

"Difficult is one word for it," Er Kang muttered. "Tyrannical. Stubborn. Arrogant. Prideful. Brat. There's a few more."

"Er Kang!" his wife admonished. Then she paused. "Ok, I can't argue with stubborn, but honestly, the others?"

"It's true! There was a time when I thought he was the most annoying thing on the face of the earth and for some insane reason my brother was his best friend! Thus he was always at my house! Talk about too close for comfort!"

Yong Qi laughed. "And you could exactly tell me to go away, either."

"No!"

Yong Qi tuned to his sister. "Face it, Zi Wei, I was a boy once...very difficult to deal with, at that. It was all the perks of growing up as a prince."

"You're still difficult," Xiao Yan Zi said stoutly. Yong Qi just looked at her with a mock appraising glare.

"Joking aside, we need to talk about how we will leave tonight," Er Kang said.

"Yes," Qian Long nodded. "Well, you will leave through Shen Wu Men, it is the closest gate from here."

"But then we'd have to go through the garden to get to it Huang Ah Ma. Wouldn't that risk us bumping into someone?" Yong Qi protested.

"As opposed to trekking all the way out to the outer court to take one of the other gates? Do not take the direct route through the garden, go around the palace walls. It takes a little longer but it is more secluded that way. Either way, I will take you to the gate. After all, then if we do run into someone I can send them on their way fast enough without their having too much of a look at my entourage."

They talked for a while about the plans to leave that evening as well as Er Kang's plans for the morning, then it was time to prepare to leave. Xiao Yan Zi was glad that all her possessions were still in place because she didn't think she would have enjoyed going through Zhi Hua's clothes for something to wrap Ru Yi up in when they left.

Yong Qi did manage to talk to Qian Long about securing good positions for Xiao Gui Zi and Xiao Sun Zi in the future.

They made their way through the buildings of the palace to Shen Wu Men. It was a cloudy night, blocking out most of the light of the moon. They went without Qian Long's usual army of servants and guards, but with just their party and Qian Long's one single trusted eunuch, Xiao Lu Zi. In a way, this in itself might have been telltale that something suspicious was up, but no one would dare ask the Emperor what he was doing sneaking around the palace with only two lanterns and without the usual number of attendants.

They were able to reach the waiting carriage at Shen Wu Men without meeting anyone but the odd servants now and then who, of course, stayed away with a wide distance.

"Huang Ah Ma, perhaps Er Kang should see you back to Yang Xin Dian," Yong Qi said when they've reached the gate.

Er Kang seconded the suggestion. "Huang Ah Ma, please let me see you back to Yang Xin Dian, then I can come back here and leave with everyone."

Qian Long waved the suggestion away. "Nonsense, I can get back on my own. Besides, there is Xiao Lu Zi."

"Huang Ah Ma, please, I insist," Er Kang added and Yong Qi, Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi all nodded for emphasis.

"Please, Huang Ah Ma, it will make us feel a lot better if you let Er Kang take you safely back," Yong Qi said.

After some persuading from the four of them, Qian Long did let Er Kang escort him back to Yang Xin Dian while everyone else waited in the carriage for Er Kang.

"Ru Yi? Are you warm enough, baby?" Xiao Yan Zi asked worriedly, looking at her daughter, as they settled in the carriage.

"Yes, Mother," she grumbled, annoyance clear in her voice. "You've only asked me this a million times today. And don't call me baby."

Her brothers laughed and Yong Qi patted her hand. "It's nice to hear you sounding a bit like yourself again, precious."

"You didn't complain before," Xiao Yan Zi said with a hint of a smile. Ru Yi just looked at her, disgruntled.

Zi Wei smiled at the scene. "I take it you don't enjoy being the youngest, Ru Yi?" she asked.

"No," Ru Yi said sullenly. "It's bad enough everyone treats me like a baby, I don't need to be called that as well."

Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi just smiled while he patted her head gently.

Then, a voice from the outside sounded out.

"Whose carriage is this?"

It sounded like a child's voice. Zi Wei opened the window and looked out. Yong Qi could see over his sister's shoulder, that outside was what appeared to be a little boy, about eight years old, with his nanny. The inside of the carriage was too dark for the boy to see him, however.

"He Xiao," Zi Wei said, "what are you doing out here at this time?"

He Xiao? Yong Qi thought, confused. He would not have been surprised if the child was named Yong something, but He Xiao?

"Zi Wei Jie jie ji xiang," He Xiao greeted Zi Wei, not with a curtsy, but with a bow like a boy. "I was just returning home. Are you returning to Xue Shi Fu?"

"Yes, I am just waiting for my husband." Zi Wei turned to the nanny, "Get Shi Ge Ge back home, it is very late for her to be out."

"Yes, Ge Ge."

He Xiao and her nanny left, and Zi Wei turned back to a very confused Yong Qi.

Zi Wei chuckled at his expression and explained before he could ask. "Huang Ah Ma's tenth daughter, Shi Ge Ge, otherwise known as Gu Lun He Xiao Ge Ge, her mother is Dun Fei who I don't think you know. She's eight."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "I love how people are introduced in this family. You say the rank and title before we even get to the name. Of course, always clarify who their mother is."

"Eight years old?" Yong Qi asked, his eyebrows raised.

Zi Wei chuckled. "Yes. And yes, I do know how you feel. It's very disconcerting that our sister is younger than all our children."

"Why is she dressed as a boy?" Yong Qi asked.

"She was supposed to be a boy," Zi Wei smiled. "Well, no, not really, but Huang Ah Ma did have hopes."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"He Xiao is Huang Ah Ma's youngest child. His second youngest is Shi Qi Ah Ge Yong Lin, Ling Fei Niang Niang's son, who was born just after you left. So, by the time He Xiao was expected, it had been over eight years since Huang Ah Ma last had a child. Needless to say, Huang Ah Ma was ecstatic at the news. He had hoped she would be a boy and trust me, he laments much about it now. I think she would give Shi Wu Ah Ge, or even you, come to think of it, serious competition for the throne if she had been born a boy."

Yong Qi was amazed. "She's eight! Even if she was a boy, how could Huang Ah Ma even consider?"

Zi Wei shrugged. "I think if she was a boy, she'd have all that Huang Ah Ma would want in a successor. Even now, she's getting a very unfeminine education. She rides, go on hunts with Huang Ah Ma, accompanies Huang Ah Ma to see his officials, knows more about state matters than I do."

"I sense you've been usurped as Huang Ah Ma's favourite daughter, Zi Wei," Xiao Yan Zi teased.

Zi Wei just laughed. "It would be pathetic if I held a grudge against her because of it, but yes, you are right. Huang Ah Ma does dote excessively on her, considering she was born when he had thought he'd never have another child again. When she was born, the number of princes alive was six, with two of them being adopted and unable to inherit the throne. Needless to say, after having seventeen sons and only four to choose from for an heir, it was natural that Huang Ah Ma had a lot of hopes for He Xiao to be a boy. But somehow, he loves her even more because she is a girl, despite of his hopes."

"Wait," Xiao Yan Zi said suddenly, "if her mother is only a fei, why is she Gu Lun Ge Ge? I thought only daughters of Empresses are allowed that title and daughters of consorts and concubines are only given the title He Shuo Ge Ge?"

"I'm impressed you still remember your lessons on imperial ranks, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said, smiling.

"I am Gu Lun Ge Ge, too, you know," Zi Wei said with a smile. "Huang Ah Ma bestowed the title after the war with Burma, remember?"

"Oh, right."

"Huang Ah Ma breaks his own rules," Yong Qi said. "When you first came into the palace, Xiao Yan Zi, and Huang Ah Ma thought you were Zi Wei, he was looking around for a title for you, or technically, for Zi Wei. He actually was going to give you the title He Shuo Ge Ge but the officials all shot it down because that could only be given to princesses born to titled consorts and concubines. That's why they had to make up a new title, Huan Zhu Ge Ge. So technically Zi Wei is not even supposed to be He Shuo Ge Ge, let alone Gu Lun Ge Ge."

"It just goes to show Huang Ah Man can break protocols if it suits him," Zi Wei shrugged. "He does whatever he wants if it suits him, come to think of it."

By then, Er Kang had returned and heard Zi Wei's last comment.

"Which protocol did Huang Ah Ma break?" he asked as he sat down.

"He Xiao's Gu Lun Ge Ge title. She just passed us. I was just telling them about her."

The carriage began to move, and for a moment, they didn't say anything. As they made their way out of the palace gates, Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi both let out a sigh.

"I'll never be back here again," Yong Qi said, not quite regretfully.

"Be careful, Yong Qi," Zi Wei said. "You said that last time and look what happened."

Yong Qi just smiled wryly and shook his head.

"So how do you find your enchanting little sister, Yong Qi?" Er Kang asked after a while.

"All I saw was that she was dressed as a boy and apparently is given enough free run to be out on her own with just a nanny in attendance at this hour. Though I suppose that, in itself, does say a lot."

Er Kang chuckled. "She sat in with a meeting Huang Ah Ma had with one of the Mongolian princes the other day. I was there. She had more to say than the prince himself."

"She speaks Mongolian?" Yong Qi asked, slightly surprised. Usually princesses were limited to learning just Mandarin-Chinese and their native Manchurian.

"Oh yes, I told you she's got an unfeminine education," Zi Wei said.

"And Huang Ah Ma always gets mad at me for speaking out of turn?" Xiao Yan Zi muttered.

"Now that you mentioned it, Xiao Yan Zi, He Xiao is a lot like you," Zi Wei smiled. "I think it might be why Huang Ah Ma is so fond of her."

"It's weird," Jian Wen murmured under his breath.

"What is?"

"This is your sister, Father?" he said.

"Yes."

"Our aunt?"

Yong Qi laughed. "Yes."

"And she's younger than Ru Yi."

"Yes. Honestly, I am not amazed that I have a sibling who is young enough to be my child. What I find rather disconcerting is that she is young enough to be my eldest brother's grandchild."

"Dun Fei is younger than us," Zi Wei added.

"Ok, that is just disturbing," Xiao Yan Zi said under her breath.

"Huang Ah Ma is marrying her off soon," Er Kang said.

"At eight years old?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, eyes bulging. "And he wouldn't let Zi Wei and I get married when we were eighteen!"

Er Kang laughed. "Not at eight. No, after a few years. He only held you and Zi Wei back because he only just acknowledged Zi Wei as his daughter and didn't want to give her away right away. Otherwise, fifteen isn't too young for marriage, you know."

"Who's the lucky man?" Yong Qi asked.

"Huang Ah Ma is thinking about the eldest son of an official named He Shen of the Ni Hu Ru clan." Er Kang could not hold back a grimace at the name.

"I take it you don't like this He Shen?"

"He - Good Heaven, count yourself lucky you're far away enough from Beijing so that you don't have to deal with him. That's all I'll say."

Yong Qi raised an eyebrow.

"He is, for reasons completely mysterious to us, Huang Ah Ma's most favoured official," Zi Wei said. "I feel sorry for He Xiao though, if she does end up having to marry into that family."

"He Shen would be the lucky one, though," Er Kang added. "He'd be getting a huge dowry, as if he is not rich enough already, and even more favour. Worst is, even Shi Wu Ah Ge, who hates him, will have to pay some consideration to him and his family for his favourite sister."

By now, they have just arrived at the gates of Xue Shi Fu. Ji Xiang and the Fu children apparently were waiting for them as they met them in the courtyard just inside the gates.

Jian Jun and Jian Wen both exclaimed upon seeing Ji Xiang.

"Ji Xiang!"

"Jie!"

Ji Xiang hugged them both one by one, while Xiao Yan Zi helped Ru Yi down from the carriage. "Oh, I missed you two! Are you ok? What happened?"

"Slow down, Ji Xiang," Yong Qi said. "All in good time."

"Ru Yi!" Ji Xiang grabbed her sister into a hug so enthusiastically that Ru Yi, in her condition, nearly stumbled if she had not held onto Ji Xiang's arms as well. "You've got a fever!" Ji Xiang exclaimed. Then touching her sister's still bruised cheek, she cried, "And what's this?"

"Ji Xiang, let's get your sister inside the house quickly first, then you can know what happened," Xiao Yan Zi said.

They walked into the main living area, where Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi were introduced to the Fu children.

"Ru Yi, I want you to go lie down," Yong Qi said firmly as she leaned on Ji Xiang for support. She looked especially peaky in the lamplight. "Er Kang, Zi Wei, do you mind - ?"

Zi Wei waved her hand. "No, no. By all means, show them to the south wing. I'll send your dinner there. I'm sure you all would want some family time without us."

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi led their children to where they were staying. Ji Xiang took Ru Yi to the room where they would now be sharing and helped her into the bed. Meanwhile, their parents and brothers gathered around the bed.

"What happened?" Ji Xiang asked again.

Xiao Yan Zi briefly told her what happened in the palace with Zhi Hua.

"So what happens to her now?" Ji Xiang asked. Her siblings, who didn't know either, looked interested as well.

"Nothing that she doesn't deserve," Yong Qi said shortly.

"What does that mean?" Ji Xiang persisted.

"It means I don't want to talk about it."

Ji Xiang just sighed but didn't press the matter.

After dinner, Yong Qi gave Ru Yi a check over again and found that she wasn't any better than she was earlier in the day. Her fever was still high, and her neck still pained her. It definitely wasn't just the fatigue that was making her sick. It was something else, something a lot more sinister that was nagging at the back of Yong Qi's mind, he desperately hoped it wouldn't be right, and didn't voice the suspicion to anyone. He just instructed Ji Xiang to call him in anything happened during the night.

Jian Jun and Jian Wen would have liked to stay in their sisters' room to talk to Ji Xiang about their parents' story, but they both found, after the extremely long day, all of them were too tired to keep their eyes open, let alone have a decent talk. They agreed, then, to leave the talk for later, when Ru Yi's health was less of a pressing issue, and when they were all a bit more alert.

With that, the eventful day ended rather uneventfully as they all retired early to bed.

* * *

"Yong Qi?" Xiao Yan Zi asked hesitantly when they had settled down for the night and were sitting in bed.

"Hmm?"

"What you said this afternoon about your parents, you hardly ever talk about your mother...is that why?"

Yong Qi sighed and faced her. He took her hands and nodded. "I don't want to resent Huang Ah Ma, but thinking about my mother brings too much of that. Part of what I realised, as I was growing up, was that no matter how things were between my parents, it didn't change the fact that he was my father and I owed him all the respect and piety. I love Huang Ah Ma, I really do, now, but as with every kind of love, you love them because of their faults and failings. You remember when we talked about whether Ji Xiang was disappointed in me and I told you about the first time I was disappointed in Huang Ah Ma?"

Xiao Yan Zi nodded.

"I was five then. I didn't understand what anything Huang Ah Ma was doing with my mother's maid meant, of course, but the look on my mother's face and the knowledge that it was my father who caused her such pains, that was the first time when I really realised that things were less than warm between them. It stayed with me all these years. After seeing that first seed of doubt, it was as if I now knew the symptoms I should be looking for and everywhere, I started to see signs and was forced to believe that my father did not at all love my mother. I would not want any child of mine to witness something similar and draw the same conclusion about Zhi Hua and me. Besides, what I saw between Huang Ah Ma and my mother's maid was lust. What Mian Yi would had have to see between us, and realise was lacking between Zhi Hua and me, would be love. It would be worst."

"Mian Yi?"

"Zhi Hua's baby. That was what Huang Ah Ma would had named him."

"Oh."

She was thoughtful for a moment, then she spoke again. "But surely Huang Ah Ma did once like her? I mean, otherwise, why would he make her his concubine? There are loads of pretty and talented girls out there, if he made them all this concubines, Heaven forbid, he'd have more than he does presently."

"Why are you asking me?" Yong Qi asked. "As if I'd know?"

She shrugged. "What do you think?"

"Lao Fo Ye liked her. Huang Ah Ma could do things simply just to please Lao Fo Ye. After Xiao Xian Empress died, he installed the next Empress because Lao Fo Ye wanted him to. I think Huang Ah Ma simply made my mother his concubine because Lao Fo Ye took a liking to her. Well, perhaps that and the fact she was the only woman who had the skills and the guts to beat him in a game of weiqi. I think that was about the only times he ever actively sought out my mother's company - for a challenging game of weiqi."

"Your mother had you. He must have sought her company for something other than just weiqi. Maybe it was just later, after you were born that he - "

"To be honest, Xiao Yan Zi, when I was born, sons for Huang Ah Ma was rare. Most of my older brothers died young. You would think that after my mother had a son, he'd be seeking her out more, not less. Besides, it's incredible what one can overhear as a child. Trust me, I've listened through enough doors to get enough information to safely confirm that Huang Ah Ma never really liked my mother. It really became a source of wonder for me later on..."

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't like her, yet he did enough for her to have me."

Xiao Yan Zi sniffed. "Zhi Hua had a baby."

Yong Qi looked a bit hesitant, then he said almost softly, "I was thinking of you."

Xiao Yan Zi's jaw dropped. "What?"

Yong Qi shrugged. Xiao Yan Zi could only continue to stare at him. She had always been in denial about that night, about her own contribution to that night, so she never allowed herself to think about it. However, she had always believed that whatever factor allowed Yong Qi to consummate the marriage with Zhi Hua had to do with Zhi Hua herself, and little to do with her. After all, if he was thinking of her, wouldn't it have made him unable to do it instead?

"You were thinking of me while you were with Zhi Hua?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," he said shortly, clearly uncomfortable with where the conversation was turning. Xiao Yan Zi was too shocked to heed his discomfort.

"You were thinking about me when you were making love to Zhi Hua?" she demanded, more forcefully.

Yong Qi gave her a piercing look at her choice of words, almost as if he was annoyed. "It wasn't making love, Xiao Yan Zi," he said quietly.

"But - but - you were thinking about me?" she repeated. "But, why?"

"It was the only way I could do it," he answered honestly.

Xiao Yan Zi just looked at him with her mouth slightly open in shock.

"But she - she's not exactly ugly - "

"No, but I wasn't attracted to her. Besides, the circumstances that led to the marriage were enough to kill any amorous thoughts I could have for her."

Xiao Yan Zi just blinked rapidly.

"Why are you so shocked?" Yong Qi asked.

"Well - I - "

"Contrary to what Huang Ah Ma's many concubines may have led you to think, Xiao Yan Zi, men can't just do it just because their wives happened to push them out of the room, ordering them to go do it with a woman they're not attracted to. There has to be enough...inducement."

"And Zhi Hua wasn't?"

"Not from lack of trying. No, she was very...charming. But it didn't work. It might have, only if I was a little less in love with you, only if I wasn't forced into marrying her."

"Did she know?"

"Are you kidding? She wouldn't have been half so nice to you if she knew!"

Xiao Yan Zi looked dazed for a moment. She wasn't sure whether she should be flattered by this news. Between them, of course it had always been completely willing and so she never thought about how one would go about such an act if one _wasn't_ willing. She had always thought that Yong Qi somehow managed to feel something for Zhi Hua that night if he managed to do it, and it was this more than anything that had hurt her, rather than the knowledge that he had done it. But instead, he had imagined Xiao Yan Zi in Zhi Hua's place? That was _possible_?

"Why are we talking about this?" she asked in a rather dazed voice.

"You started it!"

"I didn't ask you whether you thought about me that night - "

"You practically asked me how I could have done it. Are you angry?"

"Angry?" she stared at him. "No, angry is not exactly what I'm feeling right now. I'm not sure what I feel, but angry is not it. What on earth makes you think I'd be angry, of all things, after what you've just told me?"

"Well, I can never know..."

She thought for a moment, then said, "You do realise that there are parallels? Your parents, you and Zhi Hua?"

"Do you think I haven't realised? I saw it from the very beginning. More the reason for me to never should have married Zhi Hua. Right now, I don't know what possessed me to listen to you that night and consummate the marriage. I should have known it would only lead to disaster..."

"I don't regret asking you to do it," Xiao Yan Zi said softly. "We owed her that much. I owed her that much."

"Except in the long run, paying her back like that hurt all of us more, especially Zhi Hua."

Xiao Yan Zi just sighed. They were silent for a long while. Then Yong Qi spoke again.

"To be honest, Xiao Yan Zi, I don't want to talk about Zhi Hua right now."

"No," she agreed. But then it was as if she couldn't stop herself, so she said, "So Huang Ah Ma could have done the same as you - "

" - which, quite frankly, is a very disturbing thought," Yong Qi murmured. "Actually, it is very disturbing to think, at all, about how I was conceived."

Xiao Yan Zi let out a laugh. "True. But however Huang Ah Ma did it, I should be grateful that they had you."

Yong Qi didn't answer to that, but just said, "This conversation had definitely taken a very weird turn."

"Are you annoyed that I started it?"

"The part of the conversation about Zhi Hua and me or about my parents?"

"About your mother. You never talk about her."

"You never asked," he answered simply.

"Well - I thought maybe you don't like to talk about her - "

"I don't like to dwell on her loss, but I would not avoid the subject with you."

"Does Huang Ah Ma ever talk about her?"

"No. I think if it wasn't for me, he would probably not remember she ever existed. Even with me, I think sometimes he doesn't remember, either." There was something like resignation in Yong Qi's voice as he said this, as if it was a truth that he had come to term with a long time ago.

"That's impossible!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed. Surely this was something that Yong Qi just imagined himself, for how was it possible for anyone to just not remember a wife who had given him his most treasured son?

"Is it? Over the course of his life so far, Huang Ah Ma had had over thirty concubines, goodness knows how many to come. If Zi Wei's mother is any indication, who knows how many more unknown women there were outside the palace? Do you honestly think he remembers them all? He forgot all about Xia Yu He. The thing is, once he sets an eye on them, for whatever reason, who dares say no to Huang Ah Ma? I think Huang Ah Ma eventually got to a stage where he can push women out of his mind so easily, because there are so many of them in his life. I really can count the number of women I think Huang Ah Ma ever loved on one hand."

"Who?"

"Xiao Xian Huang Hou, Han Xiang, Ling Fei. I think Huang Ah Ma knows very well which of his relationships are based on love and which are on lust. He never fooled himself into thinking himself in love with very many of his concubines. Maybe he loved Xia Yu He, but even then he forgot about her as soon as he got back to Beijing. But his guilt for her later, when he thought you were her daughter, and for Zi Wei, his seeing her in Xia Ying Ying, all indicate that it wasn't all just lust with her."

"So you're saying if he had just been in lust with Xia Yu He, he would never have accepted Zi Wei?"

"No, I'm not saying that. I'm sure he'd still had accepted her, because she is his daughter. But he would not feel so much guilt for her mother. He would feel guilty for her, because she had to grow up without a father, surely, but not for her mother. This is my speculation only, of course."

"What about Han Xiang?"

"If Huang Ah Ma didn't love Han Xiang, he would never had been so tolerant with her, he would have had her whether she liked it or not."

Yong Qi was saying this so matter-of-factly and Xiao Yan Zi felt pained on his behalf. How did he manage it? Xiao Yan Zi would be heart-broken in his place. "Does it not make you sad?"

"What?"

"That Huang Ah Ma never was warm toward your mother."

Yong Qi sighed. "I've learnt to accept it a long time ago. But as I said, there was a time when I resented Huang Ah Ma, when I thought my mother died of a broken heart and blamed him for it."

"How did she die?" she asked hesitantly.

"She was sick for a long time. She tried to hide it from me. I was ten when she died."

"You blamed Huang Ah Ma for it?"

"Bitterly."

Somehow, Xiao Yan Zi could not imagine a Yong Qi who was bitter, who treated Huang Ah Ma with anything less that utmost respect and sincere devotion. This was one of the things she loved most about Yong Qi. His love for Huang Ah Ma was completely sincere, not out of an attempt to get on Huang Ah Ma's good side for the sake of the throne. This love was something that Xiao Yan Zi herself could relate to, regardless of the Emperor's many faults.

"Yet he still favours you?" she asked in wonder.

"I couldn't exactly show the bitterness to Huang Ah Ma, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said dryly. "Outward, I was polite enough, I followed all the rules and put on all the necessary appearances, as one does in the court. But let's just say my attitude could use some adjusting. Maybe I was trying to prove something to Huang Ah Ma, because I was determined to be as good as I could at everything. Maybe that just increased Huang Ah Ma's favour for me. Ironically."

"Then what? You just lose the resentment and come to love him as you grow up?"

"The reality is, Xiao Yan Zi, that all boys go through a stage where they hate and resent everyone around them because they think, in one way or another, they got the shorter deal in life, it's especially more obvious if they grow up in a rich family and are incredibly spoiled, as I admit I was. I just happened to direct all my resentments at Huang Ah Ma. Some of us manage to grow out of this 'I hate the world' attitude, and I suppose somehow I was blessed with the sense to do it. It was a slow process, I must admit."

"But how could you have hid it so well in the first place?"

"I'm not sure how much Huang Ah Ma actually knows of it, honestly," Yong Qi said thoughtfully. "He might have known that I didn't exactly revere him in my early teenage years. Huang Ah Ma did mention today that I was 'difficult' at a certain age. He might just be referring to my temper at that age, but maybe there's more. I really was a brat then, Er Kang wasn't kidding. I eventually grew up and got a bit better but I still retained some of it by the time I met you. I think you were about the first person for whom I put away all my pride to sincerely apologise to and beg with so many times. That includes Huang Ah Ma. The thing was, for a long while, Yong Lian and I were Huang Ah Ma's choices for the throne. Actually, even by the time we left, Huang Ah Ma still didn't have that many choices either since then most of my younger brothers were still children. So he put a lot of hopes into me, regardless of how I felt for him or for his plans for me. I suppose he recognised the potential in me and maybe even valued me because I didn't seek his favour in an insincere way."

"When did you get over it?"

"It wasn't like an epiphany or anything, you know. I slowly got over my mother's death, and slowly realised that there were things that I admired in Huang Ah Ma. They were quite disconcerting realisations at the time, honestly. I had to learn to accept that as much as everyone praise him to the sky, Huang Ah Ma is not without fault. I came to respect him not because it was expected of me, not because he was my father and it was due to him, but because I really felt it. I think somewhere along the way, I realised that he couldn't help not loving my mother. I still can't agree with Huang Ah Ma on certain things, of course, but I realised that this was who he is and I have to accept him as such."

Xiao Yan Zi could still hardly believe his words. "But to go from resentment to how you feel about him now...it just seems so...unlikely..."

"It was something like a rite of passage, Xiao Yan Zi, to realise that one, Huang Ah Ma is not perfect, two, he has lots of concubines, and the nature of his relationship with his concubines, and three, regardless of what was between my parents, Huang Ah Ma does love me. Anyway, I was never outwardly insolent to Huang Ah Ma; I could not be, in the way I was brought up, so it was not a matter of changing my behaviour towards him, it was a matter of changing my attitude. I eventually realised that regardless of what Huang Ah Ma didn't feel, for some bizarre reason, my mother loved Huang Ah Ma, and she wouldn't want me to hate him. If you think about it, really, his only offense against me was that he didn't love my mother. If he deserved resentment because of that, about all of his children would hate him. It was easier to see the good sides to Huang Ah Ma and warm up to him after realising that."

"Were you very close to your mother?"

"I was her only child, sometimes her only comfort, it seemed," Yong Qi said.

"Do you think - " Xiao Yan Zi started then stopped.

"Do I think what?" he prompted gently.

"Do you think your mother would have liked me?"

She looked incredibly uncertain and insecure just then that Yong Qi just looked at her gently for a while, then he just pulled her into his arms. "Yes, I think she would have," he said, kissing the crown of her head. "To be honest, you are her complete opposite. My mother was a very traditional woman; Lao Fo Ye liked her for that. But I think she would have liked you."

Xiao Yan Zi looked sceptical.

"Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said gently, "my mother was not like Lao Fo Ye. She might have been a little bewildered at my attraction to you, I won't lie, but I think she would try to like you, and I think she would really at least appreciate you, for the happiness you bring to me."

"Hmmm..." Then she gave a wide yawn, which reminded them of the exhausting day they just had and the fact that it was growing quite late. Yong Qi smiled and pulled her gently down onto the bed. He leaned over to the bedside table and blew out the candle.

"It's really late, Xiao Yan Zi. We've both had a long day. We should turn in."

"Can I ask you one last question about Zhi Hua?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, snuggling against him under the covers in the darkened room.

"What is it?"

"What did Huang Ah Ma say when you asked him to marry her? Didn't he ask for a reason?"

It was dark so Xiao Yan Zi couldn't see Yong Qi's expression, but she could feel that he was trying to suppress laughter. "Of course he did. I just told him I had reasons that I couldn't tell him. He came up with his own interpretation of that."

"What?"

"He apparently thought I did something to her to have to marry her."

"What?" She would have sat up again if Yong Qi had not pulled her down.

"Well, I suppose that was the only reason he that seemed logical for him at that moment. I mean, a few days earlier he could had held a knife to my neck and I wouldn't have said yes. And then suddenly I went and begged him to marry her."

"And he thought I'd accept it that meekly if that was the reason?"

Yong Qi shrugged. "Honestly, for us, my wanting to marry another woman is strange. For Huang Ah Ma, for a man to want that, it's anything but strange."

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer. Yong Qi waited a few breaths, before saying sleepily, "Can we sleep now or do you want to talk about Zhi Hua for the rest of the night?"

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Good night, Yong Qi."

"Good night."


	14. Ru Yi

**Chapter 14: Ru Yi**

* * *

The next morning, Er Kang had left for Dali before any of them were even up out of bed. Ji Xiang told Yong Qi over breakfast that Ru Yi was still asleep, though she had a restless night.

"How did she sleep?" Yong Qi asked Ji Xiang as they, Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Xuan Zhuang made their way back to the south wing after breakfast. Jian Jun and Jian Wen had Yong Qi's firm suggestion that they leave the worrying about their sister to everyone else as they had that full responsibility all this past fortnight. Thus they were spending time with Zi Wei's sons instead.

Ji Xiang answered, "She wasn't exactly tossing and turning but I could tell she couldn't sleep. I was going to get you but then she wouldn't let me. She only drifted off early in the morning."

"You look like you could use a few more hours' sleep, Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi said, looking at the shadows under Ji Xiang's eyes. "Go into our room and have a nap."

Zi Wei had sent one of her maids over to sit with Ru Yi while everyone else was at breakfast. By the time they reached the girls' room, Ru Yi had woken, but was still lying down, and was being helped eating breakfast by the maid. Xiao Yan Zi quickly took over as Yong Qi felt her forehead. Even from touching her hand, Xiao Yan Zi could tell that her fever was as high as ever. Yong Qi confirmed this with a worried look.

"How are you this morning?" The anxiety was clear in Yong Qi's voice, and it didn't help settle Xiao Yan Zi's nerves. Yong Qi rarely outwardly showed his worry when dealing with patients, no matter how serious the situation was. But then Ru Yi wasn't a normal patient.

"I wish I could say better, Daddy," she said. She seemed almost lost in the blankets and pillow and Xiao Yan Zi could not help noticing how small and pale she looked. Perhaps it was something to do with the daylight, but she did look worst than the night before, and from his expression, Xiao Yan Zi could tell that this change disturbed Yong Qi.

"It's a beautiful day," Xiao Yan Zi remarked. "Why do you not have the curtains drawn? I shall open them - "

"No, Mother," Ru Yi protested. "Please don't. The sun brightens the room too much and the extra light is very uncomfortable."

This apparently was a significant piece of information as Yong Qi startled at this and his features clouded over with a mixture of worry and fear. Xiao Yan Zi pursed her lips together in an attempt to stay patient and not press him for immediate information of what exactly was wrong with Ru Yi. He, on the other hand, seemed to refuse to look at her and was focusing intently on Ru Yi.

"Are you still feeling dizzy?"

Ru Yi nodded.

"Even when you are lying still?" he asked. His tone was sharper than he probably intended, and the fact that he still avoided her eyes made Xiao Yan Zi feel rather uneasy. What could be wrong that Yong Qi would be moved to show so much? Surely it was simply a little cold; after all, hadn't Ru Yi been all right enough the night before? Yong Qi would never had risked moving Ru Yi out into the cold night if it would make her condition worst. Granted, now, Ru Yi did look a paler and sicker than the night before, but not overtly so. So why was Yong Qi so worried?

Ru Yi nodded again. "And my vision blurs if I open my eyes for too long," she added softly.

The frown deepened and the atmosphere in the room was thick with dread and concern as Yong Qi prompted, "What about your neck?"

"It's still stiff like yesterday, even sometimes worst. I thought maybe it was just being in a strange bed, or my lying in an awkward position, but now it has increased, so that it's painful to move my head to the side much farther than this - " she demonstrated for him her range of motion " - or to move my head up or down like this."

Yong Qi was deep in thoughts for a moment while Xiao Yan Zi exchanged helpless, worried looks with Zi Wei. Obviously, this wasn't something trivial caused by cold and stress like she had hoped. For Yong Qi to show this much concern in such an unrestrained way, it must be something horrible. Xiao Yan Zi again wished she could press him for information but she knew he would not tell her now, not when Ru Yi was here. She could not imagine what it was that was so horrible, and tried not to think of what it would mean for Ru Yi.

"You didn't eat much," Yong Qi spoke again finally.

"If I eat too much I feel ill. I had a drink of water before I ate but even that makes my stomach hurt."

"I see," he said slowly. "Anything else, sweetheart?"

"I couldn't sleep last night, Jie jie told you, I'm sure. But then right now, I just feel really drowsy."

Yong Qi nodded and kissed her forehead gently. "Get some sleep then, precious."

He turned to Xuan Zhuang and asked her to stay with Ru Yi while giving Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei a look, motioning out the door.

"Take a walk with me," he told them as they exited the room.

They walked in silence for a long while. Yong Qi didn't seem inclined to say much; Zi Wei took Xiao Yan Zi's hand and squeezed comfortingly, but the expression on her face showed that she understood whatever was wrong with Ru Yi, it was serious indeed. Finally, Xiao Yan Zi could not stand it anymore and stopped abruptly, moving in front of Yong Qi, blocking his path.

"Yong Qi, for goodness's sake, what is it?" she exclaimed. She had to know what was wrong with Ru Yi, and Yong Qi should not have to deal with whatever the problem was alone either!

Slowly, Yong Qi lifted his eyes to look at her. "Do you recognise the symptoms, Xiao Yan Zi?"

Xiao Yan Zi's mind went blank for an instant. "I had not consider I would - " Then she thought about it for a moment and recognition dawned on her. She felt sick. It could not be _that_! She wanted to faint, but somehow her head was as clear as ever and the knowledge seemed content to sit there, filling her entire body with fear.

"No! It can't - Yong Qi, no, no, no - "

Yong Qi wasn't looking at her, and Xiao Yan Zi didn't think she could remain standing if she could see her own pain mirrored in his eyes either. She wanted Yong Qi deny it, to refute what he had just said, but he didn't.

"I think it is."

The confirmation hit Xiao Yan Zi like a sickening punch in the stomach; she stumbled and would have collapsed if Zi Wei had not held her up. Yong Qi's eyes were closed, his hands were balled in fists, and his shoulders were stiff, all the signs that he was suppressing a flood of emotions trying to break their way out of him.

"What is it?" Zi Wei asked softly, leading Xiao Yan Zi to sit down on a bench, sitting down beside her, while Yong Qi remained standing in front of them.

"A few years ago," Yong Qi said in a choked voice, "there was a minor out break of this particular type of influenza that I believe Ru Yi to have now, in Dali. It's not very contagious but it's very tricky. Well, influenza is not a really a good word to describe it as it lacks the contagiousness. But anyway, it's not a very common illness and the worst thing about it is that there is no known treatment for it. All that could be done is make the patient comfortable, well cared for, treat the individual symptoms like easing the muscles in the neck to allow more freedom of movement, thus more sleep in the right time of day and hope that the body becomes stronger on its own and recover from there. The thing is - "

He faltered for a moment, as if wishing he didn't have to say it outloud, because if he did, it would make everything more true, and that much harder to bear. Xiao Yan Zi didn't want to hear the words either, because she couldn't stand to remember that time, when it had been hard enough to watch those around her succumb to the illness. It was worst now to think that Ru Yi would have to suffer through it.

"The thing is - it's all - it's more a matter of chance whether one recovers or not from this illness. In the out break of it a few years ago in Dali, our family was miraculously spared of it, but half the patients I treated then didn't live - "

Zi Wei gave a strangled gasp and Yong Qi simply broke off, memories apparently still fresh in his mind. Xiao Yan Zi, on the other hand, was trembling with worry, so that she hardly realised that Zi Wei had put her arm around her.

"But how did she get it?" Zi Wei asked shakily.

"I am not sure how one actually contracts this illness. But I think the Mi Hun Xiang did a lot to lower her immunity to illnesses. I don't suppose being locked in that cold damp room, scared to death helped matters much. Ru Yi had always been more susceptible to being sick..."

"But she didn't seem so bad yesterday. I mean, not as dire as what you're saying - "

"It's not very serious yet, but this illness progresses quickly, within a few days, it can get drastically worst."

"How would we know whether she'd recover or not?" Zi Wei asked.

"If her symptoms decrease in intensity or go away, but if they increase..." His voice had grown hoarse and he paused for a moment as if to compose himself. "Meanwhile, we could only just try and help them decrease as much as we know how - "

Zi Wei pressed, "So...now what? We just don't know for sure? We just have to wait?"

Xiao Yan Zi was listening through a haze of fear. The conversation flowed over her like water, drenching her cold but she couldn't absorb the words. It didn't seem possible that this could really be happening to Ru Yi. It didn't seem possible that such a horrible fate might be waiting for her little girl!

Yong Qi thought for a moment before answering Zi Wei. "I - I wonder if I should ask Huang Ah Ma to consult the imperial physicians. I don't have many hopes of them having a definite cure but the Imperial Medical Library might contain some leads. Besides, I will not deny that I do not know everything. I think I could risk the Imperial physicians knowing our secret, if it makes Ru Yi better. After all, it would not be in anyone's interest for them to tell our secret even if they know."

Zi Wei said, "It's been years, all of the physicians who would know your face are no longer in service, except Hu Tai yi, but I think he can be trusted. As for the others, we don't have to tell them who you are."

"That's good," Yong Qi said, only to fill the silence.

If Xiao Yan Zi was coherent enough, she would see that Zi Wei was now looking up sorrowfully at her brother, lost for words and for ways to comfort them both. But Xiao Yan Zi was still drowned in her own fearful thoughts and denials; she couldn't speak.

Yong Qi finally sat down on Xiao Yan Zi's other side and took her hand. Xiao Yan Zi lifted her face to look at him. Tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them fall; she couldn't allow herself to cry now, not when it would hurt even more later and then she'd have no more means of relief.

"Yong Qi - " she whispered weakly, but couldn't go on. Yong Qi gathered her into his arms, resting his head against hers. The familiar comfort of this gesture only managed to make everything else that much more impossible to believe. He didn't seem to want to speak to her either; there was nothing that they could say to each that would relieve their fears and pains at that moment.

Zi Wei slowly stood up. "I'll give you two some time together." Then she hesitated. "Should I tell - "

"Not yet," Yong Qi said in a rough voice. "Huang Ah Ma said yesterday that he's coming later this afternoon, isn't he? I'd rather we only have to say this once. We can tell the children when we talk to Huang Ah Ma about the physicians."

Zi Wei nodded and with a sympathetic look at the two of them, she left them together.

"Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said softly, resting his forehead against hers.

Xiao Yan Zi just held onto him for a moment, trying to calm herself and her emotions enough to speak. Finally, she said through hiccups, "I know...I know that medicine isn't miracle, that sometimes not everything can be fixed and cured, that we could only do so much as we know to do, but Yong Qi, this is our baby...our baby..."

Her voice trembled and faltered. Tears were falling now, because she could no longer keep them inside, regardless of her intentions. Yong Qi simply let her cry and didn't say anything; there was nothing to be said. It didn't help to deny it, because it was obvious to both of them now. It didn't help to say it was not fair, because life usually wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi whispered after a long while. From the way his voice trembled, she knew he truly blamed himself, somehow. She would not even dignify that ridiculous delusion by looking up at him.

"Don't," she simply whispered roughly, "just don't. I can't stand it for you to think that."

When she did look up at him a while later, the tears had stopped coming and the ones left behind stung her eyes.

"Yong Qi?"

"Hmmm?"

"Promise me something. If anything does happen to Ru Yi, promise me you'll stop me from going into Jing Xin Yuan and killing Zhi Hua with my bare hands."

Yong Qi gave her a crooked, humourless smile and said, "But Xiao Yan Zi, if I promise you that, who would stop me from doing the same thing?"

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi walked slowly towards her daughters' room. Each step felt heavy and she was in no hurry to reach her destination, knowing what awaited her there and what she must do there. Yong Qi and she had split the job of informing everyone about the situation: he would tell Qian Long and the children, and she would have to tell Ru Yi.

Tell her what?

Tell her that she might die? Tell her that for all the people he'd saved, her father did not know a definite way to save her life? Tell her that other than giving her small pain relieves that may or may not work, they had no idea how to make sure she'd live through this?

How could she say that to any twelve-year-old girl, who should have years and years of life left, let alone her own Ru Yi? If it hurt Xiao Yan Zi this much, what pain must such information bring to Ru Yi and why was Xiao Yan Zi the one to break it to her? How could she bear to be so cruel?

Xiao Yan Zi used to think there was no pain worst than what she felt the night she found out the truth about who killed her parents. After all, in that single night, she had lost the baby inside her, her Huang Ah Ma, her Yong Qi and Xiao Jian. But now...

She tried telling herself there was hope. As much as there was a chance that Ru Yi would not survive, there was equal chance that she would, but she didn't want that half-hearted, feeble hope. What use would the hope be, if there was still a chance her hopes would be dashed? The dashed hope would be all the more painful than no hope at all, in the first place.

She had felt this pain, when Ji Xiang disappeared, but even then, even when for three months, she didn't know how to get Ji Xiang back, the pain was of a different kind. The hope was of a different kind. It was a hope based on not knowing, so that her imagination could work and wish that Ji Xiang was all right and would come back to her. But this time, she had to think, she had to face the very looming likeliness that she would lose Ru Yi completely and forever.

She went into the room and told Xuan Zhuang where every one else was. After Xuan Zhuang left, she was left alone in the room with Ru Yi, who was still sleeping. Xiao Yan Zi sat down on the edge of Ru Yi's bed and brushed away a stray strand of hair off her forehead.

What would her Ji Xiang Ru Yi be without Ru Yi? How could anything be _ji xiang_ without being _ru yi_? Ji Xiang Ru Yi, Ru Yi Ji Xiang...It suddenly occurred to Xiao Yan Zi how life had been anything but _ji xiang ru yi_ lately, though ironically it had all been about Ji Xiang and Ru Yi.

Xiao Yan Zi wanted to cry again. It was times like this that she vaguely wondered whether there was some thing to be said about the fact that her and Yong Qi's horoscopes apparently clashed. She wondered why Heaven wanted to play with her like this, what she'd done to deserve this total nightmare of facing the loss of another child again. She'd often had to tell certain parents when they took their child to her husband for treatment that their child would not live. That was always painful enough. She knew there was little more painful than having to tell a mother that her baby would die. Now, she had to tell and convince herself that she was facing the same situation. This was agony, or even more so if she could find the words to describe it.

Having lost two unborn babies already, Xiao Yan Zi knew her losses had already been two too many. She was not sure she would even be able to take it again. It had been that painful to lose those unborn babies that she hardly knew she had. How much worst would it be to lose Ru Yi, who she had carried under her heart for those long months, who she had endured so much pain to give birth to, who she had loved these twelve years, who she had seen through all the ups and down, sideways and corners, ins and outs of childhood?

Twelve years. Had it really been twelve years since she first held Ru Yi in her arms? But what was twelve years if she could not see her next year, when she should be entering that stormy stage of teenage? What use would those twelve years be if she could not grow to be as stubborn and willful as Ji Xiang, to fight with her mother every other day? What good would those twelve years be if she could not live another twelve?

Xiao Yan Zi bit her lip so hard that she could feel skin breaking. The tears feel despite all her efforts to will them back.

Her baby, had she not already nearly lost her when she was born? Was that not enough? Why again?

The tears fell, but no answer came. Perhaps there was no answer for this injustice.

* * *

As Yong Qi made his way from the garden into the house to tell everyone else about Ru Yi's diagnosis, he thought about the lead-ups to Ru Yi's birth. He and Xiao Yan Zi had been naturally extremely anxious once they got over the giddiness and excitement of the pregnancy that would result in the twins, considering their previous losses. Yet that pregnancy had progressed flawlessly, and the birth had been surprisingly easy, especially considering the fact that it was Xiao Yan Zi's first birth, a twin birth, at that, and that her hips were so narrow, according to the midwife who helped deliver the twins. Jian Wen, likewise, had been another easy birth.

When the third pregnancy (or rather, fifth if you take into consideration the first two as well) came along, they both had been lured into a sense of security, thinking it would be just as comfortable as the last two. But it was as if Heaven had called in all that was due, as the last pregnancy was the hardest that Xiao Yan Zi had endured. There was firstly the morning sickness that alerted them to her condition; this was totally non-existent in the other two times. Then of course, Yong Qi had to endure her months of mood swings, which were also worst than ever. They had a few blazing rows then that had once made the four-year-old Ji Xiang burst into hysterical tears upon witnessing them. The birth, which was nearly a full month premature, also took longer and was more excruciating than the last two combined, so much that there was a moment when Yong Qi feared for both Xiao Yan Zi and the baby's life. After nearly a full day in labour, Xiao Yan Zi finally gave birth to a baby girl.

Even then, their worries were not curbed as the baby didn't cry. In fact, for one horrible moment, everyone in the room thought she was stillborn. Xiao Yan Zi had insisted on holding her, and somehow, miraculously, the moment she was in Xiao Yan Zi's arms, the baby started bawling loudly and steadily, much to both her parents' tearful relief.

Perhaps her name should have been Ji Xiang, considering it was lucky that they all got through that ordeal. But she was Ru Yi; she was the baby of the family. She was even more precious to both of them when they had to face the painful truth that Xiao Yan Zi would not be able to conceive again after that long painful birth. Though they had little reason to complain, having a perfectly equal set of sons and daughters, Yong Qi knew that for Xiao Yan Zi, to have the very choice of whether to have more children or not taken so totally away from her, it felt like an insult. They both learned to accept the truth, and loved all their children - Ru Yi especially - even more because of it.

Ru Yi was a small baby, even smaller than Ji Xiang, who was the smaller one of the twins. For the first few years of her life, Ru Yi was often sickly and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi endured through sleepless nights worrying about her health. She did grow to stronger, eventually but it was because of all this that they all babied her, much to her annoyance. Yong Qi did have to admit that the fact that Ru Yi grew to look like her mother more and more every day only made his youngest child that much more cherished to him. Sometimes he wondered whether he'd quite spoiled her for it.

He had always thought, if he was ever to let his baby go, he would be letting her go to marriage, to a full and happy life that he would want for her. He had never imagined a position where he might have to let her go like this. He wasn't sure he could even do it.

Xiao Yan Zi had been right. He had long realised and accepted the truth that medicine could not cure everything and could not work miracles where Heaven was not willing. He had accepted that for all the lives he'd saved, there were some he couldn't save. For those he couldn't save, he had always tried, to the very end, and when the end came, he had always been able to accept it...with sadness, yes, but with resignation.

But this was his little girl, his baby.

He knew to effectively treat Ru Yi, to make sure he'd do everything he could for her to get better, he must face, think about and accept the horrible possibility that he might fail. He could not hold on to what might be false denial that everything would turn out all right in the end. That hope might be a good driving force, but it would blind him too much to think rationally. He knew, even with the help and knowledge of all the physicians in the palace, even with the intensive information hidden in those books in the Imperial Medical Library, there was still a chance - a rather big chance - that in the end, all their hands would still be tied. The truth was that, and it was looming in front of him, but how was he supposed to accept it? How could he even think about it? He had no doubt if this was someone else, another patient, he would not have half the trouble accepting it.

It wasn't someone else, though. It wasn't anyone. It was his precious Ru Yi.

How could he even start to think about that possibility? It was a crime to even imagine losing her, to imagine that when he turned around, she would not be there! Oh Heaven, did it hurt!

His heart ached as images of Ru Yi growing up flashed in front of him: the little baby falling sleep in his arms, images of her toddling her first steps, her first words which had sounded so much like Ah Ma though she had no idea then what such word meant, the small girl begging him to teach her to hold a calligraphy brush, her arguments with her sister, with her mother. Tears blurred in his eyes.

He had to stop and leaned against a tree for a moment to compose himself.

His mind and his heart were in too much turmoil. He wondered if there was even a cure, that he'd be rational enough to carry it out. He wondered whether the fear of doing something wrong, of failing anyway, would paralyse him so that he wouldn't be able to do anything for Ru Yi. He had treated his children before, naturally, but none of them had ever been so seriously sick. So this is why physicians should never treat members of their own family in these delicate situations where life and death hang by a thread. There were too many emotions involved to think clearly.

What wouldn't he trade right now to know that Ru Yi would recover? He found himself wondering, what if the only way was to come back to the palace and spend the rest of his life with Zhi Hua again? Would he do it, to save Ru Yi? He laughed bitterly to himself. Was that even a question?

If he thought losing Ji Xiang and not knowing how to get her back made him feel useless, he had no idea how to describe what he was feeling right now. He knew no one could know everything in the world, and he could not claim he could heal and cure every illness that existed. But one would think after treating twenty odd people with this illness a few years ago, he'd had come up with some idea of how to cure it. Everything that he tried those years ago to cure this had not worked, there was no pattern and people seemed to either recover or succumb on random. He thought about it since then, but he never thought he'd had to face it again this soon, and on his daughter.

Right now, he could only hope that at some time in Hu Tai yi's years of experience, he would had come across this illness before and know a cure that Yong Qi did not. Or at least, that digging through the immense Imperial Library would help. He hoped, against all the rationality fighting that hope, that somehow, somewhere, something or someone would come along to save Ru Yi, because he didn't think either he or Xiao Yan Zi would be able to bear the reality of losing her if the very idea of it was already this painful.

* * *

Ru Yi began to stir. Xiao Yan Zi stood up abruptly and turned away, drying her tears quickly. She knew her eyes were red but hoped that Ru Yi would be too tired to notice. She turned back to Ru Yi, trying to put a smile on her face.

"Ru Yi, how are you feeling, sweetheart?"

Ru Yi just shrugged. Then she looked at Xiao Yan Zi with such a piercing look that it made her look years older than her twelve years. Where did she learn such a look, Xiao Yan Zi wondered.

"Mother," she said with a voice that could only be described as brave, "I'm going to die, right?"

Xiao Yan Zi felt it couldn't have hurt more if someone went and stabbed her heart. She clenched her hands together, hoping Ru Yi would not see them shaking.

"What - what makes you say that?" she asked her daughter feebly.

"You've been crying," Ru Yi said softly. "And I recognise the symptoms. I'm sure you and Father think I was too small to remember, but I do, it's that mysterious illness that broke out in Dali a few years ago, isn't it? The one that frustrated Father so much because he couldn't find a cure?"

"Ru Yi - " Xiao Yan Zi started, emotions almost choking her.

"Please, Mother," Ru Yi whispered. Xiao Yan Zi could tell she was trying to not show that she was afraid. "Tell me the truth. Am I going to die?"

Xiao Yan Zi pulled Ru Yi into her arms in a tight hug and her daughter's grip on her arms was equally tight. It was the only sign that showed underneath it all, Ru Yi was truly terrified. "We don't know, baby," she whispered. Ru Yi didn't make a sound at being called baby again. "We don't know. But..."

"But there is a chance?"

"But we're going to do everything to get you better...everything!' Xiao Yan Zi said firmly. She could not allow Ru Yi to lose hope for fear that it would mean that she would stop fighting to get better. "I'm not going to let you go without a struggle, dearest Ru Yi! We'll have the Imperial physicians look at you and see if they can come up with something..."

"Something that Daddy hasn't come up with yet?" Ru Yi asked, sounding sceptical.

Despite the situation, Xiao Yan Zi wanted to smile at Ru Yi's innocent, all-consuming trust in Yong Qi. Still, this was hardly the way Xiao Yan Zi would have wished Ru Yi to learn that her father wasn't infallible. "Your father doesn't know everything, honey. Perhaps the Imperial physicians would have come across something that might help you get better in their time."

"But if they can't come up with anything and I don't get better, would I die?" Ru Yi pressed, her voice shaking.

Xiao Yan Zi drew a sharp breath and hugged her tighter. She felt like she had just been plunged into a bucket of icy water and the pain was like a thousand sharp knives piercing her entire body. She silently prayed for the strength to get both herself and Ru Yi through this, because from the way her daughter was shaking, Xiao Yan Zi knew she was desperately scared; who could give her strength except Xiao Yan Zi?

"We must hope for the best, Ru Yi," she whispered, trying to convince both her daughter and herself.

Ru Yi clung to her mother more tightly than ever before, like she was drowning and clinging to her only means of survival. Xiao Yan Zi wished that she could be that; if holding on to Ru Yi would keep her alive, she would hold on forever. "Mother, I'm scared," Ru Yi said, before breaking down crying.

Xiao Yan Zi stroked Ru Yi's hair lightly and held her while she cried, biting back tears herself. "Baby, my baby," she soothed, and after a while she didn't know exactly what she was saying. All she knew was that she had to comfort Ru Yi, she had to hold in her own fears and tears till when Ru Yi could not see, because Ru Yi needed her to be her comfort and her strength now. Xiao Yan Zi held Ru Yi liked that for a long time, until Ru Yi cried herself out into exhaustion and fell asleep again.

Xiao Yan Zi stroked Ru Yi's peacefully sleeping face and let the tears she had held in silently pour down her face. She could not allow herself to think that if nothing could be done, this peacefulness would consume Ru Yi for all eternity. It was surprising that Ru Yi had only cried upon realising how serious her illness was but Xiao Yan Zi was even more surprised, and not just a little scared, at how easily Ru Yi was accepting this truth, despite her obvious fears. There was no trace of denial, just quiet, painful and despaired acceptance. Perhaps being around sick people most of the time might have given her a more realistic and practical outlook on the possibility of death, but Ru Yi's easy acceptance still terrified Xiao Yan Zi. It wasn't _normal _that a twelve-year-old girl could so totally accept the prospect of dying.

Still, somehow, it was Ru Yi's acceptance that made Xiao Yan Zi want to hope, desperately, futilely, perhaps, that somehow, she would survive, against the odds, because if Ru Yi herself would not allow herself to deny, to hope, then what did any of them have?

* * *

Yong Qi was glad he took Zi Wei's advice and let her break tell the news to Qian Long and her children while he told his children. Just Ji Xiang, Jian Jun and Jian Wen's reactions where painful enough to witness; he would not had been able to bear more. His children didn't deserve other people who were still virtually strangers to them witness their reactions to this very painful news either. This had to be a time for just them and no one else.

"No!" was Jian Jun's vehement cry.

"Father, there has to be a cure. She has to recover, please?" Jian Wen begged, looking pale and helpless.

Yong Qi met his eldest son's eyes and saw the same pleading look in his eyes. How he wished he could take what he just told them all back, how he wished that if he took it all back, their meanings would disappear!

Ji Xiang, meanwhile, looked short of breath and she was staring at him with wide eyes, looking suddenly like a small child, lost and bewildered. "No," she whispered, such softer than her brothers, still staring at him. Yong Qi found he suddenly couldn't pull his gaze away from his daughter's face, as painful as it was to look into her eyes. "No, you must be wrong!" Her voice rose steadily from then. "You must be wrong! It can't be true! Father!"

Yong Qi closed his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ji Xiang had stumbled into Jian Jun's arms, still looking up at him with that same lost expression. He wasn't sure whether Ji Xiang was trembling, or Jian Jun, or both.

"After all this...she can't..." Jian Jun said hoarsely, looking at him intensely.

Yong Qi looked away and said, very softly, almost so they couldn't hear, because he didn't want to say it as much as they didn't want to hear, "She might."

"She can't!" Ji Xiang cried. "She can't, Father!" Yong Qi reached a hand out to her but she didn't take it, and just shook her head vigorously. "You've saved so many people, how could you not save her? How could you give up - how could you just let her - " Her tone was accusatory now, so much that Jian Jun, despite the situation, looked like he would reproach her, but the look in Yong Qi's eyes stopped him.

For Yong Qi, he wanted her to blame him, because he already blamed himself a thousand times for it. That it was his fault was the only thing that he knew, the only thing about this entire situation that he could be sure of, it was something he could hold onto, as selfish as that was.

"Ji Xiang," he said painfully. For a moment, that was all he could say. She was looking at him, positively gasping for breath now. But she didn't cry. It was as if she couldn't cry, because crying would make denial much too hard. Jian Wen was swallowing labouriously, tears wetting his cheek. Yong Qi couldn't remember the last time he had seen either of his sons crying, so the sight was as strange as it was excruciating. Jian Jun was staring at the wall, looking like if he so much as blinked, he would break down too.

"Ji Xiang," Yong Qi tried again. It was hardly less painful. "Jian Jun. Jian Wen." He motioned them to sit down which they did limply, and Yong Qi wondered if any of them realised they had obeyed his gesture or that he had gestured at all.

"I won't give up easily," he said earnestly, "I have not let her go. I plan to do everything possibly can to help her recover, and seek help from the imperial physicians at it. But I need you all to understand...to consider," he swallowed, "_I_ need to consider the possibility that...despite everything, she might..."

"But - " Jian Wen choked, then couldn't continue.

"She can't die," Ji Xiang whispered, shaking her head and looking at Yong Qi with a hard look.

"You all remember what happened a few years ago in Dali," he said softly. "I'm not saying it's definite she would ... die, but I can't say for definite that she'd live either."

There was a long painful silence, until Ji Xiang suddenly let out a choking sob and threw herself into his arms. No one else in the room was much more dry-eyed, either. Yong Qi slowly gathered his arms around her, his heart heavy with sorrow and his min wondering how they would find a reason to smile again.

* * *

In his nearly thirty years of service to the imperial family, Hu Tai yi had seen what could be called miracles, such as Xiang Fei coming back to life after drinking poison, but he had never been as shocked as he was upon being summoned to Xue Shi Fu that day.

He knew that Huang Shang had always had a bit of a favourite in Wu Ah Ge, and was fond of Huan Zhu Ge Ge, but the explanation he was given upon finding those two people, who he believed both to be dead, standing right before him at Xue Shi Fu, was incredible. That anyone would give up the throne, with such power and wealth, as Wu Ah Ge had done, for love, was amazing. That Huang Shang should know of, approve and allow such an act was unheard of. Yet that was the explanation he was given. Of course, no one explicitly told him that Wu Ah Ge had left specifically for Huan Zhu Ge Ge, but that reason was clear as day, especially to one who had been serving the palace as long as Hu Tai yi, to have heard of their story.

Still, Hu Tai yi did not receive an explanation of why he was at Xue Shi Fu until the other three imperial physicians, Lin Tai yi, Wang Tai yi and Zhang Tai yi arrived. It suddenly occurred to Hu Tai yi that their timings were calculated, that they had to have him arrive first for an explanation, since he was the only of them who would recognise Wu Ah Ge and Huan Zhu Ge Ge. Huang Shang had, after all, explicitly ordered that he was not to reveal their identities to the other physicians. Not that he would, in any case, since what good would that bring any of them? Hu Tai yi was hardly a stupid man, he knew the game that was afoot; his part in it was simply to do his job and not speak of nothing else.

Hu Tai yi also realised that, for whatever the reason it was that they were, it had something to do with Wu Ah Ge. The thought also made him think of the young girl he had treated for a wound from a stray arrow earlier.

If the other physicians suspected anything about 'Ai Xian sheng' or why Huang Shang was bestowing such an unusual amount of attention on a mere untitled friend of his children, they didn't voice it. After all, in their profession, it wasn't theirs to question who they were treating and how they contracted whatever illness it was in the first place. Hu Tai yi wasn't particularly surprised to know, now, that Ji Xiang Xiao jie was Wu Ah Ge's daughter and wondered how he had missed her resemblance to her father before; it was absurdly obvious when the two of them were side by side. However, he was not here for Ji Xiang Xiao jie (Ge Ge? She should be a Ge Ge), but for her sister. Hu Tai yi hoped, for both the sake of his comfort and that of her family, that whatever was ailing her, they would be able to find a cure. Knowing Huan Zhu Ge Ge's medical history as he did, the hope only increased tenfold when this her child he would be treating; she would surely not be able to endure losing another child. Yet he knew, whatever it was, it must be something tricky; they would not have just randomly decided to let him in on their secret, otherwise.

His hopes were not a little dashed when Wu Ah Ge explained the situation to them and they had a chance to examine Ru Yi first hand as well. He knew this illness, though thankfully had never seen it anyone from the palace before. He had to admit, despite the desperately hopeful way both Wu Ah Ge and Huan Zhu Ge Ge were looking at him, that he didn't know any more about a definite cure. None of the other physicians looked more knowledgeable either. It distressed all four of them upon finding out what exactly was ailing her, since they all knew how much the patient's probability of recovering was all based on chance, but none of them were more disturbed than Hu Tai yi. He could tell the other three realised that Ai Xiao jie was of great importance not just to her parents but also to the Fu family and to a certain extent Huang Shang as well. He also knew he was the only one of the physicians who really knew just how precious this girl was or the real reason for Huang Shang's presence at Xue Shi Fu through all the time they've been here.

If he was allowed to say it, Hu Tai yi would have to admit he was fond of these four - the two princesses, Wu Ah Ge and Fu Da ren. When the two princesses came in the palace, he was the youngest among the imperial physicians and had barely started his post in the palace three years earlier. It had been he who attended them various times in those years. So the heartbroken look on Huan Zhu Ge Ge's face when he regretfully told her that he didn't know more than Wu Ah Ge on what to do for the situation brought him no little sorrow. He could only promise them what is always promised in situations like this, when they didn't know a cure or whether it would work: to try everything they can do find one.

* * *

Ji Xiang was never one for patience. She hated waiting, she hated just sitting and not knowing. She hated it even more now when she knew there was nothing she could do but just wait. What on earth for? For a miracle to drop down and save Ru Yi? For something they all desperately wanted, hoped for, wished for, prayed for, with all their beings, that might in the end never come? That she had to watch her sister slip just a little more away hour by hour, day by day was more than Ji Xiang could bear.

It had only been three days since her parents have returned from the palace with her siblings but it felt like an eternity, while every hour flew by like a blink of an eye. Yes, she did realise the blatant paradox of that, but that was past her caring. The only thing that she registered in those days were that Ru Yi was not getting better. Nothing that either her father or the Imperial physicians had tried before in their experience could relieve her symptoms. In fact, it seemed to Ji Xiang that she was getting worst.

Ji Xiang didn't want to consciously consider what Ru Yi's deteriorating condition would mean. She could not imagine it. A life without Ru Yi? The idea was bitter in her mind. She had never imagined it. It came to her suddenly how she had all these years taken her little sister for granted, that she never truly treasured Ru Yi for what she was. There were so many days when she had hated her sister, when she had wished she never existed. There were just as many days when they were the best of friends, but even then, the good times had always been so natural to Ji Xiang that she had never truly stopped to treasure it, letting it past too quickly. And now, would she ever have those times again to hate and love her sister?

Life wasn't fair! But then, Ji Xiang thought bitterly to herself, why should life be fair to anyone when it could have so much more fun torturing those in it?

Though Ji Xiang spent as much time as she could with Ru Yi now, she wished she could still have all the time in the world to take her sister for granted again. To not have to count the hours, to really smile for her without wondering whether this would be the last. To know that, even if today they didn't say what needed to be said, there would always be tomorrow. They didn't have any of that, and the more Ji Xiang tried to push that reality away from her mind, the clearer it became.

Ru Yi was accepting, too accepting, of the whole situation, which made Ji Xiang's denial even more impossible and absurd. Ji Xiang had wondered again and again, how her sister could be so calm. It wasn't normal. She didn't want for Ru Yi to have to be the strong one in this darkness. Ru Yi should be allowed to despair, but she would not let herself that. Ji Xiang wished Ru Yi would stop being so calm about it, because if she would break down, so could Ji Xiang and accept it, and from thence be strong, for her and for them both.

* * *

The couple was glad they had the foresight to dress to blend; it would not do to draw attention to themselves by dressing in their usual attire in the middle of Beijing. It had been over twenty years since the last time either of them had been in this city, though in reality they both knew very little of it. She had little opportunity to see any of the city while she was here. He had more chances but not the heart to explore it. Both of them had only been too eager to leave it when they did and they had not been back since. This was the first time in over twenty years.

Little as they knew it all those years ago, they could still tell that not much had changed here Beijing. The city was still crowded and exciting as ever. It was odd, hearing all the bustle of Beijing again after the remoteness that they came from.

They made their way to the building that was, to him, familiar, though it had been years since he was last there. She had never been in it and the place would be new to her, though the people not as much so.

They wondered if they would find all their friends here in Beijing. They had both felt guilty over the years that their friends had to be permanently torn away from their family for them, though they knew they had all been willing to help them. Perhaps they should have made their way down south first, but somehow, something drew them to the north, telling them they should visit Beijing first. They could only hope that would mean their friends would all be united here, in the city where they all met and it all started.

They both hoped those they were coming to see would be as happy to see them as the couple would be to see them. Sometimes they wondered whether the years apart without any contact, without word, without touch could have made their friendship diminish into something insignificant, though they sincerely hoped not. They knew they could never forget their friends, not after everything they have done for them, but how would the others feel?

* * *

"I think we both realise what the recent developments in Xiao jie's conditions means, sir," Hu Tai yi said quietly to Yong Qi the next day.

It was just the two of them in the study room at that moment. Though they have enlisted the help of all four imperial physicians, it was impractical for all five of them to sit at Xue Shi Fu waiting for change. As such, the other three spent the vast majority of the last few days in the library, looking for something they might not know in those piles of books and scrolls.

Yong Qi just looked at the older man for a moment, steeling himself against the coming conversation, knowing what it would contain. Then he could only nod curtly.

Ru Yi was definitely worsening, not just by the day, but by the hour. She showed increasing signs of drowsiness and difficulty in awakening, which was what Yong Qi feared most, because this would only increase in intensity once it started, until that she would slip into a coma from which she would not wake. She was increasing unable to keep down food, which only added more to her weakness. Yong Qi knew, if she could be saved, it should have been done before then, and from then on, there was next to nothing they could do any more and she was in the hands of Heaven now.

He could not allow himself to feel the full weight and pain of his failure just yet. It would break all his control and he couldn't afford that right now. There would be plenty of time for that, later. Now, for his family, he had to keep some semblance of control, though it was near impossible.

"Sir, I - " Hu Tai yi spoke again after a silence.

"Please don't say sorry," Yong Qi interrupted him roughly. How did his voice even work? "Because you and I both know that sorry is about the worst thing one can say in a moment like this, yet it just comes out, every time."

"I don't want to give up," Yong Qi confessed, after another silence. "No matter how my head tells me even if we find something right now, no type of treatment in our current knowledge of medicine would work fast enough, we still would not have enough time, but how do you know when to shake your head and when to just push on?"

It wasn't really a question posed at Hu Tai yi, and he knew it, but he sighed and spoke anyway. "How did you usually know before?"

Yong Qi let out a bitter chuckle. "Before they weren't my daughter."

Hu Tai yi just smiled wryly in response.

"So much for living a thousand years," Yong Qi said softly under his breath.

* * *

They entered Hui Bin Lou and he marvelled at how so little of it had changed over the year. Sure, the furnishing was new but the set up was just as he remembered it. He lead her to the back of the dining room, to a table where they usually sat the last he had been here. Walking across the room brought an overwhelming bout of nostalgia that made him wonder whether it had really happened over twenty years ago.

To the casual observer, they seemed to choose the table at random, but nothing was further from the truth. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see it - sitting around that table, reading her letter, telling their story, planning, worrying. Though she was beside him now, being back here made him feel the pain, the frustration, the helplessness and hopelessness that he once felt, again, somehow even stronger now, now that he knew what he was missing then.

A young lady, who looked no older than twenty, approached them as they sat down and asked politely, "What can I get you?"

After they've ordered, he asked, "Excuse me, may I ask the name of the proprietor of this inn?"

"This inn is owned by my father-in-law and his name is Liu Qing," the young lady said. "My husband is his only son."

This perked both their interest. So Liu Qing was married. Well, of course he would be, but they wondered to who and whether they knew her.

"Liu Shao nai nai," the man acknowledged her, "I wonder if I could meet your father-in-law. You see, we are new to this city and would appreciate some directions from him of some places to visit."

The young lady smiled and said, "I'm afraid my father-in-law is out for the day and would not be back until later tonight. However, I could introduce you to my mother-in-law instead."

This was met with agreement from the guests as they were eager to find out who Liu Qing had married.

* * *

Jin Suo was in the kitchen overseeing the cooking when Yang Yang entered. She looked up at her daughter-in-law, wife of her only son, Si Han, expectantly. They have been married just barely three months ago, so Yang Yang was still very much intimidated by her, though Jin Suo could not understand why. She was far from the overbearing mother-in-law that one found too often. In any case, she hoped the poor girl would get over it soon.

Jin Suo was not surprised when Yang Yang came to her and told her that some guests wanted to talk to the owner of the inn. People who travel who travel to Beijing for pleasure and stay at their place often consult them about places to tour in the city. As she made her way out to the dining room, even if Jin Suo that thought to consider who her guests were, she would probably never have guessed correctly. After all, when they have no heard from them for so long, it was unnatural to even vaguely expect them now, of all time. Of course, all of them occasional wonder how they were, but they had all gave up hopes of seeing them again. Needless to say, Jin Suo was rather shocked to find out who her guests were.

* * *

Ji Xiang felt the world spinning around her as she listened to her father's words. She didn't know why it was such a shock for her when she'd been dreading it all this time. All she knew was that, all this time, she'd kept a tiny spark of hope in her heart that was now put out cold, leaving to freeze in her despair of what the very near future held. Ji Xiang lost all sense of what was going on around her. For a long moment she just stood there, silent and frozen, until her grief could no longer contain inside her. She fled the house like it were on fire and ran out into the garden, vaguely realising that her brother had made to go after her but her father had held him back. She ran until she was out of breath and collapsed at the base of a tree, tasting the salty and bitter tears.

She didn't know how long she sat there, back against the tree trunk, her knees drawn up against her chest and her head resting on her knees. She didn't even know whether she was crying all that time or the tears had just stopped flowing, no longer being adequate to express her sorrow. All she knew that Ru Yi would die and she could not bear it. She eventually felt it growing chilly, despite the sun that was shining overhead, but couldn't bring herself to react to the cold; she could suffer it and it was easier thinking about herself suffering than consider her sister suffering.

A long time must have passed, because the sun was no longer shining directly into her eyes. There was the sound of someone approaching her but she didn't lift her head to look at them. The footsteps didn't sound soft enough to be her mother or her aunt, so it must be either her father or one of her brothers.

"Ai Xiao jie," Ying Zhong's voice called out to her. She didn't know what made her look up, but when she did, she saw that he was standing in front her, looking at her with sympathetic eyes and holding out a handkerchief. Slowly, she reached out and took it, drying her tears. His hand was still extended and their eyes met for a moment. It was as if something else was controlling her actions, Ji Xiang reached out and took his hand and let him pull her standing up. If it was anyone else, she wasn't sure she would have so accepted being pulled up from her misery.

He didn't hold her hand for longer than necessary but still looked at her with that strangely comforting look. It spoke of sorrow and somehow, it made Ji Xiang feel a little less alone.

"Your parents and brothers are worried about you," he said simply. "I told them I'd look for you since they probably need to be with your sister right now. I would have left you alone for a while longer as I thought you probably need some time and space to yourself, but you should not be out here in the cold."

"Why would it even matter?" Ji Xiang asked hollowly. "Ru Yi is going to die."

"But you are not," he whispered, looking at her intently.

Ji Xiang could only turn away and cried bitterly some more. Yet even in her grief, she found it was incredible that Ying Zhong was just there, letting her cry; it comforted her but also at the same time was rather disconcerting. It wasn't until her tears have subsided a bit that Ying Zhong spoke again. "Are you ready to go back into the house now? I think your family are worried."

Ji Xiang nodded. They walked in silence for a moment, before Ji Xiang said softly, "Thank you for finding me, Fu Shao ye."

Ying Zhong just nodded then said, "Surely you can stop calling me Shao ye now? My mother is on personal name terms with your father. Do you know how strange that is? She usually addresses her brothers and sisters by their titles."

Despite everything, Ji Xiang shot back flippantly, "You still call me Ai Xiao jie."

"By rights I should be calling you Ge Ge," Ying Zhong said. Ji Xiang wasn't sure whether he was teasing her or was just stating a fact. She found she didn't mind either way. "We could agree on it. I will stop calling you Ai Xiao jie if you stop calling me Fu Shao ye."

Ji Xiang gave a wan smile and nodded. By then they had crossed the courtyards and reached the house. Ying Zhong left her at the door.

Ji Xiang found she couldn't possibly face Ru Yi right then, so she wandered to her parents' room instead. Whether seeing the sadness and grief on her parents' faces would be better than seeing Ru Yi so drained of life, she wasn't sure. She entered the room to find her father standing with his back to the door and staring determinedly at a wall. Her mother was sitting on the bed, her eyes rimmed red. Ji Xiang just quietly approached her mother and settled into her embrace and cried quietly with her.

A while later, she could hear her father approaching them.

"Ji Xiang."

She looked up at him, her vision unclear from tears.

"You can blame me, you know."

She just shook her head sadly. She truly didn't. It wouldn't be any use if she did, anyhow. But she didn't.

"Where are my brothers?" she asked instead.

"With Ru Yi," her father answered, his voice trembling.

"Daddy, I don't want to..." Ji Xiang whimpered suddenly, standing up and looking away from her parents.

"Ru Yi will need you now, Ji Xiang, you know that? She'll need us all."

Ji Xiang just let out a sob and slowly turned around to see her mother looking up at her father with such an expression of sorrow that it broke her heart again. Her father just gently reached down and brushed away some of the tears still lingering on her cheek. It suddenly occurred to her neither of her parents had showed so much weakness and vulnerability in front of their children before. This only imprinted the grief even further in her heart.

"We should go to Ru Yi," her mother spoke finally for the first time since she entered the room.

Ji Xiang still didn't know whether she had the courage, until she looked into her parents' eyes. Her father was right. Ru Yi did need all of them now. She needed Ri Yi now. Her parents took one of her hand each and gave her a warm squeeze. Then together, they went into the next room. To see Ru Yi.


	15. Butterfly Magic

**Chapter 15: Butterfly Magic**

* * *

Jin Suo's jaw dropped upon seeing her guests but they were at least equally surprised to see her in her current position.

"What on earth are you two doing here?" Jin Suo asked. She didn't pay attention to how abrupt the question was after so many years of not seeing each other; she wasn't in any state to think rationally now. It was simply the first question that came into her mind as she recognised them.

"You are Liu Qing's wife?" Meng Dan asked, even more surprised.

Jin Suo just nodded mutely and waited for their answer.

"Wow," he just muttered quietly for a moment as both he and his wife let the revelation sink in. Jin Suo, meanwhile, sat down at their table. In her shock, she hardly noticed that Yang Yang had slipped off.

"This certainly a surprise," Jin Suo said. "We've quite despaired of ever seeing you again, especially when we found out you never went to Dali."

"Yes, that's a long story, but you are Liu Qing's wife?" Meng Dan said.

Jin Suo chuckled. "You asked me that already. And the answer is still yes."

"But I thought you were supposed to marry Er Kang?" Han Xiang pressed on.

Jin Suo just shook her head, smiling. "It would have been a disaster if I married Er Kang. But really, what are you two doing here? Did you end up going back to Xinjiang? And why? And - " The questions rushed out of her mouth before she realised that she was giving them no time to answer. She simply stopped mid-sentence and looked at them with wide, questioning eyes.

Han Xiang chuckled. "Oh my, there's a lot to catch up on, isn't there? To be honest, I can hardly believe I'm back here in Beijing either!"

For a moment, all three of them just sat in silence to let the fact that they were in front of each other to sink it. When they parted the last time, even though there were plans to meet up in Dali, they all knew in that long and ardous journeys, there were many things that could happen. They had been aware that it was possible that they might never see each other again. When Jin Suo and everyone else eventually came back to Beijing, they knew the chances of meeting Han Xiang and Meng Dan again were even slimmer. Er Kang and Zi Wei had come back from Yunnan years later, reporting that they had found no trace of their friends in Dali, so the hope had died altogether. Jin Suo could not believe that after all this time, they were before her again. It almost seemed like a dream. But then Han Xiang had always been so mysterious, so dream-like. It shouldn't be shocking, really, that she showed up like this.

The silence stretched on, not uncomfortably, until finally, Meng Dan spoke again. "Well, as to what we're doing here, we thought it was about time we went and visit you. It has been years, certainly and I'm sure so many things have happened on both ends. Hopefully we can stay here during our visit."

"Of course, of course!" Jin Suo exclaimed immediately. "Everyone would kill me if I let you stay anywhere else! How long are you staying?"

"Well that would depend on how long you would take us for, wouldn't it?" Meng Dan joked.

"Oh come now!" Jin Suo laughed. "I think you'd be sneaking out just to go if we have our say about it."

"Seriously, though, it would depend if everyone is in Beijing. Did the others make it to Dali?" Han Xiang asked.

"Well, not right then. It's really is a long long story. It really would take so long to explain everything that happened to us here after you left us!" Jin Suo shook her head as the events of the last twenty years reeled in her mind, and she couldn't think where to even start telling them of everything that had happened and was happening. "But you two - did you ever make it to Dali? What happened?"

"I suppose our story would be easier to tell than what's happened to all of you," Han Xiang mused. "Actually, it's quite simple, really."

"We were heading for Dali," Meng Dan began, "and really we had no intention of going back to Xinjiang at first, since as Er Kang said, and we agreed, that it would be quite dangerous for us to head that way. Actually our trip was surprisingly uneventful, no one actually paid attention to us along the way. Back then we were enormously relieved about this. We reached Sichuan and I don't know...we both got the idea to not carry on to Dali but double back and head towards Xinjiang. I'm not even sure now what brought that along, but it was like something was pulling us toward Xinjiang. Perhaps it was because despite of everything that was our home, but in the end, we could not resist it. So we abandoned Dali, feeling a bit worried at the beginning ourselves about what we would find in Xinjiang. But we reached Xinjiang pretty much without any trouble."

"For the first two years, we stayed low in Xinjiang, hidden from our families. Partly I didn't want to face my father and I was not sure whether he would accept our situation," Han Xiang said. "Then, after two years, my father died. My older brother took over as head of the tribe. Since my bother was never supportive of my father's decision to take me to Beijing. We ventured back to see our families then, also because I wanted to pay respect to my father. And that's it, really. My family was really happy to have me back, actually, though admittedly a little shock at what we went through."

"Why can't our lives be that simple?" Jin Suo sighed. "Well, here at Hui Bin Lou there isn't much happening per se, but when you know how Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei are, things just happen to them."

"No kidding," Han Xiang chuckled. "In fact, when we started out on this trip, Meng Dan actually suggested taking precautions in case something happen. Like coming up with an escape plan ready in case someone should face execution again...or bringing a whole load of ding xiang wan in case someone ends up dying."

Jin Suo reaction to this was not what either of them expected. Her head jerked up violently and she stiffened, staring at them with wide eyes.

"What?" Han Xiang exclaimed, her voice suddenly full of panic. "I was kidding - "

Jin Suo was drawing breathless gasps and couldn't speak for a moment, but just continued to stare at them. It was too good to be true, wasn't it? Was Han Xiang's sudden presence not a coincidence? It couldn't be, not in a situation like this! Was she sent by some higher power…

"Jin Suo?" Meng Dan cried, shaking her arm a little when she failed to respond in any other way than just staring at them.

"Do you - " Jin Suo started to say breathlessly. She tried to take a deep breath, both to calm herself and to keep from frightening the other two. She didn't allow herself to hope yet, it might just be a throwaway statement that meant nothing. "Do you - do you have - some ding xiang wan with you?"

"Yes but what's wrong?"

Air rushed back up Jin Suo's throat, nearly choking her and she hardly heard anything after the first confirmation. She shook her head slightly, speaking to herself, "No, no, I shouldn't get hopes up, I should not get their hopes up - but - "

"Jin Suo, what is it?" Meng Dan asked insistently as nothing she was saying was making much sense. "You're babbling."

Jin Suo suddenly looked up at them with an intense look and said urgently, not wanting to explain, not wanting to waste time. "You have to come with me to Xue Shi Fu!"

* * *

Xue Shi Fu seemed even more silent than usual when they arrived. Jin Suo did not know, when she rushed Meng Dan and Han Xiang out of Hui Bin Lou, hurriedly giving them an abridged explanation on the way, whether their arrival would make any difference. She had last visited Xue Shi Fu and everyone there just the day before, and then things were not looking hopeful; she doubted it was much more so now. Was she only raising everyone's hopes unnecessarily then to disappoint everyone, most painfully so for Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi? But could she not take this hope when miracles had happened before and both Han Xiang and Zi Wei had lived after all but being declared dead?

Jin Suo did not doubt that Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi would be willing to do anything now to save their daughter, but she let her mind wander for a moment to consider the pain a disappointed hope would bring. How could they possibly bear such a let down? But, Jin Suo mused, what did they have but feeble hopes now, when all was but lost? They would take the chance, she was sure, since even if it did not work, it was not as if it would hurt any less if they did not try.

For Han Xiang and Meng Dan, the extremely shortened version of events that Jin Suo told them was already enough for them to still in stunned silence. All this had happened? How was it possible that things of such magnitude could happen? But then again, how could they not, with Xiao Yan Zi around?

The journey to Xue Shi Fu was not long, but all along it, Jin Suo desperately prayed that they would not arrive a few minutes too late. It would only be too like Heaven to play such a trick on them.

The three of them met Ying Zhong in the courtyard just as they were hurrying into the house. The servants were far too used to Jin Suo to consider informing their master of a visitor, especially considering everything else that was going on in the house. Besides, Jin Suo could well find her own way around.

"Aunt Jin Suo," Ying Zhong exclaimed upon seeing her. "We were not expecting you."

Jin Suo didn't answer that but asked breathlessly. "How is Ru Yi?"

Ying Zhong's expression darkened. "How could she be?"

"But she is alive?" Jin Suo pressed fearfully.

"Just," Ying Zhong said softly.

Jin Suo let herself have a moment to let out a breath. Hope. There was still hope, even if it was just barely.

"Come," Jin Suo beckoned Ying Zhong, Meng Dan and Han Xiang to walk with her. "We might be able ..."

She trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud, just in case it didn't work.

Ying Zhong looked like he wanted to ask about Jin Suo's companions, especially when she made no sign of introducing them. But Jin Suo gave him a look that told of the sense of urgency and he kept his questions for later, focusing now on just leading them to where Ru Yi was.

They went into the room to find most the family there along with Hu Tai yi, around Ru Yi's bed, who was unconscious.

Zi Wei who was standing at the window, noticed them first, just as they stepped into the courtyard.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed. "Han Xiang! Meng Dan!"

At the names of two people they hadn't seen in years, Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi were distracted enough from Ru Yi to wheel around and stare at them in shock. Jin Suo, on the other hand, didn't give them much time to immerse in their amazement. She only blurted out, being rather breathless, "Ding xiang wan."

It was the magic word, really, as Zi Wei, Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi turned to stare at her instead. Meanwhile, the children who were around them in the room looked utterly confused.

"Ding xiang wan?" Xiao Yan Zi whispered, sounding like she did not dare to believe what she just heard. She turned and looked at Han Xiang with a wild kind of hope. Normally her eyes were large enough but now they were positively enormous; and she was gasping for breath. Yong Qi clenched his hands into fists to stop them shaking and just looked at Han Xiang searchingly with piercing eyes.

Han Xiang reached into her pocket and drew out a small bottle containing the pills. If it was any other situation, she would have thought it funny how their eyes followed her hands, and how they all drew a collective breath at seeing the bottle. Xiao Yan Zi gave a strangled cry, threw her arms around Han Xiang and broke down in tears on her shoulders. It was so unlike the bubbly Xiao Yan Zi that Han Xiang remembered that it took her a moment to react. She could only hug Xiao Yan Zi tightly and pat her back.

Yong Qi, meanwhile, was still staring at her hand, until he slowly drew his eyes up and met hers. His gaze was intense, desperate, so that it almost scared her. It was as if he could not believe what he was seeing and was begging her to tell him that what she had in her hands would save his daughter. And she wished she could tell him, tell them, that for sure. But she couldn't, she knew she couldn't. She could only nod at him over Xiao Yan Zi's shoulder and handed the bottle to him.

* * *

For Yong Qi, it was shock enough to see Han Xiang and Meng Dan appear seemingly out of nowhere, but for them to offer one last ray of hope was something he did not dare to believe. Though he took the bottle from Han Xiang, he didn't dare hope too much, he didn't dare think that anything could change when for the last day when he was so sure that nothing would change the fact that he was losing Ru Yi.

The wooden bottle felt cool in his trembling hand, and he turned it over in his palm, breathing deeply, wondering if he could actually do this. He realised then, that whatever courage he could boast to have once, he did not have then. He knew what the contents of this bottle had done once. But would it work again? Dare he make that move and wait for that moment of truth? Dare he not?

His hands were shaking so that he could not do much with the tiny bottle anyway. It was Zi Wei who finally took it from his hand and opened it. His eyes followed his sister's every move, as she took from it one single round pill, encased in wax.

Could this tiny thing save Ru Yi, save them all?

As he looked at it, he had to wonder how it was that they appeared now, of all time. He desperately hoped that Han Xiang and the ding xiang wan's sudden arrival was indeed a blessing. But it would just be like Heaven's contrary ways to dangle this hope in front of them, only to snatch it away, like a cat playing with the mouse before killing it. If it was indeed a blessing, however, why was it that all their saviour came at the last moment, after all the agony? Or did it all just happen, no rhyme or reason, no blessing or curse, nothing Just like water flowing along a river.

Zi Wei broke open the wax coating of the pill. The sweet aroma filled the room. Yong Qi wondered if this scent would come back to suffocate him later.

"Just one, Zi Wei," Han Xiang said softly as Zi Wei put it in Ru Yi's mouth. "It's made out of poison, not sugar."

"We gave you four," Zi Wei said, looking up in surprise.

"Yes, and it's a wonder how I didn't die of overdose instead."

Xiao Yan Zi had released Han Xiang and stepped over by Yong Qi's side and slipped her hand into his, holding it tightly. He turned slightly to look at her. Their eyes meet, and he could see, like him, she was trying to fight the hopes battling to shine in her eyes, because hoping now seemed like too much, they could not risk it. Hoping would mean their hopes would be dashed. Perhaps if they could convince themselves to not hope, their hopes would come true.

* * *

Nothing would surprise Hu Tai yi anymore. _Nothing_. In fact, he thought the only thing that would surprise him now would be if Ru Yi Xiao jie did not wake up and recover.

The scandal of Xiang Fei disappearing all those years ago had been carefully shushed up but that didn't stop anyone with brains to put some bits and pieces together, considering Huang Shang sent his two most beloved daughter to execution soon after the 'death' that led to frankly a whole host of trouble. In fact, no one was more aware than the physicians that Xiang Fei did not die. Even if a person did just drop dead, the physicians would be summoned to try to determine the cause of death. They were never summoned. In fact, he was only summoned to attend to Wu Ah Ge in prison, who was supposedly dying but it was immediately clear to anyone with the remotest medical knowledge that he was faking. Not that Hu Tai yi could blame him. Why shouldn't he want to get out of prison?

He had almost forgotten all that, and pushed the incident to the back of his mind, as a memory of the many bizarre things that happened in the palace. But now, Xiang Fei had unexpectedly appear again, and could be the one to do what he, in all his experience, had failed and save Ru Yi Xiao jie.

He knew as a physician, he should never let any of his patient take any medication if he didn't know what went into making that medication in the first place. Precisely because of this, he should never let Ru Yi Xiao jie take the ding xiang wan, no matter how many lives it had saved before. After all, one cannot just blindly prescribe medication to all sundry illnesses just because it happened to cure another illness. He knew if Wu Ah Ge was thinking straight, he would have the same reservation. But, really, by now, why did it even matter? If any of them dared to have a hope, this was it. He certainly could not give them any.

So he only retreated into a corner and didn't protest. In fact, he was sure everyone else had forgotten he was in the room.

* * *

"So now we wait?" Jin Suo asked.

"We wait," Zi Wei affirmed.

"How long?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"I don't know," Han Xiang answered softly.

"Hu Tai yi!" Zi Wei gasped. Yong Qi would have been amused at this exclamation that had little to do with the current conversation if the situation wasn't so tense and if it wasn't so dangerous that Hu Tai yi now knows about Han Xiang's continued existence and they would had preferred to keep it a secret from him.

All six of them turned to look at Hu Tai yi warily, who was looking very defensive.

"Perhaps we could talk outside?" Yong Qi said after a thick silence, gesturing towards the door. If there were times when he was grateful for his birthrights, it was then. Hu Tai yi of course recognised the suggestion was not so much a suggestion as an order.

"I suppose it pays now, to be a prince," Zi Wei said ironically.

"Technically he doesn't have the right to order anyone anything anymore," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"Technicality has nothing to do with it," Zi Wei answered. "Hu Tai yi is intelligent enough to know his place and Yong Qi's position. And Yong Qi can certainly play the part again when needed."

Xiao Yan Zi just smiled wryly. Instead of commenting, she turned to Han Xiang and Meng Dan and asked, "What on earth are you two doing here?"

"I think the question they want to ask is who are they?' Jin Suo said, nodding to their children.

Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi turned and it was as if they only just realised the children were in the room. Xiao Yan Zi groaned. "I can't do this right now. I cannot give this explanation right now. Why do our lives have to be so complicated?"

The corner of Zi Wei's mouth twitched while Jin Suo turned away to hide an obvious smile. "You always have a flare for melodrama, Xiao Yan Zi," Jin Suo said.

"And you always state the obvious," Xiao Yan Zi shot back.

Zi Wei just shook her head and briefly explained to the children who Meng Dan and Han Xiang were. By that time, Yong Qi had returned.

"What did you do to Hu Tai yi?" Zi Wei asked.

"Nothing. I simply told him he is not to tell anyone what happened here today and if - when - Huang Ah Ma has to know, we will be the ones to tell him."

"Oh, we have to tell Huang Ah Ma..." Xiao Yan Zi groaned softly.

"Yes, but let's not worry about that now," Zi Wei said.

The wait long and torturous and none of them had the strength to keep a pretense of conversation going on. When she looked back on it later, Zi Wei would marvel at how still they all were in that room that morning. It was as if they all feared that if they moved too much, hope would slip through their fingers like fine silk threads. She wondered that Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi didn't just burn Ru Yi under their gazes, as hard as they were staring at her. They were distracted only briefly by the arrival of lunch, which none of them really wanted, though Zi Wei did try to coax everybody into having some.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi really didn't know how she ever did manage to wait out those hours that it took for the ding xiang wan to take effect. The minutes and hours melted together until, finally, a long last, Ru Yi's face regained some colour. At first, Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure whether she was staring too hard at her and imagined that or it had really happened. She didn't have the courage to move from the foot of the bed where she was standing, gripping the bed post, to check. Yong Qi was holding her hand throughout it all and only the increased pressure from his hand alerted to her that he, too, might have noticed the subtle change in Ru Yi. If it wasn't for this sign from him, she would had been convinced that she imagined it, because she didn't want to get her hopes up that there had been a change.

She could hear him inhale deeply before sitting down at the edge of Ru Yi's bed to check on her. To Xiao Yan Zi, his every movement seemed agonisingly slow. The anticipation was like an enormous weight on her chest, trapping air from her, making every breath painful. She wanted him to tell her of any positive change to Ru Yi's condition immediately, if not sooner, but at the same time, she dreaded that the bad news might come too soon.

"Her fever's dropped. Her pulse is stable," Yong Qi said at long last. His voice was shaky, as if he could not believe it himself.

The curtain of glood and the weight of the worry seemed to lift at once, and it made Xiao Yan Zi feel dizzy. She gripped the bed post even harder to try and steady herself. There was a rush of air as everyone in the room let out shaky, relieved breaths.

Ru Yi had not yet moved, nor made any sign of waking up, but she would recover. She really would recover! For Xiao Yan Zi, that was more assurance than she had these entire few months of worrying about all her children. Xiao Yan Zi was not prone to fainting, it was a weakness that she didn't want to succumb to too often, if at all, but at that moment, if it wasn't for Zi Wei gripping her arm tightly she would have collapsed from the sheer relief. It took her a moment to regain control of her body to walk over to where Han Xiang was. She reached out and engulfed Han Xiang in a hug that spoke volume of her gratitude and let her tears silently soak Han Xiang's shoulder.

* * *

Through out all this, Ying Zhong found himself watching Ji Xiang. Was it because he nearly killed her the first time they met, or was it something elsse that made him so always aware of her? He found himself attuned to her every change in mood and feelings whenever she was in the room, and he found that he _wanted _to know what she was feeling. For the entire day, he couldn't help share her agitations over Ru Yi. Now, he could see clearly how her eyes lighted up in relief, and how they shined through the glittering unshed tears. Despite the situation, for a moment, Ying Zhong found himself lost in that startlingly beautiful sight.

* * *

Though it might escape her parents' notice, it didn't escape her twin's notice that Ying Zhong was staring at Ji Xiang. Jian Jun wasn't exactly unfamiliar with the fact that his sister tended to attract male attention but Ying Zhong's attention drew his own notice more significantly. He couldn't help feeling a rush of over-protectiveness for Ji Xiang, though she would not be happy with him if she knew he still indulged in such feelings for her. Ji Xiang always hated the idea that she needed protection from someone who was only four minutes older than her. She would always put up a struggle whenever Jian Jun tried to even talk about being her saviour. Jian Jun had then learnt to keep his protective thoughts of her to himself if he didn't want to get into an argument with her, but that didn't stop him feeling them nonetheless. It wasn't that he thought Ji Xiang was incapable of taking care of herself, but he could not help it.

So it was odd to find Ying Zhong looking at Ji Xiang. As recently as he had met Ying Zhong, Jian Jun had to admit he hadn't found anything to dislike about Ying Zhong yet. Considering their parents' relationship, Jian Jun suspected he would not be able to find many reasons to object to Ying Zhong, but that didn't make it any more disconcerting that Ying Zhong was _looking_ at Ji Xiang.

Jian Jun shook himself and tried to push the feelings aside. After all, right now wasn't the time worry about that yet. Ru Yi was the more pressing matter now.

* * *

As fleeting as all these observations were, Zi Wei witnessed it all, and for the first time that day she felt the urge to chuckle, though she managed to hide it. It strangely reminded her of when they were all falling in love.

Zi Wei smiled to herself. That her son would (and obviously did) find Ji Xiang attractive, she wasn't surprised about. She wasn't surprised at Jian Jun's slightly concerned expression either. Yet despite this encouraging advancement of Ying Zhong's attraction, and despite of what she and Er Kang had agreed to with Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi years ago, she knew they needed more than a dazed look for her to even begin to consider the possibility that they might have a future together. She would, of course, love to have Ji Xiang as a daughter-in-law, but even if Ying Zhong's feelings did develop to more than a simple attraction, Zi Wei had a feeling Ji Xiang would be as clueless as Xiao Yan Zi had been about any tender feelings directed at her.

This would certainly be interesting. After all this situation with Ru Yi was over (and hopefully with a happy ending) she would have to really talk to Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi about it.

* * *

Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were unaware of all this, being more preoccupied with Ru Yi for the time being. But Yong Qi, after further examination, was able to confirm for sure that Ru Yi now much better and would definitely recover. The only thing to do now was to wait for her to awaken, which she surely would do. The confirmation of good news felt like a blast of sunshine after days of nothing but bad news for everyone.

They all allowed themselves to savour this relief for a moment, until a servant came in and announced that Qian Long was arriving at the gate. The news sent a sudden wave of panic among them all, though they all tried to hide it. It would do them all well to be able to keep their wits about them to talk their way out of this coming disaster. There seemed little other choice of how else to deal with the situation, they would have to tell Qian Long the truth. Ru Yi had made a surprising miraculous recovery, after all, and nothing but the truth would convince Qian Long now of how that came about. So they needed to be calm for their friends' sake, because both Han Xiang and Meng Dan had stiffened at the announcement. Meng Dan, indeed, had gone very white in the face, his fists clenched and there was a tension in his eyes that spoke of wariness.

Zi Wei stood up and said in a forced, calm voice, "I'll go tell Huang Ah Ma what happened before he comes in here. Just stay here while I try to talk to him. I think it might be easier if he doesn't see you for the time being."

"He would hardly kill you, or indeed, do anything to you, after what you've just done for Ru Yi," Xiao Yan Zi told Han Xiang and Meng Dan after Zi Wei had left the room. They both looked at her doubtfully.

"He won't," Yong Qi agreed. "It had been twenty years. In any case, Xiao Yan Zi is right, we owe you more now than you owe him. And I imagine that in this case we might have some influence over how he might react to this whole situation."

* * *

Zi Wei was not worried that they were in any danger of losing their lives over Han Xiang and Meng Dan's presence here. What she was more apprehensive about was how her father would react to their being here and the emotional toil that would result from it. She wondered how she should even begin telling him about the extraordinary day this had just been.

"Huang Ah Ma ji xiang," Zi Wei greeted him nervously. Qian Long took her nervousness for something else, however.

"Oh Heaven, is Ru Yi - " he began worriedly.

Zi Wei hastily interrupted and assured him, "Ru Yi is fine. In fact, Yong Qi said she should make a full recovery."

Qian Long was astonished. Such a change in less than a day! "But yesterday, both he and Hu Tai yi said - "

"Oh Huang Ah Ma, you would not believe what just happened!" Zi Wei exclaimed, taking his arm and leading him to a chair. Once he was seated, she took a deep breath and began telling the story. "Indeed, just this morning we all thought there was no hope left but that is until we had two very unexpected and surprising visitors."

Here, she paused and looked at her father, wondering how she would phrase the next part and how he would take it.

"Go on," Qian Long urged as she didn't continue.

"They...they were Han Xiang and Meng Dan."

She paused again and glanced furtively at Qian Long. A tumult of expressions crossed the old man's face at this revelation, among them were shock, pain and not a small amount of resentment.

"Huang Ah Ma, please hear me out. I know - I know this must be uncomfortable for you to hear and trust me, for me to tell you, considering all things. But right now I - and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi would definitely agree with me - could only see their sudden appearance as nothing less than the greatest blessing. You must remember the time when Han Xiang saved me when I was ill with the medicine from her home - ding xiang wan? And she herself was saved by the same pill after all the physicians had said she was dead!"

Qian Long nodded curtly.

"Well, it was that same ding xiang wan that saved Ru Yi this time as well! Oh Huang Ah Ma, surely you must see how fortunate it was that they arrived so miraculously in time to save her when we have all but given up! We didn't even know they were coming but surely this means that Heaven is being very kind to us to have sent them just in time. Huang Ah Ma, I know, I know that their being back here must bring a lot of bad memories for you and I don't want to make excuses for the pain we brought you all those years ago and again now. But for Ru Yi's sake, and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's - "

She trailed off as Qian Long stood up abruptly and paced around for a while without saying anything. Then finally, he faced her, looking at her sharply and asked in a rough voice, "She is here, in this house?"

Zi Wei nodded quietly, noting that he made no mention of Meng Dan. But perhaps that would be better.

"And Ru Yi? She would recover? Are you sure?"

"Yes, Yong Qi is quite sure."

Zi Wei noted the conflicted look on his face before he turned away from her again. She didn't dare say anything more, lest it did more harm than good. She could only wait with baited breath while he remained silent for a long while.

"Huang Ah Ma?" she finally said tentatively he still did not say anything for a long time.

He looked at her again, this time with an expression that was puzzling to her. It was a mixture of resignation and regret. Then he turned, clenching his fist and stared out the window. "Where will they be staying?"

"Hui Bin Lou," Zi Wei said quietly. "Huang Ah Ma, please - "

He cut her off roughly, "I do not want to see her...them."

Zi Wei nodded slowly, holding her breath.

"For a long time, she had been dead to me. And that way she will remain. Am I understood?" he ended sharply.

"Yes, Huang Ah Ma," Zi Wei said in a small voice. She barely had time to look up before Qian Long strode out of the room and left without looking at her.

Zi Wei slowly made her way back to where everyone else was, not quite sure what to make of the entire encounter. In a way it had gone a lot better than she expected. He had taken the news as calmly as possible considering the circumstances. Yet it was that that made her feel guilty for the whole situation all over again.

"Well?" Xiao Yan Zi ambushed her as she got back.

"Well, he wasn't exactly happy at the idea that Han Xiang is alive. He had convinced himself that she really was dead all these years and I guess that's just his way of coping with it." Zi Wei turned and took Han Xiang's hand. "But I did press the point that you did just save Ru Yi's life. So anyway, he does not wish to see either of you while you are here in Beijing. I suppose that is for the best."

"It seems a rather subdued reaction," Xiao Yan Zi said pensively.

"What else can he do, really," Yong Qi sighed. "We do have prodigious talent of putting him in uneasy position."

Zi Wei only smiled dryly at that.

* * *

For Qian Long, he left Zi Wei in a storm of emotions. When he set out to Xue Shi Fu, his mind had been full of worry for Ru Yi. And now, though that worry was elevated, it was replaced by emotions he had thought to have long successfully buried.

He might have long forgiven his children for that incident with Xiang Fei, but that did not mean he could so easily forget it. These years, he had managed to convince himself of her death, so much that there were times when he did believe it. And he never thought there would ever be occasion when he would have to challenge that conviction anymore. She was the butterfly that had flown away from him. And now it seems she had fluttered back, though he did not know whether that was a blessing or a curse on him.

He tried not to think of her as she was all those years ago. He tried to focus on the now, that her presence was Ru Yi's salvation. She would have no doubt changed over the years, and whatever image he held of her all these years, no doubt she no longer held true to them. He tried not to think of the reasons for her being gone from his life in the first place, and the fact that that reason was here with her now in Beijing, in his daughter's house, no less!

He didn't know how he would react if he saw her again, after all these years. If truth be told, he didn't know what he felt for her anymore. There was a time when she stroke up more passion in him than any woman had ever managed to do. But she had never truly been his. She had always been like a dream, slipping in and out of his grasp.

He shook himself. This was why he had always convinced himself that she was dead. Old age did come with the dangers of dwelling too much on the past, on what could have been, and it seems that danger dived in more ominously now than ever. No, it would be much better to continue convincing himself that she no longer lived, because thinking about her brought too much regret, to many what-ifs and too much resentment of the children he loved.

* * *

Though none of them would trade Han Xiang and Meng Dan's presence in Beijing that day for anything, not solely because their presence saved Ru Yi either, they still regretted the inevitable pain that they had to bring to Qian Long. In other circumstances, they would have strived to keep the visit a secret from him, but with what they've done for Ru Yi, it was impossible.

All of them knew, despite that Qian Long didn't give outright objection to Han Xiang and Meng Dan's visit, only that he himself didn't want to see them, it was not wise for the two of remain too long in Beijing. They would all be treading on eggshells too much while the couple was here and Qian Long knew it.

As a result, despite of any earlier plan, Han Xiang and Meng Dan's visit in Beijing only lasted ten days before they thought it was best for them to remove the tension that existed between Qian Long and his children. Nevertheless, the group of friends did have a memorable time catching up with each other. Han Xiang and Meng Dan promised to head down to Dali to visit with the Fang family, perhaps catching Er Kang there as well, if they were lucky. They would also be able to report Beijing news to those in Dali, considering it looked like Yong Qi, Xiao Yan Zi and their children would have to remain in Beijing for a while longer. The author will refrain from commenting whether their hasty departure from Beijing was more chiefly the result of her inability to think of what to do with them now they have served the purpose of saving Ru Yi.

Let us now turn back a bit to poor Ru Yi who should be the focus of this chapter but it seems the author had neglected her in order to get rid of Han Xiang and Meng Dan.

Despite Yong Qi's declaration that Ru Yi was in a stable condition, she remained unconscious for the rest of that day after taking the ding xiang wan. Han Xiang had reassured them before she returned to Hui Bin Lou with Meng Dan and Jin Suo that day that this was completely normal. The important thing was that she was no longer feverish and in danger.

Later that night, Yong Qi said to Xiao Yan Zi, "You should go get some sleep. You look tired. I'll sit with Ru Yi."

In reality, he didn't particularly expect her to listen to him without some struggle, so it was surprising when she replied, "I am tired. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You've been worrying too much lately. Go get some sleep."

"Promise me you'll wake me if she wakes up though?"

"Yes, love."

It was not until early in the morning that Ru Yi slowly stirred, however. Yong Qi was nodding off beside her bed, holding her hand lightly when he thought there was a tug at his hand and a flutter of an eyelid. They were both so light that he first thought it was simply a flutter of the candle on the bedside and he had imagined it. Immediately after he'd decided this, however, the pressure increased again and she seemed to squint, as if even the soft candle light was too much for her to handle. It was clear, though, that she was definitely waking up!

Yong Qi grasped his daughter's hand more tightly, wanting to go wake Xiao Yan Zi yet could not bear to tear himself away from Ru Yi now. Slowly, Ru Yi struggled to lift her eyelids which seemed weighted down as if by teals of silver.

"Ru Yi, sweetheart, wake up," he urged gently.

It took Ru Yi a moment to take in her surrounding and shake the confusion from her eyes.

"Father?" Ru Yi gasped. It was obvious that her throat and mouth was painfully dry. Breathing a sigh of relief that she was finally awake, Yong Qi slowly helped her drink some water to clear her throat.

"Thank Heaven that you are awake, Ru Yi. You gave everyone quite a fright, young lady," he breathed, kissing the top of her head.

"What happened?" Ru Yi asked, looking around. "Where's Mother?"

"She's in the next room. I'll go get her, she'll never forgive me if I didn't wake her the moment you woke up."

With that, he went into the next room where Xiao Yan Zi and Ji Xiang were sleeping.

"Xiao Yan Zi, Xiao Yan Zi."

"Hmmm?"

"Ru Yi's awake."

This made her bolt right up. "Ru Yi's awake?" she asked excitedly, gripping his arm, her eyes shining.

Yong Qi was about to caution her from waking Ji Xiang as well, but she was sitting up as well. "Is it true, Father? Ru Yi's awake?"

Xiao Yan Zi turned to Ji Xiang and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, darling, did we wake you up?"

"Never mind that, Mother," she said impatiently. "Ru Yi's really awake?"

"Yes," Yong Qi nodded.

Both of them couldn't get out of bed and dress fast enough and in her haste, Xiao Yan Zi knocked over a chair with a loud thump. When Yong Qi made to return to Ru Yi, he saw his sons at the entrance of their room.

"What's going on?" Jian Jun asked blearily.

Yong Qi answered, "Ru Yi's awake," which they greeted with similar excitement.

Xiao Yan Zi soon rushed to Ru Yi's side, closely followed by Ji Xiang, Jian Jun and Jian Wen. She pulled her youngest child into her arms. "Oh Ru Yi, thank goodness you're awake! Never scare me like that again, do you understand?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, you're suffocating her," Yong Qi said, but when their eyes met, they shared a look of pure relief nonetheless.

Xiao Yan Zi released Ru Yi and let her brothers and sister come to her.

"She'll be all right now?" Xiao Yan Zi asked Yong Qi, looking at him desperately, feeling she couldn't take more disappointed hopes.

For a moment, Yong Qi could only nod. Then finally he said, "Yes, she'll be fine now. She should recover fast enough now with proper rest and care."

Xiao Yan Zi let out a shaky breath and just looked at Yong Qi for a long while. It was impossible to describe what both of them were feeling at that moment. The worry and fear and despair they felt for the last few days were still fresh in their minds that this new sensation of relief felt foreign and unbelievable. Yet finally, it was as if an enormous weight had been taken off them and they could do nothing but relish in it.


	16. Unexpected News

**Chapter 16: Unexpected News**

* * *

True to Yong Qi's words, Ru Yi's recovery was sure and steady after that, for which they were all thankful. By the time that Han Xiang and Meng Dan departed Beijing ten days later, she was nearly back to normal, so that even Xiao Yan Zi had stopped hovering around her like she would have a relapse any moment. In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that Zi Wei wanted to keep them in Beijing just a little longer, Yong Qi, Xiao Yan Zi and their children could have accompanied the couple back to Dali.

Several days later, Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei found a little time to sit together and talk without anyone around. They were talking mostly of the children, especially Xuan Zhuang, who was used to having just her mother for female company, and was delighted at having Ji Xiang and Ru Yi around.

"There are times when I wonder that she's not more boyish, growing up with three brothers," Zi Wei said of her daughter.

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "She can hardly grow up boyish with you around, Zi Wei."

Zi Wei smiled. "I do love her to death. I would never complain of being able to give Er Kang sons, but honestly I don't know what I would do without some female comfort."

"What will you do when she leaves you? She is getting to that age, you know."

"Well, let's hope Ying Zhong and Ying De marry first, before we consider marrying off Xuan Zhuang."

"I suppose Huang Ah Ma would have the final say in any of their matches," Xiao Yan Zi sighed.

"Yes, I suppose, but I don't think he would force them into anything if they did not want it. I just wonder whether they would feel an obligation to say yes if Huang Ah Ma happens to suggest something. Of course, I do hope, either way, all my children would be as happy in marriage as Er Kang and I have been, but sometimes I wonder if we've set impossibly high standards that they have just come to think it's unattainable and settle for what they can get. Sometimes the way Xuan Zhuang talks, I think that's how she's thinking."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at Zi Wei, simply smiling for a moment.

"What?" Zi Wei asked.

"You are right that you do set impossibly high standards. Certainly compared to me, you seem to have the perfect marriage from the start."

Zi Wei just shook her head. "We do have our moments, trust me. But I suppose, compared to you and Yong Qi, anything would be peaceful. But you seem all right now. You two haven't had one argument the whole time you've been here. I'm a bit surprised, to be honest."

They both laughed. "Honestly? I can't remember the last time I argued with him," Xiao Yan Zi confessed.

"Ok, now are you sure there isn't something wrong?" Zi Wei joked. "Because that could only be abnormal."

"Really, Zi Wei. No, I guess after all these years we've fought and argued about everything possible that it just becomes pointless, as if it wasn't pointless before. But anyway, speaking of marriages and all, have you ever touched on the subject with Ying Zhong?"

"What, him and Ji Xiang?" Zi Wei smiled. "No, we hardly had time with everything that's been going on lately. But I can tell you this, Xiao Yan Zi, from the way he's been looking at your daughter lately, I don't think he'll complain. It's how Ji Xiang will react that will be the issue."

"Looking at her? He's been looking at her?"

"Oh, Xiao Yan Zi, you're so clueless sometimes. No wonder it took Yong Qi ages to break it to you that he was in love with you. I'm not saying Ying Zhong's head over heels in love with her or anything yet. Just that I think he at least finds her...interesting."

Xiao Yan Zi looked sceptical for a moment, then heaved another sigh. "I'm just wondering whether we should even say anything to them. I mean, what if we just leave it to them to figure it out themselves? I mean, listen to us. Ji Xiang is only sixteen, sometimes I see her as a child still."

Zi Wei smiled. "Sometimes I'm equally not ready to imagine having a daughter-in-law as well, even one I would welcome as Ji Xiang. But you know, they might well need a push in the right direction if they're going to be separated by the length of the whole country."

"Where are all of them anyway?"

"Oh, the boys are out riding and the girls are in Xuan Zhuang's room doing whatever it is that normal girls do. We never had much of normal past times in the palace, if you think about it, what with all those illegal plots."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed.

Zi Wei continued, "I think they're all planning to go to the night market later. I don't suppose you want to join them?"

"What, and interfere in a young people's outing? Besides, I'm feeling rather tired today."

Zi Wei moaned at her choice of words. "Young people, good Heaven, where did the time go?"

Xiao Yan Zi smiled wryly. "Indeed. And just the fact that we're talking about our children's marriage makes me feel positively ancient."

Zi Wei laughed. Then she looked closely at Xiao Yan Zi. "But you do seem tired, Xiao Yan Zi."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "I don't know what's come over me lately. I haven't done anything lately to feel so tired all the time. I didn't want to talk to Yong Qi about it because he'll just fuss. But now I wonder if I should, it's not normal."

"Maybe you've just been eating something strange..."

"Oh please, don't mention food right now," Xiao Yan Zi wrinkled her nose. "Just the thought of it at the moment really doesn't sit well with me."

Zi Wei chuckled, "You know, Xiao Yan Zi, if I didn't know better, I'd say there's a perfectly sound explanation for your tiredness and nausea and it has nothing to do with illness."

"Oh sure," Xiao Yan Zi laughed.

Zi Wei looked at her intently. "No worries there, then?"

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her, shaking her head. "Impossible. After Ru Yi, I haven't been able...and besides, we've just been discussing Ji Xiang's marriage, for goodness sake. And Ru Yi is twelve years old. No, with my children practically grown up, I would have no...well..."

"It's only a suggestion, Xiao Yan Zi. I was only teasing," Zi Wei said, though she didn't look convinced. Then, her eyes twinkling with laughter, she added, "In any case, it would be unusual, that after all these years, things are still happening to make it possible."

"Zi Wei!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, colouring. "As if it is not the same with you?"

"But I'm not feeling tired and nauseous, dear sister," Zi Wei smiled archly. Xiao Yan Zi could think of nothing to retaliate to that.

* * *

When Yong Qi entered their bedroom that night, he found Xiao Yan Zi sitting with her knees drawn up under her chin, looking pensive. He sat down beside her and took her hand. She just turned and gave him a strange look.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I...Something's wrong with me, Yong Qi, and I don't know what it is," she sighed.

He turned her wrist over, preparing to take her pulse. "Why didn't you tell me about it earlier?"

"It's just, well, actually Zi Wei said something today...It's absurd, of course, it's probably not worth mentioning..."

"What?"

"She said...she said there might actually be a reason why everything suddenly is just so tiring lately..."

There was a short pause, then Yong Qi said quietly, "That perhaps you might be with child?"

Xiao Yan Zi threw a pillow at him, looking exasperated. "Why do you both think that? It's impossible!"

"No, it's not," Yong Qi grinned suggestively at her.

Xiao Yan Zi straightened and looked at him seriously. "Yes it is. You know it is. After Ru Yi, you said..."

"I said it was probable, I didn't say it was definite, Xiao Yan Zi. And even if I did, that doesn't make it irrefutable in the long run. My words aren't exactly words from Heaven, you know," he teased.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at him with wide eyes. "But..."

"In fact," Yong Qi continued, smiling at her. "I just took your pulse. It is very probable, if you don't want me to say definite, that Zi Wei was right."

Xiao Yan Zi gaped at him for a moment. "It...it is?"

He nodded. She just blinked rapidly, before burying her face in a pillow. "What am I going to do?" she moaned. "Good Heaven, Yong Qi, in a couple of years Jian Jun and Ji Xiang will be getting married and having children of their own."

"So?"

She looked up abruptly, "So? What do you mean so?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, I apparently have an eight-year-old sister, remember?"

"But you don't share a mother! Yong Qi, how am I going to do this? I can't..."

Yong Qi rubbed her back soothingly, "Darling, you're acting like it's the first time we're having a child! Besides, we can hardly do anything about it now that it's here."

"Are you not a bit disturbed or upset about this?"

He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her. "Not at all. Why would I be? Nothing could make me happier right now."

"It is very odd, Yong Qi," Xiao Yan Zi said, calming down a bit.

He chuckled. "Yes, well, since when was anything about us ever normal?"

* * *

They announced the news a couple of days later, when Qian Long was having lunch with them at Xue Shi Fu. Though judging by the shrewd way Zi Wei was looking at her, Xiao Yan Zi was fairly sure that Zi Wei, at least, was as certain as Yong Qi was about the situation.

The silence that followed the announcement was only broken by the clinking sound of Zi Wei setting down her spoon into her bowl. Then Qian Long exclaimed, "Oh well done, Yong Qi!"

Jian Jun and Jian Wen nearly choked on their food at that. It took all of Yong Qi's self-control gained from growing up in the palace to not roll his eyes or burst out laughing. Meanwhile, both Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, one scandalously and one embarrassed, "Huang Ah Ma!"

"I'm amazed," Ji Xiang exclaimed, reaching over to take her mother's hand.

"You can't be as amazed as I am," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"I am more amazed that you chose to announce this at a meal. I was certainly born into an odd family," Jian Wen remarked.

"You have no idea how odd," Xiao Yan Zi said. At the same time, Yong Qi raised an eyebrow and said simply but sternly, "Jian Wen."

He understood, however, and dutifully followed his brother and cousins in congratulating his mother.

"I think it's great," Ru Yi said gleefully. "I shall no longer be the youngest."

"You could stil be the youngest girl, which is kind of the same thing," Xiao Yan Zi pointed out, smiling.

"Not the point, Mother," Ru Yi said. "The point is there could never be too much of good news like this."

* * *

"Well, how much longer, Xiao Yan Zi?" Zi Wei asked impatiently a little while later, when it was just the two of them together again

"Seven months. I had not noticed at all until you mentioned it. But even if I did notice, I'd probably had thought it was something else."

Zi Wei smiled happily. "Well, it certainly means you're staying here for a long while now, doesn't it?"

Xiao Yan Zi said with a chuckle, "I think it will be a year before Yong Qi would even consider letting me travel. But I think I would be grateful to be with you when this baby comes, for once, especially this time, when I'm so nervous about all this."

"Don't be," Zi Wei said comfortingly. "It will be fine. So, do you think it will be a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know really. I don't know whether I want it to be a boy or a girl. Yong Qi thinks it is a girl, and he and I never agreed on this, and usually the one who was wrong was me so I am thinking of just agreeing with him for the sake of it."

Zi Wei laughed. "Well, I am sure you will be happy with a healthy baby, regardless."

Xiao Yan Zi nodded, then suddenly she smiled. "Why do I feel like this is some kind of trick someone is playing on us to get Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong to have time together?"

"Well, it is good timing, I suppose, but we must sound less like we're actively matchmaking them together. On the other hand, I suppose Xiao Jian and Qing Er are missing all of this. Oh!" Zi Wei suddenly cried, as if just remembering. "I almost forgot. I received a letter from Er Kang this morning, I was about to tell you at lunch but then this distracted me. He just wanted us to know that everything and everyone is fine now in Dali. Er Kang's sorting out everything there and depending how things go, he should be back in Beijing in about a month."

"Perhaps we should send a letter letting them know what's going on here," Xiao Yan Zi said. "But this hardly seems like something to be said in a letter."

"Well, it's the only choice, isn't it?" Zi Wei had already called for the servants to take out pens and paper and before long, the letter was written and on its way to Dali before the day was out.

* * *

"I don't feel any different, Yong Qi," Xiao Yan Zi said later that evening.

Yong Qi stood behind her and rested his chin on her head. "You always say that. You can't always feel the pregnancy, Xiao Yan Zi."

"No, that's not what I meant." She turned around to face him. "I mean, I'm not twenty anymore, Yong Qi. Goodness, I'm not even thirty anymore."

"What's your point?" Yong Qi asked, confused.

"It's been so long and when did I become so...old?"

Yong Qi smiled affectionately. "I don't think so. You are as lovely as ever. In any case, you'd always be younger than me."

Xiao Yan Zi rolled her eyes. "I mean, so much time has passed but I hardly notice it. I feel the same, I think I am the same person. But it's been twelve years since Ru Yi was born, and now I'm faced with the future of having a baby all over again. It just...it's like I can't remember what that's like."

"You'll be fine. We'll be fine. You'll have Zi Wei this time, even if you'll have to do without Qing Er. Unless we can convince them by letters to come here for the occasion, in which case it looks like we should all just move back to Beijing."

"Sure, that will work," Xiao Yan Zi said sarcastically.

"Actually, believe it or not, Huang Ah Ma had hinted at the subject with me."

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed. "Moving back to Beijing? Or stay, rather. How could he think - ?"

"I don't think he expects us to come back to the palace. Just stay in Beijing. You know, closer to everyone."

"And what did you tell him?"

"Nothing. He hasn't said anything directly. Just, you know, I pick up things here and there."

Xiao Yan Zi frowned.

"I don't think Huang Ah Ma will actually ask us to, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said. "He knows the pressure he can put on us if he wants to. But he's not going to exert that pressure. Not much, anyway."

Xiao Yan Zi was quiet for a while, so that it seemed to Yong Qi that the subject was closed for the time being. But then, suddenly she spoke again.

"I'm not saying there is no reason for us to stay, Yong Qi."

"Hmmm."

"I mean, it's not just Zi Wei and Er Kang and Huang Ah Ma. If, just if, Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong do come through, I would hate to have her so far away."

Yong Qi chuckled. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Xiao Yan Zi, but yes, I see your point."

"But could we remain so low-profile here and not attract undue attention? Face it, Yong Qi, it doesn't matter what you do, you have a talent of attracting attention. Or you have talents, period."

Yong Qi chuckled. Then he said thoughtfully, "Well, whatever it is, you are not ready to travel any time soon, so can we just go with the flow for now? Let's see what happens these next few months and then we can decide. All right?"

"All right."

* * *

It was rather odd to be back in Beijing again, and to be staying for such a long time. Now that things had slowed down a bit, Xiao Yan Zi finally had time to realise this. It wasn't that she was not enjoying it. It was wonderful to be so near Zi Wei again, even if she did miss her brother and his family. For so long she had been away from Zi Wei that it was just strange to be back together again, but at the same time, it seemed like no time had passed between them. For this, Xiao Yan Zi was grateful. She would not be able to bear it if all these years apart made them feel awkward around each other.

Now that Zi Wei had mentioned it, Xiao Yan Zi found herself observing interactions between her daughter and Ying Zhong more closely. Zi Wei was perhaps right; they did seem to get along well. Ying Zhong had a way of making Ji Xiang look comfortable around in a way that Xiao Yan Zi had never seen any other male do after such a short time of Ji Xiang meeting them.

Xiao Yan Zi was not sure whether she ever really seriously considered the idea of Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong or not, but now that it had hit her that it might actually come true, for the first time, Xiao Yan Zi wondered whether it was actually a good idea. So occupied was she with this that even Yong Qi noticed.

"Xiao Yan Zi, what's wrong?"

"What?" she startled.

"You've got this frown on your face."

"Just thinking. About Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong. Worrying, actually."

Yong Qi sighed. "Xiao Yan Zi, I think you and Zi Wei are letting your fancies run away with you. There's hardly a Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong yet. And what are you so worried about?"

"Well, let's just say that they do end up together - " Yong Qi was about to say something but Xiao Yan Zi pushed on " - humour me here, Yong Qi. It'll be so complicated. When we came up with this idea, we were under the impression that our daughter would be growing up in Beijing, in the palace. But reality is that she has not. If she does end up marrying him, she'd have to get used to this entire new life, the palace, court, everything."

"Which, honestly, if you think about it, is rather ironic," Yong Qi managed to say.

"Yes, well, the point is that it's a lot to get used to, I should know. It's always so much pressure and to be honest, I don't want her to have to go through all that."

Yong Qi looked pensive for a moment. Then he sighed and said, "I still think you're letting your fancies run away with you. But let's, for the sake of argument, say that they do end up together. Well, Ji Xiang isn't you, Xiao Yan Zi." He couldn't help smiling.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Xiao Yan Zi said, not sure whether she was meant to be offended.

"Well, wasn't there a reason you had such a hard time in the palace? Ji Xiang could be about as stubborn as you but I don't think she'd go around causing as much trouble as you - " Xiao Yan Zi glared at him. Yong Qi chuckled. "Honestly, Xiao Yan Zi, you're the only person I know who could cause a whole world of trouble the moment they enter the palace by just lying there unconscious."

"And whose fault was that?" Xiao Yan Zi retorted.

"The point is, Ji Xiang is probably a lot more mature at sixteen that you were at eighteen."

"Are you determined to insult me in this conversation?"

"It's the truth, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi laughed, dodging from her incoming swat. It took a while for both of them to calm down again.

"I'm not saying that the adjustment will be a walk in the park for Ji Xiang, but I think she'll survive it. Even you survived it well enough, until Zhi Hua came along. Face it, Xiao Yan Zi, without Zhi Hua, we'd never had that much reason to leave."

"I suppose," Xiao Yan Zi said reluctantly.

"And honestly, if Ji Xiang doesn't think Ying Zhong is worth at least attempting to go through the difficulties of the palace for then there is no way I'm letting her get involved with him, let alone marry him."

"I asked you to leave," Xiao Yan Zi whispered, guiltily.

"Yes." Yong Qi took her hand and gave it a loving squeeze. "But I made the decision, Xiao Yan Zi, because I realised that you've gone through enough for me. That for all that time, you've endured it for me and it was time I gave it up for you. I did have a choice. If I had stayed, you wouldn't have left me?"

Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure whether the last part was a question. The phrasing wasn't, but the way he said it made it a question. Maybe it was the fact that even he was not sure that made her answer honestly.

"With the emotional state I was in then, I'm honestly not sure. But if I did, it would have been something I would regret forever, later."

"I wouldn't have let you go so easily, you know," Yong Qi said gently. "At least, not let you go alone."

She looked down at her hands enclosed in his. "I would probably hate you for it at that moment, but hopefully would be grateful for it later on."

They didn't say anything for a while, until Xiao Yan Zi brought the subject back to Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong again.

"So about Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong..."

"I still think you're worrying a bit prematurely. They've only just known each other for over a month, Xiao Yan Zi."

"How long did you know me before you began to like me?" she asked.

Yong Qi smiled. "I liked you the moment I first spoke to you in the garden, but then you were supposedly my sister. But how does that have anything to do with Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong?"

"Well Zi Wei said that Ying Zhong finds Ji Xiang, and I quote, 'interesting'. So he does admire her, Yong Qi."

"That still doesn't mean that they'll end up married, or happily so."

"It could. Everything has to start from somewhere."

Yong Qi laughed, "Honestly, Xiao Yan Zi, you must know there's so much more to a marriage than just admiration. It would be lying if I said that I didn't admire Zhi Hua's talents once upon a time, and see how that turned out."

"I'm not saying that whatever is between them right now is what everything will be based upon, but you must admit then there is potential for development?"

"Perhaps, but it's still much too early for you to worry about right now, that's my point."

"If it's going to be an issue later, how is worrying now and worrying later different?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, you're speaking as if it's a sure thing that they'll end up together. I don't think Ji Xiang will appreciate an arranged marriage with Ying Zhong, or anyone for that matter. For goodness's sake, Xiao Yan Zi, we of all people, should hate the idea of an arranged marriage."

"It's hardly the same, Yong Qi," Xiao Yan Zi insisted. "They're a good match."

"Lao Fo Ye thought that about me and Zhi Hua too."

"Well, I think you're just overly reluctant to let your little girl go," Xiao Yan Zi said, a wistful smile on her lips.

Yong Qi smiled back. "And you are in a hurry for her to get married?"

"No, but considering we're going to be here for the foreseeable future, something might come up between them."

"Might, being the keyword. Xiao Yan Zi, I get it, if they do end up together, yes it will be very odd for Ji Xiang to have to learn to deal with life at court and everything that comes with it, but Ying Zhong isn't me either. He doesn't exactly have people expecting of him what they expected of me. But for now, if you keep worrying like this you're going to give something away to Ji Xiang and something tells me she won't be happy if she thinks you're trying to matchmake her with Ying Zhong, which you are kind of doing. You can worry when something actually happens."

"I can't help it!" she laughed. "But you really woudn't be against the match if they do end up together?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, I would not wish for them to be together just because we wish it. But if he could really make her happy, and the fact that he's got good exampless from his parents means that he probably could, then you know I could not say no."

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi could at least appreciate that Yong Qi was right about one thing, that was Ji Xiang would not be happy to learn her mother was in any way matchmaking her with anyone. For that, she planned definitely to not say anything to Ji Xiang on the subject. Not that she really was matchmaking really. She did not want to push Ji Xiang into a marriage she didn't want anymore than Yong Qi did. But that didn't mean she couldn't hope. Though she didn't exactly avoid the subject entirely when speaking to Zi Wei, she managed not to betray anything to Ji Xiang.

In the end, though, it was not through Xiao Yan Zi or Zi Wei that Ji Xiang accidentally learnt of her mother's hope. It was several days after Er Kang had returned from Dali with news that everything was well settled there when Qian Long chose to visit Xue Shi Fu. Indeed, Qian Long frquented at Xue Shi Fu more these days, for the obvious reasons. He met Ji Xiang in the gardens and naturally spoke to her.

"I hope you get along well with Ying Zhong," he started.

At first, Ji Xiang did not think much of this statement, despite a hinting smile Qian Long was giving her.

"He is very nice," she said warmly. She did like him, of course. After all, he was her cousin.

"I suspect you'll want to think of him more than just nice if you are to marry him," Qian Long chuckled.

Ji Xiang froze in her track and stared at him. It must be the shock of what she just heard that allowed her to do this, since he was still the emperor and she hasn't quite gotten over being intimidated by him.

"I beg your pardon?"

Qian Long blinked at her astonishment.

"Has your mother not told you?"

"Told me _what_, sorry?"

"Well, I suppose I have ruined the surprise but I suspect they would tell you soon enough," Qian Long said. He, being the emperor, was far too used to arranged marriages for the idea that Ji Xiang might not welcome such a match to cross his mind. So he continued plainly, "Your parents have arranged it with his for the two of you to marry."

It took Ji Xiang a moment to remember to answer.

"And ...when exactly did they decide this?" she finally managed to ask.

"Even before you were born, I believe."

"I see."

Qian Long didn't manage to recognise, despite her frown, the quiet tone of her voice for displeasure and simply assumed it as shyness.

Ji Xiang, meanwhile, kept up a distracted conversation until they met Zi Wei and she could decently flee off to be on her own.

It was not the fact that her parents expected her to like Ying Zhong that made her both uncomfortable and angry. It was that they blatantly expected her to like him in such a way, even before she even existed. She found it even more incredible now, knowing her parents' whole story as she did, that they would ever even consider an arranged marriage for any of their children. She didn't want to feel it, but Ji Xiang couldn't help feeling like she was being cheated.

True, they have not said anything to her, but what did that signify? They obviously still considered it enough so that even Qian Long knew about it. And for all she knew, perhaps everyone did but her. A surprise, her grandfather had said.

Ji Xiang hated surprises.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi could tell that Ji Xiang was distracted throughout the rest of the day but could not put their fingers on why. Also, it did not seem as though Ji Xiang was inclined to tell them, or at least not while Qian Long was still at Xue Shi Fu.

Ji Xiang now wondered if he, Ying Zhong, knew about this arrangement, and whether his pleasantry to her was all part of it. That, and the guilt that he shot her with an arrow.

It did not even occur to Qian Long that Ji Xiang would react negatively to the idea at all. After all, as she said so herself, she found Ying Zhong nice. As far as he was concerned, her quietness might only be shock at such a news, not that she was displeased. After all, why should she be? He didn't even think to mention it to his children that he had told her, as he assumed they would know soon enough.

Ying Zhong had no idea why, for the rest of the day, Ji Xiang was suddenly avoiding him and when they did cross, she didn't seem to want to speak more than the bare minimum to him before finding some excuse to be away.

In fact, Ji Xiang remained stubbornly silent about what was bothering her until the next day, when she sought out Xiao Yan Zi when she was alone to talk about it.

"What's bothering you all day yesterday, Ji Xiang?" Xiao Yan Zi asked as Ji Xiang hovered about for a while without saying anything.

"What makes you think there's anything bothering me?" Ji Xiang asked sullenly.

"Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi said disapprovingly. "You obviously want to talk. And that tone makes it quite clear."

Ji Xiang sat down on the bed with Xiao Yan Zi in a chair opposite her with a pout on her face.

"Just when exactly were you planning to tell me that you wanted to marry me off to Fu Ying Zhong?" Ji Xiang asked crossly.

Xiao Yan Zi opened her mouth, stunned for a moment, then closed it. After blinking several times, she finally found her voice. "Where did you hear that?"

"Huang Ye Ye told me yesterday morning, and he apparently thought that I knew. Were you planning to ask me at all or would you have just expected me to accept it the moment you wanted me to?" Ji Xiang said, her voice rising.

"You will not speak in that tone to me, Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi said sharply. The irony of that statement didn't escape her. How many times had she used that very tone with her seniors? Then she sighed heavily.

Ji Xiang just glowered at her.

"Ji Xiang, I'm surprised that you would think your father and I would ever expect you to marry someone, anyone, even Ying Zhong, without consideration for your feelings."

"Are you not? You apparently made the match before I even existed!" Ji Xiang said angrily.

Xiao Yan Zi could not reproach her about her tone again. "We may have entertained the idea, Ji Xiang, but does that mean we would have forced you into such a marriage if you were against it?"

"I don't know, does it?" Ji Xiang asked sulkily.

Xiao Yan Zi pursed her lips. If she was being honest, she knew exactly why Ji Xiang was angry, and it was the only reason she was not angry at Ji Xiang for her rudeness.

"Be honest, Ji Xiang, do you really think your father and I would have just expected you to accept it like that?"

Ji Xiang was quiet for a moment. Then she said grudgingly, "Well, no." But she didn't look any more appeased.

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "Look, Ji Xiang. When Zi Wei and I first thought of this, I will admit, slightly insane idea, we weren't exactly thinking much. To be honest, now looking back, I'm not sure whether Zi Wei was entirely serious when she suggested it, more likely she was just trying to distract me. But somehow, along the way, your father and I, Zi Wei and Er Kang, we all considered it a little more seriously than we probably should. I won't deny that I have entertained the hopes of you and Ying Zhong together, especially now that you've met. But I wasn't planning, at all, to tell you about any of this. I would never want to force you into marriage, Ji Xiang, not even with, _especially_ not with Fu Ying Zhong. Now that you and Ying Zhong have met, we were hoping that things could develop naturally between you and if it does, I would welcome it. But if it doesn't, well, then it doesn't."

Ji Xiang frowned. "But Huang Ye Ye said that you were planning to tell me."

"I suppose, Zi Wei must have told him somehow," Xiao Yan Zi said thoughtfully. "But you have to understand that to him, it just sounds like an arranged marriage. To him, it's the most natural thing in the world and yes, he thinks that we would have expected you - both you and Ying Zhong - to accept it when it came. He arranges marriage on a regular basis so he thinks there's nothing wrong with it. But Ji Xiang, we never meant it to be an arranged marriage."

"Did he know? Ying Zhong? Is that why - " she faltered, not sure why she wanted to ask the question at all.

"Why what?" her mother asked, puzzled.

"Why he's been so nice to me? Because he thinks he's supposed to be or something - "

Xiao Yan Zi looked at Ji Xiang closely for a minute. "Would it bother you if it was so?"

"No." It was an automatic answer, and Ji Xiang was not sure how true this actually was. The realisation of this made Ji Xiang more uncomfortable than she cared to feel.

"He didn't know. Neither of you were supposed to know," Xiao Yan Zi said finally.

"So you don't expect me to just, I don't know, fall hopelessly in love with him or anything?" Ji Xiang asked warily.

Xiao Yan Zi chuckled, "No, Ji Xiang. I would not expect you to do anything of the sort. In fact, I'm not sure I want you to fall in love with anyone yet, Ying Zhong or otherwise. The bottom line is Ji Xiang, I know I can't keep you forever, and that one day you will get married. But I want that day to come when you're ready, not when I'm ready, and a marriage that you are willing to have. All right?"

Ji Xiang nodded. But she still looked uncomfortable.

"What is it?" Xiao Yan Zi asked gently.

"I just - how am I supposed to face him now?" Ji Xiang asked, looking horrified. "What if Huang Ye Ye lets it slip to him to and then he thinks he's supposed to woo me or something?"

Xiao Yan Zi swallowed a chuckle. "Just try and forget this piece of information and act like you've always acted around him. If you continue like this he'll know that something is not right. As for anyone telling him, I'll try to talk to you grandfather about not mentioning anything."

* * *

"You're supposed to marry Ying Zhong?" Ru Yi asked, astonished, later that evening when Ji Xiang, feeling desperate for someone to talk to, told her. In any other circumstances, her twelve-year-old sister would not be Ji Xiang's first choice of confidant in matters such as this. Xuan Zhuang was completely out of the question, since the subject concerned her brother. Her mother got her into this in the first place. Her aunt was equally not a good choice. She would die before she approached either of her brothers about it, or her father, for that matter. If it was possible, she would have gone to Qing Er, but she was, of course, unavailable. So it seemed that Ru Yi was the only choice.

"Yes! Can you believe it?" Ji Xiang sounded annoyed now that she had someone to rant to.

"Well - " Ru Yi said slowly, considering, "kind of, yes."

"Yes? What is that supposed to mean?" Ji Xiang exclaimed.

"I only said I can imagine them thinking of such situation. I mean, don't you think it's natural that, as close as Mother and Aunt Zi Wei are, they might have imagined being connected through their children?"

"Yes but to actually arrange it! Don't you think it's kind of hypocritical considering everything, considering Father was stuck in a miserable arranged marriage?"

"Oh, really, Jie jie, they're not saying you have to marry Fu Ying Zhong or Jian Jun dies or anything! For goodness sake, don't you think you're over-reacting a little?"

Ji Xiang stared at her sister for a moment, annoyed. "What? Whose side are you on?"

"Neither! Are there sides now? Did Mother say you have to marry him now that you know?"

"Well, no..." Ji Xiang slowly admitted.

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem?" Ji Xiang exclaimed hotly. "The problem is that they made a choice for me before I was even born! And now, even if they're not holding me to that choice anymore, I won't be able to the consider him the same way as before, just when I was getting along fine with him - "

Ru Yi started giggling.

"What?" Ji Xiang demanded.

"Are you listening to yourself? Basically what you're saying is that you do like him, but now you feel that you can't like him because you can't bring yourself to like someone that our parents chose for you?"

"You're missing the point!" Ji Xiang cried huffily.

"Which is?"

"Which is it doesn't matter whether I like him or not, I can't be normal around him again!"

"I still don't see your point," Ru Yi said, shrugging. "If you don't like him like that, why should it even matter what you know? It's not as if _he_ knows. No one's holding you to anything."

"You're no help at all, you know that?" Ji Xiang grumbled.

"I just don't see what you're all worked up about, honestly! You've managed to get along with him all this time, even when he shot you with that arrow. I can't imagine how you can accept someone for nearly killing you but you can't accept him because your mother just mentioned that she would like for you to marry him years and years ago."

"It's just that - it's just that all of that, put together, it feels like something - or at least someone - is playing with my life or my fate. I mean, of all people to run into in Beijing, what are the chances of our meeting in the first place?"

"I don't know, shouldn't you be glad that you ran into him, of all people?"

"I am, trust me, but don't you think that in the grand scheme of things, it's just more than a coincidence?"

"Maybe, but isn't the fact that we're related to him enough for it to be more than a coincidence? I think you're overreacting."

"Of course you would, you're twelve!" That sounded ridiculous even as she said it, but Ji Xiang was too bothered with the situation to consider it.

"What does being twelve have anything to do with it?" It was Ru Yi's turn to be annoyed now. "Besides I didn't force you tell me any of this!"

Ji Xiang sighed. "Is it so hard to just sympathise with me a bit?"

"You're acting as if some tragedy has befallen you, I just think you're being melodramatic!" Ru Yi exclaimed. "Unless you are in love with him, which is why you are so bothered by this."

"Of course not!" Ji Xiang nearly yelled. "Never mind, I should never have started this conversation with you."

Ru Yi didn't answer for a while. Then, when Ji Xiang was sure the conversation was over, she spoke.

"I wouldn't mind, you know."

"Mind what?" Ji Xiang asked sharply, annoyed again. "Marrying Fu Ying Zhong?"

Ru Yi burst out laughing. "No. I meant, I wouldn't mind having him as a brother-in-law."

"Ru Yi, be quiet."

* * *

"I won't say I told you so," Yong Qi said.

Xiao Yan Zi ignored this.

"She wasn't happy with the idea, then?" Er Kang asked.

"Well, I won't go out and say she wasn't happy with the idea of Ying Zhong. I think she's more upset with the idea that it was arranged," Xiao Yan Zi said. "But then again, we can hardly blame her for that."

"I don't know, Xiao Yan Zi, other people marry in arrangements on a regular basis, and the world hasn't collapsed or anything. There's nothing wrong with an arranged marriage," Er Kang said.

Xiao Yan Zi stared at him in shock. "Surely you would not want such a choice taken away from you?"

Yong Qi chuckled. "You're saying that to the wrong person, Xiao Yan Zi. His marriage prospects had always been pre-arranged. It was just his luck that in the end he managed to end up with someone he loved. It was always Huang Ah Ma's choice, you know."

"I suppose, that is one way of looking at it," Xiao Yan Zi said doubtfully.

"Believe it or not, Xiao Yan Zi, Ying Zhong would not blink an eye at an arranged marriage. He grew up expecting one," Er Kang sighed.

"Ji Xiang minds," Xiao Yan Zi pointed out. "Though I think she minds more the idea that we may not give her a choice, regardless of her feelings. I think if they do end up liking each other, and she believes it is her choice, then she would hardly be against it."

"Well, then, I think if they are destined to be together, it would hardly take something like this to tear them apart," Zi Wei said, smiling. "It might just be this that makes Ji Xiang consider things in a different light, you know."

Yong Qi groaned. "Please don't tell me you are still hoping for a match? Isn't that what caused this problem in the first place?"

"What problem?" Zi Wei asked.

"Ji Xiang is upset and Ying Zhong is confused about why she suddenly acts oddly around him."

"Exactly," Zi Wei smiled.

"Exactly?" Yong Qi asked, perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"She's upset for a reason. If she was completely indifferent, I think she would be able to brush the idea aside a lot easier. As Xiao Yan Zi said, she's only upset because she thinks it's not going to be her choice."

"This is insane. I'm not going to sit here and analyse whether my daughter is in love or not. Even if the young man in question is your son," Yong Qi groaned, shaking his head.

"I would think love is a bit premature right now, but I think we still have reasons to hope," Zi Wei said.

Yong Qi looked helplessly at Er Kang. "Is there an age when all women feel they have to partake in matchmaking?"

Er Kang shrugged and felt it probably suited him better to not comment.


	17. Family History

**Chapter 17: Family History**

* * *

Ji Xiang spied Ying Zhong coming towards her and tried to look around for a place to hide or to turn. It was hopeless, as it was a straight path ad he was heading directly towards her. She bit back a sigh. _So be it._

"Good morning," Ying Zhong said once they met in the middle.

Ji Xiang tried to smile normally. "Hello."

"Are you feeling all right?" Ying Zhong asked hesitantly, peering at her uncertainly. Ji Xiang tried not to fidget under his gaze.

"Yes, why would you ask that?"

"You look flushed." Of course, this comment made Ji Xiang blush even more. "And you've been avoiding me."

"I have?" she squeaked. "I mean," she stammered, "what makes you say that?"

"It's kind of obvious. I hope I have not offended you in any way?"

Why did he have to sound so nice? And why did she have to avoid him anyway? She had not done anything wrong!

"No, no, of course not," Ji Xiang said, hoping her cheeks weren't as red as they felt. "I just - I've been - I mean - " She paused, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her whole. Then she took a deep breath, looking not exactly at him, but at his shoulder. "I really haven't been avoiding you." Of course, she was lying through her teeth. "I'm sorry if you thought that. You really haven't offended me. Really."

_Really_.

He didn't look convinced, but dropped the subject, for which Ji Xiang was thankful. Now, only if she could return to a normal colour.

"Well, actually I was looking for you. I want to ask you something," Ying Zhong said as they started walking together.

"Yes?" Thankfully, her voice was not as breathless as she felt.

"Huang Shang's birthday is coming up. Well, by coming up, I mean it's in a couple of months. That's about when our family starts preparing a gift, really. You can imagine it's impossible sometimes to think of a gift for our grandfather, one that is unique, at least."

Ji Xiang nodded and wondered. What did you give to a man who owned the whole empire, anyway?

"Well, my brothers and I have an idea and our father thinks it's fine, but since it involves you and your family, he thought we might check with you and your parents, first."

Ji Xiang looked up, instantly curious at what he meant by 'involving' them.

"Well, you know, the official records of the imperial family lists your father as..."

"...dead."

"Erm...yes. It basically means that there is no record of you or your brothers and sister at all in the official records. And I, I mean, my brothers and sister and I - thought - " Here, Ying Zhong suddenly faltered a bit. Somehow, Ji Xiang felt a bit disappointed that he added his siblings to that thought. "Well, we thought that we might rewrite the family history a bit, to include you."

"But how could that be done? I mean, isn't the whole point of saying my father died was so that he could leave the palace unsuspected?"

"Oh, I don't mean an official record, that would be quite problematic. I mean, just a…a sort of…unofficial copy, you know, as a gift, for our grandfather. It would have to be secret, of course, meant for no one to read but him. For now, anyway. It would tell the truth, not the cover-ups, but the truth of your father's life, of your family."

Ji Xiang frowned. "What do you mean, for now?"

"Well, personally, I think a story like your parents' is a bit of a waste leaving untold. And yet I can see why the official records cannot tell the truth. I'm thinking that perhaps, if this 'unofficial' version of things could be written down and left behind, that one day, when probably no one alive now will still be around to care, that people would know what really happened. You know, I grew up hearing people say how your father would have made a great emperor and how it was such a pity he died et cetera, et cetera. But I think the fact that he left, for reasons he believed in, and what he went to do afterwards deserves to be told just as much as if he had stayed and succeeded to the throne."

"But why are you asking me this?" Ji Xiang asked, confused. "Shouldn't you ask my parents?"

"I have mentioned it to them and to be honest I think both your parents are a bit hesitant, more because they think it would fall into the wrong hands. But my parents said they would convince them. I wanted to ask you because it does involve you as well, and I thought maybe you might enjoy a bit of research at your family history."

She knew he intended to include her siblings in that collective 'you'. But she realised that he had noticed the fact that ever since she arrived here and learnt the truth, she was uncomfortable with the fact that she knew so little of her parents' life before Dali. She knew despite whatever he said about he and his brothers and sisters, the idea was mostly his. It touched her and made her blush.

She tried to regain normal colour before speaking. "So, what's the plan? You would basically rewrite history?"

Surely he could not miss her high colour, even if he did not comment. He simply chuckled at what she said. "Yes. Basically how the records of the imperial family go is that every branch of the family gets a book, in their name, about their lineage. So a prince like your father, would have a book in his name, which would detail everything from birth to death, including wives, children, achievements et cetera. As it is, the official records for your father is already surprisingly detailed, until it comes to your mother, which then it waffles around rather vaguely. And then of course it says he died of illness. Somehow along the way, your mother just sort of disappeared off the records, though the general concensus is that she died as well. Records for my mother are rather vague as well, to be honest, for kind of obvious reasons. I mean, my patrilineage records would state my father married Ming Zhu Ge Ge but if you look at imperial records for anything before her marriage, it's very brief. So maybe I have an ulterior motive in this as well. I want to put down the whole story, of how our mothers met and how that formed the story of your family."

"I guess this proves the fact that history is written by men," Ji Xiang mused. "Well, I would welcome this opportunity to learn more about my parents. It just occured to me since I arrived in Beijing that I know surprisingly little about them."

* * *

Yong Qi was not sure how Er Kang managed to talk him into this. He had accepted when he left the palace, that one thing he was giving up was to go down in history as anyone particularly note-worthy or important. Not that it mattered, in any case. Having a place in history seemed surprisingly a small thing to give up, compared to the throne and his titles, even if those things did come hand in hand.

Since he was back in Beijing, Yong Qi had actually read through a copy of the imperial family records that Er Kang had. It was odd, reading a history about himself, no doubt written by someone whom he had never met in his life. It made him realise that, if you supposedly died young in the imperial family, thus would not have much of a future to speak of, the history tends to praise your achievements as a child to the sky. Reading the records about himself, anyone would believe him to be a genius, absolutely perfect at anything he ever bothered to try. It, of course, overemphasised the fact that Qian Long was extremely fond of him, so that one would think he actually bore the title of Tai Zi at some point. It was like reading about someone else.

Funnily enough, while it detailed much about Zhi Hua, and waxed lyrical about her place of birth, her family's close ties with his grandmother, and her talents, it did not say more than five lines about Xiao Yan Zi. Of course, the fact that Xiao Yan Zi was Fang Zhi Hang's daughter was never known. Even if it was, surely no one in their right mind would put down that the emperor's favourite son had married the daughter of an official who was executed for treason. Yet it did record the two children that he and Xiao Yan Zi lost, but in a way that made out they were Zhi Hua's children, even if it did not explicitly say that.

Maybe it was that that convinced him to agree to write down what really happened.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into writing a book," Xiao Yan Zi laughed as they waited for the children to join them in the impressive study to discuss the project.

"You came up with the idea to write a book not so long ago, remember?" Zi Wei said. They looked at each other and smoothered laughs. Er Kang and Yong Qi just looked at each other and decided that they probably didn't want to know what their wives were talking about. "Just goes to show, great minds think alike."

"I said, _you_ should write a book," Xiao Yan Zi smiled.

"This book must be over 20 years in the making, considering Yong Qi must had started planning it since the day he first spoke to you," Er Kang said.

"What?"

Yong Qi laughed, while Zi Wei reminded Xiao Yan Zi, "Didn't he always say everything you say should be put in a book, The Language of Huan Zhu?"

"Yes, remember your famous sayings? I seem to recall something about an incense pot," Yong Qi threw in.

Xiao Yan Zi groaned. "Why do you have such good memories?"

"Well, if it's worth anything, Xiao Yan Zi, I have yet to hear you mess up a single chengyu since you got here," Er Kang chuckled.

"I am not totally incapable of learning," Xiao Yan Zi said huffily.

"Well, I vote for having Huan Zhu in the title of this book anyway," Yong Qi laughed. "Since that's what started it all."

"Oh? I thought your arrow started everything," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"Either way, it's high time it's done," Zi Wei grinned. "Huang Ah Ma has been saying our story should be written in a book for ages. As it is, I'm not sure whether _one_ book will be enough."

"Well, I think your children will enjoy learning about the family history you couldn't tell them before. Though I think they might be getting more than they bargained for," Er Kang said.

* * *

**Addendum: Family History**

**Ai Xin Jue Luo Genealogy - Rong Qin Wang branch**

The current year is the 48th year of the Emperor Qian Long (1783).

The Emperor Qian Long was born Ai Xin Jue Luo Hong Li, on the 8th month of the 50th year of Emperor Kang Xi (1711). His reign as Emperor Qian Long started when he was 25 years old (1736). The Emperor Qian Long had two Empresses and numerous concubines. He had a total of 17 sons and 11 daughters.

By Yu Gui Fei, the Emperor has a son, Yong Qi, Wu Ah Ge, or the Fifth Prince, born in the 6th year of his reign (1741). Wu Ah Ge was granted the title Rong Qin Wang, or Prince Rong, in the 31st year of Qian Long (1766) for superior merit in the war against Burma.

In the 27th year of Qian Long (1762), Yong Qi married Fang Ci, Huan Zhu Ge Ge (title granted in the 25th year of Qian Long (1760)), otherwise known as Xiao Yan Zi, who was born in the 7th year of Qian Long (1742). Together, they had two children, both miscarried, in the 28th (1763) and 30th (1765) years of Qian Long respectively.

This lead to Yong Qi's second marriage to Chen Zhi Hua, of the Chen family of Haining, in the 30th year of Qian Long (1765). Zhi Hua was born in the 13th year of Qian Long (1748). By her, he had a son, Mian Yi, stillborn in the 31st year of Qian Long (1766).

Between autumn of the 30th year and early spring of the 31st year, Yong Qi, along with his brother-in-law Fu Er Kang, served as second-in-commands to General Fu Heng's campaign against Burma in the South. During the war, Er Kang was kidnapped by the Burmese princess and assumed dead. The army returned in the 3rd month of the 31st year, when both Yong Qi and Er Kang received honours for their merits in the war. This included Yong Qi being granted the title Rong Qin Wang (1766).

By the 7th month of the 31st year, they learnt that Er Kang was still alive. Together with Er Kang's wife, Zi Wei, Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi made their way to Burma to rescue him. After this, Er Kang and Zi Wei returned to Beijing while Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi stayed in Dali, Yunnan province, assuming the surname Ai. Here, they had four children: Jian Jun and Ji Xiang, born in the 32nd year of Qian Long (1767), Jian Wen born in the 34th year (1769) and Ru Yi, born in the 36th year (1771).

In the 5th month of the 48th year of Qian Long (1783), they returned to Beijing for a secret visit. It was here that their fifth child, Shu Fen, was born in the 49th year of Qian Long (1784).


	18. Season of Courtship

**Chapter 18: Season of Courtship**

* * *

She was definitely getting more than she bargained for, Ji Xiang thought.

Her father had introduced them to the Ai Xin Jue Luo genealogy. The chart that stretched in front of her contained more names than she could ever expect, so that the words swam in her eyes. It was not possible to be related to so many people, surely. How could you remember everyone, even if you did know them all your life?

And this was only her father's immediate family, with his brothers and sisters, many of whom died young, and their children. She could not imagine how wide the chart would stretch to add another generation to it.

She looked to how her father's name and her aunt's name were next to each other on the chart. Ji Xiang found it odd that anyone could consider marriage between two such closely related people as Ying Zhong and her. But then again, they did not share a family name, which apparently it made it socially acceptable.

Yet she could not help enjoying the time spent preparing this present for her grandfather's birthday. In that time, she learnt more about her parents than she thought was possible. She had always thought she knew pretty much everything that was to know about her parents, but now that thought seemed so absurd. They had lived a whole other life before she and her siblings were born, a life in an entirely different world, which they knew little about, even now. Even through these history and stories, they might learn a little, but they would never really know how it was. It suddenly made Ji Xiang realise how different that world was to how she grew up. Even though these stories were being told to her, and involved her own parents, they seemed so fantastical that she could not imagine them as real. And yet in that fantastical world had lived, and she, herself, was floating around the edge of it now, here in Beijing.

She could have grown up in that world, she could have had that life, and yet, she wondered whether she could truly want such a life. Though the stories her parents told were mainly of good memories, each were still laced with a tinge of sadness, or of some trouble that seemed trivial now, but could not have been so easily dismissed then.

Ying Zhong was right. The process of preparing this gift for the Emperor was very enlightening for her and her siblings, both where they came from and everything that made up their family as it was today. In the end, the project ended up more than just a gift to the Emperor. It was a gift for Ji Xiang and her siblings too. And she could tell, for her parents, it was also a way to let them their children all the things that they could not talk about all these years. Surely it could not have been easy to keep so much vital information a secret, and she knew both her parents felt the relief in not having to hide anything anymore.

* * *

Yong Qi had totally anticipated a quiet evening on the day of his father's 73rd birthday. After all, his sister's entire family would be in the palace with the celebrations. He was not sorry to avoid the spectacle that the palace would be immersed in. He only missed the chance to show his respect to his father, rather than the celebrations themselves.

As usual with most celebrations in the court, it ran deep into the night, and so it was not till the next morning that he heard about how things went on in the palace.

The two families gathered at the breakfast table where mostly the Fu children took turns describing the entertainment of the night before. It seemed to be all the standard acts and celebrations and Yong Qi wasn't surprised at any of it until Ying De started teasing his older brother about his company the night before.

"Of course, Ying Zhong had _lovely_ company the whole night," he snickered, ignoring his brother's glares and his mother's warning look, though Zi Wei was half-hearted about it.

"Oh?" Yong Qi could not help it, and asked.

"Hui Fang Ge Ge was quite attached to him the whole night," Ying De said, smirking at his brother. Ying Zhong looked like he would like to throttle his brother.

"I think you're exaggerating a bit," Ying Zhong said testily. "I spoke to her for a while, hardly the whole night."

"I don't know, every time I looked you were with her," Ying Yi chortled. "You wouldn't let her out of your sight."

"_She_ wouldn't let _me_ out of her sight," Ying Zhong protested through gritted teeth.

Yong Qi just looked at his sister and brother-in-law to see how much of this was just Ying Zhong's brother teasing him and giving him a hard time. It was then that he saw that Zi Wei wasn't really looking at her son, but glancing at Ji Xiang. Yong Qi followed her gaze and saw that Ji Xiang looked oddly flushed and was holding herself rather stiffly. Like her mother, Ji Xiang was incapable of hiding her emotions at times and the tell-tale red tinge on her cheeks that she was at least disturbed by the Fu brothers' banter.

"I think he protests too much," Ying De smirked.

"Boys," Zi Wei said warningly, finally. "You should not talk about a lady when she is not present."

To Ying Zhong's obvious relief, the subject was dropped. For some reason, his eyes seeked out Ji Xiang and the moment their gazes met, Ji Xiang became even more flustered and stood up, mumbling an excuse that Yong Qi could hardly make out before rushing out of the room.

"Oh," Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed softly, so that only Yong Qi could hear her, before rushing after their daughter. Meanwhile, Yong Qi didn't think he could look at either Zi Wei or Er Kang for fear that he would start laughing. He could not look at Ying Zhong either, because the danger of laughing was even greater if he did. But Yong Qi could not help but give a small smile as, out of the corner of his eyes, he saw his nephew looking completely bewildered at Ji Xiang's sudden departure.

* * *

Despite Ji Xiang's obvious desire to get out of the room quickly, Xiao Yan Zi's better familiarity with the house allowed her to catch up with her daughter fairly rapidly.

"Ji Xiang?" she asked gently as she fell into step beside her daughter. She decided to just skip beating around the bush and said plainly, "Did Ying De's story bother you?"

"No, why should it?" Ji Xiang said immediately, though her tone spoke otherwise.

"I don't know, you just seem rather upset and you rushed out of the room quite quickly," Xiao Yan Zi said, biting back a chuckle.

"I'm just a bit tired," Ji Xiang said vaguely. "You know, from the wound."

"Oh you are perfectly fine, Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi said. "And you do wear your heart on your sleeves, my dear."

"I do not see how that has to do with anything, Mother," her daughter pressed on stubbornly and yet annoyed. "Fu Ying Zhong is perfectly free to flirt with whomever he wants, why should it bother me?"

"I didn't hear Ying De say anything about _flirting_, Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi held back a smile. "It would hardly be appropriate."

Predictably, Ji Xiang reddened, but she pressed on, "Well, he's free to spend time with whomever he wants. It doesn't bother me, why should it?"

Indeed. It took Xiao Yan Zi several seconds to stop the laugh that was bubbling up and force herself not to say what she really wanted to say.

"You just sound rather bothered by it all, that's all," Xiao Yan Zi said innocently.

"Well, you are wrong and I am not, Mother. Why, I don't even know the girl," Ji Xiang said stiffly. "Other than the fact that she's probably some glamorous princess that probably he would much rather wish to court."

"As opposed to whom?" Xiao Yan Zi asked quietly, almost to herself. Ji Xiang just stared back at her in astonishment.

"No one, I'm just saying," she said awkwardly.

_Oh Ji Xiang. _Xiao Yan Zi didn't know whether she should point out to Ji Xiang that she - Ji Xiang - should be that princess, too. But then again, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help but sympathise with her daughter, who was obviously well on her way to feeling a lot more than she realised.

They had reached the door of the room that Ji Xiang and Ru Yi shared, and Xiao Yan Zi stopped and said, smiling, "You know, darling, I don't mind if you do not tell _me_ everything. But when you can't admit it to yourself then perhaps there's more for you to think about."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Ji Xiang protested.

Xiao Yan Zi smiled at her daughter and shook her head. She just patted Ji Xiang's cheek before leaving her rather bemused daughter to her own thoughts.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yong Qi could only marvel at Zi Wei's ability to come up with totally natural excuses for the rest of their children to leave the three of them alone.

"Did what I thought just happened just happen?" Er Kang asked in disbelief once they were alone.

Yong Qi could only shake his head in wonder. "Poor Ying Zhong. And I probably shouldn't say that, with conflict of interest and all that."

Zi Wei looked like she was holding back a laugh. "I'm torn between being a little freaked out and amused by how history just seems to be repeating itself."

"I don't think Ji Xiang quite understands her own reaction," Yong Qi said, suppressing both a sigh and chuckle. "As amusing as I'm finding this situation, I am having to convince myself that it is a bit of harmless jealousy and Ji Xiang would get over it. It's what happens after she realises what her feelings mean that is a concern to me."

"And yet you and Xiao Yan Zi were ok," Er Kang chortled. "How did you manage to appease her, anyway? I think Ying Zhong might appreciate a little advice from experience in this matter."

"No, _no_, **_no_**, Er Kang," Yong Qi said, only half-joking. "I'm putting my foot down on that. This is my daughter here. I will definitely not approve of Ying Zhong doing the same thing I did with Xiao Yan Zi."

What ever feelings for Ying Zhong Ji Xiang might have betrayed in that burst of jealousy, there was no way Yong Qi would be telling any young man to go kiss his daughter to mollify her.

"You never told us what happened after you ran after her," Er Kang mused.

Yong Qi just smiled. "It's none of your business, but let's just say it's not something I quite want to invite Ying Zhong to do."

"That bad?" Er Kang sniggered.

"Yes," Yong Qi said with a perfectly straight face. Zi Wei bit her lip to stop herself laughing.

"She seemed happy enough when you got back though," she observed archly.

"Exactly," Yong Qi smiled.

At that moment, Xiao Yan Zi had returned to the room.

"How's Ji Xiang?" Yong Qi asked her.

"Annoyed and in denial, or she just doesn't realise yet what she's annoyed about. I'm not sure I was much help. I keep wanting to say too much. Or laugh," Xiao Yan Zi said ruefully. "I thought it was better if I just let her think things over a bit."

"This is an odd situation we find ourselves in," Zi Wei chuckled slightly.

"So, who's Hui Fang Ge Ge?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"Well, from her generation name," Yong Qi mused, "she's either Huang Ah Ma's granddaughter or some form of great-niece. I'm trying to decide which one."

"She's not one of _your_ nieces," Er Kang smirked. Ok, so she was the daughter of one of his cousins then.

"That widens possibilities. I'm not going to even try and guess. So who is she?"

"Granddaughter of He Qin Wang, daughter of his second son, Yong Bi."

"So what's that, in relation to Yong Qi?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, confused. Yong Qi shook his head at her inability to keep all his relations straight.

"He Qin Wang is my uncle, making Yong Bi my first cousin," Yong Qi explained.

"So was Ying De just trying to tease or was this Ge Ge really all over him?" was Xiao Yan Zi's question. Yong Qi found himself wondering this too, and thought it might just get much too complicated if what Ying De was teasing his brother about was true.

"Ying De was exaggerating _slightly_ but he was trying to get a reaction out of Ying Zhong, not Ji Xiang," Zi Wei smiled. "In any case, I think Ying Zhong was just humouring Hui Fang rather than really wanting the attention. I suppose Hui Fang might be interested, but she knows nothing would come of it if Huang Ah Ma does not consider it. And Huang Ah Ma knows about...well..."

"I must say, the fact that Ji Xiang got upset at just the mention of another girl surprised me a bit," Xiao Yan Zi mused. "I didn't think it actually got to _that _yet. Mind you, she wasn't in a rage or anything, but she is definitely not happy at the idea of Ying Zhong 'flirting with whomever he wants'."

Yong Qi wanted to laugh but at the same time he could understand too well what Xiao Yan Zi meant. Ji Xiang's reactions had made him realise that he now had to consider his own thoughts on the situation. Unlike Xiao Yan Zi, he had been reluctant to think too much about the possibility of Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong at all, but it was becoming apparent that the possibility was looming larger than ever. He did not mind, per se. He liked Ying Zhong well enough, with or without considering him as a match for his daughter. But the idea of Ji Xiang moving into that stage in life was taking him too much by surprise. It should not be, really, considering most princesses Ji Xiang's age would be married already. It is a wonder at why _Ying Zhong _was still unattached.

"You were surprised when Cai Lien came along too," Zi Wei teased.

"That was different!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed. "Are you saying that you saw _this_ coming?"

"Didn't you?" Er Kang asked. "From what you said before, I would think you would be happy."

"I would not want to be happy while Ji Xiang is upset," Xiao Yan Zi said. "Even then, Ji Xiang doesn't quite understand what she's feeling either. I can't exactly go and tell Ji Xiang what it is, however well I might understand how she feels," Xiao Yan Zi said. "Anyway, it begs the question now, of what Ying Zhong feels and whether he understands why she's so upset."

"Obviously not," Yong Qi said dryly. "I wonder whether he even realises now that she's upset with him, but he will realise it soon enough. Ji Xiang will be avoiding him more than ever now."

"Yet we can't do anything but let them work it out for themselves," Zi Wei said firmly.

And that, Yong Qi reflected later, was probably the hardest thing about the entire situation. The desire to protect Ji Xiang was ever present; he didn't want to consider that she would have to face with these new feelings and the uncertainties that they brought. Part of him didn't want to let her go to explore these feelings, though he knew well that such feelings could potentially bring her happiness. But along with that happiness would come pain, for there could not be one without the other. That part of him wanted to shield her away from it, though he knew it was hopeless. Even he could not stop her from growing up.

* * *

"Maybe it would have been better if you and Mother had just expected me to agree to marrying Fu Ying Zhong," Ji Xiang told Yong Qi the next day. "It then wouldn't be this complicated."

"What do you mean?" Yong Qi asked.

"Well, then I wouldn't have to actually decide how I actually feel about him or wonder what _he_ feels, because it wouldn't matter anyway. And the deciding how I feel is so very confusing," Ji Xiang sighed. "Even more so is figuring out what he feels."

"It's because it's complicated and confusing that you need to figure it out, Ji Xiang," Yong Qi told her gently. "Going into a marriage blindfolded, not knowing what you feel nor what he feels would not be a comfortable situation for either of you."

Yong Qi wondered to himself how he managed to say this so evenly, to speak of Ji Xiang and marriage in the same breath.

Ji Xiang smiled, "If I do marry, I _will_ be blindfolded, Father. Literally."

Yong Qi couldn't help smiling at that.

Then Ji Xiang gave a wistful sigh. "I'm just not sure whether I'm supposed to be feeling like this..."

"Ji Xiang, forget about what you should feel, about what is right to feel. What _do_ you feel?"

"I don't know!" Ji Xiang exclaimed. "I don't know why I felt so annoyed last night when Ying De mentioned that princess. I don't know why, ever since I knew about that - that hope between Mother and Aunt Zi Wei about Ying Zhong and me that it should change _everything_, or why I have been feeling so weird around Ying Zhong and yesterday's conversation is _not_ helping! I just don't know!"

"Don't you?" Yong Qi just asked mildly. He felt a pang of loss deep inside him, as he tried to come to the terms with everything that Ji Xiang claimed she didn't know she was feeling. And yet the way she was saying it all made it all clear to him, and no doubt to her, as well, what _exactly_ she was feeling for Fu Ying Zhong. And Yong Qi couldn't help but feel the loss. Had time really gone so fast? Were they there already, at the place where he would have to start to let her go? He couldn't say that he didn't know it was coming. He should have known, this past month more than ever.

"But what use would be knowing what _I _feel," Ji Xiang went on, her voice a little forlorn, "if it would be all for nothing, if he - well - it's impossible, really."

"What is?" Yong Qi continued to prompt.

"That he would _ever_ feel the same. Why would he? Why should he, when he could have anyone, princesses and - " She trailed off again and Yong Qi thought she sounded oddly choked.

How strange it was that Ji Xiang was feeling this, Yong Qi thought, when by right, the one to feel such inadequacy should be _Ying Zhong_. _Ying Zhong_ should be the one wondering why a daughter of a Qin Wang like Ji Xiang would give him the time of the day. Biased as he could be, Yong Qi knew that between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong, the undeserving one would never be his daughter.

"You are a Ge Ge, Ji Xiang," he said softly, but firmly. "You are my daughter and the Emperor's granddaughter. Your brothers have more claims to the throne than Ying Zhong himself, or Hui Fang's father." He saw that Ji Xiang opened her mouth to protest but he pushed on, cutting her reasoning off. "It doesn't matter that you never lived such a life, or what decisions I have made, or what the records and documents say, you can't change the blood that runs in your veins, Ji Xiang."

"I know," Ji Xiang admitted in a small voice. "The knowledge just comes with a rather huge package that is a little hard to live up to."

"I understand," Yong Qi said with a bittersweet smile. "But you know, Ji Xiang, whatever you or Ying Zhong feel right now, it's still not going to be enough to base anything long term on. As we will be here for the reasonably near future, you might want to take that time to get to know each other. I'm not saying you have a deadline of when we leave to decide, but just know that you have that time, and more. And I'm not going to stop you, sweetheart, as much as I dread letting you go down that path just yet."

"You're not going to stop me spend as much time as I want with Fu Ying Zhong?" Ji Xiang asked, her eyes twinkling mischieviously.

"Don't get any idea, Ji Xiang," he smirked back. "There is prudence involved here. If he tries anything inappropriate, his father's wrath should be the least of his worries."

More soberly, Ji Xiang sighed and said hesitantly, "But why am I entertaining the possibility of this at all? I don't even know what he feels, even now."

"Can you really not know how he feels about you, interacting with him all this time?"

"He is very nice, and attentive, and everything," she conceded, "but what part of that is just guilt of nearly killing me, and how much of that is just that I'm your daughter?"

"If you cannot tell the difference, Ji Xiang, then perhaps all this is perhaps not such a good idea after all," Yong Qi said mildly.

Ji Xiang was quiet for a long moment, and Yong Qi took that moment to reflect how very different this all was from anything he had ever experienced in the realm of courtship. With him and Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Er Kang, even Qing Er and Xiao Jian, falling in love and courtship had happened in such flurry of secret schemes and hidden identities that they were never really afforded the luxury of slowing down to consider their feelings rationally. They had all made decisions about how they felt about each other in such snatches of time that he had to admit, now, was very risky. They really had no reassurances but to put their trust in each other. And yet they all had fallen so hard, that even the most glaring of differences between him and Xiao Yan Zi could not even tear them apart - they nearly did, but never actually accomplished it. He doubted that it would be like that between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong. No, they had the luxury of time, if not necessarily free from some secrecy. No doubt, if this developed, it would be so very different from everything Yong Qi had ever knew or seen. Then again, perhaps a more temperate relationship would suit Ji Xiang more, even if at occasion she could be like her mother.

"Should I even consider it at all, Father?" Ji Xiang said finally. "Beijing is so far away..."

Yong Qi smiled sadly, "It is not the distance that should worry you just yet, Ji Xiang. What is more to think about would be the differentness of it all, and the secrecy. To consider Ying Zhong, you would have to consider, as well, adjust to the court that should have been yours, but is completely foreign to you now. You would have to accept that while you know of the blood you hold, you could never reveal it to anybody. But then, that court is full of secrecy and controversies. I fear you would be too good for it, your heart too pure. Your mother had that precise problem with it. Though you would not be immersed in it as your mother would, you would still have to face it. I would never dream of leaving you to face it all, if I didn't already trust Zi Wei and Er Kang more than it was probably sensible to trust. Maybe whoever you consider, you will still have to make certain sacrifices, but they will not be of this magnitude. You would have to be sure that you can risk the adjustment before you can give your word, Ji Xiang."

"Can you really let me go so far, to all that, Father?"

"For your happiness, I would," Yong Qi said, somewhat wistfully. "As much as I don't want to face the reality that you are growing up, I do have to admit that perhaps _this_ family is the only family that I could bear to lose you to, and still be completely assured that you would be protected and cherished as you deserve."

Maybe it was odd that after all this time, they had reached full circle, coming back here. Maybe it was a sign that no matter what, his children were still had imperial blood in their veins, that eventually at least one of them would have to return here. But as far as Beijing was, Yong Qi really could not imagine letting Ji Xiang go to anywhere else. Perhaps with Ji Xiang here, it would means that he and Xiao Yan Zi had even more reason to return to Beijing. Whether that was a good thing or not, he couldn't decide.

* * *

"Why do girls have to be so complicated?" Ying Zhong asked her, his voice annoyed.

It took Zi Wei a second to hold back her laughter and answer with a straight face, "Girls? Or just a particular girl?"

Ying Zhong just went on with his rant, "I mean, one day, things would be fine and we would be able speak normally to each other and then the next, she's suddenly avoiding me and leaving me to wonder what exactly it is that I have done to offend her. It's not _reasonable_, Er Niang!"

"You're going to have to tell me who you're talking about, Ying Zhong, I wouldn't want to guess wrong," Zi Wei smiled at her son.

"Please, Er Niang, I beg that you would not tease me at a time like this," Ying Zhong groaned. "It's bad enough that I have to figure out what _she's_ feeling. I mean, why can't she just tell me what's upsetting her instead of avoiding me?"

"If rules of society allowed such frankness, Ying Zhong, I think she would," Zi Wei said. "But can you really not guess why she's avoiding you?"

"No," was her son's blunt answer. Then he sighed. "Well, yes, I can. It started after Ying De couldn't keep his mouth shut about Hui Fang Ge Ge, which he was just making a mountain out of a molehill. There wasn't _anything_ going on. There couldn't be anyway, it would be useless in the end if Huang Shang does not allow it and he had not indicated anything of the sort. I'm not foolish enough to pay so much attention to a girl lest it raises expectations that I won't be able to fulfill."

"And yet you pay quite a lot of attention to Ji Xiang," Zi Wei couldn't help but smile.

Ying Zhong looked taken back, as if he didn't even realise. Then he said awkwardly, "Well, that's different, isn't it?"

"How so?"

"Well, I did nearly kill her..."

"So all this stems from guilt?"

"Not exactly, Er Niang," Ying Zhong said slowly. "But it's kind of hard to not pay attention to her considering she is, for now, living here. Do you think I'm leading her on?"

"You'd only be leading her on, Ying Zhong, if you give her indications of feelings that you don't have and promises that you cannot fulfill."

"I don't really know what feelings I _do _have for her, Er Niang, because I don't really know what you and Ah Ma expect of this - "

"What we _expect_?" Zi Wei cut him off, frowning. "Ying Zhong, I hardly think that you could make yourself have feelings that we expect, if you didn't genuinely feel it yourself. So while we're on the subject, your father and I do not expect anything of you in this, it's purely a matter of how you feel about Ji Xiang yourself."

"But you have hopes - " Ying Zhong started.

Sometimes Zi Wei despaired at the fact that her children, especially Ying Zhong, were probably all too perceptive for the own good, and too aware of their duties.

"My hopes are that you would be happy," Zi Wei told him gently. "I would also hope for _Ji Xiang _to be happy. Tell me, would you consider Ji Xiang simply because your father and I say so?"

"Well, yes," her son replied, surprised. "If you and Ah Ma wished it - "

"But would _you_ wish it? For her, for yourself? I would not have you marry Ji Xiang, or anyone, either, simply because your father and I say so, without consideration for the lady herself or for your own wishes. Ji Xiang has much more to lose than you in this situation, and that's more reason for you not to consider just because your father and I wish it."

"To tell you the truth, Er Niang, that from the beginning I resisted the idea of interacting with Ji Xiang at all, because I really didn't want you to expect anything, for you...I don't know, to get any ideas. I tried avoiding her, in the beginning, but it seemed so churlish to ignore her when I did nearly kill her. But yet the more I interact with her, I begin to realise that she's very hard to resist, that it's not just a sense of _responsibility_ that makes me want to talk to her. Maybe it's just because she's so different from other girls I know. I don't know _what_ it is about her that _intrigues_ me so much, I just have a feeling that I could spend the rest of my life getting to know her and I would never get to the end of it." Here, he paused for a moment and then said awkwardly, "Did I just _say_ that?"

Zi Wei chuckled, "Yes."

Ying Zhong buried his face in his hands. "I just talked about the rest of my life and Ji Xiang in the same sentence. I'm so falling in love with her, am I not?"

Here Zi Wei really laughed. "That is something you will have to figure out on your own, my dear. But it seems to me, you have not yet talked about the beauty of her face or the lusciousness of her hair or the brightness of her eyes or anything of the other cliched signs of a young man in love."

"Er Niang," Ying Zhong groaned, "I grew up in the palace court. I know what beautiful girls look like. I can't marry a girl just because she's pretty. But yes, I will admit that I find her attractive anyway, not just because she is beautiful but because I just feel so comfortable talking to her about anything and honestly, we've talked about some pretty strange subjects. But then in other aspects she's just so different and hard to guess. And she's not like the girls at court, so she's even more confusing sometimes." He let out a rather weary breath. "It's not _supposed_ to be this complicated, Er Niang. I was supposed to just marry someone that you and Ah Ma or Huang Shang choose for me, and _then_ get to know her when I know she's already my wife and not going anywhere. Wouldn't that had been a lot less _hassle_?"

"A lot less exciting and satisfying, I would say," Zi Wei smiled.

"How do I even know Huang Shang would agree to this?" Ying Zhong asked.

"Your grandfather can't really disapprove of Ji Xiang, Ying Zhong, not when if Ji Xiang was here, in Beijing, it would bring her parents to Beijing more. But it is not the Emperor's approval and opinion that you need to worry about _now_. Your question is how does Ji Xiang feel about all this?"

"I don't know," Ying Zhong said flatly. "She's a girl, Er Niang."

Zi Wei stifled another laugh. "Yes, that is rather the point."

"I have never claimed to understand girls. I don't understand Xuan Zhuang, sometimes. How am I supposed to guess what _Ji Xiang_ is feeling?"

"Maybe you shouldn't just guess. You are going to have to speak to her about it sometime, Ying Zhong," she said gently.

"What am I supposed to say? I mean, this isn't just some princess, this is _Ji Xiang_. She won't take the flattery of princesses. Though that is one of the things I like about her, I have to admit right now it makes me pretty clueless about how to approach her at all."

"Just with that, Ying Zhong, you show that you understand part of her already," Zi Wei smiled. "I can't tell you what to say to Ji Xiang, but I can tell you this. Yong Qi would appreciate you speaking to him before you approach Ji Xiang about it."

Zi Wei found that she had to hold back another smile at the intimidated look on Ying Zhong's face. "Can't I just go ask Huang Shang to decree this match instead?"

"And you think that would get you out of speaking to your uncle?" Zi Wei said, raising an eyebrow. "Yong Qi would not let you within anywhere near Ji Xiang if he didn't know your intentions were honourable, and don't think you don't have to prove it to him. If you can't show that you would at least to go some effort for Ji Xiang, Yong Qi would never be prevailed to let her go, even to you, decree or no decree."

Ying Zhong frowned, almost petulantly, "I know. But I've only just known him for a couple of months, Er Niang. It's still a very intimidating prospect, even more so than speaking to my grandfather."

"Again, that _is_ rather the point," Zi Wei smiled. "But don't worry, I dare say he would find the conversation just as awkward as you do."

"Is that supposed to comfort me, Er Niang?"

"No, but it might put you in perspective. Trust me, Ying Zhong, this would be a lot harder if you've known both her and her father all your life."

"Somehow I doubt that," Ying Zhong sighed.

* * *

"Would you like to sit or stand while we have this conversation?" Yong Qi asked, his face neutral, as Ying Zhong requested to speak to him that day.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you, sir?" Ying Zhong said ruefully.

Yong Qi could only smile slightly. He knew this conversation would come, sooner or later, but a few months ago, he would not have expected it like this, and that it would be with someone as Fu Ying Zhong. He had fond memories of his nephew as a child, and certainly he had grown to be a very worthy young man, but then again Yong Qi could not have expected any less of a son of Er Kang and Zi Wei.

"You do realise," he answered, "that is is probably going to be my only chance at a conversation such as this?"

"And in truth, I never expected I would actually have to - well - ask for this, or that I would have such a choice. I confess I have always expected to just...obey on this matter," Ying Zhong admitted.

"You will always have some choices, Ying Zhong," Yong Qi said, shaking his head. "Even if Huang Shang made a decision for you, it will always be your choice whether to obey it, and in matters such as this, it is not a question whether you would be right or wrong in obeying it. Or at least, that is my opinion, but whether Huang Shang would take the same view - well, I suppose that would depend when you speak to him about it. But tell me, why are we here?"

He could see Ying Zhong visibly taking a deep breath. "I would like to ask your permission to court your daughter, Ji Xiang and make my intentions known to her."

"And what are your intentions, young man?"

"As much as I don't wish to speak of it yet before I really know from Ji Xiang of her feelings, but I can assure you that my intentions are honourable. I hope, that with her consent, as well as yours and your blessing, that I might marry her one day."

Yong Qi continued to look at the young man in front of him for a long moment. It would challenge his judgement too much to think of him as his nephew now. But even then, Yong Qi could recognise that this conversation was just as uneasy for Ying Zhong as it was for him. Yong Qi knew that right then, he was holding himself as the prince he truly was and was born as, and that Ying Zhong felt the rank keenly. It showed in the slightly insecure expression on the younger man's face. Surely Ying Zhong must know that there can't be reasons for Yong Qi object to this at all, and yet it was obvious that Ying Zhong was still not confident that he would receive a favourable reply. And Yong Qi could not have it any other way. He would probably think a lot less of Ying Zhong if he was so overly confident in this conversation.

"I confess, I cannot find anything to object in you," Yong Qi said. "But perhaps the one concern I have is whether this is truly your choice, and really what you want."

"You doubt it, sir?" Ying Zhong asked, looking flustered.

Yong Qi smiled reassuringly. "I do not doubt you nor your intentions. But I know that you are aware, at least, of your parents' wishes, and I can understand if somehow, through that, you have convinced yourself that that is your wish as well. Because believe it or not, I know what it is like to be in your position and at such an age, to have those expectations on you and to be convinced of something being true and right because of those expectations. I just want you to make sure you have sorted out exactly what you want, and what you think you want. I would not have you delude yourself or Ji Xiang."

"To be honest, if my parents ever expressed such a wish, I would feel myself compelled to obey. But my mother has explicitly expressed the opposite, that I don't take it upon myself to have to comply with such _implicit_ wishes. I have honestly rarely seen my mother more insistent on any subject as the fact that I should be considering my own feelings on this matter, especially regarding Ji Xiang. And I assure you that even I have questioned myself on the real motivation behind my feelings. But truly, I am as convinced as I could ever be that my feelings for Ji Xiang are totally sincere. I could not possibly dream of making any intention that would affect her happiness if I wasn't sure of that."

Again, Yong Qi didn't answer right away. He was aware of the fact that Ying Zhong had yet to speak of any affection such as love. It should have concerned him, but then he had to remind himself that Ying Zhong was neither him nor Er Kang. Yong Qi could tell that, somehow, Ying Zhong was trying to protect both Ji Xiang's heart and his own, that he would not let himself feel too much until knew that Ji Xiang would accept those feelings. Yong Qi didn't understand how that was possible, to be so in control of one's heart, when he, himself, had been in the middle of loving Xiao Yan Zi before he even realised it. In fact, he was sure Er Tai was aware of it even before he was.

Ying Zhong was probably more rational than either he or Er Kang ever was in the matter of the hearts. Yong Qi was sure that he _liked_ Ji Xiang well enough, but he was determined to know her more before _knowingly_ giving his heart. Yong Qi wasn't sure if that was anything he or Er Kang ever did. Now, in a more prudent light, Ying Zhong might end up having more peace than he or Er Kang did.

"You do realise all the implications that marrying Ji Xiang would bring, do you not? No one must ever know who she truly is."

"I understand, and I know that everyone would be wondering where she comes from, especially when she will, undoubtedly, enjoy a lot of attention from Huang Shang. I imagine it would be rather awkward, and perhaps we might not even escape some suspicion, but I should hope it would die down, eventually. If it disturbs me, it is only because it might be uncomfortable for Ji Xiang to encounter it. But I suspect, or at least I hope, that Ji Xiang would not have to suffer the same pressures as her mother did."

Yong Qi could not help but chuckle here, and agreed, "No, she would not. But then I admit that on this matter, I trust your mother to be help her and that a lot of my approval of you is an extension of my trust in your parents and that they have raised you well."

"I would not wish for you to approve of my without approval for my family, too," Ying Zhong smiled back. But then, more seriously, he continued, "But I hope you will believe that I will do everything in my power to ensure Ji Xiang's comfort and happiness, including seeking my mother's assistance in helping her adjust to the palace, and more. Already, I have too much affection for Ji Xiang to see her being unhappy here, so far away from her family, and to ever give her reason to regret being here."

Yong Qi looked bemusedly at Ying Zhong, and at that moment, he could see already the day when he would be letting Ji Xiang go to him. It wasn't quite a sense of sadness, really, but it suddenly make him hope that Ru Yi would not grow up quite so fast, now.

"Well, if you can love her, and have her love you enough to want to stay, then you know I cannot refuse either of you anything that would make Ji Xiang happy, Ying Zhong," Yong Qi said finally. "For in truth, I would not be able to trust Ji Xiang with anyone less than you. But for now, you have my consent and blessing to _court_ her."

"That means I still have to ask again for her hand, won't I?" Ying Zhong asked nervously.

Yong Qi couldn't hold back a smile, "Yes, but if you manage to get Ji Xiang to accept you, then the combined wishes of my wife, my sister and my daughter will be heavy indeed that I likely cannot refuse."

* * *

Ying Zhong entered his mother's sitting room to find her and his aunt together. As they looked up at him, Xiao Yan Zi said, a sly smile on her face, "Ji Xiang is in the garden."

"I'm sorry?" he asked, pretending to not understand.

"Ji Xiang is in the garden," she repeated.

"I was not looking for Ji Xiang," he said, quite untruthfully.

"If you say so."

* * *

"You know, Ji Xiang, this might be a big house, but it's only so big, and I know it better than you. You can't keep avoiding me like this," Ying Zhong said wearily.

He and Ji Xiang had caught sight of each other in the garden, and Ji Xiang had turned to go in the opposite direction. But with his longer legs, he was faster and soon caught up with her.

"Can you not do this?" he asked, as even when facing him, she didn't speak.

"Do what?" she asked stiffly, not quite looking at him.

"Avoid me, be so suddenly silent, so that I have to guess at what you're feeling, what you're thinking. I am very bad at guessing the mind of females, Ji Xiang. I will admit that, at least."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Why are you not speaking to me?" he asked frankly.

"Why do _you_ not speak to me?" she asked back. "You know this house better than I and I am sure you could have found me if you wanted to."

"Yes," he admitted. "But you didn't want my presence, and I can't impose my presence on someone who didn't want it. Especially you."

"Especially me?"

"I confess I have no idea how to act around you, sometimes, Ji Xiang, knowing as I do, who you are. By right, you rank higher than me; by right, I should defer to you. But when I do, you are so uncomfortable that I can't bear to put you through that discomfort. But to treat you like you wish goes against all the principles of rank I have been taught. So right now I have no idea how to say what I want to say - what I must say - to you. It never occured to me..."

She was looking at him curiously when he trailed off. He didn't know whether he could push on, to say what he really wanted to say.

"What?" she prompted, after he didn't say anything for a long time.

"Considering Huang Shang's favour on my parents, I have always expected that I would end up marrying a princess, it was only a matter of who. And now I know who. It just never occured to me that I would actually have to tell her how I feel and ask her. I always thought it would be decided for me."

She couldn't possibly not know what he was trying to say, even if she still remained silent, and let him stop talking. They stood together in silence, until it was Ying Zhong who spoke again.

"I want to tell you what I set out now to say, Ji Xiang. But I cannot do that if I don't know why you are so suddenly distant. Will you not tell me why you seem so upset lately with me?"

"Can you not tell?" she challenged stubbornly. "Surely someone as intelligent as you must understand."

"But I confess I do not!" Ying Zhong said, almost exasperatedly. "All I know is that it starts with my brother mentioning Hui Fang Ge Ge's attention to me. But I had supposed that you would be rational enough to realise that I couldn't help her attentions, nor I could ignore her or tell her to go away when she bestowed such attention, no matter how unwanted."

"Then now you must know that I am irrational and selfish," she cried, "that I cannot bear the idea of you receiving and giving so much attention to another female. It is even more irrational when you consider that I have no claim on you, no right to say you cannot accept such attentions!"

"Surely you are not jealous of Hui Fang!"

"Jealous, no!" Ji Xiang exclaimed, while her tone implied the opposite. "Why should I be jealous when you apparently have been paying attention to another girl and just now you are implying that you are seeking something more than just friendship from me as well?"

Ying Zhong could not help but stare at her, shocked. "Your opinion of me is decidedly so low?" he asked, his voice rough with disappointment. "That you would assume I would play with both your feelings and Hui Fang's like that?"

To her credit, Ji Xiang did look a little ashamed, but she still said stubbornly, "It certainly seems that way."

Ying Zhong couldn't do anything but pace out his annoyance before her. It was a while before he found he could control his disappointment enough to face her again. He said gravely, "I set out to find you today with every intention of telling you that I prefer you to any lady I know and could very well be on the way of loving you, and to ask that you would let me have the chance to know you better, so that my affection can grow in that direction. And yet - and yet I find, instead, that this is your opinion of me!"

Ji Xiang blinked at the frank confession and for several minutes didn't know what to say. Then, finally, she said stiffly, as if trying to gather all her pride to preserve herself for what must come now, "Then I am glad I have saved you the time. If you had spent time to know me, you would undoubtedly be aware of this deficiency in my character later, so perhaps it's better that you know now, so you might save yourself the trouble, so that you can let go of your plans now, rather than later."

She turned abruptly to go, but Ying Zhong held her back. He knew she would not face him again now, but contented himself with addressing her, knowing that she still had to hear, even if she didn't want to.

"It would speak less of both of us if I didn't try to change your low opinion of me. If I were to let you go now, I am only subjecting myself to hurt pride and showing that I think you incapable of hearing the truth," he said, more gently than their earlier conversation would predict. The tone apparently had an appeasing effect on Ji Xiang. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before facing him.

"You do not have to try to court me to please either my parents or yours, if you don't want to. I will tell them - "

"What if I do want to?" he asked, interrupting a speech that he was sure could only pain her.

"But what about - "

Again, Ying Zhong didn't let her finish, and just let out a rough sigh. "You have siblings, surely you must know they take delight in teasing you and making you uncomfortable, especially if they can get away with it! I did speak to Hui Fang Ge Ge the other day, yes, but I didn't spend the night exclusively in her company. I spoke to other people as well. My brother simply chose to highlight out Hui Fang because we are close in age and in another other circumstances, Huang Shang probably would begin to see her as a match for me. But as neither do I have an inclination in that way for her, nor did Huang Shang give an indication that he wanted me to think in that direction, the point is moot. I do not know what she thinks, but I do know she understands that without Huang Shang's approval, it would never come to anything."

He paused a moment to let her have all that sink in, then plunged on, before he lost the courage to say what he set out to say.

"The truth is, until I met you, I have never met any girl who sufficiently aroused enough interest for me to think about courtship and marriage. Surely if Huang Shang chose someone for me, I would comply, but until you, I have never considered it, or thought about it. But you - from the beginning of our acquaintance, you have intrigued me more than I cared to admit at the beginning, and I have never felt so drawn to anyone as I am to you! And I never thought I would have a choice in the matter, but now that my mother assures me I do, then there is no question of who my choice would be."

Ji Xiang looked flushed now, as if she hardly dared to believe everything he said. "Are you sure that you are simply not convincing yourself to feel this way to please our parents? Because I know that our mothers at least have certain wishes and I cannot see myself being in your company like this simply because my mother wished it."

He thought of pointing out his complete opposite view of this, but decided that could not help him at the moment. It might only make her think that he was pointing out that he was more inclined to obey his parents and she was not, and that he was criticising her. But then, it was precisely the knowledge that she would not simply just oblige her parents on a matter like this that gave him more encouragement and hope. He knew that if she accepted him, it would be for him and for herself, not because of anything between their parents.

"Neither my parents nor yours would want me to seek your company simply to appease them," he pointed out. "I have mentioned that for most of my life, I always expected to not have a choice in the matter of marriage; but then it would likely not be my parents' either, but Huang Shang's. You remember the conversation we had once, about your father's marriages and how my sister declared a very cynical view of her own future marriage. It is, unfortunately, a product of having grown up knowing that our marriage partner would be chosen for us. But whatever Xuan Zhuang said, and whatever I said to justify your father's second marriage to you, the truth is, we _have_ grown up witnessing our parents' happiness and we know such happiness is _possible_. And as such, of course we do wish for such a choice and for such happiness in our own marriages, even if we dared not hope it would actually come true before. And now, for the first time in my life, I realise I _do_ have that choice and that I _can_ choose. Given that choice, I'm not about to throw it away again to choose someone - whether it's you or anyone - simply because my parents want it."

He paused again, but still she didn't answer. She just looked at him with something like wonder, as if she still could not believe what he was saying. He stepped closer to her and took her hand. For the first time, he took her hand, out of affection, and not simply to help her.

"Why am I doing all the talking?" he asked, smiling now. "I have told you why I looked for you today and the reasons behind it. Surely now it is your turn to speak."

"I don't understand why," she said hesitantly, "now that you have such a choice, that that choice would be me."

"Do you think so lowly of _yourself_?" he asked in wonder. "Surely it cannot be a matter of rank, for now you know who your father really is, you cannot think yourself beneath me!"

"I wish both you and my father would not remind me of that," she said ruefully. "I admit it's not something I have come to terms with yet, and frankly I would not wish it to be your reason for choosing me."

"I assure you it's not," he said gently. "I will not sing you praises of your beauty, because your brother once told me you hated such compliments. You must know how much I admire your intelligence and your good sense. I have ever since you managed to get rid of Rong Wang Fei so effectively! You don't know that not many people would be able to just take her subtle interrogation like you did. You didn't like her and you were uncomfortable with the situation but you endured it for both your parents' sake. And you are not like other girls I know, Ji Xiang, you are not afraid to be impertinent when it's needed."

Ji Xiang laughed and blushed a little at this. "I can't imagine that that's a good thing."

"It is," he assured her, "or life would be rather boring. But you know, none of that is as important as how completely comfortable and at ease I feel when I am with you, as I have rarely felt with anyone outside of my family before, and how we seem to connect when we are together. I know you have felt it too, Ji Xiang, and it is the very reason that makes you so uncomfortable at the idea that I might have the same connection with Hui Fang, isn't it?"

"I felt it," she admitted timidly, averting her eyes downward. But Ying Zhong noticed her hand still stayed clapsed in his. "Perhaps more than I realised at the time, but I feel it stronger than ever now. But you know I cannot be rational where you are concerned, as I have just showed. Would you want that? Can you accept that?"

Ying Zhong just smiled, "Ji Xiang, I know for a fact that love makes even my father - the most rational man I know - become very irrational. Love makes a fool of us all. While I dare not hope to call either your feelings or mine love just yet - or perhaps not the kind of love we both see everyday in our parents - but would you at least let us walk that way?"

Ji Xiang smiled, widely, joyfully, for the first time since they started that conversation. Ying Zhong could not help but widen his own smile at such a beautiful sight. Then what Ji Xiang said next, while it was not the affirmative answer he was looking for, it still left Ying Zhong in no doubt of what her answer was, and it also made him laugh. She said, "You know, I don't mind compliments of my beauty so much, as long as they are sincere, for no female person could really hate being called pretty by someone dear to them."

* * *

Ji Xiang wished that Jian Jun would not look so terribly concerned and would simply just be happy for her. It made her wonder why she even confided in him in the first place, if he would look this bothered by it.

He was pacing impatiently in front of her and still had not said anything ever since she told him of what had developed between her and Ying Zhong. Even their father was happy enough for her, though he did look at her with a sort of sad expression that told her he was still a tad reluctant at letting her go. But Jian Jun, who she was closest to, looked the least happy.

"Are you sure, Ji Xiang?" he asked finally. The expression on his face was stern as he faced her.

"Are you not _at all_ pleased about any of this?" Ji Xiang asked, annoyed. "I don't see why you are so not happy about it! You act as if I have announced an attempt to - I don't know - join a brothel or something!"

"It's not funny, Ji Xiang," her twin snapped.

"Neither is your apparently foul temper about all of this! Will you just tell me what you find so horrible about this?"

"I don't - I_ want_ to be happy for you, Ji Xiang," Jian Jun finally said in a more gentle tone. "I do! I have nothing against Fu Ying Zhong. He's a perfectly nice person. But it's just - are you sure you've thought about this thoroughly?"

"You apparently think I haven't," she complained. "But you haven't told me why, still!"

"If - when - you marry him - "

"If!"

"Fine, if, as if it's even a question of if! But whatever! If you marry him, you will have to stay here, in Beijing, miles and miles away from the rest of your family. Can you do that? Have you even thought about it?"

Ji Xiang sighed heavily, "I'm not marrying him right this moment, you know. And I know what accepting his addresses now would eventually lead to and yes, I know that if - ok, fine, when I marry him, I will have to stay here in Beijing. It will be far away from you and everyone, and no, I have never thought I would actually go to Beijing to marry. I will miss you, our whole family, but Jian Jun, the thing is, if he could love me like Father loves Mother, or even half as much, if he could make me that happy, would you really rather I stay away from him? Would you prevent me from having my happiness becuase I would be too far away?"

"Would you be happy, Ji Xiang? Can he love you like that? Can you love him as you ought?"

"Everything I know of him so far tells me yes," she said honestly. "Maybe I don't feel it so strongly yet, but I'm sure time can only strengthen it. No one has ever made me feel safe like he does, Jian Jun. I'm not even sure what about him that does it, or how he does it, but all this time I've been here, of his entire family, he's the one I feel closest to. And he somehow just seem to know how I feel all the time, and even if I know those feelings are unreasonable, he would still understand."

Ji Xiang knew Jian Jun could not contradict or counter anything she'd just said. She knew that he himself saw enough of Ying Zhong's attentiveness to her to know that she wasn't just making things up to gratify her own fancy.

"And what of the palace?" he sighed.

"What of it? Considering his position and his parents' position, I would have to come to the palace and be known to people there, while no one must ever know who I really am. I can't even imagine how that would be yet. It won't be comfortable but there are allowances to be made for any family I would ever marry into. But I do know, even now, that Ying Zhong would be there for me through that and support me through that. And that's all that matters."

"Really?" Jian Jun asked. "You know, Mother probably thought that once - "

"Ying Zhong isn't Father, Jian Jun! He doens't have prospects for the throne over his head! It's not the same!" she exclaimed. "Do you honestly think our father would let Ying Zhong court me if he thought it would just become like everything he and Mother went through? I won't be living in the palace, I will still just be here!"

"I still don't like it, Ji Xiang!"

"Just because you think I would be uncomfortable with the imperial court? You can't have anything against Ying Zhong or his family. In fact, I know you like him and I know you don't doubt his sincerity. Even if you do doubt his feelings for me or mine for him, well, seeing as we will be here for a while yet, you will have plenty of time to see it for yourself."

"It's none of that! It's simply that I cannot protect you when you are so far away," he finally admitted.

Ji Xiang just stared at her brother for a moment, fighting back the urge to laugh, or to hug him.

Now she knew what exactly bothered her twin so much. It wasn't Ying Zhong, or Beijing, or the palace, or even distance. It was the idea of their life changing at all. But how much had it changed these past few months!

"Oh, Ge," she said affectionately. "You will have to let me go, eventually, you know. Father had realised that. Surely you must as well."

"Ji Xiang, you can't blame me for not wanting to let you go to a man who shot you with an arrow the first moment you came within shooting range of him!"

"You know, if everyone thought like you, we would never have been born," she laughed.

"True," he admitted grudgingly. "But my worries are not without foundation, Ji Xiang."

"No," she agreed. "And you must know they must be things that Father would have thought over more than once before he even considered this idea. If he trusts Ying Zhong enough, shouldn't you?"

"You mean Father trusts Ying Zhong's parents, because he can't know Ying Zhong better than us!"

"But he knows our aunt and uncle, and he is sure that they would not let even their son to take advantage of me. And maybe in this matter, you should trust _my_ judgement a bit as well, Ge. If _I_ am sure I can be happy, will you be happy for me and give me your blessing?"

"Somehow I don't think you ever need my blessing, Ji Xiang."

"No, here you are wrong. I do. Just because I might marry Ying Zhong doesn't I need you less or that you are any less my brother!"

"You say that now," Jian Jun answered, definitely forlornly.

"Ge, no one will ever replace you, you know. Not even Ying Zhong. Not anyone! If Ying Zhong ever bullies me I promise you will be the first person I call on, even before Father, and then you can do whatever you want with him."

Jian Jun didn't answer right away. He just looked at her for a long time. Then finally, he tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and said softly, "I just never thought it would be like this, that you'd marry before me, or that it would be so far away. I always thought you'd be in Dali where I'd be able to keep an eye on you."

Ji Xiang scoffed at the idea, but she could not help but appreciate the sentiments behind the words.

Jian Jun continued, rather sadly, "You weren't ever supposed to grow up, you know."

Ji Xiang smiled. "We're twins, Jian Jun. If I didn't grow up, neither would you."

"You know I'll miss you."

"I'm not going anywhere yet!" she reminded him, but she knew what he meant. "We're still going to be here together for a long while."

"I know. But I'll miss you still."

"I'll miss you too," she whispered, trying to smile, because if she didn't, she'd cry. "But you know, we might end up having another sister so you can be insufferably protective of her."

"But she'd never be you."

This time, Ji Xiang did hug him. She couldn't remember the last time she hugged him like this, but right then, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. Jian Jun folded his own arms around her tightly, as if he never intended to let her go now that he had her in his arms.

"It's going to be ok, you know," she said. "I know it won't be the same, but I won't ever stop being your sister. I'll always need you. Don't ever doubt that, at least."

* * *

"I must say right now I am tempted to symphathise with Jian Jun," Yong Qi said wryly to Xiao Yan Zi, having not missed his eldest son's none-too-happy expression at the idea of Ying Zhong and Ji Xiang. "When did they all grow up anyway?"

"Only in the last sixteen years," Xiao Yan Zi smiled, but she knew the sense of loss that her husband was feeling. It was bittersweet, not entirely unwelcome, but somehow it still managed to take them by surprise. "It's strange, as much as I thought about the idea of the two of them, I would think that it wouldn't come as a surprise to me to see them finally together. But...it still is a surprise."

"I'm beginning to understand why Huang Ah Ma delayed our marriages so much."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "Well, your comfort shall be that they probably won't be marrying until just before we leave Beijing, which is still some time yet. Or at least, I can see you procrastinating as much as possible on that matter. But he will do well for her, don't you think?"

"Yes, they will be good together," he agreed. "You know I would not have agreed if I thought otherwise."

Xiao Yan Zi raised an eyebrow slightly, "As Ying Zhong tells me, you haven't agreed to let him marry her yet."

"Yet," Yong Qi smiled. "If I am going to be giving her away, I must reserve some right of extorting as much discomfort from the person who's taking her away from me as possible. I only have two daughters, and I am trying to still hold on to the hopeless myth that Ru Yi is still but a child and won't be contemplating marriage for a long, long, long time yet."

"You have two daughters for now, my love," Xiao Yan Zi smiled, placing a hand on her stomach.

Yong Qi smiled back and said, "I know a conventional approach would be to hope for a son, but I must admit that daughters can be a lot more fun to raise."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed, "Oh, Yong Qi, you really are incorrigible sometimes!"

"And so are you, which means _we _do very well together!"


	19. Shu Fen

**Chapter 19: Shu Fen**

* * *

_For Shu Fen, who once sat up with me until 3am to find a way to save Ru Yi_

* * *

As she watched things develop between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong in the next few months, Xiao Yan Zi would marvel at how different they were compared to her and Yong Qi. But then again, as Zi Wei mentioned once, compared to her and Yong Qi, _anything_ would be considered calm. Even then, the truth was, things between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong were so easy and smooth-sailing that Xiao Yan Zi almost wondered whether it could even be called courtship.

It wasn't that they didn't disagree; they did disagree, quite frequently, but instead of lashing out at each other as Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were wont to do, and then nurse hurt pride and refuse to speak to each other, they somehow manage to resolve their differences rather peacefully. But they weren't nearly as sappy as Xiao Yan Zi remembered Er Kang and Zi Wei were once upon a time. Then again, perhaps it's not possible to be as sappy as Er Kang and Zi Wei could be; Xiao Yan Zi loved both her friends to death, but sometimes the cheesiness of their overly-sentimental conversations made her cringe from an overdose of sugar. Maybe somehow, a mix of all those genes had neutralised all of these tendencies and made them a little less extreme than both set of parents.

Qian Long knew of Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong by now, of course. Xiao Yan Zi knew he would not be surprised and would not object, but they still had to ask for his approval nonetheless. He had simply teased her and Yong Qi of history repeating itself, considering how Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong met, but other than that was happy to leave the young couple to their own devices. She suspected that he thought with all four parents watching over them, nothing untoward could really happen. Though why on earth Qian Long would trust them considering what they got up to themselves, Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure.

Winter was descending on them, and Xiao Yan Zi was forced to remember how bitterly cold it could be in Beijing, even in the comforts of Xue Shi Fu. The snow kept her inside more often that she'd like. And she was not sure what tired her out more, the weather and the effects of being with child in such weather, or Yong Qi's worry about what effect such weather would have on her in her condition. It was astonishing, really, that with any patients that were not related to him, Yong Qi could be perfectly cool and collected, but when it came to family - Xiao Yan Zi especially - he seemed to forget that overwhelming and over-fussing with a patient would not help them feel better. Not that she was in any way sick, Xiao Yan Zi knew, but it was the efforts that Yong Qi put into making sure she would not become ill in this weather that made her almost worn out. But despite all, she couldn't bring herself to tell him to back off, because if she had to admit it, she was as worried about this pregnancy as he was. She knew she wasn't the first woman to have a child at this age, but the truth was, after all this time, she still didn't trust her chances in pregnancy.

But other than that, life went on, both in the palace and outside of it. At Xue Shi Fu, Xiao Yan Zi found herself facing, for the first time in a long time, boredom. Plainly put, living in the luxury of Xue Shi Fu gave her nothing to do, and not that either Zi Wei or Yong Qi would let her do much anyway. Not _having_ anything to do was quite one thing, but not being _able_ to do the things that were available was another matter entirely. It had been so long since Xiao Yan Zi was last either pregnant or bored, that the sudden combination of both rather frustrated her. Even with family around, she wondered how on earth Zi Wei managed to live like this for all this time, and how _she _managed it in the few years she was in the palace. Perhaps this was why they needed to plan illegal plots and have secrets to cover up; it kept away the tedium of a rich life. At least, now that they were here for the foreseeable future, awaiting the birth of their child, Yong Qi had something to do to keep himself occupied.

It was something that they had discussed when they talked about how long they would remain in Beijing due to Xiao Yan Zi's pregnancy. If truth be told, Xiao Yan Zi felt she could have traveled anyway, but Yong Qi was determined to not take chances.

"But honestly, what are you going to _do_ here in Beijing for a year?" Xiao Yan Zi had asked him.

"I know what you can do," Er Kang said. "You know Huang Ah Ma is commissioning a compilation of Siku Quanshu, aiming it to be the largest encyclopedia in China, surpassing even Yong Le Encyclopedia. Right now there are 360 people on the editorial board and I'm sure Huang Ah Ma can just slide you in there quite under the name Ai Qi and none of them would suspect anything. None of them would be people who have met you before, even if they did it would be so fleeting that they can't possibly remember what you look like. And with the size of the work, it's done all over the place, wherever the original books are stored so I reckon you could even plough through my family library and it would probably take the year."

"You are suggesting that Yong Qi takes part in censoring books to see which are sufficiently not anti-Qing to include in an encyclopedia?" Xiao Yan Zi asked ironically.

Yong Qi chuckled. "It won't just be pure censorship, Xiao Yan Zi. It involves annotating and sorting them into a million different sub-categories and editing them into the type of language and script that would actually be understood today. Anyway, if I work on the Fu library, I would be rather concerned if I found anything that needed censoring."

The way he said it had been casual, but Xiao Yan Zi knew if Xiao Jian had been there, neither Yong Qi nor Er Kang (or herself, either) could be so relaxed when talking about banned books and literary censorship. After all this time, it could still be a bit of a sensitive subject to talk about around Xiao Jian. Xiao Yan Zi knew her brother didn't particularly look well on Qian Long's wish to compile the biggest library of classical culture that contained no anti-Manchu elements, or at least, the 'no anti-Manchu' part. They realised well enough, that despite whatever promise the Emperor made, it couldn't be the case that there would be absolutely no literary persecution during all the editing and censoring of this library.

Despite the fact that they didn't necessarily own any sensitive books, Xiao Jian had been bordering on unco-operative when officials went around Dali to collect books to help put together the encyclopedia. Then again, what could she expect from her brother, who once gave her _Water Margin _to read, knowing that she would be bringing the banned book into the palace and wave it around under the Emperor's nose? It was a good thing that _Water Margin _was banned since the Ming dynasty, or her defiance at reading it would be taken to an entirely different level if she was going against a Manchu-formed decree. She suspected, however, that both Yong Qi and Er Kang had read _Water Margin _even before Xiao Jian gave it to her; Qian Long certainly had, he admitted it himself. But then again, she thought, _they_ were not about to overthrow the monarchy. In any case, compared to an outright banned book, any other books they owned in Dali would best be called tame.

Spending such a long time at Xue Shi Fu, and with Yong Qi involved in such an important assignment as Siku Quanshu, meant, of course, that he had to meet with some of the other editors to discuss the work. That was not to mention, they had to meet either the officials that came to visit Er Kang or their wives who came to visit Zi Wei from time to time. But as it had been over seventeen years, unless they met frequently before, it was doubtful that anyone would actually recognise Yong Qi or Xiao Yan Zi for who they really were if they kept to their cover of being visiting friends of the Fu family. In fact the ones to really avoid would be members of the imperial family who would come to visit Zi Wei often enough, as they were more likely than most to recognise them.

So Yong Qi had spent the last few months plunging deep into the immense Fu family library, selecting volumes to be copied as part of Siku Quanshu, while that winter, Xiao Yan Zi was left to test the theory that one could die of boredom.

She welcomed the spring with its warmer weather, but also with the growing impatience and anticipation of the birth. Despite being prepared for a slightly premature birth, the arrival of the baby came still as a slight surprise to Xiao Yan Zi. She woke up in the middle of the night to pain and a dampness on the bed sheet. As soon as she realised what happened, she shook Yong Qi awake.

"What is it?" Yong Qi sat up, alert, not being a stranger to midnight wakeup call from patients.

"I think the baby's coming," she whispered calmly.

"Oh!" he exclaimed before climbing out of bed. While he pulled on his outer clothes, he instructed, "Just stay there."

"Of course, where else am I going to go?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, wincing.

Yong Qi roused his children first, and after instructing Ji Xiang to go keep her mother company, grabbed the first servant he saw, instructing her to go fetch the midwife, before going to wake his sister.

As Zi Wei followed Yong Qi back into the bedroom, they saw that Ji Xiang already had the maids roused, preparing towels and hot water.

"All right, Ji Xiang, Ru Yi, you can go outside now," Zi Wei told them.

"What?" Ji Xiang looked up. "But we - "

"Go outside, girls, you can wait with your brothers and Er Kang," Yong Qi agreed.

To this, Xiao Yan Zi also concurred. "I'll be fine," she smiled, though her pains were coming on fast.

They reluctantly departed, making room for the midwife who arrived in record time.

Yong Qi had always been there for all of his children's births and he wasn't about to miss this one too. The birth was not as strenous as Ru Yi's, but certainly more difficult than the twins or Jian Wen. But then, they had expected that.

For Yong Qi, though he had been through this before, it never failed to be a wonder to him. He marveled at each moment, from the first piercing cry, to the moment when he took the child - a girl, crying heartily - into his arms. She was small, certainly, but she was healthy and already had a head of fine black hair. Like every other time, he let out a shaky breath, a combination of relief and joy - just pure joy.

Yong Qi almost reluctantly let go of the child and placed her in Xiao Yan Zi's waiting arms. He smiled as Xiao Yan Zi, tired but looking radiant, glowed with joy the moment the baby was cradled in her arms, and the baby instictively snuggled against her mother. He could not help but give a chuckle as Xiao Yan Zi ran a finger across the tiny hands, apparently counting each miniscule finger and then did the same with her toes. It was a habit of hers; with each child, she would do this, and each time, he'd ask the same question.

"Are there ten of each?"

"Ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes," his wife announced softly, smiling happily at him. He grinned and leaned down to kiss her cheek. The child cried then for food, and Xiao Yan Zi was happy to provide.

Yong Qi stroked the baby's soft cheek, then whispered to his wife, "I'll go let everyone know."

Entrusting Xiao Yan Zi to his sister, he went out to where the rest of his children were waiting with the rest of the Fu family.

"It is a girl, completely healthy and strong," he announced, grinning.

"And how is Mother?" Ji Xiang gasped.

"Perfectly fine."

"And what shall you name the child?" Er Kang asked, smiling.

For this, Yong Qi turned to his daughters, for he knew they had been debating on the subject almost relentlessly in the last month and wondered whether they had come to an agreement at last.

They smiled at each other and then Ji Xiang said, "Shu Fen, she shall be Shu Fen (淑芬)."

* * *

There was no doubt that Ai Shu Fen was in great danger of becoming a very spoiled child. A baby had not graced the premises of Xue Shi Fu ever since Ying Yi's birth thirteen years ago and the arrival of Shu Fen caused joy and excitement not just to her own family but also to the Fu family as well.

Well, perhaps "excitement" was not quite an accurate description of Jian Jun's reception of his newest sister. He was happy that both Xiao Yan Zi and the baby were safe and sound, but was apparently in great disbelief when Zi Wei put Shu Fen in his arms - though how he could be so shocked was quite beyond Xiao Yan Zi's comprehension. What on earth did he think was going on the last months that they had been waiting for this birth? He did remember Ru Yi being born, after all. Perhaps the prospect of a sister who was indeed young enough to be his child was the shocking thing, though he was rather young to be having children himself.

Ji Xiang, on the other hand, was delighted enough with Shu Fen for both herself and Jian Jun. For a while, she marveled at the baby's porcelain skin and wide, black eyes and would not give her up to anyone. Jian Wen took the newest addition to the family with a little more ease than his brother and insisted that Shu Fen looked most like him. Ru Yi, needless to say, was delighted that she was no longer the baby of the family. Even Qian Long, who was far too used to the arrival of babies, was delighted with Shu Fen, seeing as she was the only of Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's children that he was able to meet as an infant, even if she _was _a girl.

Even after the birth, Zi Wei hovered so much over Xiao Yan Zi that even Yong Qi was assured enough to not add to the fuss, though in her happiness, Xiao Yan Zi would had accepted it from both of them. She was not sure, however, who would end up spoiling Shu Fen the most: Zi Wei, Yong Qi or Ji Xiang. That Yong Qi thought Shu Fen was the most perfect child to ever had been born was natural, though he did laughingly agree that his other children were equally wonderful when they were first born. But Zi Wei, however, was especially doting of the new baby, so much that Xiao Yan Zi jokingly asked her whether when the time came, she'd actually let Xiao Yan Zi take Shu Fen away to Dali or she would just end up insisting that the baby stayed with her in Beijing.

As for Ji Xiang, Xiao Yan Zi wondered vaguely whether Shu Fen's birth was awakening any desire for children in her eldest daughter, herself. At this sudden thought, Xiao Yan Zi could not help but feel a sudden bittersweet sadness - that Shu Fen would probably grow up closer to her nieces and nephews than to her siblings. She would never see her siblings they way they saw each other - or become their playmates. If Ji Xiang did end up staying in Beijing, and the rest of them returned to Dali, Shu Fen would end up seeing Ji Xiang but very rarely. That in itself was almost enough reason for Xiao Yan Zi to start to consider really staying in Beijing, even though she still longed for Dali. Though she and Yong Qi had skirted over the subject, maybe it would be necessary to really consider it soon...

* * *

Shu Fen was hardly his first grandchild and she would not be the last, but every time Qian Long held her, he felt an inexplicable pull of affection that none of his other grandchildren had ever managed to create. Was it simply just the sentimentality of old age, or was it simply because Shu Fen was the only one of Yong Qi's children that he had been able to witness as such a young age? Her siblings came into Qian Long's world with fully-formed personalities and here, Shu Fen was a whole brand new canvas. He was free to place all his blessings for the life he imagine for her on her and wish that it would come true, because what a life that awaited such perfection! Yet what a sorrow it was that it was likely he would not live to see her very much grown, or see much of her growing up, for that matter. She would likely never know him, and if she did it would only ever be through stories and history. For the past year, he had the chance to know Ji Xiang, Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi, but they to know him in return. But Shu Fen likely never would, and Qian Long couldn't help feeling the pain that came with that knowledge.

He had now to bask her in her baby perfection, from now until the time when she must be taken away from Beijing, away from him. He had visited even more often lately at Fu residence, and it was not only to see the baby as much as possible. They all knew what was approaching rapidly in the coming months and days. Qian Long knew what would to come and he would not stop it coming nor did he want to, really. He thought of the conversation he must have with Yong Qi, what he must say, what Yong Qi must understand, before they part, likely forever. He had put off the conversation in fear that it would mean having to face the parting once again. But now, it was nearly time. He only came here to see Shu Fen first because letting himself feel all the emotions before hand in front of the child who was too young to understand would make it easier to say all the emotion-laden things he must say to Yong Qi.

Perhaps it would be Shu Fen, and not Yong Qi, that he would miss most when they went away.


	20. Farewell to the City of Memories

**Chapter 20: Farewell to the City of Memories**

* * *

"Yong Qi, walk with me."

Yong Qi knew his father well enough to recognise that it was a command. He let his father lean on him as they proceeded out to one of the gardens of Fu residence.

"What are your plans after this then?"

Yong Qi had expected this question, but it didn't make the answer any easier to give. Leaving the first time had been excruciatingly difficult, but to leave again, now, was a thousand times worst. He understood more, now, what his father must have felt all those years ago, letting him go. Wasn't he just on the cusp of letting go of Ji Xiang as well? The irony and reversal of the situation astounded him every time he thought about it. However, it was different with Ji Xiang. He might still see Ji Xiang again; to leave now may well be to never see his father again and the idea scared him now more than it ever did seventeen years ago. No matter how he knew there was little choice in it now, he had never questioned the move as much as this the last time around.

"Our plan, as you know, Huang Ah Ma, had always been to return to Dali eventually."

"It is not impossible for you to stay, you know, Yong Qi."

"Huang Ah Ma - " His voice caught in his throat and he wasn't even entirely sure what he was planning to say.

"What if I told you now that you are my only hope for some stability for my country after I am gone? What if I told you now that I need you to stay, because this country needs you?"

"Huang Ah Ma, surely you can't still consider that - "

"The truth is, Yong Qi, none of your brothers have the understanding the people as you do. They have the knowledge, possibly, but not the empathy and understanding of what is really good for the people. It doesn't matter how good a ruler's intentions are, actions can still go disastrously wrong if there is no understanding of what ails and pains the common people. That is why I have to take so many trips to see the lives of the people for myself. But even then it would never be the same as immersing myself in their ranks and in their lives. You are the only one equipped with that and these are coupled with all the talents you have always possessed; it is all that which will make you suitable. Not only that, you let yourself suffer for what you believe in and allow yourself to be humbled by things greater than you. I am not being biased or blinded by my affection for you anymore, because the truth is you would make a great emperor, Yong Qi."

His father had never been so frank with him before, especially on this subject. Yong Qi had never dared to allow himself to think of his chances of sitting on the throne, even when Qian Long always made it abundantly clear. It wasn't a sense of modesty that prevented him, it was simply that Yong Qi could never imagine himself there. Though what was the point of bringing the subject up now? Surely even his father would see that perhaps, to a certain extent, nothing would be impossible until Yong Qi were truly dead, but for him to stay now, and in the capacity that Qian Long wanted, it would put everything regarding the matter of state in utter chaos?

Yong Qi could not think of any way to reply, but it didn't matter, because Qian Long was speaking again.

"I didn't always understand how you could come to just want only Xiao Yan Zi so much, but I think over the years, I have come to understand more than you would expect of me. Xiao Yan Zi had always been popular in the palace ever since she came, but when I allowed the two of you to be betrothed, I am sure many people thought I was out of my mind. After all, she was interesting enough, adorable enough, as a kind of comic relief in the palace, but as your principal wife, when everyone knew I had such a great plan for you? It didn't seem right. I wondered why myself; it wasn't until years later that I realised I knew even then, that you were the one I most wished to put on the throne after me, and she would help you get there. As emperor, you would have to rule over the poorest of peasants as well as the richest of landowners. You knew the life of the richest from the core and she would take you to the heart of the poorest. I knew, too, that ironically, along the way, you might never find your way back to the throne that was meant to be yours but I always hoped that eventually you would. Just goes to show the best laid plans often go awry."

Yong Qi felt absurdly like he was sitting at a weiqi table, and he was winning, but in such a completely underhanded way that it made him ashamed. He had made moves that felt appropriate at the time but was such taking advantages of the other player's vulnerability in a dishonest way, and that this was not a well-matched competition. But he had made the move; he could not backtrack now...could he?

The guilt of leaving again was piercing his heart like the red, hot edge of a knife. He saw that his father still carried that desperate hope of having him on the throne, not because he was somehow his father's favourite, but because the Emperor truly believed in Yong Qi's place on it. Yong Qi could understand where this belief came from and how it materialised, and for a moment, wished that he, himself, could believe it too.

He knelt down in front of Qian Long. "Huang Ah Ma, if you would just but ask - "

"No," his father cut him off and pulled him to his feet. "I will not ask. I cannot ask. I cannot order you or guilt you into staying. I cannot put you in a position that you do not believe in. I need you to understand that I don't regret for you the life you have now, Yong Qi. Forget my what-ifs, son, they are simply remnants of selfish hopes. I have long learnt that you are very different from me, you see and feel the world differently and my dreams are not your dreams. Ultimately it is you who have to live your life. I cannot decide for you. I only wanted to let you know that I have come to understand more than you think of your decision. You must know this."

"Sometimes I find that I don't understand it fully myself," Yong Qi confessed. "Sometimes I wonder how it is that I managed to leave you, leave my duties to you, and be so selfish. I think if I could do it over, I probably still would do the same, but still would wonder if it was ever right. After all, there is never anything in any of the principles I was brought up with that mentioned that you should leave your family and duties for love."

Qian Long laughed. "You don't regret it, Yong Qi, I know you don't." Looking at his father now, Yong Qi knew that he somehow understood all feelings and reasons he could never put into words. "I could have forced you, or guilted you, I suppose, into making a better marriage, as they say. But the truth is it would have made you so profoundly miserably, as it eventually became obvious with Zhi Hua. As much as the world would like us to think marriage is a matter of duty, the truth contradicts itself when it is expected that we maintain affection and harmony in that marriage. We all need the love and support you and Xiao Yan Zi have at some point in our lives, Yong Qi. Do not think I don't understand how a reluctant marriage can lead to such unhappiness that you cannot even find the words to express."

They walked in silence for a long moment. Yong Qi understood that his father had said all that not in order to persuade him to stay. No, they had both made the move, they could not backtrack. His father was probably as aware as Yong Qi was that after he left Beijing this time, they might never see each other again, and this was simply everything he wanted Yong Qi to know, despite everything. He was glad, for he didn't think it he could bear wondering if his father blamed him for leaving again a second time, and whether he understood the reason for it.

"You must know I cannot stay, in any case, don't you?" Yong Qi asked anxiously. "Not stay and let the whole world know it. It would make the last seventeen years seem like a lie - which they were - and a joke to everyone. You cannot turn around to say I am alive to everyone."

"No, I do not suppose it is feasible. What is Ji Xiang to do?"

Yong Qi smiled wryly. "Let's just say I understand now how you felt to let me go. Ji Xiang is to stay here. No, neither Ying Zhong nor Ji Xiang have said anything to us about it yet, but I think it would take a blind man to not understand where it is headed."

His father simply smiled at his wistful tone. "You don't wish them to never grow up, Yong Qi; they are Xiao Yan Zi's children after all, they will have to fly away from you at some point, Yong Qi."

"Sometimes I look at Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong and see Xiao Yan Zi and me in them, but like a mirror image. The same, but completely opposite. The consequences are so, so different. And for that, I am glad for her. I don't think such a life as Xiao Yan Zi had in the palace would suit Ji Xiang at all."

"I will be glad for her presence," Qian Long said. "But you will come back to see me, won't you, Yong Qi?"

"Oh Huang Ah Ma, you know you only have to say the word."

But as he looked at his father, Yong Qi wondered when the time come whether he would be able to react fast enough to arrive in time.

* * *

"I don't _have_ to stay, Father."

Yong Qi looked at his daughter, a young woman at the bloom of seventeen, and almost wished he could keep her back. He thought that he could still see her as young as Shu Fen if he closed his eyes and let the years wash away. Was it possible that she was all grown up and didn't need him anymore? How was it possible that in the days to come, Ying Zhong would take his place as her protector in her life? Yet he would not have it any other way!

"No, Ji Xiang. You would not be happy coming back with us, not anymore. And you know I could not ask you to do something that would not make you happy."

"Was that what Huang Ye Ye said to you once?"

Yong Qi smiled. "Not in so many words. But yes. My conscience would ruin me if I held your happiness away from you, Ji Xiang."

"I won't pretend that I'm not happy that you want to stay, Ji Xiang," Xiao Yan Zi said, taking her hand. "When Zi Wei and I came up with this, it seemed like almost like such a silly dream that just got a little too real at times. I am happy for you that it came true, of course, but Ji Xiang, you must be sure that staying would make you happy, not just now, but years and decades from now. I have no doubt Zi Wei will love you like her own but it would still be different once we have gone, Ji Xiang."

"I know." Ji Xiang was quiet for a moment, apparently gathering her thoughts. Then she looked up at them with a new emotion shining in her eyes. "But I love him." If the look in her eyes didn't persuade them that she was absolutely convinced of this herself, then her voice would.

Neither of her parents answered immediately. It was the first time she had admitted the fact to either of them, however long she had known it herself.

"Then you should stay," Yong Qi finally told her quietly. Neither Ying Zhong nor his parents had asked him yet, but Yong Qi knew it would be soon, and he would not say no.

* * *

"How could I have wanted it to work out between them, Yong Qi?" Xiao Yan Zi asked him later that evening.

"Why, Xiao Yan Zi!" he exclaimed in astonishment. "Surely you are happy for them!"

"I am, and I'm not, does that make sense?"

"No."

"Well, now that it's so _close_ and faced with the idea of leaving her, I suddenly just realised what it really means and suddenly I have so many things to say to her that I wonder why I wasted all this time that we've been here. Oh, but I wanted to give her her time with Ying Zhong without having to worry about what it would really mean to marry into the court. We won't be there for her, Yong Qi, and it won't always be this happy. No matter how rational they are, marriage would never always be smooth-sailing and when the storms come, we won't be near her."

None of these worries were any that Yong Qi hadn't had himself so he could understand why Xiao Yan Zi had a sudden rush of anxiety. Probably it was only when she finally heard Ji Xiang admit her feelings so candidly that Xiao Yan Zi truly realised what it really meant. He took her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"The worries would be there no matter who she marries, Xiao Yan Zi, you know that. And as you said, Zi Wei would love her as much as you do. Ji Xiang will be all right. You just have to trust Ying Zhong to protect her, even if they may disagree or argue. And you have to trust her."

"I do. I do trust them all. I am only afraid that we won't be able to be there when she needs us. There must be things Zi Wei and Ying Zhong won't be able to do for her. Or am I only imagining that?" She gave him a smile that was almost sad.

"She'd still be our child, no matter who she marries, Xiao Yan Zi. And for that she'd always need us. But we can't always be there for her. The contradiction of it is painful but I think it's something that we might have to begin to learn to live with. After all, all of them will be growing up faster than ever now. Let's just be glad that Shu Fen will take a while to get to this age yet."

"I think I sort of panicked a bit this afternoon when she said that she loved him," Xiao Yan Zi admitted finally. "It was almost like realising myself that I was in love with you and I had no idea what to do with that information. But I couldn't say anything to Ji Xiang. After all, I had all but pushed them together, it would be mortifying for her if I started questioning it now. It's so foolish and silly, isn't it?"

Yong Qi shook his head. No, he had fought with himself to not feel more than the necessary worry about leaving his daughter in Beijing all on her own, as if with Er Kang and Zi Wei could be considered all on her own. After all, hadn't she been here for three months before he and Xiao Yan Zi came to Beijing? But that was so different. Her position was different now and would be more different still when that marriage ceremony had taken place. It was all becoming suddenly very real and very close. He could not blame Xiao Yan Zi for feeling a little sudden panic.

"Think about her happiness, Xiao Yan Zi. She will be happy, I think, and we would not have any reason to fear that she would not be loved here. It will all be all right as long as she has that."

* * *

"You will take care of my little girl, won't you Zi Wei?"

Zi Wei put her arms around her friend and laughed. "Of course! Oh Xiao Yan Zi, I know you are worried, however much we hoped for this and I do understand, you know. I imagine I will be in worst shape when Xuan Zhuang's time comes around. I only have her to give away. But Ji Xiang will be very much loved here, that is something I guarantee. If Ying Zhong ever does anything wrong by her, he will have to answer to me."

"It is not that, I am only afraid that I never had the knowledge or the mind to teach her what it is like to marry a first born son of such a family! I know you and Er Kang would not mind and you would teach her where I could not have done, but Zi Wei, I dread other people looking in on her, judging her. The wedding would be a small scale as it is and that would create enough talk in the court, even more when coupled with such sudden wedding announcements. I can't bear the thought of leaving her to cope with it alone but then if we don't leave I am afraid that she won't get the chance to learn to do without us."

"Ji Xiang will be all right, Xiao Yan Zi. She is in blood and at heart descended from dragons, after all. I am sure she will meet the challenge with all that is in her. Her sense and intelligence will carry her through, I am sure sure of it. But promise me that at some point you will come back to see us again. I cannot imagine now how I survived all those years without you."

* * *

Her daughter's wedding ceremony came and Xiao Yan Zi met it with a mix of emotions. Looking at the radiant bride Ji Xiang was, Xiao Yan Zi could not help thinking of her own anticipation and anxiety the night of her own wedding and all the chaos that ensued that night. She looked over at Zi Wei on the other side of the room and they both held back laughs when their gazes caught; surely Zi Wei was thinking of the same thing. Well, there would be no danger of switching brides here. Her daughter was to have a perfect wedding, it would appear. Xiao Yan Zi gave a small contented sigh and a moment later, Yong Qi, who was sitting beside her, reached over and gave her a hand a gentle squeeze. She could see that under the nervousness and anticipation, there was a glow that Ji Xiang had never had before, a glow only evident in those who were utterly and incadescently happy.

This was it. Xiao Yan Zi could not help the intense pride that flooded her heart as she looked at her daughter. Ji Xiang would shame no one this night. She thought of the undoubtedly happy life that her daughter was to have with intense gladness, but there was sadness, too. After this night, Ji Xiang would not belong to her anymore. She would be Er Kang and Zi Wei's daughter now, and more importantly, she would be Ying Zhong's wife. And in a couple of weeks, she and Yong Qi and the rest of the children would head back to Dali. When they ever met again, Ji Xiang would very much be a woman, and it would never be the same. But what in life could stay the same, she wondered. After all, change _was_ a part of life, as it was a part of being alive. To change, to move forward, to look towards new things and the future.

"She'll be all right," Yong Qi murmured to her later.

Xiao Yan Zi turned to smile at him. "Yes, she will."

* * *

The day of parting had finally come. They had days to prepare for this moment, but still, it was just as hard the second time around as it was the first time. They had said goodbye to Qian Long the day before, and while in a way, both Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi were sad they would not have a glimpse of him as they drove away, it would had been worst to couple taking their leave of him with the parting from everyone else. It was perhaps healthier to take the sorrows of separation in stages. Xiao Yan Zi did not feel her heart was up to all the pain of leaving her father, her sister and her daughter all at the same moment.

When the moment came, Xiao Yan Zi still thought she couldn't bear to leave Ji Xiang, no matter how assured she was that Ji Xiang would not be any safer and happier if she had been going back to Dali with them. Saying goodbye to Zi Wei was almost as excruciating. She had definitely spoiled herself with Zi Wei's constant, comforting company for a whole year and the prospect of not knowing when they would ever see each other again suddenly made the beautiful, sunny early morning seemed much bleaker.

But somehow, the tearful goodbyes were accomplished, laden with well-wishes, and Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi managed to allow the carriage to start and drive away from. Just as Zi Wei and Er Kang had done with them a long time ago, they watched from the window of the carriage as Ji Xiang and Zi Wei ran after the carriage, waving their last goodbyes, until they could no longer keep up. The two in the carriage and the ones left behind on the road leading back to Fu residence watched as the other grew increasingly smaller and fainter. Even when they had turned the bend in the road and Xiao Yan Zi could no longer see her daughter or her friend, she kept looking out the window at the passing Beijing scenery, drinking in the last sights of the city that once belonged to her and now belonged to her daughter. Finally, when the tears had blurred her vision so that she could no longer see, Xiao Yan Zi finally turned into the carriage and took the handkerchief that Yong Qi offered to dry her tears.

Jian Jun was driving the carriage and Jian Wen and Ru Yi decided for the time being to crowd outside on the driving seat to keep him company, leaving only Xiao Yan Zi, Yong Qi and Shu Fen in the carriage. It was as if they understood that their parents needed time alone together to come to term with the parting that had just occurred.

Shu Fen lay asleep in the baby basket that had been designed for the journey. It was only a simple wicker basket lined with soft blankets and it would hold her while she slept. After all, they could not hold her in their arms all through the carriage journey. The basket, with Shu Fen in it, now lay on the carriage seat between the two of them and they leaned over to look at her, marveling still at the blessing of her presence. They rode in the silence until the sounds of the bustling city outside was replaced the stretches of quiet of the country side. The children were quiet outside on the driving seat, too, as burdened with the sorrows that engulfed their parents inside the carriage.

* * *

It was several days later that Yong Qi asked the question. "Are you glad that we came back?"

Xiao Yan Zi answered, "Yes. It was hard saying goodbye again, but I don't think I could bear it if we never came back and saw Huang Ah Ma and everyone else again. The last time, we left in such a hurry, and there were other emotions hanging in the air. I don't think we actually came to terms with the fact that we were leaving the palace forever until we said goodbye to Er Kang and Zi Wei in Dali."

"You're probably right. I know I didn't realise that until _after_ Er Kang and Zi Wei had left Dali. And there were so many things left unresolved when we left the first time. It's not just Zhi Hua, either, it's more about Huang Ah Ma. I always wondered whether Huang Ah Ma really understood why I needed to leave and if he didn't, whether he would blame me for it. I know that now, at least, he does understand, whole-heartedly."

"Do you think when we come back the next time that we'd see Huang Ah Ma again?" Xiao Yan Zi's voice was tentative. It was, after all, a subject that by right should not ever be talked about explicitly, but there was no one here to call them out for a breach of etiquette.

"I don't know. I don't want to say no. But...well, who could really live ten thousand years? It was all the more reason for us to have made this trip, wasn't it?"

Xiao Yan Zi nodded and for a moment, they were quiet. They listened to the sound of the carriage wheels rolling and the chatter of the children outside on the driving seat. Then Yong Qi asked, "Are you still worried for Ji Xiang?"

"No, not anymore. Not much, anyway. She'll be happy and in the end, that's what matters. She's our daughter, Yong Qi, she'd survive anything."

"That's true," Yong Qi chuckled. "She made it through being kidnapped and managed to escape and found her way to Ying Zhong, in any case. It didn't seem so thrilling then when we first heard of it, but admittedly, it is an adventure no less than any of our own. Maybe there's something to be said for history repeating itself."

Xiao Yan Zi smiled. "Well, in any case, I am glad that we came back and got the closure we desperately needed. And now I am glad we are going home."

**The End**

* * *

**_© Ruan Chun Xian - 2009-2011 - Full PDF Version available on author profile page.  
_**


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